My boyfriend wants space

The “my boyfriend wants space”, problem isn’t all that unusual and there are three possibilities here:

  1. He doesn’t know what he wants
  2. He wants to date other people
  3. He is like a dear caught in the headlights (this one will take some explaining)

How to find out, which one is the reason your boyfriend wants space:

Everyone talks to someone, it’s hard to keep strong emotions bottled up inside. Guys tend to confide in one of their friends. But, it might also be a family member.

Now, you can’t walk up to this person and ask them: “Why does my boyfriend want space?” Telling you would compromise that trust. Ask the person to have a cup of coffee with you. Then ask them for “relationship advice”, share your feelings, see whether they recommend you move on or not.

To get more information you could also keep an eye on the behavior of your boyfriend. If he starts dating other people, it will be difficult to hide from you.

After some time has passed, you could consider sitting down with him and asking him to clarify his intentions.

How to deal with each of the 3 possible reasons

Before you move on decide whether you are really committed to the relationship. Do you love him? Are you willing to fight for the relationship?

1. He doesn’t know what he wants
People need to understand that love is a bit like a drug. Sometimes you need to pull back, clear your mind and take stock of the decisions, which you are making.

I recommend you don’t call him for 1 week. Then start communicating with him again. This should give him enough time to work through everything, in his head. If he doesn’t make up his mind, in a months time, then you have 2 options: leave him or push him to commit to you.

2. He wants to date other people
This is a difficult one, because you can’t force someone to love you. He might get out there and remember just why he was with you or he might not. If, he is worth it and that is a big if, go with a pull strategy rather than a push strategy. With that I mean act in a way that reminds your boyfriend, just how great you are. Do everything that a great girlfriend does. Don’t nag, threaten or get overly emotional.

3. He is like a dear caught in the headlights
Sometimes a guy will look at his life and your relationship and see his future cast in iron. He sees you getting married, getting a house with a white picket fence, 2 kids, growing old and dying. In that moment it’s like looking at a car crash in slow motion, you can see what’s going to happen, but you are powerless to stop it. It is a bit like a panic attack.

If this is the cause for your boyfriend wanting space, the good news is it isn’t personal. He has commitment issues and he will have them no matter who he is with. Some guys who have these issues bounce from one relationship to the next, without being able to commit to anyone.

This isn’t healthy all you can do is to work on the trust between you and not press him too hard.

Whichever is the cause of your “My boyfriend wants space” problems, if you keep your wits about you and approach the situation in a careful and thoughtful manner. There is a good chance that you can fix your relationship.

Comments 66 comments

zuppan20 23 months ago

Hi my names Dani and me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year and 6 months and we're both still in high school he's a senior and I'm a junior...our relationship was always super strong we both grew up on basically the same principles and we both know what hard work is..he treated me like a princess and was always there for me and we had our occasional tiff like any couple would...this past week and a half have been rough bc on sunday evening he broke up w me bc he needed space and didn't know if our relationship is what he wanted. He is the lost trustworthy guy i know. His plans for college are pretty much set on going to college in Texas for 4 years and during that time he doesn't know if he wants a relationship...I'm willing to do anything to keep him and I will not hold him back If he doesn't want to be with me when he leaves but the there is still 6 months left before he leaves and we both go to the same high school..and have a class together ik I will never get over him and will probably fall in love w him again bc he is my everything and he would probably fall in love w me again bc we're really attracted to each other and we get along amazing idk what to do tho bc I'm so scared he doesn't want to try to make it work between me and college and I feel like he needs to grow up but I do not want to lose him I love him so much

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SunshinelovesBB 5 years ago from To far from him.

Hey my name is Hannah and I was with my now ex boyfirnd Blake for a little over a year. During our relationship there were ups and downs like any relationship. Our main problem is we are long distance and it is extremely difficult to see each other. We actually live across the country from each other. I live in Minnesota and He lives in Texas. We are both seventeen and I know a lot of people think that is very young and I should just move on because "everyone has a teen love that doesn't work out". I feel that Blake and I are not like most teens and we have worked through so much and done so much for our relationship that not trying to get back together would be an insane thing to do. We started dating last summer ( July 7th , 2010 ). We met through My best friend whom i was visiting. We did not date right away but We were both just a little shy in that category. We were inseperable ever since We met and now all of the sudden He left me. In the beginning there was some cheating and it was due to a past relationship that needed to have already been over. We have talked about having children eventually when We are old enough and have enough money for Them and We were actually engaged for a very long time. So about the break up .. He went to a two week camp at a College that We have been planning to go to. While He was there He met another girl. Our anniversary as I mentioned before is on the seventh and We celebrate every month together with a date if We have the time. He broke up with Me on July 23rd I believe and said He needed space. On August seventh He drove about 5 hours to go spend the day with her because she lives far away too. I have been making many mistakes as this process has been going on. I have contacted him pretty much daily , I have begged for him back , I have gotten a little drunk and called him then and He said it creeped him out and he wanted nothing to do with me , and the list goes on. I am just looking for advice on how to get him back I do not want to mess this up any more then I have and I do not want to let him go. PLEASE HELP IN ANY WAY YOU CAN HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I HONESTLY CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT HIM.

Thanks for your time,


bella21 5 years ago

My boyfriend is going through depression due to stress of his child's custody case and work stress. Throughout eveyrhting ive tried to be there for him as a friend selflessly as i want him to make his own decisions without any influences initially caused by me. Things went hectic yet i asked him a commitment question he was completely enraged with this and decides to "give up" need some space yet says hes trying not to ignore me yet wants to isolate himself from the world- which is not the best option as he can lead to depression. i want to give him space yet want him. i don't know what to do? Help!

balina07 5 years ago

Hi Joanie, honestly if he texts you with something concrete then I would respond. But he has asked for his space so you are giving it to him. So actually the only one being childish here and selfish is your boyfriend. So he wants space but continues to text you, sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to.So honestly until he really wants to make things work I wouldn't respond.

