Friends With Benefits Advice

Is it really "Friends" with benefits?

Where is he when I need him?
Where is he when I need him?

You like him and you think he likes you. So why does he want a 'Friends With Benefits' relationship?

Now, I'm not going to tell you that guys are "relationship adverse". There's no sense in stating the obvious.

The real question is, if the guy is so into you, why does he just want to jump into bed with you instead of doing the whole dating thing?

Fact #1

If a guy likes you, as a person, he will be your friend and be as scared as hell about doing anything that might "turn you off", he will guard this friendship and work to find a way to turn you into a girlfriend. if he wants to be a "Friend With Benefits" he won't really care what you think, as long as you can get together later.

Fact #2

If a guy is just "horny for you" he's going to crack jokes, make you think that he's into you and work hard at making out with you and getting you into bed, without having to do any of the "heavy lifting" of dating and beginning a "relationship". The last think he wants to do is sit somewhere and just "talk". It's all or nothing, action or none, he's there or he's gone. He's also going to be "very available" to any other woman that comes his way. After all, just because you're "hooking up" it doesn't mean that you're "dating" or "exclusive", or anything like that, right?

Fact #3

"Friends With Benefits" is more convenient relationship starter for a timid or self-conscious girl because, she thinks, a real relationship will start with the guy she likes after they've "hooked up" a couple of times. The "relationship" will have already started, is the girl's thinking here. This is always wrong, even if it seems that it is "easier" to give the guy what he wants and turn him into a boyfriend afterwards. Without official "dates" there is no relationship for the girl to fall back on. There are no "relationship issues" to be dealt with because there is no relationship. Even though there's a lot of "bumping uglies" going on.

Fact #4

The guy will always be jealous if you give any attention to another guy, even though, according to the "Friends With Benefits Rules' he has complete freedom about seeing other girls and paying them lots of attention, even if you're in the same room. This is the hardest part of the "Friends With Benefits" arrangement: the woman is considered taken but the guy has freedom to hook up with other women. The guy can be completely possessive and jealous but the woman is not allowed to show even the slightest interest in another guy, even in passing, unless she wants to start a fight with her "friend".

Fact #5

In a "Friends With Benefits" relationship the woman almost always loses. She loses the guy she really likes, she loses other friends because of her attachment to this guy "friend" that, besides sex, does not want to spend time with her or her group of friends/family and she loses respect for herself for being taken advantage of, if not immediately upon the realization that the guy wants nothing more than to "hook up", then soon after when she realizes that she is alone with all her relationship fears when her "friend" leaves her at the end of the night, again.

Friends With Benefits Advice Summary

Don't get involved with a guy because the "hooking up" is fun and pleasurable. In all honesty that feeling is very fleeting. You will be just as alone as if you didn't have this "friend" because all he wants is the moment and what you really want the relationship.

Good luck!

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Comments 100 comments

Tim Blackstone profile image

Tim Blackstone 6 years ago

I think 'friends with benefits' simply means, yes I fancy you but my heart isn't into you. It's a lack of chemistry for one person while the other is happy to do anything to be with them because for them the chemistry is there.

Maybe this doesn't always apply but that has been my experience. You can really like someone as a person and physically fancy them but somehow the deeper feelings don't develop.


cissy 5 years ago

I think that the benefit of "FWB" is a way to have a safe and comfortable sex with someone you've already known. Friends like to share things, but sex is not the thing to share unless you want to ruin friendship.


Oh dear 5 years ago

He takes me out a lot,we talk for hours on the phone,we text like mad he's got a galfriend,its not always for the sex that we hang out.we hang out at his place around his family they even think we're a couple.am falling what should i do?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 5 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Oh dear, he's using you for sex. Not his girlfriend officially means he's still shopping around for the "right match". Beware.


purplesummer 4 years ago

I was recently contacted (text) by a male friend who I slept with about a year ago and have since had only text contact (no face to face). He asked what I wanted. I replied friendship. He kept asking so I elaborated a little more about my state of mind after my recent and painful (6 months ago)relationship break up. I asked him what he wanted? He stated a sexual relationship. In another text he wrote that he wanted my friendship, and that he was interested 'sexually etc'. I asked him if he was meaning friends with benefits, as I think he had a girlfriend and has asked other women out. His reply has confused me. He text that wants to be friend as well as and friends with benefits and more. What does that mean?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Purplesummer,

Since he doesn't have the courage to call you directly, and instead texts you, it means he's horny and remembers how you slept with him before without "needing' a relationship and now he's looking for more of the same.

Ignore him and save your dignity and self-esteem.

Don't be confused, don't play "the game" with him.

Don't look for friendship in the guise of sex, you'll just get hurt badly again.


purplesummer 4 years ago

Thanks R Pseudomen for your advice! It's good to have an independent opinion. I think deep inside me my gut is telling he is using me, but portraying himself as a friend. It is still hurtful that he can be so disrespectful of me and my feelings. I guess he doesn't care about that either ...and that is not friendship. Since I have told him I'm not into casual sex, I hope he doesn't contact me again.


Tiffany 4 years ago

I have a FWB. But lately he keeps asking me how I think of him, along with other personal issues in my life. I have no attachment feelings for him. So I tell him how I think of him. I also ask him is there some other way I am supposed to think of him and he tells me guess not. What is that supposed to mean??? He was the one that wanted to have the FWB thing and made that perfetly clear. I have been looking for someone to have a relationship with but being a single mom and my ex living in another country now, its hard. I am fine with the FWB it gives me what I need every once in a while. We don't hang out or anything so I guess its more a booty call. Should I get rid of this FWB?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Tiffany,

Lessen your need to non-commital FWB relationships and two things will happen:

1- you'll be able to let this current guy down without crushing his heart. This needs to be done immediately, and don't have "one for the road" either.

2- you'll be able to respect relationships more when you stop relegating the intimacy with men to a "pre-planned, no feelings relationship rule".

You'll also begin to help your child learn a much more important life lesson that you can teach them without living the lie: respect yourself and respect others and don't treat your body like a 6 Flags amusement park.

Good luck,

RP


kim 4 years ago

I've been seeing my Fwb for two weeks now...he seems to be a bit controlling...he texts me too much for it to be just sex. He also told me he's not sleeping with other girls because he and I are talking. He said to let him know if I want to sleep with another guy before doing it. What's up with that. Btw I have 2 fwb.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Kim,

Do you really have to be with a couple of guys? I hate to tink that you'll learn there is more to life than just sex too late. But you're down that path.

Drop them both, it seems that your life is not within your own control but you're at the beck and call of two controlling guys for sex.

Give yourself a FWB break and have find some fun without sex.

