How to Get a New Boyfriend

Don't try too hard.

I didn't have a problem meeting guys, I had a problem finding one that was good boyfriend material. Lets face it - most guys are not out there looking for a good wife. Most guys fear commitment. But guys do love women. So what is it that attracts a man?

First, lets just admit that looks are what usually catch a man's eye first. It's is only human nature that a guy is going to notice a pretty woman. Men have varied ideas of the perfect woman and each guy's taste is individual. Some men may be attracted to thin women though I have met many men who are disgusted by skinny women. To each his own. Hair color may stand out, eyes or a laugh.

Men are attracted to women who are certain of themselves. Most men like powerful women or women with confidence. Being timid isn't attractive to most guys. They like a girl who can stand on her own and think for herself. So keep it real. Don't play mental games - those days are over.

Another quality men love is a woman who is smiling and happy. Let's face it - if you are depressed and not together you should not be looking for a guy until you are emotionally stable. If you have just suffered a break up - cool your jets and regroup. Take time to figure out what went wrong in the previous relationship and make sure it is really over.

Neither of the sexes should start dating unless they are emotionally stable. This means, if you have addiction problems - fix those and work on yourself. You can't have a good relationship unless you are in control of your own life first.

The Kiss

Kimpt Gustav
Kimpt Gustav | Source

K.I.S.S.

That is right! Keep it simple sugar! I consulted the top mens advice columns to see what they find attractive in women and it isn't what you might expect! Simple things will draw a guys attention and drag him to his knees to give you a kiss!

Find out the 50 suprising things that men say make them pay attention!


He doesn't want to put you together!

Don't be a puzzle!
Don't be a puzzle! | Source

Men are mere humans. If there is a particular one that makes your heart race and you break out into a sweat when you see him try to remind yourself, no matter how cute he is - he is just a guy. For a long time, the advice in magazines and advice columns seemed to almost indicate that you have to trick a man into a relationship.

"Be mysterious!" used to be one popular bit of advice. Dumb advice. I mean, no wonder men haven't understood women for decades. Everyone knows a guy does not want to have to think too hard to figure a woman out. They move on to the next one if the puzzle is too complex.

Be REAL ladies. You don't have to pretend to like every thing he likes, or take up guitar lessons because he plays. Men love women that have their own interests and hobbies. That might be the very thing that sparks an interest in you!

Men love confident women. No longer is the "learned helplessness" syndrome cute. Of course a guy wants to feel like your hero but allow him to change your lock perhaps, or change your oil. Don't pretend like you can't handle anything on your own.

Where to meet men?

If you have interesting things that you do and enjoy - use this as an avenue to meet guys that are into the same thing. If you like photography - take a class. If you are into environmental causes then see if there is a local organization that you can check out. Book stores with cafe's are a great place to sit by yourself and read.

Do you enjoy concerts? Apply for a job at a concert hall part time. Not only would you open yourself up to meet hundreds of guys at a time but you will be making some spending change. If you are into fitness - join a gym or work at one. The goal isn't to make a lot of money - it is to open yourself up to the opportunity of meeting men that have common interests.

Boyfriend - Justin Bieber

Guys what is your say?

Do you know when you are being manipulated.

See results without voting

Do you like a woman that is confident.

See results without voting

Do you like a lady that wears lots of make-up?

See results without voting

Do you like a girl you can talk to?

See results without voting

Do you like a girl with a good sense of humor?

See results without voting

Do NOT Manipulate

No matter how much women like to pretend guys don't understand women - they are not stupid creatures. Most smart men are savvy enough to know better than to try to guess why a woman does or says the things she does. Men can totally tell if you aren't being honest with him. Even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself - those nagging feelings may keep him from asking you out.

Men, while most pretend not to understand women, they are way smarter than we give them credit for. They just don't make the time investment to figure them out.

If you are talking to a guy and trying to "act" like the kind of girl you think he is interested in? Transparent and a turn off. Guys like women they can relate to. They want to converse with a female, laugh with them and have mutual understanding in many things. You don't have to KNOW everything or love every single thing he does. For example, my husband used to love to ride motorcyles, I do not like them. I wouldn't pretend I liked them just because it's an interest he has. He liked football and it took me about 10 years to even begin to learn what that was all about with him.

If you want something from a guy - take the short route - ask him! Don't waste your time hinting - the smart guys ignore that!

If you do not like something a guy does - tell him. Yep - just tell him.

