Living with a Psychopath

Disclaimer

This article is not intended to be, in any manner, gender biased. The  word ‘he’ instead of ‘he /she’ , has been used  throughout the length of the article only to maintain the flow of writing and  the observations given hereunder, are deemed to be applicable to both men and women falling in this category.

Are you dealing with a Psychopath?

What can be worse than waking up to a discerning fact, one fine morning, and realizing that the person whom you thought of spending the rest of your life with, is nothing short of a devious psychopath? I don’t blame you for not being able to decipher his sociopathic behavior while you dated him as I am sure he must have mesmerized you by his charming and condescending ways. That’s how such people project themselves in public. Perhaps they have a deep seated desire to get what they want, be it attention, appreciation, affection or recognition. This kind of behavior is, normally, an offshoot of a twisted or a neglected childhood, consistent failures in life, poverty (especially in childhood) or a constant nagging by an abusive parent or a partner / spouse. Well, there is an exception to this rule, though. We see children with psychopathic traits born and raised in homes of loving and caring parents. It’s tough for the parents to deal with such children; somehow nothing seems to work for such kids and finally the parents give up which makes things even worse.

It has been seen that in most cases such people develop antisocial behavior in order to seek (some sort of) vengeance from the society as they believe that it was the society that took away from them the happiness which they were they so rightfully entitled to. The crime files are loaded with profiles of such people…people who committed their first crime in their early childhood by killing the abusive parent and somehow continued deriving a perverse pleasure in punishing the wrong doers whenever they got a chance. Ok about the ‘wrong doer’ thing, they develop their own perception and make their own judgments about right or wrong and that might not necessarily be in conformity with the rules of a civilized society. Would it sound scarier if I tell you that such people exist everywhere; they can be in our own homes, work places, grocery stores, gas stations, diners we frequently visit, so on and so forth. It’s almost impossible to see that devil hiding behind the mask of a charmer. By the time reality hits, it’s generally too late.

Wikipedia Analysis for Psychopaths

Lack of a conscience in conjunction with a weak ability to defer gratification and/or control aggressive desires, often leads to antisocial acts.

Psychopaths (and others on the pathological narcissism scale) low in social cognition are more prone to violence, occupational failure, and problems maintaining relationships. Psychopaths differ in their impulse control abilities and overall desires. Those high in the pathological narcissism scale are more equipped to succeed, but pathological narcissism does not in any way guarantee success.

How to know that you are living with a Psychopath

1. He lacks the capacity of feeling someone else’s pain. He might fake it though.

2. He gets a sadistic pleasure in ‘starting the fire’ or, so to say, turning one friend against the other. See him slyly walking out of the situation as if he had nothing to do with it.

3. He is generally a control freak. All he is interested in is to have you all for himself. If you have friends (especially from opposite sex) and you love spending time with them, you would soon have to make a choice between your friends and your dear sociopathic lover. Depends on how desperately you want to hold on to a hopeless relationship.

4. He would generally keep assuring you that he loves you more than anything in the world but soon enough you will find his words meaningless and not correlating with his actions. His controlling ways gradually act as a slow poison to your overall personality, your confidence and your self esteem; it won’t be long enough before you stop believing in your own strengths, or should I say, become oblivious to who you actually are. You find yourself shying away from the crowds, fall short of words in front of people, subconsciously limit yourself by believing that you are not good enough as anything you do brings no results, live with an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach for the fear of confronting the unpredictable ‘him’. Obviously, by then, he would have played so much havoc with your mental health that you would always feel unsure of yourself and the words that pop out of your mouth. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to annoy a psychopath, especially, when you have to live with him underneath one roof and sleep in the same bed.

5. He gets a perverse pleasure in having sex with you, especially, if it’s against your wishes. What could be more exciting for him than hurting your pride and shattering your inner strength? You are just one of his prized possessions who is supposed to wear a smile at the dining table and carry a voluptuous and sensuous body to the bed, besides being a good mother to his children (if you have). Well, in some cases, such psychopathic individuals don’t have the capacity to love their children which makes it even more challenging for the abused spouse to take care of the emotional needs of the children, especially, in the event of being the battered and badgered one.

6. He is completely oblivious to your pain and emotional deprivation. He feels that he has given you everything you want, be it home, food or clothing and if you are still not happy with him, then something’s got to be wrong with your morality; you’re probably a slut as per his standards as he thinks that you can never be happy with one man. Don’t be surprised if, one day, you start questioning yourself or doubting your own morality, as such people are experts in lowering their partner’s self esteem.

