pros and cons of marriage

Good News For Marrieds

Marriage has been part of cultures around the world for thousands of years. It's so good some take on more than one spouse, have children by multiple spouses, and live to ripe old age.

But not everyone may be married, of course. Some choose the single lifestyle

for more reasons than simply because there are more opportunities for different partners. Some like the freedom being single offers, the freedom from responsibilities to another person, and the avoidance of conflict they may have experienced in their home of origin. Some of these single individuals are heard to say: Marriage? Why would I want to place myself in such a horrible situation? My parents were married fifty years and it was hell.

As a group, married people suffer less absences from work, less illness, and live several years longer. They seem to suffer less from depression and loneliness and are less prone to commit suicide. Those who seek professional counseling have a high success rate of working things through their troubled times.

Whether a person decides to marry or not is subjective and based on individual desires that may be purely selfish. Some persons enjoy solitude and forgo the promise of marital bliss. Certainly, it is difficult to convince a single person how much fun children are, among other delightful traits. For many young people, marriage promises love, romance, a chance to get away from parental bonds or shows promise as a refuge where perceived needs may be substantially met. Needs(wants, really) such as consumer goods, driving a nice car and travel. In some instances, love may have little to do with it.Though few will admit marrying for money. It seems to matter little if the couple is in love. Age, physical and mental differences may all be overlooked where money is involved. Usually it is a younger woman with an older man, but this is changing as the beauty of women is recognized well into ages previously seemingly the domain of men only. The only fear for many women is that they are afraid of what their children may think. Few men, on the other hand, seem to worry iittle about what co-workers or family thinks about who they are with, especially if the woman is 20 or more years younger.

For singles, there are hazards not expected by those who envision a carefree life where all needs for companionship, sex, and ideally, someone who will keep the house and wash his dirty socks(after she picks them up of course). Now, there are men willing to keep house for a working woman, including working mom. For many, this arrangement fills the needs of everyone. Others may resent it.

Some singles are not alone by choice. Many have made the choice to leave an unhappy marriage, however, but large numbers have been left behind by a spouse who wants to play the field, try new possibilities, or because the divorced one is not faithful. Unfortunately, many never seem to learn the cause of their unhappiness is dishonesty and will throw themselves in plural marriage or multiple partners for life. In these cases,no amount of spying, threats, or a new hairstyle and nightgown is going to keep the unfaithful one faithful.

Sad are the singles who are unable to connect their behavior to aloneness. Only rarely will someone who is not great looking have trouble meeting a compatible mate. Often it is the ones a shade past prime who discover they are no longer desirable because of their looks. For younger singles, life is their oyster, as it should be for all youth. Fading singles find they must change or begin a whole new strategy, which incudes learning more adaptive ways to relate to others.

Of course, one does not have to be married to have a family. Nevertheless, the consequences for the widow and family of a partner can leave the estate in question open for greedy relatives to swoop in on. Property rights, of course, may be settled through careful assistance of a lawyer But often this is not taken care of beforhand. A partner dies leaving the family destitute. Marriage insures the distribution of community property, fairly. It keeps the family in the home, if that is their desire, and provides financial continuity.

Family and religious tradition are important considerations that help the family accept and celebrate the new member. Couples who fail to uphold family traditions may risk the wrath and banishment from the family. They also risk losing a connection with their place of worship. Where these ties are strong, it may create a good deal of conflict, including guilt and self recrimination.

Children are an important consideration. They may be subject to unwelcome consequences when couples are unmarried. A child may not have friends or bring anyone home due to the lack of marriage. Inheritance of property may come into question. A child with restored, stable family ties has a much greater chance of bouncing back from previou marital or couples trauma.

These are some of the factors to consider. People can be happy in the married or unmarried state. In the final analysis the choice is as individual as picking a favorite coat or exotic food. The consequences of a hasty marriage may be much more serious, however. Ultimately, no outsider is responsible for whether a person is comfortable single or Married, One may choose marriage because there is usually a nice warm home to come home to, someone to listen and pay attention to. That is the fantasy. Most say the first couple years are the most exciting but difficult to adjust to.

Many singles welcome the prospect of spending the weekend alone without making decisions about where to eat or what show to see. If they live with someone and it doesn't work out it may be easy to walk away. whether married or single, when couples break up they fight over property, seeking redress for the past, for nostalgia, or simply as a means to hang on and punish the other for real or imagined hurts.

There is a major benefit for society to have couples marry. Property and contracts and the rights of children are important considerations for society. Given the stormy history of marriage, some question its legitimacy, citing the problems marriage raises for society and for those who enter into it. We have seen some evidence that couples are very happy in marriage, however, times have changed and the male is no longer placed in the eyes of the woman as superior.

There is not enough evidence under the new rules to consider whether marriage still offers enough advantages for both parties. The hope is, of course, that marriage will still work even though the male must now fetch his own beer, accept no to sex at times, and live with the expectation he is going to carry at least half the load.

Singles have accepted the solitary life style, that there is no sharing of household chores, no extra paycheck to help with the bills, no fighting over what kind of car he/she may drive, arguments over where to eat , or recriminations for flirting or whom he or she spends spare time with.