Here is a scenario I have seen played out tens of times. A girl just starts dating a guy and she doesn't feel he calls her enough. The female will do stuff like, ignore him! Thinking this will make him realize that he is missing something! This might work for you too but it's manipulative. It is a much better course of action to pick up the phone and say to the man, "dude, I would appreciate it if you called me more. Let me know you are thinking about me. Unless you aren't and in that case I might have to look for a new BF!" Now since that is true - I would go ahead and say that.

If the guy didn't call me back then I lost nothing. If he did then I knew he was interested. Don't play games and expect to win. A mature relationship is not a game. Life is hard enough playing things straight forward. You want a partner and a friend you can trust first. If all goes well and you find happiness together, who knows? He could be the next Mr. Right!

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Comments 79 comments

ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 4 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Kelly,

You are on to me! When someone "hints" and I don't like where that "hint" is going to send me...I will just pretend I did not get the hint. At that point the pressure is off me and it becomes pretty obvious that she is just a crappy hinter...sooooo....yeah...that's on her!

You have done your research well and, really, common sense should just rule the day in these scenarios but, sadly, they almost never do.

I voted in all the polls and would like to reiterate right now...sense of humor is critical!!

Thomas


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

Romantically speaking.. & only speaking for myself... Although most men would agree with me, but fear to due to potential alienation due to not sucking up like they think they should.. Me personally? One must please my eyes 1st.. because there is no chance in being able to please any other 'parts' of me without being able to please my eyes 1st.. A girls fanny is the initial allure for me.. More is not better in this regard.. Here eyes and smile will seal the deal of my interest to the point of initiating further investigation.. And yes, intellect will be important for the long haul possibilities.. I just hope she doesn't squeak like finger nails to a chalk board, or barks like a trucker when I do say hello.. As I prepare for my lynching from all those 'personality' girls out there.. *grins*


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thomaas - see that's why you are my kinda guy! Lol

I talked with my husband about this stuff too - and we laughed our butts off creating these scenarios! Lol. Girls making those ***hints**** like I swear on a stack of Bibles - I heard this girl bat her eyelids and she says to the guy she was throwing herself at "I think I have something in my eye!" and tried to lean into him (smooth move ex-lax)! And the guy was like " uhhhh I don't think so!" now I watched this whole transaction and the look on his face just quickly changed to disgust. And I was RIGHT there like 5 feet away - it was so weird I never forgot it! Lol

Yeah sense of humor - I've been with Dave for about 20 years and thank goodness we both have that. It made it so much easier to trudge through tough times together:). And still want to live together! Lol

Thanksmso much for your input!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Cricitcal Message - thank you so much for weighing in! I do think guys are first attracted to looks. I mean as bad as that CAN sound - you wouldn't walk up to a girl if you weren't physically attracted to ask for her number:) lol. It's natural instinct I think - and also why we are all blessed to have individual taste. I also think that at first glance a guy might pass a girl up in his head....but she might say something funny, or her perfume might make him perk up and then they start to realize "hey she's kinda cute!" lol

Yeah one tip I didn't add here was to chew with your mouth closed and watch table manners! I'm so glad you said it! LOL. But yes! I saw that referenced a few times...one guy said, "it's awful if she opens her mouth and sounds like a beast" or similar! Lol

My husband a trunk junky too;) LOL


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

I do not want to neglect the importance of humor... I have learned that with intellect comes one who is smart enough to understand its importance, and smart enough to use it effectively..


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I do think a sense of humor is so beneficial. If you can't laugh together it would seem like a boring companionship. And laughter has been proven to be good for you.

My best dates that I can still remember - were with guys that made me laugh all night. Those are the kind that you don't want to end:)

Intellect too and I'm glad to hear that from men. Remember when "the dumb blond" was in? Yeah that bugged me - I've seen girls dumb down because they thought it was cute and hey some guys like that! I just don't think as many do.

Even on one of the real housewife shows - one of them pretends she can't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now that is just lame! Lol


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

Smart girls know what is needed to keep smart guys happy... Smart guys know what is needed to keep smart girls happy... Because they figured it out.. Guys, Really Do Not like the cat and mouse games *sneers*... Smart girls and guys protect themselves... Smart girls and guys do not act like dumb ones.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

You're right. I wouldn't want to act like I was dumb. Or think it would be cute...I don't pretend to be smarter than everyone else either. I like it that my husband is very smart about things I'm not though and vice versa. He is super smart at trivia and history...makes the conversation never get boring. I am still not sure of all the stuff that's up in his head...so I still get surprised now and again.

I really hope everyone has a chance to find their Mr. Or Mrs. Right - I think there's someone that's just right for everyone. We sometimes do silly things to mess it up!