7. If, somehow, you muster courage to tell him that you want to quit the relationship, he will try his utmost to keep you from walking out on him as that would not be conducive to him. He would never want anyone, not even you, to hurt his ego that bad. However, if, by any chance, you succeed in leaving him, he would make your life miserable even after you walk out of his life. He does not believe in ‘live and let live’ theory. All he knows is that he does not want you to be happy alone or with someone else. It’s his twisted mind which signals him to hold on to you even if that amounts to putting his own life on hold. He wants you to believe that he loves you but in reality, he has no clue as to what love really means. He manifests this strong emotion (love) by trying to keep you tied to him, by hook or by crook. The mere fact of having you missing from his life is unsettling for his narcissistic mind. Don’t ask me why they have such behavioral patterns as I wouldn’t know myself. They are what they are!

8. The whole idea of relationship is about ‘him’, ‘his happiness’ and ‘his rules’; you don’t exist. It’s nothing about you. You are only supposed to live a life he devised for you and that too within the parameters he set for you. You are supposed to be happy with all that he has offered you, with no complaints and no grievances; he doesn't want to believe that you could have reasons for not being happy in the world he created for you for the simple reason that he lacks the capacity of seeing things from someone else’s perception. He just believes that he is right and everyone else is wrong.

9. He has a tendency to hold on to whatever he possesses, be it material wealth or the people (he thinks) he loves; he does not know how to ‘let go’. You might feel that he is totally insensitive, inhuman and incorrigible when he so easily tramples your emotions and compels you to live a life that limits your inner growth and proves detrimental to your objectives and dreams. Did I say dreams? Well, don’t try to explain to him that you have dreams of your own as you are not supposed to have anything independent of him in the first place.

10. He would expect you to accompany him in all his social events and dinner parties but he would not, most likely, like to return the favor when you ask him to visit a friend of yours or attend a party hosted by your own dear friend. Even if he does accompany you, you might find yourself on tenterhooks all the time, not knowing which act or body gesture of yours could turn him off. So on your way back home you might regret the idea of going to the party in the first place. After all what is the idea of participating in such events when you cannot be yourself and have fun with that sword of Damocles hanging on your head all the time. The net result? Your social life, eventually dies an untimely death and you bury it with your own hands in some corner of your aching heart.

Treatment for Psychopaths

I hate to say this but it’s a fact that there is no treatment for such disorders. Such people are incurable and untreatable. First of all they would never realize that they need help and even if they do visit a psychiatrist or a psychologist for consultation, they would end up being put on some long term medication which is essentially prescribed to such patients for keeping their nerves under control. Well, that might help if the person shows signs of aggression and violence also but in all other cases, I doubt if the medication can help in changing the very thought process which has its roots in the unhealthy past of such people. I don’t like to say that such people should be left alone or that you should be careful enough in not letting yourself fall for their pseudo charm but then it does not make sense to put your life at stake for someone whom you can never be sure of. Who wouldn’t want a life full of sanity and stability! Watch out for the lurking dangers! It’s your life which is involved here so be sure of what you are getting into. That’s all I can say.

Psychopathic Lover

5 out of 5 stars from 1 rating of Psychopathic Lover - How to Recognize one

Have you ever been in a relationship with a psychopath?

  • Yes
  • No
  • I'm always careful in choosing my partners
  • Thank God I've been lucky for not having to deal with one such kind
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Comments 39 comments

Scott.Life 7 years ago

Wow!!! I recognize alot of behaviors here.


Jess Killmenow profile image

Jess Killmenow 7 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

Let me put it this way: I have never been in a relationship with a DIAGNOSED psychopath. :)


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

I recognized some behaviors from some of my sister's boyfriends, and one of my early boyfriends. I think there might be degrees--I think my bad boyfriend was very insecure, instead of being narcissistic.


Rob Wurd 7 years ago

I'm afraid that could be me. Unfortunately, my "Peace" wants to play head games, at what she thinks is a "safe" distance, maybe you should talk to her, tell her how dangerous a game she is playing, or maybe she's a psychopath like me, or maybe neither of us are psych/sociopaths and this is all a huge misunderstanding.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Scott.Life , Jess Killmenow & Paradise7:

It just needs some observation to notice those (somewhat) offbeat behavioral patterns exhibited by people whom we interact with, on daily basis. As Jess rightly said, most of them are not even 'diagnosed' with such disorders as they never seek professional help. Sometimes I feel that these people are not the victims here; the victims are those who have to deal with them or even worse, stay in a relationship with them. Thx for sharing your views.

