Can We Get An End Date?

Should couples be able to end marriage before they get married?

Newly married? Or, have you been married for several years? Another question ~ Is there ever a time you looked at your current spouse and thought , 'Did I really marry this person? Is he, or she, the man, or woman I want to spend the rest of my life with?

That exact premise is what Mexico most likely is basing its new proposed law on. What possible law you ask? If you've not heard about this proposal, get in line to learn more! The newly proposed law will allow couples who will be married, or who have been married for at least two years, to decide whether or not their union should stay intact, or if it should simply end. Mexico has divorce rates close to 60% and needed to come up with something.

How could it work when often, in legal divorce proceedings, there are arguments about alimony, custody, child support, etc. It is very overwhelming and defeating to both people involved. Before marrying partners ever took vows, both parties would have to sign an agreement, determining general areas covered in divorce proceedings. So if later, upon reflection , the couple decided to call it Splitsville, they'd have no reason to go to court and the marriage would just end. Simply end as if it had never been.

Is this crazy or what?

Some ask, if the couple chooses to end their marriage, wouldn't that just be like a divorce? Doesn't '2-1=1', translated, when two people end 1 union, doesn't that mean there is 1 broken relationship?

NPR Radio, out of Alabama, had this story on its broadcast a few days back. I was sitting on the bed, of course reading hub pages, and after listening to the broadcast, I had to chuckle. I chuckled because I just knew 'She' was looking down on the world, into Alabama, and shaking her head. 'She'd' made the world so men and women could join together, procreate and live in peace and harmony. Mexico's law, proposed or not, was against Her wisdom and ways. (So yes, I am having a chuckle now thinking about the expressions my refering to that higher power as She might be getting! But don't get in a spin, things are constantly changing these days, hence marriage as well!)

So despite the fact that Mexico may be a most liberal country, up on allowing legalized abortions and giving same sex marriages the go ahead, marriage as an institution shouldn't be a contracted union. Two people are supposed to enter into a union with love, expectation, and openness; with a willingness to work extraordinarily hard to succeed.

So how does a couple stay together, like the grandfathers and grandmothers we read, or hear about from family members who know their stories? It won't hurt to take a look at what makes a marriage a lasting one.

Marriage is an art. It is a piece of work that is constantly seen as different in the eyes of one looking in. Seemingly effortless, it is like the Mona Lisa in that it can be timeless as a compositon belieing what most come to know a marital relationship as. Yet, with all this said, it is hard work, a union of two people different in every aspect who decide to come together as one. In this time we live in, it is not just heterosexual, it is also same sex.

When entering into this union, there are five important attributes needed to make the relationship rock solid and whole. Without these, the relationship withers and falls away, becoming a good candidate for that proverbial 'end date' Mexico may soon put in place.

Self Awareness

Or Self Love. When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see an individual with high self esteem? Is the person you see one who has challenged his/herself to be a better person? Is the person seen in control of their affairs, financially, mentally, emotionally, physically? Being aware of who you are, knowing your strengths and weakness, knowing you can take care of self in a pinch make you a strong candidate for marriage. By being the latter, your partner grasps the mature man, or woman you are within and knows they can trust and count on you. They know you will respect them for knowng their own boundaries and limitations.

Friendship

Marriage is not only a union, it is a friendship, two people coming together because they genuinely like each other. As friends, you want to know what his thoughts are, you want to figure out what her most favorite dish is and together a stroll at the park followed by a picnic on the grass happens to be THE popular destination with the two of you. Being friends sometimes gets one sided, and no doubt there will be disagreements, but true marriage partners who are friends will understand sometimes you have to agree to disagree and go on with life. True friendship within the union garners respect, aids the growth of loyalty, and elicits a level of satisfaction that lets you both know you 'got the right one, baby!'

Spirituality

Many will try to convince you that you have to be equally yoked, or of the same religious belief as the individual you jump the broom with. Possibly that is true, but even if each person in the marriage is of a different religious persuasion, the tie that binds them together is a level of spirituality. It is what underlines your togetherness with a deep connecting vibe, and makes each of you feel at peace with one another and thus the world around you. Spirituality is, of all things, the 'glue' that can hold the marriage together.