CriticalMessage profile image

CriticalMessage 4 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

Make it sociology, psychology, music trivia and world history for me Alex.. All from a guy who is one of them there self taught high level internet carrying fiber optic guru guys who is a reformed "Yippie" (which is a younger generation of "Hippie" born between 1957-1962, also known as Gen X).. I like studying all us people freaks and sharing simple little perspectives that MOST men are unwilling to discuss, or admit to... Like this whole girly guy thing... Are people really that lame that they can't figure out human nature?... lol... Girl, mmm,,, me like girl a lot,,, thump... me take girl home... ah.. the good ole days...


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Great tips, Kelly, for young folks. Here's a tip for women who are older. I asked an unattached senior male friend of mine what he finds most attractive in a woman. He said, 'She can drive at night.'

Who knew?


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Well Kelly, if I found Mr. Right at my age...he'd be too old for me :) Now, I know this hub is for younger people and you have really written an article that needs to be read by all of them. It's marvelous.

I remember back in my dating days...I was really stupid. It took me a long time to learn to just be myself. I wasn't a good listener back then either.

You and your hubby are such a magical couple. You are both blessed to have each other. You truly are a RealHousewife! Up and more-share.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Kelly...this is GREAT! I absolutely love it. I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I'd have her memorize this! Your questions are hysterical...can't wait to see what the men vote!!

Don't need a boyfriend.....Jim might get a bit miffed! tee hee.......Too old to even "think" about the old dating scene and would never ever want to be there again......BUT....none of this stopped me from reading this and I'm really glad I did!! Very entertaining! UP++


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Kelly,

Once I read that first sentence, I knew I was going to enjoy this article!

Can I just say that you like nailed this head on? It was impeccable! This should be posted on every girl's fridge, on sticky notes in their lockers, or bathroom mirror, etc. You get my point! :)

Everything you said was so true, the polls were hilarious, I can't think of one negative thing!

Oh, and this part, "Everyone knows a guy does not want to have to think too hard to figure a woman out. They move on to the next one if the puzzle is too complex."

Exactly, so very true! You know men better than we know ourselves, ROFL! :)

Awesome hub Kelly, very amusing and enjoyable read!


mollymeadows profile image

mollymeadows 4 years ago from The Shire

"One guy said, "It's awful if she opens her mouth and sounds like a beast!"

ROFL...This is the takeaway from the whole article for me, RH.

Note to self: Eat with mouth closed. Do not chomp or grunt!


Kyricus profile image

Kyricus 4 years ago from Ohio

I loved the hub, and generally pretty accurate. The only problem with it I had was...BEIBER!... I almost stopped reading at that pic. LOL

Also on the looks factor, it's certainly not only us guys that are attracted by eye candy.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Great advice! I hope I never need it again. After my divorce I did a lot of dating and I just didn't like it. So many guys in my age group just don't take care of themselves. I have already decided that if this one doesn't work, I am going to stay single which is something I don't really mind. This is a really fun hub!


WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

I noticed some red flag here.

1. Men are attracted to women who are certain of themselves. - This is a sure sign of an unrealistic self image.

2. Neither of the sexes should start dating unless they are emotionally stable. - Follow this advice and be doomed to being alone. If you reach a point where you are sure you are stable, you are delusional.

3. You don't have to pretend to like every thing he likes, - But, it goes a long way

4.Do you enjoy concerts? Apply for a job at a concert hall part time. - Or, work as a paralegal for a divorce lawyer.

5.Men, while most pretend not to understand women, they are way smarter than we give them credit for. - Of course you are probably thinking in comparison to a sea slug.

6.If you want something from a guy - take the short route - ask him! - Do like my wife. Don't ask . . . tell him. The tiny lady is surrounded by boys. This merely piques her instinct to dominate. We all keep the seat down.

I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty to offer another perspective. At least you know I didn't skim the piece.


