Why do men cheat?
It seems as if everyday I read the newspaper or watch the news on TV, there’s some new story on the latest celebrity or politician who was caught cheating on their spouse. The reporters are always asking the “experts” the same questions, “Why do men cheat?” and the reply is always the same, “Because they can!” to which my reply is always, F#*K THAT!
Can someone please help me understand why men really cheat? Do men really think it’s ok to be with anyone they want while they are in a relationship? Do they really think they won’t get caught? How do you make vows to love, honor and cherish and then be with someone else? How do you look into your partner’s eyes, kiss them, hold their hand and make plans for the future while knowing you cheated or are cheating on her? Do you really think its ok to do that to someone? Do you not understand how devastating this is to your partner when she finds out …and she will? If you care about your partner, why don’t you think about your actions?
I was reading viewer comments to an online article about the Sandra Bullock/Jessie James story and I was floored by some of the comments. As typical, the women commenting on the story were saddened by the events and were sympathetic with Sandra. I was shocked by some comments by the men stating that she might have “deserved” what she got because she was "probably a snob" and cheating on her would “take her down a notch or two.” Men, If you want to be with other women then tell your partner, break up or get a divorce and both of you can be free to live your own lives. Be a man that is honest and honorable and let the person that you once loved move on without experiencing the devastation that comes from cheating.
I’ve been married for 20 years and my world as I have always known it to be was rocked by my husbands “friendship” with another women. I don’t have proof that he had sex with her, but my gut instinct as well as some other things that went on during that time is telling me that he did. He says that he didn’t have sex with her, but he may as well have because the end result is the same. I no longer trust the one person who I should trust. As I type this, I’m crying because I have lost the person who I thought was my best friend. The person that I told all my secrets, hopes and dreams to and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
I have my faults but nothing that he was not aware of. I have always acted myself even when our relationship was new; I was always me with no pretense because I didn’t want to pretend to be someone else just to have a boyfriend. I’m open to trying things and believe in trying everything at least once. I have always felt that a couple should be open and honest with each other and that there should be no sexual boundaries if both are in agreement. I always did what he asked of me and enjoyed it all. I know I’m a great momma and thought I was a great wife…so what happened? I can only think that we grew apart over the years. Even if that was the case and he no longer felt the same for me as he once did. He should of simply told me that he no longer felt the same love for me so we both could move on. I find it so disrespectful and inexcusable to lie and sneak around and I would have respected him more if he had just told talked to me and told me how he felt.
We are still together, but we no longer wear our wedding bands. Although the bands are symbolic, they stand for so much to me and the day I had mine cut off was one of the worst days of my life. The poor guy cutting the ring off thought he was hurting me because I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. I don’t feel married to him anymore but I’m still holding on to the feelings of how it used to be and how much we loved each other. We have three happy, beautiful children, one who is only a year and a half so it’s a very difficult situation. I know that the right thing to do is to get a divorce and to move on, but there are many moments when it feels like it used to between us. We tried marriage counseling and after each visit, I felt worse than before the visit so we stopped going. He tells me that time will make things better but I don’t think so. I know the type of person I am and I know my limitations. I am the type of person that holds grudges! I’m also trying to keep it together because of the children, especially my baby. She loves her daddy and she wouldn’t see him as much as she does now if we were to divorce. It's hard to not think about what he did to me and us and these news stories of Tiger Woods, Jessie James, Mel Gibson, John Edwards and so on only remind me of what happened and I get angry all over again.
I feel like I’ve lost hope of every being happy again. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know what to tell my daughters anymore. Do I tell her to no longer dream about getting married and living happily ever after? Do I tell my 15 year old that the man of her dreams is just that…a dream? Do I tell her not to expect fidelity and to just accept what she can get? When my daughter asks me why men cheat…will I say, “Because they can?” I hope I'm in a better place when that question is asked because I want to believe there are still honorable, honest men in the world and I want my daughters to find that.
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