As society moves into more troubled times filled with uncertainty and doubt, troubled attacks from outside, strange swings in once fairly predictable institutions, it is important that children especially have the safe harbor a loving family may provide. As resources become more scarce, onepartner may be forced by the economy to stay home with the children. Until the 1960s, only one partner worked outside the home. It was not a bad thing, overall.

Life is swift and no matter the choice one makes, there is not enough time to quibble, too little time to take chances. Throughout history, the wise love, marry, have children, and stay close to home.

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there is no time time to quibble, there are not enough chances, the wise play the hand they are dealt, and if they marry, stay close to home.

Comments 17 comments

greathub profile image

greathub 8 years ago from Earth

In my opinion pros outweigh cons if a person wants to have kids and have a family. Live-in relationships are detrimental for everybody. Anyone can opt to get out of the relationship anytime. Such relationships fall apart very rapidly. Children born outside the wedlock suffer low self-esteem. If anyone wants to raise good kids, have mental peace and good life, he/she should marry.


greathub profile image

greathub 8 years ago from Earth

In my opinion pros outweigh cons if a person wants to have kids and have a family. Live-in relationships are detrimental for everybody. Anyone can opt to get out of the relationship anytime. Such relationships fall apart very rapidly. Children born outside the wedlock suffer low self-esteem. If anyone wants to raise good kids, have mental peace and good life, he/she should marry.


solarcaptain profile image

solarcaptain 8 years ago from california Author

Exactly. People act like children are of no consequence when the exact opposite is true. Marriage has become almost frivolous it is taken so lightly by many. Some parents are so callous these days they bump the kids off to get them out of the way of a potential romance. There is no point in looking for causes for such bizzare and twisted behavior. They know right from wrong but narcissism wins over moral certainty. We all know the cost for this kind of thinking.

Thanks for your interest and comments.


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 7 years ago from Melbourne Australia

People finish a marriage as they do any other relationship.Many marriages end in divorce. I believe it is about the amount of neurotic content that comes with the person that causes relationships to fail.

Great hub, I gave it a thumbs up.


colleen 7 years ago

All I can say is THANK GOD the "RULES" have changed.... more love and kindness shown to your partner will indeed get you that beer..... and sex..... pros and cons of marriage.... in my opinion too many cons....(it seems eveyone is a con of a sort!)


solarcaptain profile image

solarcaptain 7 years ago from california Author

Very astutely said...and I agree with you about the considerations that get the goodies for both parties.

it's remarkable to see a couple in love go about as though they are the only two people in the world, out leaving love and happiness in their wake.


worldtraveler profile image

worldtraveler 7 years ago

Great hub! Your hub is full of great details and is totally true! I agree that statistically people live longer healthier lives when married. One must also think about divorce, that causes problems and stress for both parties figuring out who gets the children when , etc. When you are married you do not have to worry about that, and you also have someone who is always there for you.


Vizey profile image

Vizey 7 years ago

I would like to share a saying in Hindi which means Marriage is a sweet lolypop, If it is eaten by some one he will regret, If not, he will be tempted to eat due to its benefits.

Well, Nice info on marriage.


MrFlippy 6 years ago

If you cant find a good woman who will willingly get you a beer, it has nothing do with superiority or not. What a backwards way of looking at relationships. The idea of sharing "half the load" and "50/50" partnerships are probably two of the most destructive concepts in modern relationships. I bring a 100% uniquely male contribution to a relationship and my partner brings a 100% uniquely female contribution. Anything less is an unacceptable compromise.


Ivan Cuasito 6 years ago

awww that is so sad ... my adviece is to keep looking but be careful try1 to find someone that you know will always be by your side and loves you for you!!!


Raul Gutierrez 6 years ago

that is not true its the fucking oposite...!

ps: i no ivan hes my friends man but i think hes gay..!


Ben 6 years ago

I am married and I do %70 of our housekeeping, try to show my love to my wife but she is still cold. Seems we dont have any issue in our life, but for me the issue is

I am not satisfied of my life


Sama C 6 years ago

Marriage is like 'one big road with lots of signs'. From personal experience its vain, trauma and misery living a single life if anyone had wore that shoe of 'mister freeman or man alone'. My point is, there is no mister or madam perfect of good behavior in that ring of marry since humans are pron to err. But both, should rather sacrifice to consider, sometimes ignored or more pretend if faced with those signs of temptation just to keep the fate till the end.


Wedding Planning San Francisco  6 years ago

People act like children are of no consequence when the exact opposite is true. Marriage has become almost frivolous it is taken so lightly by many. Some parents are so callous these days they bump the kids off to get them out of the way of a potential romance.


Unmarried 4 years ago

This article while trying to present "the best of both worlds" failed to add in that some couple are stable and simply choose not to marry. You don't need to be married to prove your love.


solarcaptain profile image

solarcaptain 3 years ago from california Author

It is truly amazing the changes in society since I last updated this widely read and commented upon blog. It is therefore time to get caught up

on some of these recent happenings and I will do so this weekend. Meanwhile, thank you for all the comments, your interest, and for the extra added perspective so many of you brought to the page.


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Marriage is not a choice for everyone. Married life can be too much to cope with and can be taken for granted easily.

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