Joanie 5 years ago

I've been dating this guy for 2 months. A couple days after my birthday he says he needs space because he is confused. He thinks that sometimes we are really compatible and connect well and other times we don't seem compatible at all. I'm giving him the space he wants... but for some reason he won't stop texting me "xo" "thinking about you" "what are you up to?" etc etc

I think it's rude and childish to ignore someone but I'm not sure what else to do. Should I respond to these texts? and if I should what would be the best response?

balina07 5 years ago

I'me not sure about your situation hurt. But I will say your boyfriend has done a very cowardly thing. But if he sent you a text regarding wanting space. My advice to you is give him no response. As much as it is killing you inside to do so, try and refrain. With no contact or response, he will wonder why and what you are doing and hopefully he will realize the mistake he may be making. In this time that you are alone, I suggest you think about yourself and your own needs and not so much of the what if'S. You may come to realize that he is just not the man for you as well. Keep yourself busy with work, friends,exercise, etc. Do whatever it takes to block him out of your mind. You have to believe you are worth way more than what he has expressed. For a man to send you a text like that especially after 8 years shows me he is a coward. Now you need to ask yourself... Do I want to be with a man who can't handle anything that comes his way, Sounds to me like he has major commitment issues. If after 8 years he is still asking for space, something is seriously wrong with this picture. So instead focusing on what he needs or wants, stop and think what it is that you want and need in your life. You may actually surprise yourself and realize that he is not actually the man for you. I cannot tell you what to do, but do you really want to be with a person who cannot be a man and step up to the plate like a real man and really have a heart to heart face to face.. Honestly think about that for a minute. Hope this helps,

hurt 5 years ago

ok so my bf of 8+yrs told me last wk he needed a break, he did it over text. and first he said he just needed space and loved me and would just mean a break. but the whole wk i was going nuts and so i would just want to know why because i didn't understand what was happening, i had never gone thru this. but then the last txt he said he didn't know if he was coming back or not, that he did not have the answer. now i'm trying to not contact him in any way. but i do miss him and come on it HAS been 8yrs!! wat do i do?

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balina07 5 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We are so compatible and barely ever have arguments. But now I have wanted to take this a little step further. He has met my entire family, and friends,and has been part of mine and my kids lives for 2 years. He is 38 and still lives at home with his mother. I have never met his mother or family, as they do not want to meet me because I am divorced,bit older and have kids. He is now torn between his family, and also cannot decide if he wants to be with me or move on and try and find a woman who can give him a child. He says he loves me deeply but is torn with all of this. His sister and mother especially are pressuring him to just leave me alone and move on because they tell him he deserves to be with a woman younger, never married and who can give him his own child. So now he says he needs space to think of what he really wants. Plus he is just not man enough to stand up for me when it comes to his family. But yet he tells me he has never ever loved anyone as much as he has me. He says he needs space to feel the pain, to really know for sure. Like I try to give him space but it is just so hard at times. What can I do?

mama 5 years ago

Hi everyone I was datin someone for 3yrs.... 12.23.07.. we were happy we had a bank account together a phone plan everything.. then a yr ago he cheated on me and left me for a different women he had a baby with her then wen she was 8months prego and he came back to me and I loved him and rushed back.. then we been together for 5 months and jus two weeks ago he needed space cause I dnt trust him.. I been callin him and beggin for him back and I miss and love him.. and he says he loves me and I'm his world.. but he dnt call me ... wat should I do?

dharlingg879 5 years ago

my boyfriend asked me for space lasnightt , icried and asked him not too but later on calmed down & agreed to it . idid not text or call him for thee rest of thee night . when isaw him thee next morning , he thought he was gnaa drop me to skuu but isaid no & took my laptop from him . he ddnt wnaa leave , he got out of thee car & hugged me , kissed me , & kept telling me he loves me . up to now we haven't spoken . iwould text him once in a while to show himor tell him how ifeel . he also mentioned this morning that the never wants to leave me & never will , but i've heard thatt so many times before . justt hoping for thee best .

Steph 5 years ago

If he wants space then say ok. Don't contact him. If and when he contacts you again, be careful about what you say or do. A lot depends on what he says when he decides to contact you. He may tell you that it's over, and he may say he misses you and wants to try again. During the break you both have time to analyze the relationship. Is he worth taking back when the break is over? You have thoughts and feelings too. It's not all about him. It takes two. Write down all the positives and negatives about the two of you being together and see which one outweighs the other. You might surprise yourself! There are billions of people on this planet- remember that. Everyone deserves love, attention, and respect. Namaste.

Anita 5 years ago

Hi people my boyfriend just told me the same he needs space. he used ``Hun i was thinking a lot when i was stuck in their i think we should take a break for a while i don't mean break up just a break``.... Thast what he said and i answer him Ok Hun i guess it just came at the right time. them he told me What you mean at the right time ? then i answer yes because if that's what you want darling that's because you are really feeling it and there`s nothing no one can`t do about it. what should i do guys? this is my 1st time someone telling me that and i do love him a lot and its really hard.

yoyo 5 years ago

I think the main problem in relationships these days is that people are giving up too easily and this is why the divorce rate is so high. You can't expect it to be a smooth ride every day, every time. Society brings a lot of stress to couples. When a man says he needs a break he 's basically refusing to deal with his emotions. Honesty is a big part of a relationship, so if you can't be that, walk away from the relationship early on so no feelings are being established.Be honest and respectful of your partner's feelings...My guy told me we need to pull back from each other over a week ago. I don't want to give up on our relationship because I love him..He's a commitment phobe unfortunately :( Moving on is not the answer if you are serious about being in a relationship. I do agree about giving him the time he needs to figure it out. PLEASE FIGHT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!DON'T GIVE UP!!

maria 5 years ago

Hi, it seems like I'm in a pretty similar situation. I'm a junior in highschool and I've been with this guy for 2 months, but just 2 days ago he asked to give us a week or two over texting with him through a deep conversation. I didn't ask why, I budged not to in a couple of responses, but then I didn't answer back after his last text. That was until I texted him that I'm in pain with this, but I miss you. He didn't reply back and I didn't really expect him to. Now, I've officially backed off and gave him his space. I'm going to take my time to make myself hot for him and get back into focus with school. However, I'm worried he won't answer me soon enough, because it still hurts me inside. Or worse, him wanting to break up with me because I feel deep for him. I even fell in love for him. I know you all think its young dumb love, but I know it cuz I've felt it and now it's being ripped from me. I don't want to get my hopes up and I want to prepare myself for this. In his last text he had said he was really sorry, that he knows he looks really selfish in doing this, feels like shit for doing this to me, that i don't deserve the pain and that i deserve the best. I've finally stopped crying and decided to toughen up cuz what's mine will come back to me. If he doesn't, then it means he never was. He always told me that I was all his, ALWAYS. I hope so. I'm gonna let time sort it out, but hopefully before I break.

miley 5 years ago

my boyfriend asked for a space then realized after that he needs a cool-off. i asked for a reason and he said that he needs time and space. i gave him the space but after two days i realized that i don't deserve him treating me that way because i gave him everything and i don't hold him on his neck. he was free of everything that he wants and all he need to do is just tell me what he's doing. i just want him to keep me updated of everything for it's my right. so after two days, i texted him and said, "i can't wait for your decision anymore. you're free. i never demanded aything from you. i don't deserve this. i love you but you don't give me anything but heartaches" Then after 3hours, he texted me and asked me back. Because i love him so much, i said yes. Then we were back to our relationship before. It was okay. We had a date after 4 days. Then when i went home, he was acting cold. I was panicking. I tried to be numb of what he's doing to me. He stopped calling me baby. He stopped being sweet. Until one day, he argued with me about something I didn't do. :( I felt being stepped on. I asked for a break up. He said sorry to me. He said that he don't know what's happening to him that he doesn't know what's right anymore. So i said, i'm letting you go not because i don't love you but because i'm tired of being strong for the both of us when you're not. :(((( Then he said that he's really sorry. He said he loved me so much and that I was the one whom he was most serious with. And that he wants to think first. :((

