Flirt: When To Say Goodbye
For the Single People
We've all hit the dating scene at one time or another; whether that be the clubs, the church social, the gym, or even the supermarket. We've also all wasted our time on the wrong person. I always hear people describe dating as "the game" or "he/she's running game" on the other person. Yet these same people (yes, my single girlfriends, you know who you are) constantly act as if there aren't any rules. We get ouselves hurt over and over again because we don't set boundaries, we move WAY to fast, and we don't know when to just walk away.
First impressions really are key. If your love interest is trying to get in your pants or your wallet five minutes after they meet you, chances are good that's all they are after. If you have five dates with someone and they want to move in together, or if they still talk about their ex constantly, WALK AWAY! Women, if, within the first date or two little red flags start popping up everywhere in your head, think again. We women have excellent instincts if we'd just learn to use them. Men, if all she does is talk about herself and she sends her plate back to the kitchen twice, be warned. She's probably extremely high maintenance. Above all, when first meeting someone we should be open to the possibilities without commiting ourselves to anything.
So what is flirting and when should we use it? Don't worry, flirting is not "leading someone on" unless it's insincere. We should all be adult enough to be able to deal with disappointment and to learn how to let things go. I've listed the ten commandments for dating below...
1.) You don't owe anyone anything sexual, ever.
2.) Don't say things you don't mean. On the flipside, mean what you say.
3.) Trust your instincts.
4.) No sex for the first two weeks, at least. It'll make it better, I guarantee it.
5.) Listen to your friends and family. They can look at things from a more abstract view.
6.) Make sure you connect on more than a physical level. (Looks may fade, but stupidity is forever)
7.) Don't be a contradiction: Make it clear what you want from the beginning of the relationship WITHOUT RUSHING THINGS.
8.) Be honest without being an open book. You can tell them you just got out of a bad relationship, but they don't need to know the details.
9.) Listen. Do they have the same values, background, things they want out of life?
10.) Don't be afraid to WALK AWAY. There are other people that can make you happy.
For the Married People
Monogamy comes from the Greek monos "μονός", meaning one or alone, also gamos "γάμος", which means union. Obviously we all know that monogamy is the foundation of marriage, so where does flirting come in? It's very human to want to "window shop." For men that's often the latest copy of Hustler or the cute girl on facebook who actually listens to what they have to say. For women, it's often romance novels or the latest doings of our favorite movie star in the tabloids. We are constantly exploring our options and trying to make our relationships match up with a fantasy that someone else has created for us. Most of us are guilty of online flirting at some point and that's not always a bad thing. Flirting, in the abstract, makes us feel desirable and wanted, increasing our self esteem and bolstering our egos. However, there is a point when you should WALK AWAY.
Anytime we flirt, we open ourselves up to the question, "what if..."? If we aren't happy and secure in our marriage, this can be a dealbreaker. Anytime you feel yourself getting drawn more and more into another individual's life over the web you are asking that same question and it's a slippery slope. You also run the risk of the other individual getting fixated on you and mucking up their own lives. If you've promised them things you won't deliver then you are at fault. So keep it light and walk away if it starts getting serious.
We also run the risk of hurting our loved ones. By flirting with others of the opposite sex, we are sending them the signal that they are no longer enough for us. This can cause unbelievable friction in a marriage or relationship and eventual seperation.
So is flirting while you're in a relationship worth the risk? I leave that for you to decide.