Rob Wurd: I'm not sure what exactly is the problem we're talking about. It would really help if you can give some details...that is only if you're comfortable. Thx for stopping by.


Rob Wurd 7 years ago

I fell way too in love with this girl, at first sight to be exact (which really freaked me out, because at the time I thought romantic love was a sucker's delusion, and, in light of the last years events, have reverted to this "awareness") she pulled me aside and we built a really sweet friendship, she was there for me when some close friends of mine since childhood died untimely deaths, under tragic circumstances. Then, on Valentine's Day, last year she baked me a cake and that's when things started to go bad. I thought she wanted more, and reacted poorly, I called a couple of days latter all combative, like "what was that supposed to mean?", "do you want more or were you just "being nice" because you know I'm alone on valentines day (like every other day)" any way, she encouraged (I think) my excruciatingly slow advances over the next six months, as I couldn't cross that line, because I had so much wrong with me that I didn't even know what it was (I've spent about four of the last 22 years incarcerated in one form or another, the perfect trust issues created in that environment)so I'm jumping through all these hurdles within myself, trying to get to this person, and just as I get to a place where I no longer feel it would be unconscionable to get involved with another person like that, she moved to Portland, OR (3000 miles from me). After she left I just crapped out, I had a seizure woke up in some strangers car, and I think it may have affected my memory, because it's like all my memories of her were just gone. Then I started obsessing over this idea that I knew her from a past life (and remember on top of that!)(I, to this day, believe she was Emily Bronte, and I Charlotte)so I severed our contact because it seemed to me our relationship was not what I thought, also the obsessing over her really scared me (for everyone involved). A couple of months later I decided maybe I'm not as crazy as I think, but she wouldn't speak to me. I figure it must be because she's just playing head games with me to teach me a lesson about my narcissism (I really am the most capable human being I have ever met; excessively brilliant, in that I am the greatest visionary that will ever walk the planet earth, but tragically uneducated; now with humility to rival my gifts!)anyway since I think she's trying to teach me a lesson, I decided to return the favor by using these social networking sites to be menacing (the lessons being, be careful who you wake up, heed red flags, and don't feed strays.)


Nancy's Niche profile image

Nancy's Niche 7 years ago from USA

Excellent article with information and video's that enhanced the story line.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Rob Wurd: Although I'm not qualified to judge such kind of situations, yet, it seems like you've been afraid of getting into relationships; we call it commitment issues. I understand you've had your own reasons to be like the way you are but then you should not blame the girl for what happened between you two. If you think dispassionately and assess the entire sequence of events (which I'm sure you would have)you will realize that it wasn't her fault as well. Perhaps she found out something in you which lead her to believe that it (relationship with you)wasn't going to work. As I said in my hub, everyone needs stability and sanity in a relationship. It's better you stop creating menace for her; it's not going to make things any better for you or her. Focus on your self and if possible consult a professional psychologist so as to bring more coherence and stability in your mental framework. Thx so much for sharing your story here. It might help some readers.

Nancy's Niche: Thx a lot for always appreciating my work. So nice of you to have stopped by.


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

Anjali: Its a shame that science does not have a cure for it, that they can't figure out what drug would help the part of the brain that causes these dysfunctional traits. Also wonder if perhaps some primitive society has a natural remedy to heal various symptoms of mental illness, wouldn't be surprised. Thank God I never had a relationship with one.

Very informative peek into this personality disorder!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Hi Marie: It's interesting to see how human psyche gets affected by the environment its exposed to. Our brain has its own weaknesses & strengths; in a conducive environment it is capable of achieving the impossible but in adverse situations it becomes dysfunctional. That's why we say..'a man is only a result of his circumstances'. Our situations govern our personality types and our mental framework. Sometimes I wonder if we can ever remain totally unaffected by our environment and accomplish whatever we want in our lives. Thx for making my hubs worth reading. Your presence itself does wonders for me. :)


BeatsMe profile image

BeatsMe 7 years ago

Wow. I recognize some behaviors here that I have to deal with. You sure are right, being with such people can be miserable.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

BeatsMe: Statistics say that 2% of world population consists of psychopaths. If you ask me I'll say it's way beyond that. No wonder why relationships have become so difficult these days. Thx for your kind comments.