I'm afraid now. I don't want to lose him. I love him so much. I don't have the courage of losing him. :(((((


me :) 5 years ago

My boyfriend of only two months suddenly tells me two days after Valentines, that his plate is full and that we need to slow down. He is dealing with a very sick family member and almost lost a different family member besides the one who is dieing right now. He is working every day basically and is stressed and tired. I asked if he wanted to break up and he said no that he just could not give me the time that he wish he could right now and that he doesn't want to break up. We have been talking a lot and spending almost every night together...He has even RSVP'ed to a wedding in two months with me going with him. Why make plans and then say he needs to slow down? His texting and calling has slowed down and texts short answers without kisses at the end anymore..

Lisa  5 years ago

I have read all of your comments and feel your pain. I am in the same situation and just had to realize that he needs space. I need to respect it and give it to him. It might mean a lot of things but what’s the use in trying to figure it out why, when none of the reasons are going to make me feel better. I am 25 yr old single mom with her own job, career, and car and do pretty well for myself. He has a car, his own business but all under his parent’s house and still lives with his parents and at 24 yrs old still has a curfew. He will deny it but I know that he does. Also a lot of differences in cultural and religion. So he said that he needs space. He did propose to me about two weeks ago but I said no because he was emotionally mess and felt it wasn’t the right time. So with that and all these things going on we both needed the break. But what I am hurt and the most upset about was that he wasn’t man enough to come up to me and tell me that that’s what he wanted. He instead was upset at me because I kept calling and crying and begging him to tell me what was going on and why he was treating me like shit. Why was I there for him when he needed someone and now that I need him he is thinking about himself? I am not making excuses but from reading all these posts along with a ton of other ones I have realized that men don’t know how to say what they mean and I know this because even though he wants space he wants to talk to me everyday and he wants to see me every two days. I cannot let this be and I am letting him go because I love him. I ask myself why if he wants space does he find every excuse to be around with out being around and it’s because he doesn’t know what he wants. He thought he did but then when I said no to his engagement he got a wake up call. Personally I think he feels like I am better off than him, with me being independent and having my own, and him being with me makes him feel inferior. He would rather not be with while he is down because he would not rather deal with me feeling hurt on top of all his issues. There are times in life where someone has to be selfish and worry about themselves. Well this is his time and I have to give it to him. There are no maybe’s. Why would I want to be with a person who is a maybe anyway and waste my time. Because I am lonely, because I don’t have a valentines date, or a date night to look forward too? Well now I can look forward to me… So on that note I can’t blame him for feeling less of man and thinking to himself I deserve better and calling for a break because he is afraid I will find someone better and leave him… Its 2011 and girls don’t need a man. Now I have a game plan….,.while everyone says being in a relationship isn’t a game, to me it is more like a game I need to win, and when I say win I mean like my dignity and my self assurance that I am doing the best for me. I am going to let him go, fly like a bird. I am going to work out, spend more time with my friends, work overtime spend time with family and just be happy again. And meanwhile if he is around I will be his friend (no matter how much I really don’t want to because it hurts) I will act happy even if I am dying inside to hold him or kiss him and I will always be a lady. Ladies never forget your dignity and always be a Lady. So even if it didn’t work out he can remember you years later (which he will if he loved you) and say hey she was good to me and she really loved me. What If I hadn’t……? That just makes me smile because I love me enough to know that I was good to him and I loved him for the both of us and I live my life with no regrets. When he comes back he will have to work for it and maybe that’s why I am at where I am at now because I didn’t make him work for it. And if he doesn’t, well at least I loved him with my whole heart and had a chance to be with someone who loved me just as much…My opinion, sometime relationships have nothing to do with love but with circumstance.

Ana Carla 5 years ago

**PLEASE i need help ASAP please answer quickly...

so basically this guy ive been friends with we started liking each other in Oct 2010 and weve been together until this month Jan 2011. We went through some rough batches mainly because he went away for over 31 days on vacation and when he returned he promised we would spend time together and go on dates. When he got back in early January he became captain of his team so he was busy with that and i was upset that i didn't get enough quality time with him. Last week ( friday) he said i was annoying cause we were always having little arguments and then i apologized everything was fine still callin me babe,etc. During the weekend everything was also pretty normal i would say until Monday when he said we should kinda take a break because we have a lot of midterms coming up and school should be our priority which i guess was fine. Until the days following that he pretty much cut contact with me doesn't text or msg me. If he sees me in class just says hi, i try to talk to him and he acts as if he doesn't want to talk. I confronted him multiple times asking why he was acting so ackward and he just said "oh we already talked about this". I even asked him through txt n once on msn if he still liked me and he dodged the question and said please stop or changed the topic. Also, last thursday after we did stuff we were just cuddling and i said " your the most amazing guy i ever liked" and everything went dead silent and he didn't say anything and then switched the topic.

I don't understand, if he doesn't like me why doesn't he just break up with me? I swear he doesn't seem like the coward type... why is he distancing himself from me? please help me !! what should be my next steps??? I don't txt him or call him only say hi in person

leanne-x 5 years ago

my boyfriend used to put effort into me. if we argued he wouldn't leave me alone and would say i cnt afford to lose you. now hes stopped and im the one chasing, textin, wantin to see him. i think hes jst more interested in clubbin. weve had a break. it helped for a week. i don't no if he loves me anymore he don't seem bothered when i say i want to leave soon. should i stop with the effort and see if he comes back? i think he may be taking advantage cos he nos ill be there. i took advantage of him in the past and once he stopped with effort i started. help :(

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Bronson_Hub 5 years ago from San Francisco, CA

"for me, if a boyfriend wants space, then give it to him. he is not worth my attention and love."

Yes, a man who has self-respect and a human right to autonomy is clearly someone to be deprecated. I think this is the most offensive thing I've ever read on hubs so far.

anonymous 5 years ago

If you love something, Set it free… If it comes back, it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was yours….

Misa 5 years ago

I don't know I dealing with the same problem and its driving me nuts. My long distance bf of three months broke up with me and says he wants space from our relationship, but its tearing my up inside, every time I think of him, every time I do something that reminds me of him I just start crying. I know I can contact him on messengers but I'm scared if I say anything stupid I'll just be pushing him away even more. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. He told me he's very depressed and that he needs to make himself happy before he can be happy in our relationship. It makes me feel like he just wants to forget about me to find some new girl friend even though that's probably not true! Just thought I'd write something here, maybe it would make me feel better to relate to some of you peeps.

lou 5 years ago

my boyfriend said he needed space for a week in oct ,then we got back together , now in dec he finished with me a week before xmas ,now he told me not to text or talk to him for a week , iam confused hes depressed and thinks he could be gay !!

carly 5 years ago

Im so glad I found this thread, some of the comments and advice are very interesting and I would really appreciate afew tips on my relationship!