Mellonyy profile image

Mellonyy 4 years ago

I was impressed by your hub and still wondering is it true that men like confident women. I'd rather think they are afraid of them. Voted up!


dwachira profile image

dwachira 4 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

How very true, why can't we just learn what women want other than guessing, i agree men are attracted to women who are certain of themselves. Voted up and interesting.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Naimishika - th ank you! Yeah some guys love smaller ladies and I have had guys tell me I am too thin. I think I am average but that is just me. I have heard plenty of guys who like a lady with meat on her bones:) lol It really is individual...I think the brain has taste buds!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

hahaha Critical Message you are cracking me up! lol Yeah reminds me of an old (bad) joke I heard about why cave men drag women around by their hair rather than their feet:) lol

Oh ...I was born in 1967 so what kind of "ippy" am I? lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

hahaha! Drbj! That is hilarious! I can't drive at night!!! haha

Thank you so much - that is hilarious!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Vocalcoach! No there is no man you are too old for - you are young in your heart, mind and looks! LOL

Yeah when I was a young girl - we didn't have internet or cable television - things were so different. We only had Glamour and Cosmo for advice - and boy were they wrong a lot! LOL That is where people used to give out all that "be mysterious!" advice or "don't tell him what you are really thinking - say this~" haha I really found out that guys are pretty straight forward and simple. If you make things too complex - they move on to simpler territories!

Thanks so much - I am so grateful that I met my husband. I still think about how many ways our relationship could have gone - and am glad we always stuck together. One thing we did promise to each other is that we would always try to work things out and talking saved us many times. Silly things too - but I found that even if I feel silly for being mad about something it is way better to tell him "I know you may not understand this but this is how I feel"...he responds very well to that. I have a great life and I hope everyone finds their soul mate!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Paula! I have 3 daughters! ugh! I do lots of "boy" talk at home:) lol Only one is old enough to have a BF - she's 23 but I do like her guy. He is a financial analyst, owns his own car and house and he is SO sweet to her. For Christmas - I could tell he put a ton of thought into her gifts and I thought that was the sweetest thing. Some of the things she and I talk about are ^ there - like being yourself. Everyone has good and bad parts and they must be dealt with from time to time but honesty is #1 - even when it hurts!

Thanks so much and both of us are glad then we don't have to be part of the dating scene anymore! Been there, done that and kissed lots of frogs! EW!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Josh! Thank you so much! I had to date a lot of guys to figure this stuff out! LOL Seriously, I was always super open and honest with guys and that always worked best. I found out that guys like you to cut to the chase - tell them exactly what you mean cuz they don't want to use their time figuring out unsolved mysteries! lol

My husband and I were talking about how girls get mad at guys for things like "he doesn't buy me flowers" well if you don't tell him how is he supposed to know you would like that? Me for instance - I didn't like that Dave isn't always thoughtful that way - but I don't bitch about it! I take his credit card = go to the florist and buy the prettiest bunch I can find and then I call him and say "dang Dave thanks so much for the flowers you just bought me I LOVE them!" hahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Mollymeadows! that is funny isn't it? I died laughing when I saw that. I really didn't realize how much guys pay attention to table manners and stuff - that is one point that came up a few times. I mean I guess I just thought most of the time it's the guys with table manner issues but apparently some ladies need to pay closer attention too!

hahaha LMA "do not chomp or grunt"...hahahaha


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

HAHA, ROFL, That is freakin' hilarious Kelly! Maybe Dave should hide his credit card? Maybe I should give some much needed advice, although that would ruin your plans! LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Kyricus - that's hilarious! I couldn't find another song title Boyfriend! LOL I have 3 girls and I even had to GO to a concert! I wore ear plugs though - and texted the whole time to block it out! LOL

Oh so true - and some people are too focused on looks! And that is ironic because good looks are fleeting...and you have to have mutual attraction though. That is why I say too - not to try to hard because you have to have mutual attraction or it isn't "Mr. Right". So even for people who think - "looks aren't important" they are to a degree. Very important but - it's not the full Nelson.

When I first met my husband - he walked away and I told my girlfriend, "I don't think I like that guy - he is kind of an asshole." hahahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Nope I don't mind - your comments tell a lot about you!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Tammy! Thanks and yeah seriously I am so glad I don't have to date anymore. It is really nice having someone I know I will be with forever. It was hard work to find that guy though - YES! haha I also had a divorce so I know what didn't work for me too. Live and learn - !


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Mellonyy - thank you so much! I really appreciate that.

I did think that guys feared confident women. I was surprised but so many times - guys report they do. I am a bit confused by it - I am very confident though and my husband said he liked that about me a lot. Now mabe it is one of those things were there can be a fine line too - like maybe over confident would be more scary.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi dwachira - thank you! I appreciate the votes and read so much!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I'd hate to have to go out and get a new one. I'd given up on meeting the right one until I happened upon Al. That was 26 years ago. I think if we ever broke up I would opt for staying single.

