7 Things to Consider After a Relationship Break Up

She meant everything to you. You convinced yourself you couldn’t live another day without her. You felt complete. Every day was a blessing. You felt you were in heaven. If somebody told you to come back to earth, you wouldn’t want. Falling in love is the greatest feeling, a lovely one that a person can ever experience.

When that connection is broken, you feel at loss. You end up looking confused; thinking soberly is a hard task. You feel like your heart has been broken into tiny pieces. You are not sure if it will ever be mended into whole. You feel as if a spear has been pierced into your heart.

At this point you wonder what to do after your partner has told you the relationship is over. The emotions, you want to suppress them or they spill out of control of which in both situations the effects may be drastic.

Accordingly, what should you do? This article tries to show you what you need to do after a breakup. Having gone through three breakups, the fourth breakup was the one I responded positively. I was committed to the relationship but my ex left me because I wasn’t earning good salary thereby falling in love with another man. I didn’t plead; I just accepted the fact it’s over because she said so. It was hurting but after two weeks I had totally recovered from the hurt, was no longer thinking about her nor was I revisiting the good memories of our relationship.

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1. Don’t Bottle Up the Feelings

You should not try to hide the feelings so you will not experience them. You should not try to avoid them. Don’t act like a macho man the feelings are nothing, the reason you are quelling them. The problem with suppressing the emotions is later in life they will explode out of proportion and will have far-reaching effect in your life.

When you suppress the emotions, you are throwing them at the back of your mind which is subconscious mind. The subconscious mind acts as a store. Later in life something may trigger the emotions of which they will explode with a force you didn’t expect. The result is you might do something you will regret. Suppressing the emotions acts like a time-bomb ready to explode.

Allowing the feelings or not pretending the breakup hasn’t affected you is a way of confirming the fact the breakup ensued. Therefore, both your conscious and subconscious minds are made aware the breakup was real. Thereby, you won’t be living in denial the breakup never happened.

Secondly, releasing of emotions acts as a medicine. When you cry, when you accept the hurtful feelings they in turn aid in the healing process. You are hurt as a result of a breakup. In order for the healing process to begin of curing the wound created in your heart because of the breakup, you have to experience the emotions.

Nonetheless, experiencing the emotions doesn’t need to go for a long period of time. Less than a week is alright. Over a week is not good but if you are still experiencing the hurt feelings over a month, it’s not healthy. At times you might find yourself crying, it’s alright. However, it shouldn’t go for long. Do not allow the hurtful feelings to take control of your life. Experience them for a week, after that try to get rid of them. You have felt the hurt; you know how it feels; now it’s time to deal with it.

2) Admit It’s Over

It’s very hard to accept the fact the relationship is over. We want to cling to the illusion it’s not over. There is still a chance. True, there might be a chance. Nonetheless, before you take that step of wanting to get back to your ex, admit the relationship is over. After doing so, follow the rest of the things listed below. Once you ex tells you it is over, and you’ve pleaded but to no avail don’t waste your time.

Consider this: Your ex took ample time to think things through. She ran the possibilities and impossibilities, sorting and analyzing each one of them. After analyzing she came up with the conclusion there is no future between the two of you. It’s true as you think (for some) she loves you as you do love her but the decision she made, she knew why she made it. Accept the decision she made.

There are decisions you can challenge but there are some which you have to accept without a fight.

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3) Get Rid of Your Ex’s Image

She made her decision. Respect that. Don’t waste your time and hers with many ‘whys.’ It won’t help. Accept she is no longer in your life. Consequently, you need to find ways of forgetting her as your lover. Delete her numbers in your contact list, unfriend and block her in your social media accounts. Why should you do so? It gives you time to think things through. Not contacting her or reading her updated statuses on her social media sites allows your mind and heart to settle. When you are settled you will be in a good position to analyze the relationship, the reasons she gave for the breakup, and how it feels now after not contacting her for 30 days (preferable time). Then, you will arrive at the conclusion whether you should go on with your life, or try to get her back into your life.

You should recall she is no longer in your life, so stop revisiting her image in your mind. Not only are you wasting your time, also you’re increasing the level of stress which further increases feelings of sadness, bitterness and hurt. Rip into pieces her photos and delete her photos in your phone. Delete her favorite songs including the ones she sent you. You need to forget her as your lover.

