Getting back together with your love and making it work

Tips on getting your love back

If you've ever gone through a break up, I know how it can feel. When you love someone very much, it's hard to move on. In this article I will explain situations, hopefully similar to yours so this will help you. Going through a 5 year relationship on and off myself has been tough. He was my first love and I know I could never love anyone else, or so I let myself think that.

1. See the first step you must do after a break up, is let that person go. I know it's the hardest thing to do, but you must do it if you ever want to get back together with them. Take the time to think about why you broke up in the first place. Was it because of cheating? Was it because of arguing and fighting? Just not getting along? What caused the arguments? What bothered you in the relationship? Did you talk about it with them?

2. Take this time to work on yourself. Were you the cause of it? Sometimes we do things without realizing it. I know I myself tend to do things, as had he. Nobody is perfect, but it is important to realize and admit to what you did. Try to focus on working on whatever it was. One of the biggest keys in relationships is communication. Both of you need to have an open mind and be able to talk and listen to one another when there is a problem. Don't ignore something that is bothering you, if you do that, you will harbor negative feelings against your other until one day you explode. It's not a healthy thing to do.

3. Stay positive and confident. Find a new hobby or work on a goal. Don't let your ex see you down and depressed. this is a turn off to most. If your ex sees you off having a good time and being happy, he/she will remember the good times you had and might wonder what you're up to that makes you so happy. They might even think you moved on and are seeing someone else. This makes them jealous because they want what they can't have. It's a human's natural instinct.

4. Don't call your ex or send them messages. This is a huge turn off and will only push them further away. You want them to come to you, not the other way around. Nobody likes a desperate clingy person. Being confident and positive is what attracts others. If your ex does call you to hang out, do not make the mistake of sleeping together. You want to take it slow and not rush into it. I know it's easy to get back into old routines, but it's better to start off slow as friends again. Make them realize why they fell in love with you in the first place.

5. Don't look at their pages on the internet or any of that sort. The last thing you want to do is see them flirting with someone else back and forth through messages. This will only dishearten you and doesn't help with getting over them or moving on. Remember, you need to move on and get over them before you can get back together. Always remember that time will heal all wounds. However long it takes, it could take a year, but ask yourself, is it worth it? If so, take your time, let this encourage you and start back out slow when the time comes. It will all be worth it in the end.

6. Don't jump into another relationship if you do decide to date and not get back together. This is called a rebound relationship and is the worst kind. Someone always ends up hurt. I've had it done to me and it is the worst feeling. It's also not a good thing to do to someone else. If you're the kind of person that gets lonely and always has to be in a relationship, then I'm sorry. I know it's hard, but if you ever want to succeed in a lasting relationship, you need to learn to be on your own first. Know that you can be ok when you're alone. You can't always depend on someone else, it can ruin a relationship. You must learn to walk on your own two feet, this will attract someone. You must walk beside your partner, not behind or in front of. It's ok to be there and help each other out when needed, but you can only depend on yourself. Do this and you will have a lasting relationship.

7. So basically you are playing the waiting game. There isn't much you can do. If it's been a long time and over a few months, I would suggest sending them a letter, explaining what went wrong what you realized and admit to any wrong doings. Tell them it was best and that you don't harbor anything negative against them from the past. You need to sound mature and as if you're moving on. Whatever you feel comfortable writing and then send them the email. After that, don't do anything else. If they do respond and want to talk, then proceed, but only if they initiate it. This is all optional of course and is up to you. I actually did this and after a while he finally responded. If he/she decides they want to talk and hang out, do so as friends.

Well I hope this article can help others. Doing this helped me get back together and help rebuild my relationship. Remember, stay positive and start back out slowly as friends. It took me a year to start talking with him again because of how much of a mess the relationship was, but we both realized how much we loved each other and it all worked out. Why? Because I didn't give up and I had positive mental thinking about getting him back.

Good luck!

~Serenity

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Comments 9 comments

John 7 years ago

Hey just wanted to let you know that this makes me feel at ease. I made the mistake of acting desperate and it only pushed my ex gf away more. I'm hoping if I just giver her her space, maybe she'll rethink things and want to talk about it. Wish me luck! Nice article btw.


TravelingArt 7 years ago

I agree with John,this is a nice and practical article.It resonates with real life.

TravelingArt


charlie 7 years ago

very good tactics. I like how there's no pressure and its letting it come naturally. I remember being in this same position not too long ago.


dude 7 years ago

wow, thanks for this.... I can definitely relate to your story. I was with a girl for about 5 yrs we both made mistakes and what i found was I was actually scared to open my heart for fear of getting hurt. Well in the end that's what happened anyways. You have to move on and give the other person space. I realize now after going through a lot of personal growth that I loved her dearly but she doesn't know what she wants now.