Great hub Kelly!!! Interesting comments too :)


Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas

I always heard that when a guy goes on a date, from his perspective, that is just what it is...a date. On the other hand, from the woman's perspective, he's getting a job interview! LOL! Nice work, Kelly...right between the eyes. BTW...I always had one primary filter that turne switch on or off...the small nuance that forms the curavature on the inner side of the leg between the knee and the lower leg muscle...if that curvature was missing...I was too! Strange how little things play such big roles. WB


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yeah Josh one of my friends was over and she said, "I wish my husband was more like Dave you always have fresh flowers!" I was like he doesnt buy those! I do with his cash:) haha I'm all about not expecting another person to fulfill my wishes- I'm a go out and get what I want kinda girl:) lol


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

It's so funny, Kelly, that the one man I've met since my life turned upside down 2 years ago, that I actually relate to, loves the fact that I am who I am and don't sugar-coat it. He laughs when I get pissed and say it just like I feel it. No lectures ensue since he understands...he gets me. I'm not looking for a relationship, as I like living alone and calling my own shots, with the freedom to not pretend. It's ironic to me, that all the years of playing Stepford Wife got me nothin' but not knowing who I was and disliking the men that insisted I be who they wanted. I'm stubborn, though, and it took hitting rock bottom to get real. My wallet is much thinner, but the important aspects of my life are much richer. Don't get me wrong, nothings perfect and cold hard cash has it's place, too. (LOL) Love your article and writing style, Kelly.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Amy! Yeah you sound so much like me! I had been divorced once and it was hard. I was way too young at 22 to be married. Things were very different then though. My first marriage did teach me what I could NOT live with. I learned it was better to be single and by myself then to deal with some habits with others addictions. You can't FIX someone no matter how much or how deeply you love them.

So going into it the second round - I was fine moving just slow...lol...and I knew if he couldn't accept me for everything I am and that I'm not - it would never work. Hard cold honesty IS what works and makes the basis of a strong foundation. Being able to say - there are ugly things about me that I know you don't like because I don't like them - that isn't a weakness it's a strength. I see far too many people who make the mistake of feeling like they MUST be right all the time. It's ok to be wrong. It makes us human. I think people are relieved when they can drop the guards and admit that stuff.

Thank so much for your kind comments and compliments Amy B:)


sholland10 profile image

sholland10 4 years ago from Southwest Missouri

Kelly, this is great advice. I am with Susan - I'd sure hate to have to do it again and break in another one... LOL Sounds like I was a manipulator, but I wasn't, just young and stupid (both of us). It is like we grew up together.

I love what Wayne said about it being a date for a guy and a job interview for the girl. That has some truth in it. LOL

WTH... WD Curry... lighten up and look around the world.

Oh, I hate it when I see girls playing games or vise versa. Just being real as you say is the best way. Stay away from that negative behavior because it won't stop.

This is an excellent hub. Votes and shares!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much Susan as always for your support:)

Wayne Brown is the best...a cowboy who writes the best poetry ever! Multitalented and funny too! It is no wonder he is hitched!

Yeah I don't go for the game playing. I can see why some guys get so confused - I know with my husband I can't expect him to just telepathically know what I want and I HAVE to tell him! If I don't - he isn't going to guess! So if I want something I don't hint about it - I say "hey I feel like you are not paying enough attention to me - let's go have a night out"...I don't expect him to know how I feel all the time. I know a lot of girls who will just sit around having the little pity party thinking "he doesn't show me he loves me! I think I will sulk until he figures it out!" haha Keep sulking - it will chase him right out the door. Really.

Thanks again - you're the best!


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Great advice, hon, but how does this help me????? I am pretty satisfied with the boyfriend I currently have. LOL

Always enjoy your hubs, Kelly; great job!


Twixmixy profile image

Twixmixy 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

"Don't play games and expect to win. A mature relationship is not a game. Life is hard enough playing things straight forward. You want a partner and a friend you can trust first."

That's the truth! Establishing trust and very open and honest communication has been the key in my relationship.


carol7777 profile image

carol7777 4 years ago from Arizona

I don't need a new boyfriend..and I hope never, but enjoyed this hub and you did a great job.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

haha! I know! So funny - I get lots of comments from guys and I know not one of them is actively looking for a new BF! hahaha

Thanks for showing your support as always Bill! Your da best!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

It is....I know people say it all the time and don't really understand what that means. When I say be honest I mean about everything, how you really feel or if you have another BF or GF? lol And it really is the simplest route to getting what you want. Even if it feels childish...I have said to my husband before "I know this sounds very immature but I feel that...." and we work things out. He is a lot happier knowing what I am truly upset or bothered about than walking on eggshells trying to guess what could be up inside my head! lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi carol! Well thank you so much for reading and taking your time to leave me a smile and a comment! I hope you stay satisfied with your situation too then - sounds like you are content!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

aaww...you made me all mushy at the end Kelly.