4) Listen To Inspiring Songs

Listen to inspiring, encouraging, and challenging songs. They will help you in forgetting your ex and reducing the pain of the hurt you are experiencing. They will reduce the levels of stress, stimulate you with constructive thoughts and assist you to have a fresh outlook of life.

Do not listen to sad love songs. They will only increase sadness, intensify the level of depression, remind you of her when you are trying hard to forget her, load you with thoughts of ‘what ifs’ which are destructive, make you feel very lonely plus conjure other negative thoughts. You will find it hard to do something constructive as you will feel very lonely, always crying, depressed and not in touch with reality.

5) Read, Write, Watch, Travel, Visit

Read books, novels, inspiring poems, magazines, and newspapers. Write even if you don’t know how. Write a journal, diary or a short story including a poem. Watch movies, sports, and documentaries. Visit your friends or loved ones. Travel to see different places or scenarios. Be active. Don’t be idle.

All these will help in forgetting your ex, in the healing process of the wound created in your heart, in appreciating life and in enabling you to move forward. Be involved in different activities.

While it’s good to allow emotions to sweep your mind however they should not be allowed to continue for a long duration of time. At least two weeks is enough to begin to stop the emotions becoming part of your life; too much of them will turn out to be harmful.

Being idle is not good. An idle mind will let you revisit past memories, to a lost love, and foreshadow your thoughts to a future you won’t share with your love (possibility).

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6) A Fresh Look

Once you have broken up with your partner you’ll be amazed you were living on someone else’s shoes. Or, the things you were doing were revolving around your partner. It’s easy to be sidetracked. You may no longer enjoy what you used to relish. Did you like snowballing, jogging, watching movies and so on? You might find you had forgotten to make use of talents which are one of the things a person derives great pleasure and satisfaction such as writing, drawing and so on.

You see, once you fall in love with someone you have to give up some things you like. You will find there is no couple who shares everything or like everything of their partner. You like reggae songs she doesn’t. Her favorite genre is hip hop. Being single allows you freedom to enjoy your life without limit.

Likewise, single life is a time you decide to change things in your life that need changes. Analyzing your life and knowing where you want to go, if you are heading in that direction, and how to get there. It’s a time of learning and at the same time enjoying your life without restriction.

Once back to single life you can make best use of your time to build yourself up physically, spiritually and psychologically; and ensuring you have set goals to accomplish in order to realize your dream.

7) Forgive Your Ex

Ask yourself a question: What does it cost to continue hating your ex? How will it help you? Will it make the situation any better? Will you be hurting her by hating her? You are just hurting yourself. Investigate on the effects of hatred and you will find it’s unhealthy. It will negatively affect you psychologically, spiritually and physically. Remember: Your ex is moving on with her life. You have decided not to forgive her, thus, you are still bitter. It means you haven’t learned how to overcome negative emotions. If you don’t know how to deal with emotions they will cause miseries, one after another. Learn to conquer negative emotions, for instance by forgiving the one who offended you.

Forgive her if she hurt you for the wrong reasons of wanting to break up with you. Some reasons are justified for breaking up but for others which you are sure they are not telling the truth why they have broken up with you; forgive them because the hurt is a result of betrayal, pride or selfishness. For the justified ones you will feel hurt but you have to realize you were never meant to be together.

How To Deal With A Breakup

In conclusion, break up is one of the most hurtful things in the world. Even so, you can get back on your feet and begin moving on. It will take time but if you purpose the breakup won’t be a hindrance in the progress of your life, you will recover quickly from the breakup. Life is too short to be relieving on past memories. Time waits for no one. Don’t allow time to overtake you. Two years have passed since you broke up and you are acting as if it was two weeks ago. Get yourself together; you have a life to live, live it to your best. Don’t get stuck with memories which aren’t helping you in any way.

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1 comment

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dashingscorpio 3 weeks ago

Excellent advice!

The only one that is questionable is #7 "Love your ex".

It really comes down to how volatile or toxic the relationship was. Sometimes one is better off disconnecting and never looking back.

The opposite of love is "indifference" not hate.

Hating someone can destroy your soul while (letting them go) allows you to (move on) without dwelling on them. It's as if you never knew them.

Unless you have children together there is no reason to feel obligated to stay in contact with an ex especially it was very toxic or unhealthy.

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