Good luck,

RP


renae1979 4 years ago from Nebraska

I don't think that a FWB situation can ever really work, or at least work out in the end for both parties. It always seems to me that every FWB situation that I've seen or known, it is never "just sex". Someone always develops feelings and someone always ends up getting hurt. I don't think that they are a good idea in general. Maybe some people are able to make them work, but I think the odds are against it.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi renae1979, You are very right. It was the FWB of a friend that prompted me to write this article.

FWB (Friends With Benefits) is essentially a girl with low esteem allowing a guy to do what he wants to do, and when he wants to do it, to her without having to be "in a relationship" or having an emotional attachment to her.

More often then not it's the girl that realizes the true value of what she's giving to him and she is responsible for all the consequences of having sex with him.

FWB always ends up with the girl being used and getting hurt.

RP


leah 4 years ago

I have been friends with this guy for a while and we have hooked up casually twice and he said he wants to hook up more, even though he is in an open relationship with another girl. I do like him a lot and nothing has ever been awkward between us. Just recently, I realized that we have become FWB (without the sex). Should I drop him even though we have brexn flirting each other for the past year?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Leah,

Let me ask you this: would you be happy with a guy that doesn't want a relationship, is fooling around on his current squeeze (does SHE know she's in an "open relationship?" Ask her) and is willing to give you time only if he get's something more back?

And he's always going to be looking over your shoulder for a hotter girl to walk in to hook up with?

If you answer yes you can have any guy you want, they all will use you up without a care.

RP


Anon 4 years ago

Hi,

I really want to point out that the girl isn't always the one to get hurt. My girlfriend broke up with me. We kept on having sex, seeing where it was going. It was a restricted fwb situation. She eventually moved on to another guy, then tried to come back to me. I found it totally absurd that she thought it was acceptable to have sex with both her new boy toy and me.

She would always get angry if I joked about another girl, but it seemed she was allowed to mention how every man was hot.

Fwb don't work... If you just want sex, make sure you and your partner agree to a restricted Fwb. Don't get used, beware, girls play guys too.


Dee 4 years ago

i'm 16 and i have a FWB (not sex)we've been hooking up for around 7 months. i see him in the morning on the bus and do 'our thing' and then we don't talk at school. i see him on sundays too at club . He and i used to date but broke up over differences but then he wanted to be FWB. I really like him but i don't know if he feels the same way and i want a real relationship, not FWB realationship. would it be okay to tell him this?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Dee, Yes, ask him. You need to know if he's getting more dependant on you and also wanting a relationship or if he's just "killing time" with you while he shops around for someone he does want as a girlfriend.

Good luck!

RP


Ronaldo 4 years ago

I disagree with the absolutism on the gender thing, even though yes, it swings that way more. A lot of times, guys are (truly) just friends with a gal who doesn't want him. Sometimes, said women are loving the nightlife or anti-relationship (usually rebound), and either way, get tons of guy attention and don't want to give that up, and aren't positioned to be "tied down". The modern-career woman is more commonly in that situation, too.

The guy friend will certainly take that, obviously, but he'll want more... and complications will occur with him. And sometimes, both parties are on the same page -- but yes, if it's more than a booty-call and it's truly a FWB where time outside just the bedroom is had, etc, feelings will emerge at some point.

A FWB isn't a low-self-esteem thing... but yes, you will find people with low-self-esteem more readily willing to jump into one (one should be careful).


Dahlia delgado 4 years ago

I was in a fwb for a few mth we had sex we would chill at his home he would take me out to eat we would go clubing ext...well its now been two weeks we had no sex we txt talk but no sex he ask me what I fel for him if I like him why do I like him if dnt ans he get mad then he is younger to he told me lastnght I make him feel lucky!is there any meaning to this or was there ever something sirious on side


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Dahlia delgado,

You are the only one with the answer to that question.

But I think you might just be treating this relationship a little too casually.

What do YOU feel about the guy?

RP


hZhaff profile image

hZhaff 4 years ago from new york

So i guess I have a friends with benefits..i guess...I'm 16..he's 17....and about a month ago i asked if he wanted to be with me relationship wise he said no, cause of him going to college in the summer, him being hurt in long distance relationships before, and him thinking it'd be unfair for me....so this was all before being fwbs?, and well then last week we started being fwbs(if you call it that), and i would like to have sex with him....but i'm really confused as so where he thinks this will go....plus hes told me several times that he cares about me...any advice? plus we live a few hours away from each other, him living in a state, and we only see each other on the weekends most of the time...


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi hZhaff,

My advice for you is simple... he has a booty call with you every couple of weeks, when he has nothing else to do. And, the added bonus, he owes you nothing when this arrangement abruptly ends, and he will end it when he wants to, when a better young date comes along.

YOU deserve honesty, YOU deserve the truth, YOU deserve much better.

The next time he calls you tell him you found a great guy and your "deal" is off. If you decide to reveal to him that this was a fib, tell him a couple of weeks later, not any time soon and certainly not in the same call, email, text, whatever.

Let him think about this relationship for a few days first.

Good luck,

RP


penelopemorgan 4 years ago from canada

Hi R Pseudomen

Like most girls..I meet this guy and we were really interested in one another at first. What happened was..i gave in too fast and i ended up as his booty call (about 4 months now) and..i really do like him and i want something more. I admit that its my fault, because i trained him to act this way, and i was always available for him every time he calls. The talk? Yup, i told him once that i wanted more and he told me he is not the one that can give me more..and that he is satisfied with what he has. He said that he likes me..and enjoys being with me..but he is not looking for something more.

Of course i was heartbroken and we cut contact. and a month later somehow he came back to me..and the routine restarts. I know that this is not going anywhere if no actions are taken..

My question to you is, if i back off from all this, make myself less/not available, will it change anything?

I read somewhere that If you back away (but don’t disappear entirely) you become scarce. Scarcity makes you more desirable and alters the power dynamic – and increases attraction. If you’re chasing him, you don’t give him space to come towards you.

thank you


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hello Penelopemorgan,

Yes, scarcity makes women more desirable, more mysterious.

Sadly, you gave all of that away once you had "the talk" and allowed him to continue to hook up with you with no commitment.

Girls, when a guy says he's "not into a relationship" what he means is that he's "not into a relationship WITH YOU".

Penelopemorgan get rid of this loser and take some time for yourself. You deserve A GREAT GUY, not a loser-user.

Good luck!

RP


mesha 4 years ago

I was talking on and off to this boy, he ended up 'playing' me with these two other girls. He recently just broke up with his girl friend and started texting me out of no where..what does he want?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Mesha,

I think he just wants to "play on you" again. Don't let him. Guys are like zebras, their stripes don't change until they are much more mature, think 30's (sometimes).