I met my boyfriend nine months ago and we hit it off really well. After 4 or 5 dates we decided that we would go exclusive and become boyfriend and girlfriend. Everything went remarkable well at first...we did the normally couple stuff, meet the parents, friends, have fun, stay at eachothers places etc. I can honestly say that it was the most healthy relationship I have ever been. Then all of a sudden he went remarkably moody...and to cut a long story short he said that he needs space to breathe and wants some time to himself.

I think it is a reasonable request, but it is a bit out of character. For months he has been telling me hes never been so inlove, that Im a 'walking, talking answer to a prayer' and wants to settle down and get married someday. Hes given me a key to his house, invited me in to be part of his family and frequently makes references to our future together. Hes really laid back and never takes himself too seriusly. Hes a lovely man and really good to his family and friends.

The difference in him is unreal. We are only seeing each other at weekends now, and don't communicate that often in-between times. Can anyone shed some light on this type of behaviour? I would really appreciate a guys viewpoint :)

Thanks, Carly

Alan 5 years ago

Hey, i've just been reading some of the stories and i'm actually someone my girlfriend I needed space not too long ago. There was many reasons why, I had college exams and financial problems and she was there when I needed a break and a space because I found that she demanded more attention than I could provide and it was the fair thing to do and believe me it was a breath of fresh air. I love her and all, but sometimes it's good to get a break from someone when they're consistently in your company. It's good to allow guys some space, especially to spend time with mates and not worrying about having to text someone all the time

TLC 5 years ago

Wow I been reading a lot of your stories here everyone!

Maybe someone can help!

I been seeing this guy for couple months(5), we met on a night out, but anyway first 3 months were great and bliss. He called, text, i went over to his an all of that stuff, meals and walks. Then he went away on business(training)but before he left, out of no were things seemed different, an he was talking about his ex even though he said they broke up years ago if that's even true. The sweet texts etc got less an less, he said he loved me an would never leave me..So he comes back from business and days later, he rings asking me if 'i loved him', i said 'i cared for him' he knows i love him. We talked and laughed and then in the conversation he says im pushy and that i should let him come to me when he is ready? an he wasn't mad at me or anything, but he just came with that funny statement. He called but i did miss his call, i rang back an he didn't answer. Since that chat its been 3 days since we have not spoken he has turned his phone off what does that mean??

I feel its leading up to break up!? Hejustfeels so down and confused sometimes, one minute things seem fine and the next its a stand still.

I really, really like him and have grown fond for me, he is my first kinda real felt realtionship,that's why i feel so lost on what to do i really want this to work, i feel he has commitment issues perphaps from his last realtionships...i'd rather he tell me straight then keeping me guessing im a big girl i will eventually have to get over him in time.

Next time we speak do i just ask me what's going on with us?

Rebeca 5 years ago

I've been reading comments of women going through what I've been going through last week since my b.f. Of a year asked for "space" then broke up with me when I pressured him for an answer. I was blindsided for sister has been my life coach for this difficult time, I am blessed. He is five years younger than me and I knew it would pose a challenge at some point. He really isn't good at communicating and would usually bottle it in til he'd just avoid me. I avoided him for first week til he made contact. We got together for a night and he told me he loved and cared for me but if we just got back together things would just go back to the same, which weren't so bad they were quite good to me..he complained we didn't have enough time together but we both have busy lives and I figured we'd make up for the busy weeks over the holidays..ya, he broke up with me 4 days before Christmas!!! Anyway, I can relate to so many stories I've read online. I almost bought the "How to get your boyfriend back" book! Intuitively I am at the place after much pain and confusion, that he must come crawling back to me because I know I am worth at least that. Acting emotionally and pleading our love to him really would just push him away. I know somewhere inside him he knows the good times we have together are too precious to let go forever. This time I have in "purgatory" I will reconnect with myself and do the things that made me happy before he and I got together. I really can't be happy with him until I am happy without him. Keep the faith ladies, what's good will last and what isn't will find a way out of your life:)

heartandsoul88 5 years ago

Hey everyone,

I'm not sure if people are still reading these comments, but I'm going through this, so I thought I'd share my thoughts. I met my boyfriend a year ago, everything was perfect in that "honeymoon phase" and we moved in together pretty early on. Before we knew it, we were so serious we were talking about marriage. But then, different issues started coming up, and he started questioning whether or not I was "the one". He didn't say I wasn't, but he wasn't as sure. And then as more and more issues piled up, we got really frustrated. Then my boyfriend asked for space. He wants to remain faithful; he merely wants to think things through, without me there influencing him. Of course I wanted to stick it through together, but in retrospect I admire his maturity to be able to ask for what he needs. Put it this way, even if you stay together when your boyfriend needs space, eventually you'd break up. But if he is asking for space, it means he wants to clear his head, to think about if you "could" be happy despite the most recent frustrations, so he actually wants things to work out. Giving him space and not contacting him is hard, but if you really love him and want any chance for things to work out in the long run, then this is what is necessary. Obviously it's hard, but who said love is always easy? Real love takes work, but the benefits are so worth it. Of course you need to be on the same page before the break. In my case, he doesn't just want to mess around and it has nothing to do with other girls. You also don't want it to be an infinitely long break obviously, as it's not fair to you to wait forever. And of course, we change our minds over time, so check in with yourself every day to see if giving him space for the good of the relationship is what you want, or if you want to just move on. For me, I love this man, so I'm not contacting him and putting my heart on the line. But he is beyond worth it to me :)

nehhnaomi 5 years ago

sooooo wow i actually took my time to read all these comments that you guys wrote. every time i read one of the uplifting ones i agree that yeah this is what i should do, but of course i think my situation is different.. so here goes mine. i met cody two months ago, we started out partying as friends and just being normal.. we were very intimate though. i didn't think anything of it because i was just having fun, i didn't think of being in a relationship or anything. a month later, things changed, he said he loved me and then two weeks later was frustrated that i wasn't his girlfriend. i thought i was so cute that i finally agreed to be in a relationship with him. okay. things were absolutely perfect, no fights, no disagreements, nothing, we were soooo much in love. if anything i thought i was gonna be the one to mess up our relationship because i was the partyier and the one that had soo many guys in my past. anyway.. all of sudden he started lying about what he was doing and not wanting to talk to me. i knew something was wrong but i trusted him so much that i didn't think anything of it and thought he was busy with work. hmmm yeahh things go worse. i finally became that girlfriend that had to call her boyfriends job to reach him. good thing because what did i find out? that his ex-girlfriend came to town due to him asking her to.. and that they were engaged before!! never knew that.. he told me she was psycho and too crazy for him. that she didn't respect him at all and just thought only about herself. he said he would call me after work after telling me this through texting! wtf? even though i was sick...i spent the time before he got off work to cry and get all those nasty emotional stuff out before driving to his job to talk to him there since she was still at his place. as we talked i found out he still loved her.. and was thinking about getting with her.. he cheated on me lied to me and was soo sneaky.. he was not the guy i agreed to be in a reatlionshipp.. but basically he asked for space for like four days.. then he wants to do christmas with me..and tell me who he's picked.. ughh im so depressed.. BUT I am going out with my friends tonightt. i love him so much that im willing to take him back and work on the issues. i don't wanna lose him.

