Teen Angst: Losing "It"...What Happens After You Lose Your Virginity
Okay, You’ve Lost Your Virginity
It's a big misconception that losing your virginity means you'll always be sexually active with:
- Your last sexual partner
- The next person you're in a casual or serious relationship with
- All future dates or hook ups
Put those lies to bed, and live by this:
You still own Your body... and you can use it as YOU please.
Celebrate the fact you can choose all of your future sexual partners without pressure or guilt, because everybody ( including you ) runs their own show.
First: Shake off any resentment about losing your virginity.
A lot of people dwell on past mistakes, especially when it comes to sex.
Don't fall into the shame and sorrow circuit.
What's done is done . . . live and learn . . . consider yourself a minute older and wiser . . . then move on.
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Whether you decide to reclaim your sexuality, slow down the sexual progression of the relationship, or had a great experience and want more . . . remember . . . realistically, sex, even in its most basic forms, like back room make out sessions, can change our emotional bond to another person.
This is important information because your first sexual partner may have feelings toward you, even if it's only along the caveman level of . . . "Me did it, and Me want more."
And . . . they will try to get more, but if sex is not what you want, stand firm in a nice way.
Anything less than firm will send the signal you can be persuaded to change your mind.
~ Being Firm In A Nice Way Means:
- never saying you're sorry.
- looking the person in the eye.
~ Know The Power of Words
- I think means your decision is on the table.
- I thought means the decision has been made.
- Not sure can mean uncertainty .
- Maybe means you could be persuaded.
Here's our friend, Alex, not being firm and projecting uncertainty:
Alex stared at the floor. "I'm really sorry. I don't think I'm ready for sex, and I'm not sure I want to do it again. Maybe one day we can try this again. Are you sure you're not mad?"
Here's Alex being firm:
Alex looked Jamie in the eyes. "I really thought I was ready to have sex, but now I know I wasn't. I want to take things slow from now on."
If Jamie is okay with Alex's wishes, it would be nice to praise Jamie's support with something like,
"Thanks for being understanding."
Now, Take Some Time To Think About What You Want In Life
Sex comes with a whole lot of emotional and physical baggage.
If you decide to continue being sexually active . . . or not, it's best to have a plan so you don't get caught empty handed.
Condoms are the safest bet around.
They come in all sizes, fun colors, and textures.
They are the only method of birth control that prevents sexually transmitted diseases that can:
make you crazy,
and or make your skin crawl.
These are just some of the complications of AIDS, Syphilis, And Herpes.
And guys and girls... oral sex without a condom/barrier does not prevent any of the above diseases, all it would take is an open wound or sore in the hot spots.
Condoms also prevent pregnancy. They're an all around best friend.
Beyond condom use are other methods best discussed with a physician.
It's also best to bring your parents into the picture. Yes it's hard, but watch for the Teen Angst series on ways to communicate with them. You can do it.
Until then, take your time, and trust your instincts.
If being with someone feels wrong, then it wasn't meant to be for now.
When it feels right, you will know it.
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