Of course I want answers and keep getting my hopes up that we'll get back with her but she isn't even giving me the time of day.

Time to move on as much as it hurts it is actually helping me grow as a person.


Betty 6 years ago

Thank you for this, it really relates. My ex and I have been separated for about 6 months due to our mistakes and faults. In the beginning of our break up, I believed we should have not associated with each other much and I was really depressed and I felt like I pushed him away. Afterwards, for the past 2 months we haven't spoken or had any contact and I decided to finally go out and support one of his bball team games and he talked to me and we're starting off as friends, I think. I guess I couldn't understand that he had so much on his plate. I really want to become positive and believe that maybe he would come back, but at times, it gets so difficult because it's been so long. This article really allowed me to feel better and maybe in time, things will heal and I do wish and pray he'll come back. I have a lot of faith in him because a few days before our break up, he told me I was his true love and he was certain he wanted to marry me. Then everything went wrong after him building up his emotions... and then he felt "uncomfortable" around me and he told me "Please understand, this is a distraction." Guess time is really what this relationship needs to pact things up.


Dawn 6 years ago

If 2 people are meant to be together, somehow it will work out in the end. We all go through a lot of heart ache and relationships and it helps us to grow and become better people. Getting over your first love is always the hardest.


second chance romance 6 years ago

Nice article you have here. It will help someone greatly. A lot of people seem to be using Magic of making up but second chance romance is just as good maybe better.


olderandwiser38 5 years ago

This is exactly what I've been trying to learn more about! My ex and I were planning our wedding a couple months after meeting. We had emailed each other for a couple months after being matched on dating site. We got married less than a year after we met. Several months later we were having problems...we had not even had a chance to become friends before planning a wedding. When issues came up, we found we were like strangers and it was uncomfortable. Lack of time spent together increased the distance. Without no closeness there was nothing there to hold us together. It was over before it even had a chance to begin. I was devastated. I know she is hurting too. She wanted to get a divorce to get closure, but she didn't want us to really end our relationship. We both want to take time for ourselves to think through what happened and to see if we do in fact want to try again. The idea is to talk and see if we become friends. If so, then we will go from there. I think the feelings are there, but the closeness was lost and we need time to build trust in each other, feel respect for each other, and learn how to communicate openly and honestly without hurting each other. Our separation was filled with anger and hurtful words. I think that's because she wanted so much to get away from the decision to stay married or not which had been causing her so much pain for months. Now that we are divorced we both seem to feel at ease and comfortable with each other. The pressure to work things out and hold onto our marriage to somehow make it work was intense. It felt like a huge decision to end it but at the same time, staying married was only making things worse. Ending it when we did has actually given us the chance we have been looking for. We start from scratch now. Just 2 people who are on their own. There is no pressure to work out as a couple, it will happen if it is meant to be. And neither of us is in the least rush. We've learned a lot about ourselves, each other, and us together--and us apart. I am hoping we find we like each other, rebuild the trust and respect. Patience is extremely important to this process of rebuilding a relationship. You cannot push each other, b/c you'll just push each other away. Use this time to grow as a person--make the changes you want to make to be the person you want to be, and you'll find that you are fine with yourself and your ex will be pretty impressed with you too. I feel better about us than I have for a very long time.

Thanks for the great article/advice! Outlining the steps to take/and what not to do/ is really helpful.


lonelygirl 4 years ago

Thanku for this, my bf broke up w/ me 2 weeks ago, we lived in together for almost 1 year since the beginning of our relationship, we were the happiest in loved couple at first then afterwards everything went wrong, we always had little arguments lately until my bf got tired of the set up and decided to ask for a space. I said mybe we can still work it out even though we're not living together, so we continued w/ our relationship and after four months i noticed that he has lost his interest in me, since we seldom see each other. Until he decided to totally end the relationship and admitting that it was his fault, he felt sorry and cried because he loved me but wanted some space and try to work things out on his own, i was very hurt bcause he's the man of my dreams and we had plans for our future together. I felt that i was left behind, i called him everyday asking for another chance, begging for him to come back. I did it everyday saying how much i love him telling him i cant live without him, but he didn't change his mind. At this point i dont know what to do, i felt like im goin crazy. Im afraid that if i let him go he'll find another girl.. But he always tells me that he just needs time to think and not closing his doors to the possibilty of getting back together again someday. He tells me to always be happy, and if we're both ready someday we can always get back together. Im somehow at ease when he told me that but im still at the stage when my hurt is very hurting. I just pray that we're meant to be, if not today then in the future...

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