Universal Laws profile image

Universal Laws 7 years ago from UNIVERSE

Your answer to Rob Wurd - "If you think dispassionately and assess the entire sequence of events (which I'm sure you would have)you will realize that it wasn't her fault as well"

Just to remind you that both people are responisble for what happens in a relationship however short or what ever style of relationship. Everything operates on a resonance/vibration basis. Each party in this scenario were responsible for their own actions. There should be no blame here just learning from what happened with their own behaviour - I would say that to both parties - and move on with what you have learnt about yourself.

Nobody else has done so but I will beg to ask, have you yourself had a relationship where you attracted a psychopath type character? If so have you released the feelings that you have that it was all their fault and that you didn't attract it in the first place?

Love and light

Namaste


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Universal laws: I'm not sure if you're endorsing my view or saying something contrary to that. What I replied in Rob Wurd's case is exactly what you're saying. I meant that he should stop blaming the girl for whatever happened and move on .Perhaps that's what you're trying to say here.

Thx very much for your insight.


vrbmft profile image

vrbmft 7 years ago from Yucaipa, California

I don't know if all narcissists are psychopaths, but psychopaths are narcissistic, and what interesting about narcissists is they have no internal sense of self. There is no place inside where they can hang their hat, so to speak. They live on the verge of annihilation which is perhaps the one emotion they feel, but not on a conscious level. They need the rest of the world to mirror them and when you don't, they become FURIATED and maybe INFURIATED as well. Just a funny!! When I read the title of this blog, my first reaction was SLEEP WITH YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN!!

I know it's not funny, but. In some ways, because of our iignorance about what very little people need, its a miracle there are not more psychopaths, but I guess that speaks to the resilience of human life. Thanks for the detailed and informative blog and it gives me an idea for writing a blog about this internal sense of self that many folks have regardless of what they experience, but some folks just don't "got it." And it's not fun, perhaps charming, but not fun to be around or live with someone who doesn't have it.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

vrbmft: That was an amazing analysis. I liked that ...'sleep with your eyes open'. Literally, that's how you got to live your life when such people are around. As you said, they might be charming but they can drive you crazy if you decide living with them. If, somehow, you happen to do so, after a while it might be hard to figure out which one of you is a psychopath. :) Thx for sharing your views here.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

It is the best possible solution not to stay in relationship with psychopath especially in hope that he/she will change, in the name of love.

Some of them change only if they recognize that something is wrong with them and that nobody accepts them any more. Only chance of progress which can be offered to them is to leave them to their own destiny...AND NOT TO TRY TO HELP THEM.

Great article, Anjali, thanks.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Tatjana: Its sad...very sad. Relationships / lives are ruined because of some malfunctioning of mind. To make things worse, there seems to be no long lasting cure for such condition. No matter how hard a person (with sociopathic traits)tries not to, he still keeps oscillating between the two aspects of his personality (good & bad) which drives the other people around him literally crazy. I shouldn't be saying this but its true that most of them are left alone, sooner or later, as their partners find it inexplicably hard to live with them. Perhaps its something to do with the environment they were raised in. Blame the circumstances! Thx for your warm presence.


Deborah Sexton 7 years ago

The Green River Killer said he was missing the part that "CARES"


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 7 years ago from New York Author

Hi Deborah: In a very short span of time you've become one of my top favorite hubbers. I love reading your hubs over and over again. We seem to have common interests. You won't believe it if I say that I was thinking of you for the last some days as I wanted to leave comments in your hubs and I wasn't just finding time. And here you are! Mind does send signals. Thx for showing up. (Hugs)


Deborah Sexton 7 years ago

Wow Lady, you drew me here. Proof positive we have power over our lives.