Good luck,

RP


brey 4 years ago

I have this guy that I like a lot and say he likes me too but I don't really think so . So one day i questioned him about it and he told me that he really do like me and then he asked me where do we stand ? FWB ? I told him I don't really like the term of words especially since I wasn't benefiting him in anyway . I don't know if he is all that into me or just want me for sex . He told me that he would wait until I'm ready to do it , Is that a sign that he does like me or do he think I will eventually do it with him if he stays around ? I have never been so scared of getting hurt ever , now I am . I want to keep our friendship but I don't want to get hurt if he is just in it for the sex .


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Brey,

When a guy mentions being a "Friend With Benefits" instead of asking to date you he's trying to keep his love life uncomplicated: get sex without the commitment of a relationship.

That has to be the most terrible thing a guy can say to a girl that likes him "Hey, let's just have sex and I can still do whatever I want with whoever else because we're not dating".

It sucks.

he's either way too much into himself or he's still very immature.

Turn him down. I don't think he's the guy you want to be stuck with right now. You have the rest of your life to make bad mistakes, don't start off with making this mistake now. You might also want to read another article I have written about this topic: http://advicegeneral.com/articles/archives/tag/fri...

Good luck,

RP


brey 4 years ago

He also says that he don't want a relationship because he broke up with his girlfriend about 3 months ago after 18 months . I notice that he still texts her but I don't want to just jump to conclusion that he still wants to be with her . How can I ask him about this ?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Brey,

Don't play his games, you have questions then ask him.

The fact of what he's told you already, the breakup he recently went through, he deserves to give you honesty and real answers to your worries.

Being afraid to face your doubts can only lead to future arguments and much disappointment in a relationship.

So far it seems to me that he's been upfront about what he wants from you: sex.

Have you told him you want only an honest relationship?

Or are you just waiting for him to come to a realization about your feelings for him? (Guys aren't that smart, they don't do that on their own!)

Good luck!

RP


Sarah 4 years ago

I have had a fwb for 6 months now and in the beginning it wasn't anything serious and I didn't have any true feelings for him. I like him a lot, he is a true gentleman and very sophisticated and always very cute when we meet. He treats me like his girlfriend (when we meet) and we cuddle and are very close and always have a very cosy time together (which always leads to sex) We are going for dinners in restaurants or in his place and he drives me home after I slept over and always kisses me tenderly in the morning before going to work. But we never talk about us or relationships or any of that stuff.Recently I've been thinking of him more and more and I think I'm starting to like him more than just a flirt, this doesn't feel natural to talk about and I'm too shy/proud to bring it up. He often calls me in the evenings/nights and I go over to his place to have sex. We see each other maybe once a week. Between the time I never hear from him, no calls, texts, etc. I have the feeling he is seeing other girls too. I sometimes see other guys too, but just cause I feel lonely and don't have what I want from this guy who I like much more than the others. Our "relationship" is not developing into something more and I don't know what to do, feels a bit hopeless...I have no clue about how to get out of this situation...


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Sarah, That is a very sad, and romantic, story.

It's almost like you're addicted to the way he makes you feel, the way he touches you and treats you like you're every important to him.

Sadly that feeling does not last. It doesn't exist when you're not together, except for the phone calls that come, unexpectedly, and light up your day.

You're in love. And you need to find out if he really does care for you or if he has a "harem" the rest of the week.

You need to do two things, as soon as possible.

An STD test first.

Second, a heart to heart with him about what your real relationship is and where it's going.

You don't deserve to be kept on a string the way you are.

Good luck,

RP


Chb 4 years ago

I've recently split from a guy - we were together just under 2 years, were talking (him instigating) us living together - building a house together but his self-centeredness killed it, he didn't like it when I took a stand. He admits hes' too selfish for a real r/ship and says he'll probably be single for ever, though he really loved being in the r/ship (he says). Now we've split he wants f.w.b. and calls me daily several times, txts etc. My head knows it's probably wrong, but I also miss the inimacy - but am nervous ...can I do it? Will it backfire? We both miss each other and what we had, neither want anyone else...yet anyway...advice please?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Chb, I have to wonder why sleeping together would fix the relationship?

He won't change, you want more... this does not have a happy ending.

You broke up for a reason, if those reasons have changed then maybe there is hope. If not, stay the course, you deserve better.

RP


michelle 4 years ago

I've been recently having sex with my friend of two years, and we text all day every day. even after the nights i sleep over and he brings me back home. i have noticed he texts me good night after i come home, and theres not a day he doesn't text me or that i don't txt him. No matter what, theres always a morning text and a night text.

i might have been developing feelings, however, since i had a crush on him since when i first met him.

not to mention the nights i go over his place, we cuddle all night long and theres lot of spooning happening...is this a normal case of FWB or is it that he might start liking me too?

thanks


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Michelle, before I give you my answer I have to ask you these questions:

You said you liked him the first time you saw him, has that feeling remained the same or grown stronger?

Why would you think that he’d do the things he does and not like you?

Do you feel jealous of the time he spends with other people?

Does this “relationship” also depend on alcohol or drug consumption together?

Do you go out places together, such as meals, shopping, events, more than once a week?

Do you or him “date” other people or see other people more than just socially?

Do you meet only at each other’s homes or do you meet up in public places regularly as well?

If you were to get pregnant do you think he would stick by you?

To give you your answer, only you can decide if this is a relationship that you want to pursue. But by holding back your true feelings from him (and yourself) you only set yourself up for future deep hurt.

And there is no “normal case” of Friends With Benefits. Someone always gets hurt.

RP


michelle 4 years ago

of course, I've always had a crush on him. seeing him more and the constant texting made that crush develop into something more, but i would feel dumb if i would really tell him how i feel about him.

he doesn't really go out with other people, were both into working and going to school. it leaves a very small window to go out socially most of the time but when either i go out or he does, were always texting.

it doesn't 'depend' on alcohol, but we have drank together when we meet up. We haven't went out to lunch or shopping, again we don't have as big of a free window, but we have planned to go clubbing soon. he said we could go just us two..

well he knows I'm on birth control, but knowing him, i think he just might..i just do my best not to forget my pill everyday at the same time so that won't happen. he's very easy to talk to so incase that were to happen, i know we would come to a solution we both agree on.


Lynn 4 years ago

There's this guy who clearly only likes me for my body. He'll only text me when he wants to "get something" from me. We dated on and off since August 2011. We don't seem to work as a couple, he doesn't treat me like I'm his girlfriend. But when we're single, he's all over me. Why does he do this? Why do I still like him even though I know he only likes me for my body?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Michelle,

I can't help but think how you are denying yourself the happiness you really want.

Best of luck,

RP


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Lynn,

He does it because you let him.

Stop letting him and he'll turn into vapor.

RP


michelle 4 years ago

so i should just have a little talk with him and tell him?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Michelle, I would call it "The Big Talk" and yes, do it for your own peace of mind if for nothing else.