The beginning was hilarious and actually just reading the title made me feel that a hub coming from kelly with such a title gotta be funny yet with a meaningful ending.

wishing you and dave lots of years of peace and blissful togetherness...cheers!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

Great advice! But not for me....not yet! Just kidding. You have laid it so goiod! You need to write another hub, in how to get a boyfriend, for the third age. I read Tammy's response, and there are so many unhappy outcomings. Thanks for sharing with the ladies, who still have hope.


cclitgirl profile image

cclitgirl 4 years ago from Western NC

Sound advice! You could start a "RealHousewife - Keeping It Real" column. Haha. I so agree with you, too. I couldn't fathom slathering on the make-up like other girls did and still don't wear it, except like once a year. LOL. Awesome!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Ruchira! You know I gotta get my laughs in but I do hope to impart some useful advice too:) lol. My husband loves my sense of humor...and it does help all the time to be able to laugh. Life is hard and couples should think about how they can make life better for each other. And we all do dumb things so it's right to forgive:)

I am a very happy wife...and I honestly will say we had hard times but we just worked together - not against each other with blame and doubt. Our saving grace was being human and not perfect:)

Thanks so much and like you need advice! Ha! Lol. I bet your husband keeps you chained inside so you can't ever leave!


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Well said RHW :)


Mr Love Doctor profile image

Mr Love Doctor 4 years ago from Puerto Rico

"Be REAL ladies. You don't have to pretend to like every thing he likes, or take up guitar lessons because he plays. Men love women that have their own interests and hobbies." Amen, amen, amen! Us guys LOVE a woman who has her own life and isn't just sitting around reading the National Enquirer or Poptart. This article is great, although I really take umbrage at the line about most guys being afraid of commitment. This is one of the commonest fallacies out there. I actually wrote a whole Hub about it, if you care to look. If not, suffice it to say that men and women come at commitment very differently, but men are just as eager as women to commit to a good relationship. Anyhoo, great Hub, better than most, so thanks!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you Ruchira my dear:)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thank you so much Mr. Love Doctor! I am glad to hear you think that you think more guys would like to commit. I really think that many guys don't even realize how much they do want to commit until they meet just the right girl. Then I think a lot of them realize what they have been missing! lol Then you know how the story goes - ! He can't and won't live without her! LOL

I do think more and more both men and women are finding that marriage is a whole animal nowdays! I think personally people are much more willing to commit and looking for that - you know? I do feel though that way more men are being honest about really wanting to have a special girl. For a while - it wasn't cool for a guy to show any dependance on a girl. The tough guy was in! Now I think most of the ladies will agree that we like a guy that is shows a little sweetness - and we want him to have loved his mother:) LOL

Thanks and I'd love to check out your work Doc! lol


midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

Wow. Forwarding this to someone I know who has had a nervous breakdown because she can't seem to get a guy. This will show her what to do! Really sound, real advice!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh dear midget - tell her that there are so many women who are having nervous breakdowns BECAUSE of the man in their life! LOL

I think some gals just try too hard. I swear the only time I ever met a decent man - I wasn't looking for him - he just appeared some how, naturally in my path. My husband - I met him at work. I know many couples meet that way and it makes sense if you think about it - it is an obvious common interest and it is one way that you get to know someone truly much better. I did think my husband was cute - but I never thought we would be involved or get married!

It was really honestly knowing him - I realized after about a year that I was really looking forward to seeing him Monday thru Friday...I was driving to work and realized I was thinking about what crazy thing he would do to make me laugh when I got there. Then I started thinking about how much I would miss that!!! Oooops! I liked him more than I thought! LOL Now...20 years later! ha! I was 25 then....!

Thanks midget and tell your friend - don't worry about a dude. Concentrate on doing things she love and one day she will look up and some guy will be standing there....waiting to meet her!


Dannytaylor02 profile image

Dannytaylor02 4 years ago from United Kingdom, Liverpool

It's easy for girls to find a boyfriend cause its the guys that are expected to initiate everything!