Peekaboo 5 years ago

Ive read all of the above im going thru the exact thing right now feels like hell :(

Jay 5 years ago

Samsamsam, it might be that he realized you two are so close that there's a possibility of a future together as a family, so he might be freaking out (which is why the whole shopping around thing came up). I've had the feeling before and it scared the shit outta me lol. Personally, I think if you truly love someone enough, you shouldn't worry about shopping around--you shouldn't need to shop around to know the one you have is the one for you. You did mention the promise ring so again, it may be that he realized that you two are going down that really serious path and he's just freaked out about it. Just be patient and wait it out and see what he says. I know it's difficult but just occupy your time with lots of stuff and lots of friends so you don't have to worry. I wouldn't be super confident that he'll come back (I'm a bit of a pessimist) so I'd prepare myself. But from the promise ring and such, he just might come back. Just give him the time he needs--absolutely NO contact. Remember that. Good luck :)

samsamsam0129 profile image

samsamsam0129 5 years ago from nola

i am so low and lost right now,

my boyfriend of over two years wants a break. we have been talking about this for a couple of weeks and he hasn't talked to me in 4 days. i didn't know the break was starting and not talking to him is driving me nuts. he said he doesn't know if he wants to be in a serious relationship anymore but he still loves me and "probably get back with me" i think he feels we didn't shop around since we have been with each other since we were 18 and were going on 21. i forgot to mention he gave me a super legit promise ring only 3 months ago and discussed it with a friend before he gave it to me. she said he was extremely happy.


do you think he will come back? :( or should i start to move on?

Bleh. :/ 5 years ago

Enjoy the feeling of love while you have it.

tricia 5 years ago

Wow! All the guys in your comments don't care for how you feel. Why are you waiting on them. Ignore them and move on with your life. I had someone said that to me once. I left immediately knowing he was not the right man who I would like to spend the rest of my life with even though I was very much in love with him. My gut was telling me this is not right. He called, txt, emailed and tried to explain for his excuses. I wanted to be understandable and reconcilate but my gut told me not too. I told him that I need space now. Guys play game and compare you to see if you would be the best girl for them to be with. If they don't love you for who you are but just settle for you because you were convenience for them then, why do you want to be that person. Respect yourself and move on with your life. The right man will come with the right manner. But first you have to learn to love yourself, learn discipline not to sleep with anyone maybe until marriage is best. You will feel lonely but try to go out with friends or do something good for yourself.

Good luck

lovelost? 5 years ago

Ive Read Every Last One Of Your Stories & Comments. Now Itz My Turn... Well last thuraday i was in computer class and i textd my gf askinq her if she really wntd this relationship because thur were a lot of difficulties goinq on she replied bk yes baby iwant this more than anything.. we were texting the rest of that day.. aftr school i called and told her i was going to pratice and that i would call asoon as it ended she said ohky baby ilove yu nd i said i love you to.. aftr pratice icalled numerous times but got no replys i sent sms messaqes nd voicemails.. it wsnt until the next morning that i had heard from her nd she told me she needs time to her self i was so shockd and iddnt know wht to do our say ithan began to beg her not to do this but she said it has to be done.. a couple days later we talkded and she told me that we would get back together after she has gotten her self together.. she goes to applewood for counsceling because she said she was scared that she was going to lose me because of the way she acted twrds me and her bipolar disibalitie.. she told me we weren't ovr for good she just needs time to work on her self.. but it still hurts because im nt use to this.. we talk everyday and she tells me she loves and misses me evryday but im still scared because iwant her back now and i do not want to wait ne longer itz been 9 days since we broke up and ikeep asking her how much longer will it be till we get back togethr and she says baby just hang in there.. our anniversaury is coming its Nov.9.2010 and were supposed to have ! year and 4 months.. but im scared we wont be back together by that time.. and if we are not than i am seriously just going to have to give upp because im getting very impatiant.. and i know she is doing this for me but its still hard.. Someone hepl me should i give up or just stay and wait it out??????

Blingblong 6 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years and are living together. We moved from our hometown about 5 hours south for his job 7 months ago. Neither one of us has made many friends outside of work. He travels back to our home town for 2 days about every 2 weeks to visit his family and buddies. Sometimes I go with but usually I have to stay home to take care of my 2 dogs.

Within 2 months he has become an entirely different person. I found out from his friend that he'd been planning to move (us or himself, I'm not sure) back to our home town. When we talked about it he said he's been thinking a lot about his life and he is feeling really unsure about the direction he wants to take. He's always been obsessed with one hobby since he was a kid, now he's completely abandoned it. Everything related to the hobby has been sold and there's hardly talk of it anymore. He has been increasingly interested in psychadelic drugs to the point that it has become his new obsession. He is feeling discouraged about college. And he's saying he can't stand living with my dogs, they require too much responsibility. He says I should get rid of them or we need to live separately when our lease is up in 5 months. He says he feels like I'm too focused on him and he's smothering me because of it. He wants a tiny apartment with no responsibility, I want a small affordable rental house with a yard for the dogs.

I said it was unfair to demand that we live separately before we give "us" a chance again among our old lives and friends. I said I'd change anything he wanted EXCEPT giving up the dogs, but he won't compromise.

Also he's very protective of his phone, he says he doesn't want something blown out of proportion, but if I ever get a second to read his texts there's not anything interesting in them.