Good luck!

RP


michelle 4 years ago

thank you (:


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Michelle,

I hope things have worked out for the best and you found the honest answer you sought.

RP


Jen 4 years ago

I asked a guy I recently met to be friends with benefits. He's a really nice guy and did ask me a lot if I was sure this was what I wanted. And I said yes repeatedly. Now I think I might have feelings for him. But he still wants to stay friends with benefits until he is financially stable and has enough time for a relationship.

Am I just delusional? Does he really like me or is he just saying all these nice things to me to get inside my pants...I was a virgin not anymore...


Nicki 4 years ago

I had a nsa thing with someone about 10 months ago and I cant get over it. I'm 39 so i'm not some teenager. I was lonely and still am. The sex was amazing but i'm too sensitive and i grew to like him. He told me that he likes my company and is very physically attraced to me and didn't want to mess me about. I haven't heard from him since but I cant move on. He is 40 had a bad marriage and then his girlfriend had an affair and he is now alone in a rented house with no furniture of his own even though he has a good job. i take things personally and cant shake the feeling that if I were different he would have wanted to turn it into more. He told me had asked out a married woman not long before we met so do you think he just doesn't want a relationship full stop or just didn't want one with me? Ive tried dating others but cant find that chemistry - it was such a high


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Jen,

Yes, I think you jumped when you should have walked. Obviously you had feelings for him from the beginning... Why were you so afraid of starting with "the relationship thing" instead of jumping into bed first?

And yes, from what you said I do believe that he's just keeping you around for sex now. His promises are not real plans of action.

It's time to decide a better relationship status and future for yourself.

Good luck,

RP


Anonymous 4 years ago

I agree with some other posters, I don't like the absolutism associated with women having low self-esteem, etc. I know it is common, but i think this really is one way that we can see a gender struggle still at play- and i don't just mean in the article, i mean the fact that it's just simply not considered the same when a woman decides to engage in an FWB as it is when a man does. truly unfortunate.

however, that being said...i have found myself in a sticky FWB situation.

First of all, this friend and i have not known each other for long (only about 5 months and been exploring sexually only for about 1). he recently came out of a long-term relationship, so i know he has reasons not to be wanting another any time soon.

he approached me about the situation as an open relationship- said he liked me and wanted to spend time with me and since neither of us were involved with other people why not, if some times we wanted to, just have sex. i immediately called him out on it being fuck buddies but he said no. something between a relationship and that.

in the beginning it was great, we both enjoyed talking openly about sex. one day he offhandly told me he had fallen in love with some girl...i got jealous and thought about it for about a week without seeing him and decided to end it with him. it was just a silly first meeting crush for him that turned into nothing but i didn't like the way he so openly talked about loving someone else so i told him i didn't want to be sexual with someone that didn't appreciate me. he told me he didn't agree with what i was saying and then spent a couple of days trying to convince me that he did care for me. we got together a couple of times after that simply as friends...with other friends. he was very attentive of me and i felt more chemistry in those days than i did before.

then we got into a fight...mainly because i told him i thought another friend was interested in me and i thought it would be smarter for me to like this other guy than it is to like him. recently we hooked up again. we spent the day together and ended up giving each other oral and then stayed together for the afternoon. but this time, before and after, there was no affection whatsoever. good conversations...and a fun day. but nothing more than that. when i got home from the day he chatted me on fb and ended up saying a similar 'i just fell in love with someone' comment. i went off on him about respect and then we basically agreed to disagree and let it go. afterwards he initiated a conversation about romance and how he would do anything for a girl that he loves and how he's cold on the outside but not on the inside.

i can't figure it out? to me all the signs are saying he doesn't care for me, but he wants me to think he does...which frankly, is not very friendly.

what do you think?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hello Anonymous,

"That being said" kind of says it all doesn't it?

I am sorry for saying this but there is a "gender bias" with relationships and sex.

THIS IS THE RULE: the longer a guy can maintain a relationship without having sex with his partner the more respectful and caring he is for her.

If the sex is casual "FWB" then emotions aren't supposed to be involved.

EXCEPT that women are emotional beings and men are logical beings... (not meaning anything bad by that, so don't give me hell, it's just the different ways women and men approach things).

Women do not "dislike" a guy they have sex with, in the normal routine of relationships.

Women like a guy and share "the experience" with him. They may lie to themselves that they don't want more... but who would willingly use themselves sexually, just for "the experience" if not also for the feelings involved?

Guys would, women wouldn't.

Every woman that has read this article and commented or asked for advice have found themselves in exactly the same position:

"I like the guy but he doesn't want a relationship, or more of my shared feelings for him, or to go farther than Friends With Benefits."

Tell me, who exactly benefits anyways?

The guy, that still runs out looking for a hookup wherever he can, or the girl on the other side of the FWB, waiting for his next call, his next text?

I wrote this article to hopefully warn women about the dangers built into FWB relationships... but I am only being heard by those already in the "trap".

Girls: Stand Tall. You have value beyond minutes of pleasure and days of wanting.

You WANT to have a stable relationship more than you admit... why do you lie to yourself?

And why do you allow a man to continue to use you for sex when there is NO chance he will extend the relationship into anything meaningful?

Why do you continue to allow yourself to be played?

RP


tornintwo 4 years ago

hello i'm 20 years old and I've known this guy for a long while now (he's 20 as well) and I've really fallen for him. He told me he likes me a lot but I feel like he's given up on liking me but I don't know why. he now wants to be FWB only.. but what I want is the real thing. I'm confused. I don't know what to do because I really really like him..and we joke around and chat a lot. text. talk at school, i guess flirt with each other..and all that good stuff...and it's hard to figure out if he's playing with me or not. how do you know when a guy is being genuine or not? what should I do? maybe i'm being naïve.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hello Tornintwo, I'm glad that you've paused and sought out advice about your situation.

I can understand liking a guy a lot and hoping for a real relationship with him.

But "Friends With Benefits" is really "Sex Without Commitment" when translated properly.

You have strong feelings for the guy, don't do the FWB thing with him.

Why?

Because what you're saying to him is that your feelings don't matter and yes, he's free to date other women, even have sex with them, and you'll still be around for his spare time.

YOUR FEELINGS MATTER!

Do not get played into a situation where it's what the guy wants when you want more.

I hope this helps, you and all the women that will find themselves in this situation as they get older and bolder.

For some advice that goes along with what I have often said here, take a look at http://girlgetring.com You'll find a video that has some of the answers for questions you haven't even thought about yet.

Good luck,

RP


marisol 4 years ago

I have been talking to a guy and told him I wasn't going to have sex. And we have hung out four times and no sex or anything but I still feel that's what he wants only even though he said its not. I don't know if its because of my last relationships in which guys only wanted sex....