Feel sorry for us shy ones ;(


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

That is sort of true Dannytaylor - but there are many ways to intiate even a conversation with a girl you think is cute. If I were a shy guy (and btw lots of girls are attracted to the guys that are shy!) I would try to focus on a simple "hello..." and let it go from there. I think poor guys just don't know what to say without coming off like a perv and they make too much of it and try to come up with clever lines. I used to know they said that to all the girls though:) hahaha

If I want to talk to anyone...I pick out whatever it was that interested me about them and bring it right up. Say I see a woman has a cute purse or jacket...I would say "oh that is really cute!" I realize a guy can't say that but you get my point. If it was her chest you might try "hey love that shirt!" ahahahaha lol

If you say any little thing..."hi"...that opens the door. "how's it going?" ...."are you a friend of Ricks?"...."oh you aren't! (surprise!) I am sorry you looked so familiar - I am Dan,"....lol


Twixmixy profile image

Twixmixy 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

Dannytaylor, a lot of the time it really comes down to just being interested in that person, as a person. If you really want to get to know them and find out more about their life the questions will be there. How do you get to know your guy friends? You ask them questions or tell stories about your life! Put out of your mind the possibility of talking to a cute girl, or wanting to be with her, or whatever.

Just take time and allow yourself to have a real interest in others as you meet and get to know them. Sure, it could be awkward to ask questions. But sometimes it's just as simple as asking how their day was, if anything exciting happened, if their workload has been hard lately, etc. Intentionality is key! But also allow the conversation to unfold :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Thanks so much Twixmixy and yeah I agree! I do think also the key is "it can be awkward" but once you get past that first word - it usually gets easier. Girls are taught to look confident and hide their feelings of nervousness (it isn't lady like) we are trained to be looking cool when a cute guy is around. The girl just gets the attention and is sort of supposed to wait for the guy to speak to her first. It isn't as bad as it used to be - girls are learning it's fine for them to walk up and say hello to a guy too. For the most part though - it's still "girl waits politely for guy to approach". Don't kid yourself though - the girls are just as nervous and hoping they won't screw up the conversation saying something dumb! LOL

And trying new things can be hard but whatever your goal - it is only a new thing once - so if you jump that hurdle the first time - next time will be SO much easier!


Twixmixy profile image

Twixmixy 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

Great key: "it can be awkward"

In actuality, it WILL be awkward. You just have to understand that life is not like the movies. There can be awkward pauses. There can be things said that aren't all suave. Just be real. It's endearing and comforting.


Dannytaylor02 profile image

Dannytaylor02 4 years ago from United Kingdom, Liverpool

Cheers ladies I'll try to take on board what you say, looks like you lovely ladies know what your talking about so I'd be a fool not to :)


melbel profile image

melbel 4 years ago from New Buffalo, Michigan

These are some awesome tips. I totally agree with you, especially on the trying really hard thing. I don't like that in a guy AT ALL, it's really irritating, so I can imagine men not really liking that in women.

You should write a hub like this for men... ways to get a girlfriend (or something), I bet you could offer some advice from the woman's perspective. I have some pet peeves with things some guys do to attract women... my friends also have similar gripes. I wouldn't mind sharing those gripes with you if you write another awesome dating hub like this!

-Melanie


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Twixmixy - yeah I am so excited! I keep telling a single friend - don't look for a guy too hard - I swear keep yourself busy and happy and you'll meet a good guy when you aren't paying attention.

She met a guy! Ta da! And they have been dating two weeks now - having a fabulous time together and it's so awesome when it works out right:) I can tell they are both infatuated - he keeps texting her stuff like "turn on the radio listen to this song right now!" hahahaha love is in the air! Love it!

Have a great day!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey smart women are invaluable to a guy - well you know what they say "behind every good man there stands a good woman!" hahaha

Really it takes two dynamic people that share some common goals - I figure there are probably a few perfect people for each living soul - you just gotta find your mating wild cards:) lol


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

RealHousewife, what an interesting topic: "How to get a new boyfriend."

In the beginning of this year I've decided to find myself a new boyfriend - I'll have to hub my approach, but to make a long story short, I actually 'interviewed' one after the other until I met #8, Mr Fantastic. He managed to meet my requirements of an ideal partner. We did not 'fall' in love; we grew in love and every day deeper. After 4 months still together, truly enjoying each other's company.

I've voted this hub of yours up to the stars - every word to be taken to heart.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Martie - that is so cool! I like the idea of interviewing...why not? I mean cut to the chase! lol

I do think there is a lot to letting things grow slowly though - I did work with my husband for a whole year before we ever dated. It was through that gradual process I realized how much fun we were having together.