Since the discussion we still get along, have great sex, go out together, and he helps with the dogs, but I feel we have an expiration date on our relationship.

betty.benz 6 years ago

Hi guys, Sorry to hear your stories but I have something similar to share... I met this guy at work and at first we didn't talk. We came really close just a week before he moved to a different location and was to start college. he wanted more than friendsship but i did not. In a week he convinced me that he likes me a lot, thinks about me all the time and I am the girl for him and I fell for him. He told me he's on depression pills and it runs in the family. We have been seeing each other for a month now despite of the fact that he lives an hour away from me. It feels really strange that whenever we hang out, he'd drink too much and say mean things to me and our cultural difference. and then apologize later. I don't text him or call him just to make sure he doesn't get disturbed with his college. he would call me and text me all day and insists on meeting. The most confusing this is every now and then he'll tell me he's too moody and wants space to himself. I am so confused with his unpredictable behavior. I like him but I am so confused as to what he really wants. Its like being a puppet to his moods. He says he cant be lovey dovey all the time which I understand no body is but his unstable nature is bugging me now... Shutting him completely off my life is kind of difficult now coz he insisted on telling our common friends about our relationship and which I didn't want at first. Please help me how should I handle this situation.

Sarah 6 years ago

so im a senior in high school. my boyfriend and I started dating at the beginning of summer and we were together for 3 months. school started three weeks ago and the first week of school he was such a sweetheart and it seemed like our relationship was perfect. then the second week of school rolled around, and he kind of grew distant.. he usually talks to me all day everyday but his texts and calls got shorter and farther apart.. he told me he wanted a break like 5 days ago and two days after that he said that hes sorry that he cant give me the attention that i need and that he doesn't think we should date right now, but he wants to after he gets things sorted out. yesterday he texted me and was sayin that he doesn't know if he wants to be with me... i am sooo confused, ive been getting mixed signals like crazy! and he said hes been "having shit for days"... i guess he has a lot going on (family issues, overloaded schedule, football) and that hes confused and stressed out.. this whole thing came entirely out of the blue and i don't know what to think of it... help? i like him sooo much and i don't want to give up because i feel like its not done... there was no closure and every time i give him the option of being done he just keeps holding on...

little love  6 years ago

AMEN to r0Xxxxx's comment!!!

little love 6 years ago

Oh man, by reading all the above I feel I'm in a really messed up situation.

My boyfriend and I are in a time break, we've been dating for nearly 3 yrs, and I lived with him (and his parents, he still lives at home - we recently moved) for a while whilst working in the area where they stay.

We saw each other every day, and were both in a stressfull situation concerning work and money and stopped communicating for a while because the communication became too negative.

He now wants a break "so we can focus on our friendship" but we've always been great friends. There's no time limit, and we text and phone every now and again and then he keeps on telling me he loves me, misses me, and even the other day suggested sex.. :( He said I'm still in his future plans, but he wants to be there for his parents who are struggling financially, and I'm okay with that.. I just don't think it should influence the relationship.

I've tried to talk things through, I've pushed him away and he comes back every time telling me I'll never be rid of him, even if we're not together anymore.

I've suggested seeing other people, he got seriously annoyed with me and told me if I wanted to I should but he doesn't want to be in a relationship or go through the trouble of meeting someone and building a relationship from scratch. We had plans to move in together this year, but I've been pushed aside and now he want to be there for his family, taking them on holidays and spending every waking moment with them.

I'm sick and tired of crying myself to sleep about this guy, who is my best friend, my companion, my soul mate and life partner. Who doesn't want me, but will not let me go.. I'm tired of the ups and downs, the knowing and not knowing that comes from every time I see him again and his story keeps changing about how we "might" fix this but then nothing happens.

Please someone tell me to carry on with my life, because I don't want to believe myself...

ditzy123 6 years ago

Hi Sparklezxx...I don't want to upset you but i am 21 and all 14 relationships at 14 usually go on like that but i would seriously let him go you are only 14 don't let your self get tied to him either...Go have fun don't ever let your friends go over him either they will be the best thing for you in time to come if you keep emailing and sms him he will think you are very imature and it will make it very easy for him to waik away...I have been in a realationship with my fiancée since i was 15 we have just brought a house together over a year ago...3 weeks ago he just has gone so weird like he wants a break...And then he tells mu mum that he still loves me deeply but doesn't feel what he felt i am so confused..He is still living in our house in the spare room and that makes it so hard...But i have noticed he is getting a bit more closer again slowely..And i also think it he wants to hang out with his mates and do the guy thing and i must admit that i have been abit obsessive with him...Which is not necessary...So i don't know were we are going to end up...But it has only been 3 wks so i am just going to play it day by day...But for you let him go and move on or turn your phone off and don't be so available to him...Show him how it is this time round or in years to come it could be like my realationship..Take care and keep yah head up xxxx

Sparklezxx 6 years ago

well i am 14, and my boyfriend has been acting realli weird, i don't know what to do anymore. A few weeks ago his cousin told me that she thinks that he doesn't like her, and that she would like a better relationship as they are family, she was nearly in tears, so I spoke to him about it then he said that he needs time and space to sort some things out then he just logged off, he also mentioned that he feels like we have lost our touch :(. My birthday was a few days ago and he didn't say anything to me, no happy birthday by email, Facebook, phone or texts, which put me in a depressed mood for my birthday. We go to the same church and everything, but we don't talk to each other at church because nobody knows about our relationship apart from us because our parents would go mad. I know he said he needs space but I am just so confused because the other day we went out with our church friends and he was joking around with me, then on our way home i was like can we talk then he was like no soz i have to be somewhere so I am in a hurry, when i got home i sent him a text messga explaining, but he has not replied (and he does have credit). all my friends say i should just leave hym but i really love him, we have been together for 5 months now and I am scared that i wil giv him space and then he won't contact me agin because that will be his way of breaking up with me :( HELP, I NEED ADVICE ASAP


SweetPEA 6 years ago

well i've been with my boyfriend for nine months now,it was all good until recently like two weeks ago he's been distant,less calls,doesn't want to spend time together anymore,it got me really worried then yesterday we were chatting in the afternoon he told me "we need to take a break to sort ourselves, like a month or two" i was devastated i demanded explanation for this he said he felt like it wasn't working out and probably he wasn't ready for a relationship,,seriously?? Not ready for a relationship?? I seriously didn't buy that,,he then said i was a nice girl and he didn't wanna disappoint me...pliz help me guys,what should i do,i just cant stop crying,i love this guy.

r0Xxxxx 6 years ago

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now & we have had our ups & downs but never have we taken a break or been mad @ each other for longer than a day. Just about 2 1/2 weeks ago we got into an argument & he just said he needed a break from this. He said he loves me to death & wants to marry me n get back w me but right now he wants to have his own breathin space. I was cryin evrynight wonderin what I did to cause all of this but it took me a week to figure out that sometimes, a break is what you need to reevaluate evrything! To find out what the other person means in ur life. & he goes out w his friends n idk if he talks to other females but I rather have him get ALL of this out of his system now that we r just bf/gf as oppose to when we r married. I'm my heart I know I will wait for him but who knows, I am open to talkin to other guys as well. Guys will be guys! And if a break is what they want then keep urself busy! Let him know u are willin to wait as long as he wants but also remind him that there r other fish in the sea!

