Partner Adding Women Friends On Facebook

Facebook Etiquette?

Facebook and social media dating is a relatively new phenomenon which has as many pro's as it does con's. With the recent announcement that Facebook now has 1 billion active users, there's certainly no shortage of dating potential on the site. But what if you are already married or in a committed relationship. What effect is this temptation having on you and your partner?

Here's a typical story, which may sound all too familiar.

After several years of dating abstinence I embarked upon a new relationship with a truly fabulous guy. I am in my forties and he is in his fifties. We are both divorced. Everything had being going really well and there had been no major hiccups…well, not until fairly recently that is!

The one thing that has taken me entirely by surprise, is just how much social networking sites, such as Facebook, can impact adversely upon relationships.

Personally, I have never encountered anything quite like this before. It is a whole new ball game for me.

Now, I honestly wouldn’t call myself a jealous person and I am certainly no love struck, insecure teenager, but I am really struggling with the effect that Facebook is having upon my latest relationship.

To the best of my knowledge, I have never had a partner cheat on me before and hence, have no underlying psychological reasons to be doubtful.

Nonetheless, I am really perturbed by my partner’s recent addition of female “friends” to his Facebook account. Whilst we have managed to reach a somewhat uneasy truce regarding this matter (more on that below) it has made me wonder if there were any new social networking dating protocols that I had somehow managed to overlook in the intervening years!

With Facebook dating apps such as Zoosk and Are You Interested? rapidly increasing in popularity, should I be just a little bit worried?

A Little Background Information...

Firstly, I should probably point out that my partner already has many female friends and relatives on his Facebook account that were added before we met. I don’t have a problem with this. What I am struggling to come to terms with is the new, post-dating addition of local women whom, in reality, he hardly knows.

Due to the nature of his work, my partner comes into contact with lots of different people every day. He is extremely amiable and very popular. In fairness that is what makes him so successful in his job. Over a period of time, he will come into brief contact with the same faces over and over again. If someone were to add him as a Facebook friend, he would view it as impolite to refuse. That is his way.

I, on the other hand, am more cautious about who I accept as a Facebook friend. I see it as an invitation into my life and, to put it bluntly, there are some people whom I would rather not welcome!

Is He Facebook Dating?

Although there are many instances of people using Facebook dating as a vehicle to cheat on their partner, that is not my primary concern. It is more to do with the fundamental difference of opinion that we both have regarding what is acceptable for a couple within the confines of social media.

Make no mistake though. If I did uncover that he was using a Facebook app for dating, I would have no hesitation in calling time on our relationship.

The Facebook Relationship Problem

I consider his addition of these women, who in effect are little more than strangers to him, to be totally disrespectful towards me. It also makes me distrustful and question his commitment to our relationship. He doesn’t understand how hurtful it is to read in my news feed that “Steve and Nicola are now friends…Steve and Amy are now friends… etc etc.”

There is also the potential added embarrassment of some of my family members and friends receiving the same updates from him and drawing their own conclusions as to his motives!

He, on the other hand, refuses to apologize and thinks that I am making a complete drama out of nothing. Indeed, having only just added these women, his initial proposal was to delete them in several months time.

Not good enough I said!!

He views the addition of these women as being completely innocent and considers my ultimatum to “remove them” or else I “remove him” (from my friends list that is) to be a total over-reaction to the situation.He doesn’t even begin to comprehend why I would be so upset as, in his mind at least, he has no intention of cheating on me.

He doesn’t get that I am confused and hurt by his need to add these relatively random women when he is dating me. Equally, I don’t understand his desire for such superficial friendships.

In fact, we are both upset by the situation!

He did, albeit rather reluctantly I hasten to add, immediately delete the several women that I had taken issue with.

However, it has left an immense strain on our relationship.

Facebook Dating Apps

There are an increasing number of Facebook Dating Apps, most of which can be used on mobile phones. Two of the more popular apps are:

Are You Interested? - 4.7 million users

Zoosk - 17.3 million users

With an increasing number of these apps now available on Smartphones, more and more people are now preferring to find love via mobile Facebook dating.

Copyright © 2012 Marketing Merit - All Rights Reserved

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Disclaimer

Please note that this hub is not intended for use as a source of professional, psychological or medical advice but is provided solely for informational purposes.

Readers are advised to seek the services of competent professionals in these fields.

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Comments 9 comments

Jean Bakula profile image

Jean Bakula 4 years ago from New Jersey

I don't know if it matters. I have different interests than my husband, and I "talk" to other men online. It's just talk, usually about a site or subject. I don't have a Facebook A/C, because like you, I feel no need to tell everyone in the world every little thing I do. It is harder to be getting into new relationships with so much new technology. I guess if my guy was adding a bunch of women to his list, and it wasn't about work, I would feel bad too.


Marketing Merit profile image

Marketing Merit 4 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Thank you for your comments Jean, it is always nice to hear another point of view!

I'm not sure what the answer is to be honest. All I know is that he thinks I am acting like some jealous, insecure and petulant child. He just doesn't see any harm in his actions!

Thanks again ;)


kabelo teseletso 4 years ago

we met and were both happy,until i realised he was in another old relationship,was cheating,after finding out he asked forv forgiveness and to continue with me,i don't believe him and don't trust him anymore but i still love him and i don't know what to do


Marketing Merit profile image

Marketing Merit 4 years ago from United Kingdom Author

@Kabelo teseletso, sorry to hear about your problems.

However, I always believe that you should trust your gut instincts. Usually, our head knows what to do but our heart doesn't want to believe it.

Best wishes...


jantamaya profile image

jantamaya 4 years ago from UK

Marketing Merit, loved to read your hub about facebook and relationships. Look, when your partner isn’t cheating than there is no problem at all. He can have many, many friends (especially on facebook) but you’re his partner. This is what counts. Relax, lighten up and see that those problems are only created in your mind. Your negative feelings are based (very probably) on misjudged interpretation. Sometimes through our negative thoughts we are leading our partners from us away. Stay positive, this brings more positivity into your life, and believe in yourself.

Please let me know more about your relationship and the facebook, OK?

Voted up.


Marketing Merit profile image

Marketing Merit 4 years ago from United Kingdom Author

Thank you for your comment and words of encouragement Jantamaya.

I honestly don't believe he has any intention of being unfaithful. In his eyes, it is totally innocent and perhaps you are right, I do need to lighten up about the whole situation! ;)

Thanks once more for your interest in my dilemma!


Cc 18 months ago

Very similar boat.

Very cross, hurt and angry and he has no idea why.


Addison 17 months ago

If u continue going on about this, u will lose him. social media is here to stay. it doesn't make it easy on our relationships but its one of the things we have to ignore. He wants to add these women, even if he deleted the first set because u insisted, what happens to the others waiting to be added? Men nowadays want easy breezy dating, little or no rules and certainly no ultimatums.


hatty 6 months ago

I am in exactly the same situation, I feel its disrespectful and I don't know why he wants to have a friendship with some of these so called friends who he knows nothing about, some of my husbands new friends are single, women actively looking for a man. My friends are friends I have known. What was your outcome, my husband is furious with me as he say's I am accusing him of infidelity, but one of his friends actually asked him to meet up. I am so annoyed

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