Also we don't text on the daily and school ended so we both went to our homes about 2hrs from each other so its not too too convenient to see each other. . I usually wait fir him to text first and every few days hhe will text me.

I just don't know what to think?


Carmie 4 years ago

I have this friend, and we hooked up twice (he cheated on his gf with me) and then he had another girlfriend and we remained best friends but then when they broke up he called me to "hang out because he was sad" but then we hooked up again, and we stopped talking until a month ago that he said straight that he wanted to hook up, and we've been hooking up since then once a week. i've told him that i don't want to keep doing this because it's not okay, i don't want the feelings and he told me, please, i like you a lot, you're fun to be around, you're my friend. But i am not sure what is he meaning, should i keep with this or what? HELPPP !!


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Marisot,

He's trying to rush you into something you don't want to do.

Do not sleep with him, go with your instinct and leave him to work his "magic" with some other unlucky girl.

You have plenty of time to find someone that will appreciate you for more than just being a "playmate".

RP


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Carmie,

Just stop it. he's a user and you're next on his list to use. You've let him before so you're a convenient target. Stick to your guns, no means no.

RP


Camila 4 years ago

Well , I had a blackberry , and I had bbm which I met this guy from NY , and I live I'm NJ . We talked on the fone every night , and text all day , but we never seen eachother . He told me he likes me a lot , and I confessed my feelings for him as well. He told me I was the only girl he was talking to you , and he intends to get a little jealous knowing I'm hanging around with my guy friends . He told me flirting will be the farthest as we'll go . But I don't know what to do , I don't know wether to believe him or not . What can I do /:


lmea78 profile image

lmea78 4 years ago

I've been dating a 32 yr old guy, I'm 34 / first date we kissed, and we've been hanging out for 2 months now, we haven't had sex yet and he hasn't pushed me to it but the thing is I don't understand why he never asks me out to know his friends, (I know some of them) or he doesn't include me in his social activities, and he can only go out with me on weekends, once per week. I really understand he has to work very hard the whole week, even on sundays sometimes...(he has to leave my country in 1 year, he's only for work here).

On date 3 I told him I didn't want to go fast with him because I really like him and I had really bad experiences in my past and don't want the same.

Should I say something about us? or do I should I let things flow?

I wouldn't like to become his FWB if we keep kissing, we can end having sex for sure...that would be sad.

Last time I saw him was really nice, we had breakfast together and a very long 3 hours talk about personal stuff, we laugh a lot, we spent a very good time together...he's great but honestly, I don't believe in anyone.

He never calls me "baby" or " beautiful" or any of these things, even if the physical attraction is very strong, that is something I really like, he never says anything but there is something on the way he looks at me, maybe I'm crazy or dreaming but I feel no one never saw me that way before.

CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THANKS!


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Camila,

Stop living the "fantasy" of the LDR (Long Distance Relationship).

Stop using BBM to randomly meet guys.

RP


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Imea,

The real issue is: is the relationship going anywhere?

You'r ea little bit lucky that he isn't misleading you and trying his hardest to get you into bed before he leaves.

But because he's going you're feeling the time ticking down on the relationship and you want to be with him.

All understandable.

What remains is whether having sex with him will allow you to end the relationship on good terms.

It won't.

You do know this otherwise why the questioning of it's possibility?

Stay true to yourself and don't give in just to be hurt more later.

RP


Zia92 4 years ago

I met this guy last year and we hit it off right from the start! We had a lot of fun together although i knew that he obviously wanted sex cuz there was a lot of sexual tension btw us. We ended up having sex after about 3 weeks of meeting then we became fwb. We cuddled a lot after sex and we would talk, watch movies and fall asleep together.After about a month, he asked if i wanted a boyfriend and i said no cuz i really didn't want one at that point and he looked kinda shocked at my answer. (not sure why)

It went on for a while and at a point i let him know that i knew i wasn't the only girl he was seeing. He seemed surprised by my "calm" .But then i decided to stop sleeping with him. When i told him about it he wasn't upset or mad like i had expected he would be but he offered to "help" by not asking for sex anymore. We still talked and then one weekend he came over..he asked for sex again and when i said no, he didn't really show that he minded. He stayed that whole weekend and all we did was cuddle and talk.

Then when we were talking once, he randomly said he had decided to be celibate and ended up telling me about his ex (when i didn't ask about her). When i asked y, he said he just felt like it. I was kinda surprised bcuz he was kind of the player type and loved to have sex..So it's been bout 9 months now and i admit i fell for him. I recently decided to just tell him and see what response i would get cuz i was tired of the mental torture of not knowing where we stood in each others lives. So i basically told him i didn't wnt to "share" him anymore and the response i got was "Not now!" I said it was ok and that i appreciated his honesty and he said that it was nice of me..we haven't spoken since then (4 days)and i'm not sure what to make of the whole thing.


bell 4 years ago

I had a fwb for 2 months now...I was the one that get hurt....he don't want nothing to do with me but sex....I text him he never replied me back...but he text me when he want to have sex....I text him that I'm going to walk away he didn't reply me back....what should I do????I really wanna get over him but I just don't know how?


Violaa 4 years ago

Hello. I have a friend who is a very popular and a wanted guy in our town. He was pretty close to me for few months. We used to talk on the phone for hours, skype and chat. He was really nice, caring, protective and funny. But, it is also known that this guy does nothing with the girls except for fwbs. He is 17, and he has never been into any relationship before. He offered me to share with him as well. At first, I was not okay with the concept of FWBS. But, by the time he has convinced me for this telling that he's not some douche who'd screw my reputation up by telling everyone in the town that we're doing shit. He tells that he know's my worth and all. I was kind of mentally ready for this. I was planning to get it on with him. But, I've realized that I was acting. I had feelings for him. I didn't want him to take me as one of those girls who're ready to do shit with him. I wanted to him fall for him. But, nothing happened. How do I make him fall for me? Because, he's too attractive, if I find the perfect moment to do shit with him, I would. Because, he's that irresistible. All I want this guy to realize that I'm not one of those chicks who're ready waiting for him to come. I want to be his girlfriend. I want him be mine. What do I do? :S


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Hi Bell,

He's told you that he's using you for sex and you want what? To start dating him now? That horse as left the barn.

Dump this loser, delete his phone number and email addresses.

You deserve better!