JillyBean 6 years ago

Im in this exact situation right now at this very moment! My boyfriend wants his "space" too, so give it to him but really give it to him, do not (text,call,stalk,spy on his facebook,wait for his calls, even think the deadly what if's, just STOP!) By doing this you will only push him much further away and do damange to him and yourself! Be strong and confident when he sees this and you stop fighting for him this might change the scenario and have him come to you. Let him have his space do what he wants play the field sort his stuff out if he keeps you around as a friend in the meantime, You are a human being not a yo-yo to be toyed with and have your feelings go up and down for this guy, if hes out there playing the field with other woman let him go! Later on he will realize the mistakes he had made in losing an amazing person, they always come back! If he comes back he comes back if not you deserve better than him because your a great person for somebody else!

"Never make someone a priority, if they only make you an option"

Ladies wish you much luck and stay strong!!!

jxb7076 Thank you for your response it opened my eyes!

Lynsey 6 years ago

My boyfriend of a year and a half tells me that he loves me and wants to move in with me and that I should never worry about him ever ending it with me or hurting me...the next day he tells me he is only 24 and that he isn't ready for me to be his first and last serious relationship. He wants to know if what we had was real or not. He compared me to a poker hand, he said i was a flush but he wants to take a gamble on whether he can find a royal flush which is obviously better. I am so confused, i don't know whether to wait around for him or not :( Because what if i wait around and he finds someone else...

jGaunt profile image

jGaunt 6 years ago from London Author

Firstly he shouldn't be mentioning his ex, no one should ever talk to their partner about their ex.

Try not to call him for a week and then see if he wants to get back together. Try not to fall into a pattern with this.

kit 6 years ago

my boyfriend told me last week that he feels there is a disparity in our relationship - he feels that i feel for him more than he feels for me. He has been

feeling like that for some time apparently. i had noticed that he was a bit distant physically but we were still having great sex and enjoying each others


I said i did realise that we did feel differently but it didn't matter as i know he got very hurt over his first girlfriend and he feels he will never feel like that about

any one again. He does care about me i am sure of that and after we talked he said he did want to carry on with the relationship. We were even talking about

where we are going to buy somewhere together. We had a bit of a tiff cos i got upset that he was talking about his last ex girlfriend - whom he denies

he ever felt anything for. we went to bed and all seemed fine but he got up the next morning and left. he then ignored my texts and calls for 2 days and then

text saying don't worry about me, and that he needs time and space to deal with his thoughts / feelings and sorry it has come to this.

he did say it was not over before he left - what does this mean, how long should i give him?

Rose 6 years ago

I would love some of your views; my boyfriend of just over 1year has completely shocked me. He ignored my calls and texts for 2days this weekend, and also last weekend. I confronted him asking him what the hell is going on why are u ignoring me?! Finish work and he's outside waiting to talk to me...he drops a bombshell on me saying I don't know what to do, my life is rubbish, I don't know if we should be together and i'm not making him happy and I've been distant! Which just completely shocked me. He said he has had these feelings for about 5weeks yet didn't think to talk to me about any of it till the other day. Then we spoke for a few hours about what's going on, he said he does love me but he doesn't feel happy with his life, he wants a few days to himself which I've let him have...I'm confused I don't wanna be somebody who doesn't no if he loves me or not it hurts too much to go through it again. I love him with all my heart I just don't no what to do with him! It's not like him one bit to act like the way he is at the moment...and I found out he has been doing drugs!! Help!

april 6 years ago

Hi alejandro. It sounds to me like your boyfriend is feeling the pressure of being around you and not being able to experience you in every way (ie. sexually). While you have your own beliefs and that is great, I applaud you for wanting to wait for marriage before intercourse. However , you mentioned earlier that your boyfriend disagrees but is willing to do so. I strongly feel like this situation plays a large part in his actions toward you. It is very difficult for a guy to be around a woman and be able to control himself if he is really into her. This means your cute messages, touches, kisses, hugs or even cuddling. Allof these things might trigger feelings within him that he cannot control the urge to want to be involved with you. I think with this in mind, he decides to avoid any type of in person contact with you and has limited other contact. You need to text him or leave a voicemail letting him know that u feel like his acting strange is because of the decision u have made about intercourse. U also need to tell him that he needs to be honest with u about how he feels because u cannot hang onto something that only u want.

alejandro12345 6 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, been together for almost 3. About 5 months back we had a major speed bump. We broke up for two weeks. Why? We were too serious. I want to wait and have sex when I am married, he doesn't agree, but he always stood by my decision. During those weeks he realized how important I was, he said I was what he saw as his future, and that was scary for him. He apologized and begged for me to take him back, and obviously I did, he is everything to me. We made little tweaks in our relationship and have been happy since. But for the past two weeks he's been acting strange. He got a new job so that makes seeing each other much more difficult than before. But, when I make efforts to come see him after he tells me no, he says he can't or he just wants to be alone. Note, I'm a girl and the idea of leaving him alone worries me, but I've been doing better, but I know I'm a wreck without him. Today was the first day he had off in 3 days, and I had our entire day planned out with sweet surprises and I woke up early, got pretty and waited for him. He texts me at 1 and then there's an hour gap and he then tells me he wants to be honest and he cares less. He does not want to see me. He also said texting, talking, and hanging out seems annoying. I text him during work and send him cutesy messages to read afterwards to brighten his day. Up until 2 weeks ago, he loved them. He still loves me, and he has said he misses me today. He is now ignoring me though after my plead to talk. I offered to meet at a neutral location to talk, but I also made it clear that I knew we could work through it, we can fix this, and I have no desire to break up. He still hasn't answered. Is this because of work? It is the sex issue coming up again? We discuss it all the time, and said we'd revisit it after my first semester. College means a separation of 45 minutes, but we have already worked out sleep over schedules and ways to visit 4 plus times a week. I don't see how things could just go to Hell in 2 weeks. So what do I do? This boy has my heart, and the past break up with him almost killed me and I know I can't handle that again. I know promises don't mean anything, but I trust this guy. I can't, I can not be without him. But is space the solution? Space is practically a four letter word, but I'd give anything for this guy. He is my best friend, I don't want to be without him. What do I do?

jkl;fdsa 6 years ago

while while while well well well its not that he needs SPACE both persons do. there is this quote about having a friend the two share common traits being almost as one person, he begins to see that his chain of thoughts aren't some much as they use to be, so he goes back to some old ways only because he is missing something.

LASTPrincess 6 years ago

Well guys... I'm in this situation tooo...

I think he is moody, I told him im doing to printing our pic from my phone... but he just replied me "ic"

i asked him, what's wrong with u? r u moody today?

he replied me, just "nth, can give me a space for alone in awhile, i will sms u later"

Actually, i really don't know what going on now..

without anythings happen... moody effect him..

