How to get a life of your own separate from your relationship with your partner, spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend

Losing yourself

Do you think you may be losing yourself in your relationship? Are you more concerned about your partner’s life than you are about yours? Constantly worrying about their thoughts, whereabouts and what makes them happy without necessarily it making you happy? If so, than it may be time to put the focus back on you and find positive ways of building a life of your own.

The reasons why you need to put the focus on your life, is that sooner or later you might become resentful toward your partner, you will start experiencing feelings of depression because you are not feeling fulfilled within yourself, and eventually your relationship will suffer and more importantly so will you.



5 ways to live life for you!

Here are 5 ways that can help you to begin the process of living life for you.

1- Put some healthy space between you and your significant other.

2- Do not isolate. Re-establish your relationships with your friends and family, you probably have lost touch since becoming consumed with your significant other.

3- Get involved in activities that will empower you such as taking a class on a subject that interest you, exercising (join a gym), volunteer for a good cause. Finding a hobby also helps a great deal, try crafting or painting.

4- Find some quiet time to do some soul searching, meditating, and perhaps even a journal.

5- If you are caught in the grips of confusion and find it difficult to implement positive behaviors in your life, it may help to speak with a trained therapist or maybe even consider joining a support group.


Who we are

It is important to have a healthy life of your own separate from the life with your partner. Along with the interest and common ground you have with your mate, an individual should also have there own thoughts, likes, dislikes, interest, values, opinions, etc. It’s what makes us who we are and helps build our self esteem.

Our individual traits bring to the table the other part of what makes a relationship a whole. Allowing us to learn from one another and be amazed while at the same time being fulfilled with who we are as one.

Not into each others keeping


“Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each others keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.


And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each others shadow”.

Kahil Gibran



Comments 17 comments

msorensson profile image

msorensson 7 years ago

I am friends with many men, not romantic relationships but friendships. Married men, divorced men, men who have never married. They are almost always successful career men.

They find me to be "one of them" in terms of thinking, thanks to my father who took me everywhere as a "buddy" when I was little before I became a teenager.

The common requirements of all these men, I find, is that the women who are able keep them are those that have their own "thing", be it a career, full time motherhood, a hobby.

The keep the men because those women are able to stand separate, whole, and complete without the men. Truly in their lives men are "desserts" not the full meal.


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 7 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

Thanks for a great hub and great advice. Thanks for sharing. creativeon59


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 7 years ago from NYC Author

Glad you enjoyed creativeone. I appreciate your comment!


Has_aWayWithWords profile image

Has_aWayWithWords 6 years ago from United States

Great hub, I, like you have been through a lot and picked myself up from it each time. I have gone through some of wht you describe in some of your hubs and it is geat to know people can overcome negative things in life. Keep up the work I look forward to reading more of your hubs.


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 6 years ago from NYC Author

Has_away, Thank you for your kind comment. You too, keep up the good work!


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

nice one, HAVE A LIFE,,,that's it so that you can have confidence and feel fulfilled apart from your other half,

Thanks and they are nice advice BTW, Maita


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 6 years ago from NYC Author

Prettydarkhorse, thank you for the nice comment. Having confidence is so important.


trose 6 years ago

Right on the money...great hub. If we can't completely love ourselves, how can we fully love others? Everyone needs to "find" themselves and discover their many hidden gifts and talents that are just waiting to take bloom. Allow your wings to grow so that you can take flight and soar like an eagle. Love you hubs. :)


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 6 years ago from NYC Author

Nicely said trose, thank you!


brianzen profile image

brianzen 6 years ago

Just re reading this and yes it was a very insightful hub. I myself spend far to much time seeking my partners opinions and she would be thrilled if I would just let her be. Hope you and the twins are doing well. Brian


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 6 years ago from NYC Author

Brian, a pleasure to have you come by and re read my hub. I'm sure you and your partner will sort things out, you certainly care enough to work at it and that is a good thing. Me and the twins are well, very kind of you to ask. :-)


Anthea Carson profile image

Anthea Carson 5 years ago from Colorado Springs

This is a great hub, great advice and very important. I did this myself when I finally realized that I was carrying this codependant behavior of not having my own life from one relationship to the next. I forced myself to "get a life." Now I have a life and my husband is included in it, but my life does not revolve around him. Excellent hub, important subject and voted up indeed!


Madison22 profile image

Madison22 5 years ago from NYC Author

Thank you for your comment, Anthea!


Jess 4 years ago

You know, advice like this sounds all fine and dandy in *theory,* but no one ever explains how exactly young people are suppose to establish their relationships and form a solid bond with their partner while "being laid back" and "having space." Space is still a distance, and disconnect breeds from distance. How many relationships end because each "partner" realized that the confines of monogamy weren't worth it if "partner" is just a label and not a lifestyle.

In the long run: yes, you need to have a well-rounded life outside of your partner. But don't ignore the reality that women are only fertile for x-amount of time, and you don't want to live with a stranger for a decade before realizing it's too late. It's NORMAL to be inseparable for years, and you SHOULD be inseprable. You will have plenty of time for distance in the throws of careers and children.


bizna profile image

bizna 3 years ago from NAIROBI - KENYA

Very true, a life of your own is important. If you are so much tied around your partner you miss out on a lot of issues. Socializing with your friends is a good way of catching up with what's new, which might even be helpful to both you and your spouse. Very important.


vill-ery 2 years ago

I want to thank this post for clarifying what has been on my mind. My constant need for my girlfriends attention is slowing pushing her away. Don't want that at all. I feel if i just keep following this advice things will get better. Currently trying my best. Thank you again.


sujaya venkatesh profile image

sujaya venkatesh 14 months ago

a useful hub

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