RP


Violaa 4 years ago

Hello. I have a friend who is a very popular and a wanted guy in our town. He was pretty close to me for few months. We used to talk on the phone for hours, skype and chat. He was really nice, caring, protective and funny. But, it is also known that this guy does nothing with the girls except for fwbs. He is 17, and he has never been into any relationship before. He offered me to share with him as well. At first, I was not okay with the concept of FWBS. But, by the time he has convinced me for this telling that he's not some douche who'd screw my reputation up by telling everyone in the town that we're doing shit. He tells that he know's my worth and all. I was kind of mentally ready for this. I was planning to get it on with him. But, I've realized that I was acting. I had feelings for him. I didn't want him to take me as one of those girls who're ready to do shit with him. I wanted to him fall for him. But, nothing happened. How do I make him fall for me? Because, he's too attractive, if I find the perfect moment to do shit with him, I would. Because, he's that irresistible. All I want this guy to realize that I'm not one of those chicks who're ready waiting for him to come. I want to be his girlfriend. I want him be mine. What do I do? :S


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

It's much too late. he has the pick of the girls and he's been using you just as he has all the others.

He will not be yours as long as there is someone for him to FWB with.

He's really a serial cheater and not much of a catch in my eyes.

Live a little, you can expand your world beyond this bore.

RP


crystal 4 years ago

can you please help me understand this?

im 20..this guy im talking to is 34. ive been through quite a bit so my maturity is a lot older. this guy and i have known each other 8 mths as friends. and we recently about 2 mths ago got out of a hurtful relationship, him and his ex and my ex and i. we started actually talking around april and since then we have spent a lot of time together. out of a 7 day week we probably spend 2 or 3 days together. he has children and i hangout with him and his kids quite a bit and we all have fun doing family like activities. now here's the thing...his ex hurt him emotionally very bad..treated him like crap and he recently found out she was unfaithful too. they lived together and such, when we really started talking he said im inclined to get to know everything about you so we are getting to know each other. on the days im there with him we talk for hrs, cook food and have sex then watch a movie then sleep. he always texts me about how his day is going and stuff like that. he often says he doesn't understand how a guy like him can get a girl like me and hes still trying to figure it out. but heres the thing he hasn't told his kids about him and i. the only people who know about him and i are his older brother, maybe his 2nd older brother and his 2 best guy friends and a girl thats a mutual friend that introduced us when we first met in november(-she hates me now.) we hid us talking to her bc we knew how shed react so he wanted to be truthful so we can get a clear shot at dating each other so he says. he always says i like you on so many levels and we have connections in ways ive thought id find. we have a strong musical connection hes never found a girl where he can talk about music and its meaning to him without the girl having no idea what's going on. we constantly talked about the relationship thing and dating. he says he needs time to get over her bc hes still in pain from her and that hes a slow mover. he said that about 2mths ago. but now when we talk about his ex it became miss her to missed her. so i don't know if im helping him get over her to date me or if im just the middle girl helping him get over her for someone else. we always enjoy time together, we hug, kiss, hold hands a lot of other relationship stuff. but the biggest one he does is that he will not leave the house without giving me a kiss. even if that includes waking me up and laying in bed for one. the other day i sent him a text about how i value the time i spend with him and im happy with him and such then i texted him the following day saying to disregard bc i don't want him to freak out and run in the opposite direction. he said theres no need to recoil. when he texts me he always has some kind of cute pet name to call me. when he had a stressful day im all ears for him, when i have a bad day he all ears. im confused about a lot of things and im taking things as slow as i can. ve turned down several other guy who try to date


crystal 4 years ago

i forgot to mention, he lives in waterloo and i live in madison. we spend constant time together so hes always driving back and forth to be with him.


mag 4 years ago

Is it worth it?

I have known this guy for a little more than a week now. I had just turned 18 and he is over 30, married and has kids. We have made it clear right at the beginning that we are both after just for sex. He is very experienced with women and prefers to separate his family life from his sexual life. He has had friends with benefits before but has got none at the moment.

The first time we met, we got to known each other, and touched one another a little. Second time we met, I lost my virginity to him, and the sex was great.

He says I am the horniest woman he has ever met and I think of sex constantly. It is great for me to try out new things with him and learn from him. But is there any possibility that this could go wrong in some way, other than being caught?

We are planning to be friends with benefits for a year or two. But now that I have read about FWB phenomenon, it seems that most of them don't end up pretty. We seem to get along really well, and we have similar preferences in sex. We respect each other, and he gives me pleasure, too. He is not intending to have other sexual relationships besides me and his wife now, and he is STD-free.

So is there anything I should still be worrying about?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

He's a cheater, barely past the "sex offender" label and you're asking what??

Just stop and think.

Then stop some more.

Then don't talk to him at all for 2 weeks and see where his interest has wandered off to.

You'll be unhappily surprised, but at least you won't have two children hating you.

Let someone else be blamed for breaking up his marriage, although he's pretty much done that all ready, hasn't he?

RP


moses 4 years ago

All of these stories sound so familiar!

I have known a certain man for about 6 years. I met him through a mutual friend and we didn't live near each other but any time he was visiting our mutual friend we would end up spending time together and hooking up. He has made "attempts" before, telling me he wanted to see more of me and see if we could develop things further into a relationship but nothing ever materialised. The next time I saw him I told him he shouldn't make promises he can't keep and we should just be friends. But inevitably, we ended up together a couple of times after that. When I got a new boyfriend, I told him and he seemed unhappy but wished me well.

I'm now 25 and not long out of that 2 year relationship. I haven't seen my old FWB in over 2 years but he recently started contacting me and invited me over to see him for a weekend.

He has often blown hot/cold with me when we were younger but that's possibly becuase I was a bit of an alcoholic psycho (!!!). Unfortunately for me, I was crazy about him. I've changed a lot since then and I'm really tempted to sleep with him when I go to visit, but after reading all of these stories and your good advice, I fear I would just be making a fool of myself and making him believe he can have me whenever he wants. We have always gotten on so well. Is there really no such thing as no-strings-attached?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

You have said, in so many words, that there were "strings" before, he wanted more, yada yada.

Now that you're on your own again you want to connect with someone familiar and that's very understandable.

But I have to say that you would be making the same mistake, accepting a so-so relationship instead of finding someone exciting and new.

We all have strings attached and those that think they don't usually find themselves "alone in a relationship" because of different goals they want out of a relationship.

Best of luck with your decision and your thoughts of the decision afterwards.