I decide to give him a space but i send him my pic so that he wont so stress to thinking something...

Even i give him some space, but i still worry....

my heart still tum tum n my heart is shaking...

I scared he will say break to me but i know i don't do anything wrong... no contact with any guy.. i clearly know, i really do love him... that why u changes alots.... no clubbing, no chatting with a man... only concentrate with him...

i just guess he stress on his work.... but he not going to share with him.... he only will talk this problem with his bestfriend...

Peter 6 years ago

Hi Sarah, theres people reading this! ;)

At least I am...

I'm in a similar situation...

My girlfriend broke up with me... she demanded no calls and no text messages... She said that she needs to be alone, that now she likes to be alone...but she likes me... but if stays with me now, she thinks that the situation can go to a point of no return and we never meet again. She told me that she doesn't wants that.. she told me she wants to be with me, but she also advised me that she may know someone... she doesn't know how will this be going...

That was hard to me to hear... but you may think I'm naïve but I answered that I would wait for her...(she didn't asked me to) because... she's the one with who I want to be... so I wait for her call... when...

She just told me that she doesn't know... but she said that when she's back to "normal" she'll notice me... and then maybe we could start over.

I don't know if these situation is familiar to any of you... I like her a lot... and as Sarah has said - I also don't know if I'll handle it... but I pretend to...even for 3, 4 it.

Sarah 6 years ago

Well I have no idea if anyone reads this anymore.

But my boyfriend and I are on those terms now. He's told me before I'm very needy, but it's frustrating because he lacks communication with me and I keep telling him that we're never going to make it if we don't talk well.

I do tend to be needy though, my friend passed away Friday and I called him at 3 am the other night crying. He got very angry because I have done this before, I have been very depressed for months.

I was the one who said that maybe we shouldn't talk for a couple days to give him space, I know he needs it. It's very hard for me because I love him and I miss him so much. I'm insecure and feel like he might not miss me or love me anymore. He told me he would talk to me when he was ready, which scares me. I agreed to it, and haven't tried to talk to him.

I'm very confused when and if he will talk to me, I don't know how long I can handle it. :[

Sylvanril 6 years ago

Let go and find somewhere else to place your passion and time. We cannot force love, it just happens when it does and it is real it shows. :)

Kat 6 years ago

Ok, so my boyfriends suddenly out of nowhere decided he wanted a break (some time out). We were dating for a month, everything was going really well (maybe too well), we would see each other everyday (twice a day), and 5 days ago he sent me a text saying that he doesn't think he wants to be in a relationship, and that he needs to take a break. Then I answered him that I wasn't really looking for one either (which is false coz I turned quite fond of him) and when asked him for a quick meet up to explain he answered me that I should let him have this break and that he is sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. (he even put a ! P at the end oof the text)........

I don't know what that means??? Is this just a coward way to break up with me? Shud I contact him in like 7 days to ask him for explanations? Do guys contact in the end or not?

I think he's in the case 3... But I felt it was really rude that he doesn't want to meet for coffee to give a decent explanation, not just: I don't think I want to be in a relationship... So I have mixed feelings about him.

Everyone tells me to date other guys but for the moment I just want him. So its kind of annoying and gets me really depressed... I wonder if in a week I might be over him, I really hope so.

any advice or answer to my questions plz...??


boh 6 years ago

About a month ago my boyfriend was suppose to hang out with me and a Friday night and I knew he was stressed about a few thing he called me said he was going to go work out with a friend and meet up with me well about an hour later he texted me saying sorry we can't hang out I need some time to myself. I asked him what he meant and he said I love you and were not going on a break I just need a few days to myself so I know what I want to do. He could tell I was a little upset because right away he text me I love you, he called me the next morning before he went into work and even decided to stop by after work just to talk for a bit and then things went back to the way it was.. That night he had to himself he was thinking of what to say to his father about not going back to college the next semester

Chicana 6 years ago

JXB7076 that's real good 2 hear. u truly know what u r saying. My boyfriend recently told me he needed some space. So i'm not gonna call or text until he does. And also, i'd let u gus know what a month from now u'd hear from me. Also in the mean time i would focus on myself and look even hotter than before. while he "clears his head."

1woman profile image

1woman 6 years ago

AMEN!!! to JXB7076!!!! I can't tell you how many men have said things to that effect early in the relationship only to start to disappear later.

I've started writing about the same things...there have been too many contradictory statements and actions for me to just believe "he's just being a guy" anymore. I think it's time to look a little deeper, with a clear head, and redefine "men in relationships"---it's not all US, ladies!!! Men have insecurity and self-esteem issues too!

JammieJimenez profile image

JammieJimenez 6 years ago

Hmm, I think what Jxb7076 is pretty interesting actually. Its nice to have a guys perspective. I think accepting and either or mindset to this is over simplifying the issue. There are many circumstances out there and I think it is unfair to judge too quickly.

No girl ever wants to hear the "I need space," line but those words should not shut down reason. Love and relationships should not be treated as a game...clear honest discussions as to why the line has been spoken should be the best way to handle it.

jxb7076 profile image

jxb7076 7 years ago from United States of America

On the other hand....when a man says he needs space what he is really saying is: "This woman is so smart and beautiful that I don't think I can keep her so I 'am going to leave before she breaks my heart". Contrary to popular belief men are very insecure in relationships. Some men compensate by verbally or physically abusing the female to 'keep her in check' so to speak. If you boyfriend says he wants space ask him why and demand a reasonable explanation. If he insists on having space with a reasonable purpose give him seven to ten days. If he wants space without a reasonable purpose give him 30 days. Do not make any contact with him and do not alow him to make contact with you. If he decides to come back make it very difficult for him to return. If he really want you he will fight for the second chance. Until he fights don't give him anything. Talk to him and communicate with him but don't get sexually or emotionally involved. He will think twice before making the same dumb decision again. While he's gone you keep your morals in check because no man is worth your reputation or salvation.

I am not a professional counselor. My comments is based on my personal experience.

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seamist 7 years ago from Northern Minnesota

Sweetiepie is right. When a man says he needs space, you might as well give him a wide space and try to move on. Usually, they want to leave; they just don't know how to tell you. If someone truly loves you, they usually don't feel this way.

victory1234 7 years ago

As a lady u are too precious 2 b treated just anyhow by any so called 'special guy'.If he thinks u are not worth his full attention give him 1000 km space.For sure d best is yet 2 come 4 u-just b relaxed and calm and b the best u can be in life

SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

Personally when boyfriends told me they needed space in the past I made the mistake of not really heeding that. Whenever someone told me they needed space it usually meant they were thinking about breaking up, so if I ever hear that in the future I will give them all the space they desire. Someone who is excited about the relationship usually does not need lots of space.

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bingskee 7 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

for me, if a boyfriend wants space, then give it to him. he is not worth my attention and love.

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