I love your subjects too. We have lots in common


my-success-guru profile image

my-success-guru 6 years ago from Upstate NY

Hi Anjali,

What if the person you love is a psychopath -- an alcoholic -- domestically violent -- addicted to gambling etc.. etc..? Psychologists predict that about 75% of families are disfunctional -- sad but true. And I am speaking from my own personal experience. The point is if you experienced any of these disfuctions, my heart goes out to you, at the same time I hope knowing that you are in the company of many good people offers you at least some peace. Many people have found some peace amoungst the storm and I know you can too. Just know, if you are in pain, I would put it all on myself if I could. But for now all I can say is dance! And no matter how strong you are we all need each other. I am here for you if you ever want to reach out. ;)

Blessings,

Jim


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

Jim: You have a kind heart. I appreciate your loving words but I guess everyone has to journey thru this life alone. People might walk with you for some part of it but you got to face it all by yourself, whether its good or bad. Thx for being so supportive.


my-success-guru profile image

my-success-guru 6 years ago from Upstate NY

Anjali,

I understand that you may feel that you have to journey thru this life alone and people might walk with you only for some part. The truth is, you really don't have to face it all by yourself. Facing things in life with the support of others doesn't make you weak -- it makes you human and it makes people feel good that they can reach out. Even what many consider the most lonely experience on earth -- passing on -- doesn't have to be lonely. Remember, we all are created from energy. The laws of physics states, energy can neither be created nor destroyed -- just a reminder of everything you already know! Someday I'll meet you on the other side. :)

Hugs,

Jim


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

Jim: I agree its one universe...one cosmos. We're all going to remain here in form or the other. Who knows we might run into people we know and love (in this life) again but in a different time zone. I really appreciate your heart felt words but please don't take this article so seriously. Its just a hub. Thanks again for everything.


Myriad profile image

Myriad 6 years ago from the bottom of your heart .. ie chennai!

Hey , I seriously doubt your capacity to write such a judgemental hub ? is there any psycological or scientific understanding in this ? and what do you mean it is not curable ! Do we need to just leave these people alone ! ? and all you refer to is a HE ! You seem to be a defensive feminist one sided female who has all these psycological traits as what you describe in your hub !

However , I do understand the pain in being with a person , with these traits ! it must have got to be a living hell ! It s better to ..stay away from these people than to be invovled . It is better to be lonely than to be with such people !


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 6 years ago from New York Author

Hi Myriad: I seriously doubt if you read the disclaimer in the very beginning of the hub. Please read it before calling me judgmental and a defensive feminist. Thanks for stopping by.


notestojenny profile image

notestojenny 5 years ago

Well hello, I've actually been on a continuous search to help "heal" myself.

My thoughts here are going to be choppy. THere's so much to be said, but will highlight on a few points...

Looking back, I always felt like other parents loved their kids, my friends, with over whelming affection way more than my parents. I was always a very happy kid growing up until my parents divorce and seeing the nasty side of how my father was to my mother all the time growing up. I pressed on trying to be happy and my father did things to try and bring me down, ruin my life, so I cut him out and he still did things to try and ruin my life. Growing up I was a daddy's girl and we got a long great great actually, until my dad did things to me to get at my mom. Growing up in high school without my father was challenging. Def could of used a male in my life at that crucial point in my life because I made so many mistakes from feeling lonely.

Before all this I had so many friends growing up and as I got deeper into this I started to become depressed and my popularity dwindled away.

I finally moved out of the midwest after attending 2 years at my community college away from everything to sunny Florida to go to school and just start fresh and live the life I dreamed of. Went to school, lived it up down here at the ripe age of 20 and felt like I was on top of the world! That first year was a HUGE high for me.

Starting around the age of 15 til present there has never been a consistent feeling of happiness. True happiness. I try to stay positive all the time, there's just something that comes over me and makes me feel lonely, like nobody cares about me, wants to be around no matter how much I try.

Over the years, there's been so many friendships that have been awesome and all of a sudden I just needed to "have my space" but to the other person, me just wanting to hang out by myself translated to them as were not that good of friends and the relationship no longer felt strong and they moved on.

Anymore, now that i'm 22 I just feel like isolating myself and having my me time and going out with friends or others in small doses, but then again I have an urge for someone to want to hang out with me when i'm available and it's like no one is ever available and I feel like I have no friends.

Worse, for years, I just feel I have no strong connection with anyone on the face of this earth and it's the worst feeling ever in the world.

I yearn for this connection SO SO SO SO much, but my nature and nurture circumstance I feel are holding me back from this even though I stay positive and try so hard.

I wish there was a cure for me. Being me feels so draining. I don't want to be this. I want to be at my best at all times and feel love and give love all the time, like other human beings. This is so challenging for me. I love my uniqueness, but then again I just want to be normal, feel the blessings normal people feel consistently.

I JUST WANT THAT PURE CONNECTION

Any help would be truly greatly appreciated!!


