I wonder why all other kinds of sickness or diseases we dread about in this world often have the medication or cure. With modern science and technology, scientists and doctors are now discovering new solutions or treatments for what was almost believed as "severe" cases, like cancer and even AIDS.
But is there any remedy or cure for "heartbreaks"???
I wonder when a simple thing like you feel you are forgotten or not being missed by someone you care or love so much doesn’t seem to appreciate or kind of ignore you most of the time…you feel a "pinching" pain in your heart, your eyes begins to swell, tears flow down from your eyes, and the pain of thinking you are not thought of, loved or cared about does break your heart.
How many times do you experience such heartbreaks while counting the years or the time that passed by?
Personally speaking, I’ve got so many, and I’m sure you all too have gone the same, not once, not twice, thrice or sometimes…
Oftentimes, I sit and think about what seems to be the problem and I can’t seem to have that stable moment of happiness.
When I was 11, my parents separated…it came as a surprise, my mom walked out and it broke my heart.
I lived a quite normal but incomplete life without my mom around, and I played the role. I had a younger brother who hurt so bad, and that pain still lingers that made him tough from the outside, broken from the inside…but who’s to blame?
Years passed, trying to be strong… not wanting to be seen weak and broken. I wanted to be different.
In my younger years, I did a pretty good job in school. I break backs and burned eyebrows aiming to do my best just to make a difference. I’ve made good marks, reaped medals and awards…been a good performer, I sing, I dance, I declaim…name it, I did it. But then, for what is it worth? Mom was away, Dad was working, my brother was a bully, so most of the time I stand alone, teachers, classmates, other parents were beaming with smiles, clapping their hands for me and of course I’m thankful, but deep inside I miss having a family…and how my heart aches.
Life and parenting was simply different during my generation, and the generation by now… I could only chuckle and say, whoa!!! there’s a HUGE difference indeed.
Went thru college, I was not allowed to choose where I want to pursue. I was not given the liberty during my time to choose what I think was best for me. Another disappointment in my then “growing up” life…felt disappointed, my heart wept.
As I go along in my college years, found the first love of my life…(that was at least what I thought by then) but only to realize I was wrong…too many reasons to enumerate, quite hard and better not to discuss. All I can say is that I’ve loved so dearly, and it was not worth it . For a while I thought it’s the end of my life, and yes of course, it did tore me, shattered my heart into pieces as I struggled, gathering enough what’s left for me to move on.
Alas, if there’s one thing I’ve no regrets about was being blessed with two children. Funny how it seems, I realized as I grew older and had my own …reared them with the best loving care I can, but then again…the struggles blow, I have to make the right choices and so I go. Weakening as it was, disheartening as it would be…off I left and worked away from home.
I was blessed with two beautiful girls, my two angels as I call them. I cry each time I remember how it passed me by…have not seen each day that they grew up…as all I have are photos of memories, our lives was spent apart…and how my HEART breaks till now.
Now…it’s been twenty years since, and my heart still breaks! I dread to think soon time will come, i’ll feel I have not been a better MOM…
Each day I pray to God to guide them dear. I want no sickness, heart aches, heart breaks…or tears, won’t want my girls at anytime feel the same way I had…
coz’ that will really, really BREAK MY HEART.
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