7 Things to Consider After a Relationship Break Up

The relationship is over. Your ex has made it clear she doesn’t want you in his life. You are hurt, the pain is unbearable. Emotions are running widely in your mind, you cannot make senses of anything.

You are confused. You don’t know what to do. You wish to hide yourself in your closet, somewhere private and in dark. You don’t feel like talking with anybody neither do you have mood for anything. Somebody has messed up with your life.

Now, what should you do? Go and drink yourself to death? Party like it’s nobody business? Make yourself busy till you shut down completely? This hub will help you to know what to do now that the breakup has happened. It will show you what things to consider in order to heal from the hurt, recover from the breakup and move on with your life.


To start with, don’t wallow in the emotions for too long. After a breakup, it’s alright to allow the hurtful emotions to have their way. This is helpful as it allows the effects of betrayal and hurt to take their due course. Everything has a cause and effect. Don’t bottle up the emotions. When you suppress the emotions later in life when something triggers them, they will explode out of proportion with an intensity you didn’t expect. Allow yourself to feel the pain. It’s the first step in allowing healing process to take place.

After you have felt the pain, don’t allow it to continue for long. You need to treat the pain. You have felt it, now is the time to heal the pain. The first step to deal with the pain is by controlling the emotions. Don’t allow them to control your life. It isn’t healthy to let anger, bitterness sadness and other hurtful emotions to become part and parcel of your life. They will turn out disastrous. Deal with them. Purpose you are not going to allow the emotions to become your companion for life.

Secondly, purpose to forgive. If your ex was on the wrong, forgive him. It is hard but you should remember it’s for your own good. Forgiving him is setting yourself free. We saw you don’t need to allow the emotions to take control of your life. One way of dealing with the emotions is by forgiving the one who hurt you. If you don’t forgive you will not be able to deal with the emotions. You will become a slave to your emotions. You don’t want that. As much as it is hard try your level best to forgive your ex.

Also, you need to forgive yourself. If you were the one on the wrong, forgive yourself. It’s very hard to forgive yourself. Not forgiving yourself means you are accepting the emotions to control your life. This will be disastrous as you will be living your life below average. You will end up depressed and having low self-esteem. It will be an added advantage out of remorse to ask forgiveness from your ex. It will help greatly in dealing with the emotions.


Thirdly, don’t entertain the good memories of the relationship. After a breakup we tend to direct our thoughts on the positive side of the relationship. We rerun and rerun and rerun the good times we had with our exes. It is not good. Why? The memories will make you miss your ex the more. The more you miss him the more you will feel the pain the more you will never heal the more you will never recover from the relationship the more you will be living in a fantasy world. Stop revisiting the images of your ex and the relationship. Consider them as forbidden fruits. Now is not the time to remember the good times because you are no longer with your ex. The past is the past, leave it as is supposed to be. Deal with the now, the present.

Fourthly, listen to inspiring, motivating challenging, moving on songs. Don’t listen to sad songs. This includes reading. Read motivational books. Read quotes on moving on after a break up. They will aid you in forgetting the failed relationship and your ex, in the healing and recovering process and increase your self-esteem. They will feel you with hope and strengthen you to stand and move on. Listening to sad songs will make you sadder and increase the level of depression.

Also, read novels (not romantic ones), magazines, newspapers, short stories and watch movies (not romantic ones). They will help you in not revisiting the past good memories and not thinking about the breakup and your ex. It’s not deceiving but they work well in aiding your heart to heal from the pain. Also the mind to a greater extent is made to think of other things. Not to dwell on thinking about the past relationship.

Fifthly, what are you good at doing? What things do you derive satisfaction in doing? What are your hobbies? Now is the time to make good use of them. If you do what you love doing it will help immensely in the healing and recovery process. You will be happy doing what you love most. The hobby will fill you with happiness, will renew your hope, strengthen your faith, and help you appreciate life. You will find you have started forgetting your ex and the relationship. You will start feeling good about yourself. You will get to know there is more to life than a relationship. More so, you will find yourself believing you will find your true love ahead.


Sixth, you should not contact your ex. Your ex made it clear it’s over. Why is it you are begging to have him back into your life? Why are you begging? Why are you undervaluing your worth? Why is it you want to get back with your ex when he treated you like trash? He treated you badly the reason you broke up with him, so why would you want him back into your life?

Not contacting is one of the other steps which will help you in the healing and recovery process. Also, it will help your mind in thinking clearing without being filled with emotions from the heart. When you don’t contact your ex whether through texting, calling or face-to-face it will help you in analyzing the relationship and your ex and deciding whether it’s good to want to have him back in your life. Many experts recommend the no contact should be at a minimum of one month.

Why do they propose this length of time? First, the healing and recovery process will have started. Secondly, you will have at least begun moving on. Therefore, your mind will be clear to judge things soberly without being controlled by emotions.

Seventh, make use of the nature. Whether you are living in town or in rural areas there is something you will enjoy about nature. What do I mean? Don’t stay indoors for too long. Get out and let nature help you in healing from the hurt and recovering from the breakup and appreciating life. Let nature show you there is more to life than a broken relationship. Let it show you its wonders. Take a walk. Spend your time watching people at a park. Visit animal orphanage, Animal Park, museum or gallery. Visit parks where people go to meditate or to spend time with their loved ones.

Eighth, do you have a pet? A dog? A cat? A mouse? Whichever. Animals have a way they touch our hearts than humans can. They offer comfort. They make you feel happy about yourself. They help you appreciate life. They increase your joy and as a whole it’s fun spending time with them, playing with them. If you don’t have one, it will be a great source of joy to get one.

How To Deal With A Breakup

Last of all, don’t beat yourself. Whether you were the one on the wrong or not, don’t beat yourself for too long. Accept the relationship is over. Purpose to change behaviors you have noticed in yourself that aren’t welcoming. Purpose to be a better you. Purpose to change yourself for the better. Purpose to be successful in whatever you do. Purpose to control negative emotions whenever faced with something that isn’t pleasant or you feel is threatening you. If you keep on beating yourself, you will end up killing yourself. Don’t do that. Remember as emphasized in this hub, there is more to life.

Before I go, let me say break up is one of the most hurtful things in the world. Even so, you can get back on your feet and begin moving on. It will take time but if you purpose the breakup won’t be a hindrance in the progress of your life, you will recover quickly from the breakup. Life is too short to be relieving on past memories. Time waits for no one. Don’t allow time to overtake you. Two years have passed since you broke up and you are acting as if it was two weeks ago. Get yourself together; you have a life to live, live it to your best. Don’t get stuck with memories which aren’t helping you in any way.


More by this Author


Ben716 profile image

Ben716 4 weeks ago from Kenya Author

Yah, you are right. It was never supposed to be Love Your Ex but Indifference. It should be very close as it used to be, just normal friends. Thanx dashingscorpio for the correction.

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 3 months ago

Excellent advice!

The only one that is questionable is #7 "Love your ex".

It really comes down to how volatile or toxic the relationship was. Sometimes one is better off disconnecting and never looking back.

The opposite of love is "indifference" not hate.

Hating someone can destroy your soul while (letting them go) allows you to (move on) without dwelling on them. It's as if you never knew them.

Unless you have children together there is no reason to feel obligated to stay in contact with an ex especially it was very toxic or unhealthy.

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article