Thanks so much for your comments, reading time and votes:)


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 4 years ago from Hemet, Ca

You say it like it is Real... and you definately keep it real. I think the biggest thing is.... and what often people forget, is if you want to be in a serious relationship, this person needs to be your best friend. If anybody else takes that place, than the relationship isn't going to last. Don't get me wrong - I have what I call my female besties... but when it comes to my best friend - my husband tops the list - especially when he is doing dishes! :)


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

This so needs to be in Cosmo. Their advice on men/women relations are usually stupid and ineffective. It's all about how we can exploit ourselves in a new way to catch a new guy. Who needs that crap? In the beginning of our relationship, Michael and I agreed, "NO GAMES!" It has served us well for these last four and a half years and I'm sure it's what keeps us together.

Great! Up, useful, awesome, interesting! Girl, you gotta get this in print!

:)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I do agree Stacy - totally. My husband is my "go to" guy. I'd trust his advice and opinion over any one else's. I feel that is priority too - I do put him first. And if a woman didnt - as a wife, I'd think there was a respect issue. Yeah I'd bet my husband would be upset if he found out that I didn't put him and his feelings first!

Hey you know me - I dig a man who will wash my floors or do the dishes:). That's a big bonus! Lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey MO! I'm so not surprised - you are so smart. And both you and Michael would be way too intelligent to be gamers. It's true too and why I do not and have not read cosmo or glamour in years. It's ridiculous - the things they say you need to do to get a man interested in you! You be YOU and if it's the right guy - he's gonna see you:). If he doesn't - then wait for that guy that does...you can't transform yourself into being attractive to a person if they aren't interested.

People should rely more on instincts - there are many things at work when love is in the air - pheromones and things you can't see. We think it's like "love at first sight"....it's the laws of attraction. People do some foolish stuff to screw it up though. How many times have you heard advice like "don't be too available"......huh? What are ya half available? Lmao. The sad thing is - young girls buy those and it screws them up! Lol. Love isn't as dramatic as all that....it's a wonderful friendship with deep respect and gratitude:)


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

Amen to that! That's why WE need to talk to our girls and teach them what life and love are really about. If we let the media raise them, we're screwed!!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

You are right MO and kids ten to believe everything they read on the internet! I have told my kids SO many times - just because it is on the internet - you can't trust it! In fact - you better check three times! lol


lindsay123 profile image

lindsay123 4 years ago from Philippines

majority of men usually go for looks. they could easily forget a good and nice girl when they see someone who is better looking. They easily fall for someone who also shows affection to them first... that's what i personally observe in men...


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Lindsay - I bet your write with younger guys especially. I think guys that are in their upper 20's and 30's - they stop being as picky and realize that living with a pretty lady is nice but if she ain't nice - it's not pretty! lol I do think men are more shallow in the teens and the quest for a 10 is almost innate:) Sadly...girls are like that too though - I have heard so many females say things like "oh he is NOT cute enough!" - like that is important?! haha


lindsay123 profile image

lindsay123 4 years ago from Philippines

agree, both would really go for looks especially if still at a young age..


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

It isn't very smart to go for looks either - they fade so what's left then? I think the wise guys start to realize the woman you settle down with - better have a little more going for her than "pretty":) lol Unless she can make money in the movie or model business - it really isn't worth squat.

When you sit down in the evening with the person you live with - it's nice to be able to talk about your day, laugh, chat or plan for future life events. It's being able to relate verbally and mentally that gets you through the days and tough times. Pretty is as pretty does, you know? Not very helpful or practical.

People are very much like that though - it's human nature to some extent. I saw this news special once - they took men and women that looked just like the model type and men and women that were less attractive and had them stage a scene where they dropped papers all over the ground. Guess what? Way more people stopped to help "pretty" people. I have also heard that it is natures design for all babies of all the species to be born adorable and cute because it makes the parent want to take care of that baby. Interesting food for thought. I suppose though, it's a really good thing that we all have different taste buds and what one things is ugly is another persons idea of beautiful!


Anil and Honey profile image

Anil and Honey 4 years ago from Kerala

Dear hubber your subject is very romantic and attractive.Through this hub I collects tricks of writing. Nice I like your beautiful language, thanks for sharing


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Uh huh...thank you very much for typing here!


MickeySr profile image

MickeySr 3 years ago from Hershey, Pa.

RealHousewife ~ would it be delightful if the way to get a boyfriend was to be a good girlfriend (and vice versa) - but, it is tricky business to have the genetic predisposition you have, grow-up in your parent's home, and come through all the life experiences that you come through, and then hook-up and share your life with someone who has their own genetic predisposition, grew-up in their parent's home, and come through all the life experiences that they come through . . . and all in the midst of romantic intoxication, and be able to get along well. I thanks God all the time that I met my girlfriend when she was 14 and I was 15 . . . and we're now nearing 60.

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