Determination

I once asked my Grandmother Sarah what made her marriage work for so many years. She told me she'd known my grandfather for a very long time, before they married in their teen years. She expressed to me there came a time when her intended's uncle became sick and he had to go to South Carolina to care for him. Before he left, my Grandfather Edward gave my grandmother a stick of gum and told her he'd be back to marry her. She never ate that stick of gum, but kept it under her pillow awaiting the day he returned. They each demonstrated determination in this simple love story shared. My grandfather was determined to be with her and so told her so by giving her that piece of gum; she was determined to marry him and so she chose not to eat that gum so he'd return. They were married for over 30 years before his death. Determination, will power, call it what you may, you;ve got to have it as part of the package to move forward in life together.

Resignation

It's just a word, yet to be resigned, to give in, to admit you aren't always the partner in the union with the answer sometimes evokes a powerlessness ego often wants not to relish. Yet resignation is a tool that is adequately used when a disagreement turns left, it is the harbinger which allows peace to slither into place when the air becomes tense. Resignation allows both parties in the marriage union to breathe, take a clear look at the situation developing and move away from hurtful words, behavior. It might even be the key which allows reflection by the partners, thus prompting ubiquitous laughter. To resign oneself, is to love your partner enough to move forward, leaving all the hurt and unhealthiness behind.

I leave you . . . with these five attributes, to love and serve each other in Her Peace!

Now can I get a witness?

Copyright © 2011 Satice James, All Rights Reserved












Comments 9 comments

ruffridyer 5 years ago from Dayton, ohio

You show good insights into making a marriage work. I do wonder if setting up a time limit to marriage is just a way for a 'player' to enjoy multiple women. It seems like a system of failer.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

Hi Satice! Very interesting hub. Another great perspective!


satice_j profile image

satice_j 5 years ago from via the Bronx, NY Author

ruffriyder, it has yet to be seen how, if passed, Mexico's pending law will pan out and affect the landscape of marriage. Maybe it will be that every country puts the same law in play, though not for players, smile. Thanx for taking a moment to read the hub. Much appreciated!


satice_j profile image

satice_j 5 years ago from via the Bronx, NY Author

Dexter, Thanks for stopping in and taking a read of this hub. Much appreciated! Peace!


jenubouka 5 years ago

Great info here. I just wish it was as difficult to get married as it is to get divorced, maybe that would help the vegas streak of marriages per say. Those five attributes should be framed in every couples home, married or not. I claim guilty of falling short on all of them from one time or another. I like that you mentioned our older generation too, we should ask more advise from them, hell if they can do it for 50 years plus maybe they got a couple of tricks we need to learn.


Eparisi679 profile image

Eparisi679 5 years ago from Maryland

I love your 5 attributes, but I think this law could be a good thing...hear me out.

If we're so worried about people being players, and the divorce rate going up...this law wouldn't do anything but bring it down. If someone doesn't want to be married, they're going to get a divorce, or simply act like they're not married. So is it OK if they stay married, but treat each other badly? They'll do whatever they want, regardless...so if they want to stay together, they'll stay together. If they want to be apart, they'll divorce or act like they're not married.

This law wouldn't change that, and if it did...then the marriage wasn't very strong to begin with.

Sorry, my opinions can be harsh. I do believe in happy marriages and sticking through the good and the bad, but I wouldn't want to be "forced" into it. If someones a player, let them be a player. They'll see the error of their ways sooner or later.


satice_j profile image

satice_j 5 years ago from via the Bronx, NY Author

Jenubouka, sadly what happens in Vegas most often does not stay there and thus bad marriages are everywhere. I agree, if it were harder for people to get married like divorced, they'd stop and think about things, really have a talk with themselves about the seriousness of the matter. It is a wonder how our grandfathers and grandmothers had marriages that lasted many years. They have such wisdom and we need to listen to what their experiences were/are. I hope others will find my hub as useful and thought provoking as you have. Much thanks for stopping in and taking a read!


Sunshyne1975 profile image

Sunshyne1975 4 years ago from California, US

Great hub, I take my marriage very seriously as should everyone that takes those solemn vows. Maybe everyone that wants to get married should instead have to go through really rigorous tests and training, like a pre marriage boot camp, just to prove how strong their love really is. lol


satice_j profile image

satice_j 3 years ago from via the Bronx, NY Author

Sunshyne1975, you have me smiling at your musing regarding a bootcamp for soon to be married couples. Marriage is one of the biggest step in life one can take and yet no one thinks beyond the honeymoon period. Bravo! Thanks for taking a moment to stop by and read this piece. I'll be stopping by to read you soon!

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