RP


Stacy 4 years ago

I'm in a big big problem. I have been friends with this guy for over 6 yrs and before when we were younger we dated. But I broke up with him because I was scared to jump so quick into a relationship. Any ways a couple of years passed and he dated this girl for about 2 1/2 yrs and he recetbly broke up with her. I kinda always knew we had something but never really cared to do any moves. So i came back from visiting from college and we decided a whole group of us to go out for a few drinks. One thing let to another he ended up sleeping over the house with two of my best friends. I tried to sleep on my bed but he kept going on it till finally he just slept(no sex) we were both very drunk and led us to kissing. The next day I freaked out I thought it was wrong and he was my good friend and now everything was going to geb awkward. after days and mothns of talking and meeting up and doing stuff I started to develop some feelings for him but I feel like he doesn't care what I do. He's very affectionate in front of his friends or in private and we talk all the time but when I tell him it's starting to get complicated he's okay with me just backing off. Constantly I feel like he's talking to his ex because it's been five months that they been single and I get my self scared that he might get back with her and that he has other girls around that I don't know about. I feel like he might get back with her but he says he's not. I know he's not ready to date yet because he's trying to experience with gitls but its so hard to see him with other girls but he doesn't do it in front of me. I like him so much but talking to him is more like talking to the wall. He doesn't express his feelings and I feel like it was stupid an dumb to have started a Fwb relationship because I can see my self dating him but I don't think he does and I don't know what to do.? not sure If he ever will see me as a gf


Tatiana 4 years ago

Well I hate to say that last year, I was fwbs with a good guy friend of mine. We never had sex, as I never felt ready but we still did other things.

He called it "having some fun" and since I'd never had a boyfriend before (I was 16) I just saw it as experiencing things.

Of course I was lying to myself. I already had feelings for him, that developed further over time. I became jealous of other girls he talked to etc.

So eventually I ended it.

But the problem is, I haven't forgiven myself for stooping that low and how I was prepared to do anything for him, just because at the time, I viewed it as the closest thing to having a relationship.

I'm still a little heart broken, and when I see him sometimes, he doesn't appear like he cares. Like he has no regrets.

So I wish I had read this article before and had listened to the logic in my head, not my heart that only craved affection.


BooBoo 4 years ago

Okay me and My ex Broke up a few days ago and now we are friends eith benefits, (Im the Guy btw) Anyways we talked and she said will be friends with benefits she said we are allowed to flirt with others and all that, I love this girl, she dumped me because its something she had to do for herself, But anyways she said she wants to be friends with benefits until she is ready to start up acommited relationship with me. what do i do?


BooBoo2 4 years ago

i have a FWB But we can not go toeach others houses where are good public places to fool around with her at?


ian 4 years ago

My friend with benefits is an ex girlfriend of mine. We have great sex and have a very good friendship as well. She haas recently told me that she is going on a week long vacation with another ex boyfriend (with whom she sexted whike her and I were dating) I am ok with her going away with him, but not ok with them possibly and most likely having sex......it shouldn't bother me that she could be having sex with someone else, there's no part of me that wants for us to be dating again but I don't want her having sex with someone else.....what should I do?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Sounds more likem a commitment issue than a FWB problem.

Sex always has strings and FWB usually ends when someone better comes along.

I guess your time is up.

Let's just hope you pass the STD tests that should be in your future.

RP


Concerned mom 4 years ago

My 16yo daughter met this guy 3 weeks ago and after hanging out with him in a group several times he asked for her number. They texted all day for 2 days and then he was off to camp. He told her when he got back he wanted to hang out, watch movies and cuddle. He texted her and made plans right when he got back. He told her he missed her as well. They went swimming and then cuddled and talked a lot. When he drooped her off he told her he wanted to kiss her, but didn't want to lead her on because he just got back from church camp, and wasn't ready for a relationship. Well, I feel like he led her on already because he cuddled with her! He told her he was sorry for playing with her heart and didn't realize that she did in fact like him. He said mentally he thought they were just friends. She of course is taking this extremely hard and is confused. I'm not sure what to tell her:( Advice please?


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

You tell her that love is pressure-less, and precious. Any guy that is rteady for a relationship won't just try to "cop a feel". The good ones anyways.


Confusedcountrygirl 4 years ago

I have became very close with my guy friend that I used to talk to for a long time. We both would invite each other to our school dances and would hangout every chance we got. We would still talk to other people but would still flirt with each other. We have been flirting with each other for the past 2 years. This past week he has been home alone and we were together the whole time. He invited me to spend the night. I was gonna sleep on the couch till he told me I could sleep in the extra bed in his room. While I was trying to go to sleep he came over to the bed and started tickling me then all of a sudden he started kissing me and touching. After a while of messing around I told him to quit and I had to go to sleep. The next day nothing was said about what happened the night before. 2 nights later the same thing happened and if I didn't stop it, it would have led to sex. Even though we are very close friends that are together 24/7 I still wonder if he considers me a friend with benefits..considering he still talks to other girls. Buy once I say something about another guy he will try and tell me how attractive another girl is. I'm so confused..


Lynn 4 years ago

I have a fwb and it had been going on for six months now.he has a girlfriend and they have been together for almost eight years now according to him.at first i am pretty sure that he is just using me when he is up to something.but then he started to make me confused when he is bringing me home to his parent's house when he never doing the same with his gf.he get angry with me when I am doing simple mistake, or when I hooked up with other guy.. I didn't know what is this called.if he is asking for FWB.then he shouldn't make circumstances complicated when our friends and family getting involved... I like him a lot.and didn't know whether I should move on with my life or stucked with him.


waterlily31 4 years ago

I have known this guy for about 4 years now but for the past 2 years we have been sleeping with each other on and off (not every week or anything). He has always said he was attracted to me but said we would kill each other in a relationship but then out of the blue he said it’s not working out, lets finish things (even though no relationship) but kind of kept texting me silly things about who he was with and then asking me up (which I never went), so then I was at a party one night and ended up with his brother and hung out with him for the weekend, he found out about this and now I am getting random texts been called a slut, fat cow (which I’m not), ugly etc, I’m trying to figure out is he jealous, I’m gathering annoyed, I’m just curious, please note this guy is kind of a womaniser but I always knew this and have NEVER gotten too close to him, we always had a laugh but what he did in his own time was his business and same with me but yet I’m getting the backlash.


overanalytical 4 years ago

Don't know what to do. Introduced by mutuals friends, we started to text and then hung out. We both mentioned not looking for a relationship. After hanging out for about two weeks I gave in, and the sex is awesome. He texted me when I went away on a short vacay, and we see eachother about once a week. We just said we'd be open if we were with anyone else for respect and health purposes. I really thought he'd sleep around... But from what I can tell and he says he doesn't. Or even dates. We've been sleeping together for about two months now, he texts me everyday to see how I am, what I'm up to, tell me about his day, makes jokes, etc. When we hang out he says its not about the sex, and wants to actually hangout and talk. He always wants me to sleep over (I've caved in twice) and he cuddles and holds my hand almost all night. When I do leave, he tells me to just stay, but I don't. And took me out for brunch last time I slept over. He'll mention stuff to do in the near future (month or so), and when I say 'will we still be talking' or what not he looks at me like I'm dumb. But I'm aware what this is, and it can end at any time for any reason. When I ask why he hasn't mentioned other girls, he says its cuz theirs noone else, and gets frustrated. Also gets upset when he thinks I don't trust him or think he'll be there for me. It's still only once a week though he said he wanted to hangout more.