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 5 years ago from New York Author

notestojenny :

I perfectly understand where you're coming from and what's going on in your life. I would like to make a few suggestions, if you're ok with it. I would, however, want you to send me a private message through 'contact' tab (underneath my picture on top right corner of this page)so that we can discuss this outside of a public forum. I look forward to hearing from you. Take care of yourself.


Jewels 5 years ago

My children's father, my ex is a textbook Psychopath. He fits into every characteristic and has the criminal record to prove it. I do not know his mental health diagnosis and I only hold a BA but I'll be damned if I'm not writing a book about my 13 year experience with him.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 5 years ago from New York Author

Jewels: I perfectly understand what you must have gone through. I think you must get it off your chest. Write a book - it really helps. It won't get you back the years you lost but it might help you in moving forward with a lighter heart and mind. Thank you for sharing. :)God be with you!


Christine 5 years ago

My dear son is five and was abused by his step mother, I was with his father for three years and was abused by him. He would compulsively lie even when caught and make me cry only to tell me to shut up because my crying was annoying him. I left when he broke my nose. I am no expert but I have strong suspicions that he has APD, he tells stories from childhood of watching his mother get beat and trying to save her from her boyfriends. Anyway now our son has begun trying to hurt my cat all the time, compulsively lying, and wetting the bed. I am getting him therapy but at age five is it possible that through his being abused and seeing me abused he could have been changed? Could he grow up to be a psychopath or do you think I can save my baby? I am single now and he does not visit dad now.


anjalichugh profile image

anjalichugh 5 years ago from New York Author

Dear Christine: I would like to address this problem outside of this hub because this is a public forum. E-mail me, giving reference of this hub, at anjali@anjalichugh.com.

We'll take this conversation there.

I look forward to hearing from you.

take care.


priya 4 years ago

I love a psycho who doesn't understand or care about me.....still i think of him....I know he is....bt i also knw oneday he can understand...but i am happy.....


Your Daddy 4 years ago

There is a subclassification of psychopaths that focus their destructive behavior only through sexuality, please check the sexopathy checklist for more information


anony 4 years ago

i was in a toxic marriage for a long time. both of us have had history of not being faithful and of also seeing others more as sources of something for us (self-esteem more than material). through counseling i found that she was often given empathy for my behavior toward her while i was afforded zero empathy. after reading numerous books and meeting a with a couple dif therapists over the years, i am seeing my mistakes and working toward changing myself. i still cannot seem to get over one fact which seems to pop out at me through my reading and interactions with counselors, there is a bias present to see woman are victims and men as aggressors when a relationship is dysfunctional.... a propensity to see male anger as cause and female anger as victim-response. even in articles like this one I often see it written with the person who has the personality disorder being "him" "he" "his" etc... in my personal experience, this enables female abusers even more so. it would be nice to see some overt effort at explaining these disorders in a gender neutral approach. i cannot tell you what it is like to be abused by a female who can play a victim-role and depend on general bias otherwise to help enable her continued behavior. seriously, it's simply astonishing.


RK Henderson 3 years ago

An important point for those of us who have been in abusive relationships with female psychopaths is that they often "control" by remaining outside the commitment. That is to say, they get off on seducing multiple men, while assuring each they're "in love" with him, and often not mentioning the others. They don't try to order your life, except to assure you everything's fine in ever more outrageous circumstances. (Big red flag: they're somehow never available on weekends or vacations.)

In my experience, they also feign emotional stress, which has the double effect of getting them a free pass to trot around ("I'm too depressed to see you this weekend, I'm going home to Mother") and softening your heart so you will stop asking probing questions.

For all I know there are male psychopaths that do this too, but it's important to note that there are female versions of the traditional "psychopathic" behaviours that are more subtle, less physical, and leave a hazier trail. That's why the stats on psychopaths often claim there are more male ones than female. But the women are just different.

Except in the matter of sowing pain and destroying lives. In that they're exactly the same.

(For the benefit of others who have been there, or are there still.)


Evelina Williams 3 years ago

Isn't Facebook and other "SOCIAL" communities generating more psychopaths?

At least secondary psychopaths if not true psychopaths. People these days are living robotically, even if someone is not a true psychopath he might behave as one (secondary psychopathy) AND the mediq along with social media plays a role in creating more and more cold hearted secondary psychopaths.


Julie 10 months ago

Do you have any recommendations living relationships with psychopaths that aren't romantic (ex. Friendships)?

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