I'm on the cusp of just asking where he is in this (wanting casual or more) and stating I'm interested in exclusive (nonexclusive is just too powerless for me) and that if he doesn't then its sad cuz it will be like this never happened, but I have to do what's right for me.

Is this just a basic fwb? Or something else? Advice?


Jill 4 years ago

This one guy I just became friends with a month ago asked me on facebook for permission to have sex with him and be friends with benefits, but it remains mutual. I told him no, but I have no idea what he means by asking to be friends with benefits, but it remains mutual.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 4 years ago from Canada Author

Just say NO.

What a creep. Are you going to screw with every guy friend that asks you?

Are you really that easy?


amulya 3 years ago

m with this guy who told me that he loved me.....proposed to me...but i want ready yet....and wanted to give time to see if he realy does...bt now he went back to his native and i found out he had a girlfriend back there which he mentioned just as a friend....but here with me he was always being cozy....kising me...etc...and he even asked me to marry him...when i got to know about his girlfriend and questioned him he yelled and wasn't ready to talk,,,,and jus wanted to escape...now he says he cant marry me...but still talks about wanting to hug me,smooch me etc....wa will i do???


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 3 years ago from Canada Author

Don't you see that he's just after sex? Nothing more than physical. Don't get caught in his trap, there are plenty of real, authentic guys around that will treat you right.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 3 years ago from Canada Author

Ask him, ask him now, where things are going. Do you really just want to be his fwb, or do you want more, a relationship that you can count on?

I think you do, so go get it.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 3 years ago from Canada Author

Dump him, no matter what.

You're better off.


rose 3 years ago

ive been having fwb relationship with this guy for about 8 months now.....we became really close to each other, do things together and even got to see his family. at this point, i am totally into him and want to define the relationship. should I tell him or no? im afraid of rejection and also it might even ruin our friendship.....what should I do?


rose 3 years ago

by the way. thanks for the great post!will be waiting for your reply!


liesandmorelies 3 years ago

No, run away, they will date you then turn you into FWB, then tell you that they have no emotional feelings for you and just want to be friends (pool, option). Present you to their friends, go out on dates, bring you flowers, act as you are a couple, then dump you. I hate them, dishonest, cruel, nasty people.


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 3 years ago from Canada Author

define the relationship ASAP. Every minute of delay must be heart wrenching!


savvydating profile image

savvydating 3 years ago

Solid advice, from beginning to end. I love it when a man tells women how men think, and how women can use their new found knowledge to become better prepared the next time they meet someone who makes their hearts go pitter-patter.


erika 3 years ago

ok so I work McDonald’s and this guy would come eat there a lot and I notice him a couple of times just looking at me and I will say I was interested in him as well but at the time I had a dude so nothing came of it. Months later we started talking on fb and ended texting one another and he would come over and chill we never had sex. One night he wanted me to go out with him to a bar/club we had fun we made out and at the end of the night we walk me to my door and kiss me goodnight. we still txt like crazy and one night he was drunk and called me telling me how he felt about me and of course I told him he was drunk and he didn’t know what he was saying since he was drunk we ended up having sex that night the next day we talked about what he told me and he said he meant everything so I believe that we were together stupid me. Next day on fb his status reads single so I txt him talking shit cuz I felt so hurt so I just left him alone. weeks later he texted me that he missed me so I talk to him again and we hooked up and then he ask what we were and I replied fwb and after that day he never talked to me like if I said the wrong thing but honestly he’s just confusing me. So I got back with my ex so I just let my FWB alone. so valentine day I was with my bf when I get a txt from my fwb saying happy V-day so I got happy cuz I really like this guy that night we hooked up once again but then I told myself I couldn’t do that to my bf I needed to be faithfully so I let my fwb alone. so it’s been a month that we hadn’t talk and out of nowhere he texts me how was I doing and so on later that night we talk and it was good he ask y I hadn’t txt him and I told him I had got back with my ex but was no longer with him that I was single and he goes you should just stay single your still young. Then he talked about him turning 30 and ready to settle down it’s like he talks to me about stuff like this to see what I have to say like if he interested in me but scared of getting hurt??? every time we would hook up it wasn’t just sex like we would chill watch movies then cuddle then have sex and afterwards he would stay the night and we would cuddle and in the morning before he left he would kiss me like all that made me think maybe there’s something more so I’m just confused with this dude help me please!!!!


R Pseudomen profile image

R Pseudomen 3 years ago from Canada Author

Did you read the article at all?


single mom 3 years ago

recently a awesome friend came home for a 2 week vacation. We are friends from school, Personally I think we both had a crush on each other in school but I ended up in a relationship and pregnant ...now im single and hes home single. first time we hung out since school ....first night we hung out and talked for hours...than we made out...messaged everyday since he have been home..occasionally when hes away... 2 nd night we got together we hung out for a bit His idea to get together ...and we had sex....than 3 rd time we hung out ...it was a nice walk and fire camping ..nothing happen ....Im wondering is this a friendship or could it be more ? we live far away from each


Emily 2 years ago

Okay..I have read many posts on here about FWB not working out. I have a FWB, that as of this year will be 5 years and counting. We have gone out, to dinner, shopping, travel together, I have met his parents but they did not know we are FWB. We talk politics, current events, and business. I talk to him every day and he stays over about once or twice a week. To the outside world we are business associates, to us in private, we have more than just great sex. He has recently told me he cares a great deal about me and I thanked him. I do not have time, due to work, for a full blown relationship 24/7. I have been married and divorced and to be honest, marriage is not in my future. We have discussed the fact that most FWB's fizzle out after a short time, we do feel that we will be together forever and I will have truly known the real him and vice versa. We have some sexual kinks that only we share together..and I doubt anyone vanilla would understand however, he and I also do get territorial and I have been out at the same bar as he and have seen girls attempt to get his attention or flirt and he will look at me and know that it is making me upset and not even give them the time of day. So, it can work..its unconventional, but we make our own rules..I don't like the "traditional" FWB..it doesn't have to be traditional..but I know we are in more than a FWB but either will never admit it.


XFLOPEZX profile image

XFLOPEZX 23 months ago from Los Angeles

R Pseudomen, I am in a "frienifits" relationship right now, but I really like the girl. She has been divorced for about a year now, and is planning on moving to Florida from California. We hooked up once when we were teenagers, and reconnected again recently. I feel like she is being more standoffish because she doesn't want to get hurt, or because of the fact that she might be moving. I am a single father that is struggling to get back on his feet, and all I have to offer is myself at the moment. My situation is the reciprocal of what your article reads, but I assume I can take the same advice as if I was a woman.... Anyways, regardless of how I feel and what happens between us I just need to keep on going. If it is meant to be then it will happen, right? Thank you.

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