Signs of a Failing Relationship

Is My Relationship Failing?

Have you ever experienced feeling so tired of a relationship? Like not wanting to go home early or being bored to go to work? Or even feeling like a deadbeat every time you talk to your partner, boss, friend, or a co-worker. Wherein you want to avoid seeing or talking to them and eventually you find yourself making so much excuses. Perhaps, you need to check out if you or your partner has these signs that your relationship is coming to a failure. It all boils down to one word H-A-T-E . . .

Having a Communication Withdrawal

- This is the first sign of a failing relationship. You no longer want to talk or listen to your partner or the other person to avoid dealing with conflict. You have that feeling that it would still be useless if you try to explain your side of the story. You possibly do things on your own and you begin to hide some information to avoid any discussion. You tend to hide your feelings whenever you feel hurt, lonely or problematic over some matters. You tend to withdraw from places, areas, topics or jobs that may eventually lead to a conversation with that person. For instance, couples who pretend that they felt tired every time they go home from work or an employee who sends e-mail questions to his boss instead of asking it personally may have this H-sign in their relationship. Other significant indications may include “making excuses to go out, having a frowning or a sad face, easily gets bored, or starting to look for others company.” You no longer have that feeling of enjoyment when you talk or work together. You are no longer interested to know about the things that are happening to your partner’s life. You now start to lose connection with each other.

Act of Defensiveness

- This is the second sign of a failing relationship. You now have the tendency to get easily irritated. You start to develop that feeling of being put down and ignored by your partner or boss. For instance, if the husband was retrenched from his work and his wife will tell him to look for a job, he may possibly interpret it as being labeled as a bum. On the other hand, if the husband forgot her birthday, she may perceive it as being neglected. Other situations may differ in the office such as if you have a highly qualified staff who is always being recognized by the Management, you, as his supervisor, tends to disregard his work in fear that he may replace you. In contrast, if your staff feels disregarded by you then he may tend to become suspicious and cynical every time you correct his work. You tend to stand up for what you think is right without hearing the other person’s side. You tend to lose your ability to listen because you feel that you are being criticized every time your partner says something to you. You see yourself as a person being neglected in spite of all your efforts to contribute at home or at work. You now tend to defend yourself from possible insults and conflicts that may come into your relationship. You now feel that you are a victim and tend to protect your “ego”.

Total Decreased of Performance

- Let’s try to compare a relationship communication to a profit and loss in a business. If the performance of a company decreased then there is a big possibility that employees’ benefits may also decreased. If an employee lost his interest at work then his output may lessen too. In the same way that if we lost our interest to communicate in our relationship then there may also be a lost of support to each other. Our relationship may now start to dwindle and then eventually end up as a failure. For instance, if you notice that your best staff starts to go to work late and takes a longer lunch break then this is already a hint that there is a problem. Furthermore, if your husband starts to go home late or will always say that they have a meeting in the office then this might be the right time to evaluate your relationship. If your wife stops preparing good dishes for you or stops caring for your personal needs then this might be a warning sign that you might want to pay attention. We tend to stop the things that we normally do for our partner, boss or friends when we start to withdraw and act defensively. Our attention level tends to diminish and we now show lack of concern to each other.

Expecting Too Much

- When we argue too much in our relationship, we tend to set a higher goal to our partner whether intentionally or unintentionally wanting to see the other person fail. This is a connection between acting defensively to protect our ego and expecting too much to satisfy us. We tend to develop that feeling of deception in our relationship. However, there are instances when we set an extreme expectation from our partner or children that is obviously too hard to attain. This may now result to a feeling of failure that eventually leads to a family communication problem. In this same way that if we try to be somebody just to be loved then we might end up in the world of depression. Whichever way it is, we become frustrated if we expect too much from our partner that definitely affects our relationship. It is very hard for anybody to become the person that we are not.

Love is a great risk in life that is worth trying for . . .
Love is a great risk in life that is worth trying for . . .

When you start to feel that you hate your partner then it’s time that you both evaluate your relationship before it ends up too late. These are signs that you may feel in your relationship that is, H-A-T-E. When you no longer feel that fire of love, then what follows next is hate.

Lastly, I want share to with you a line from the book Living, Loving & Learning written by one of my favorite author Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D, which says “You, if you are a loving person, will rule words and not allow words to rule you.”


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Comments 39 comments

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gurubaranpy 7 years ago

Nice article. I really needed it. I had many strained relationships. Besides can you please tell me how to repair a strained relationship especially if it is damaged by somebody else. Say, there are 3 friends and two are closer and if there is a quarrel between two of them all the three friends are separated. I once underwent this situation and didn't know how to handle it.

TINA V profile image

TINA V 7 years ago Author

I am working on my 2 more articles about relationship communication: common reasons why couples fight and how to mend a broken relationship. Thank you for reading my articles.

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 years ago from East Coast, United States

Maintaining any relationship takes a lot of work and sometimes a bit of humility, very difficult. You have certainly described a failing relationship. But sometimes love does not change to hate - the absence of love is indifference.

TINA V profile image

TINA V 7 years ago Author

Hi Dolores, you are right. It is really difficult to maintain a healthy relationship. It takes a lot of hardwork and humility on both sides. In this hub, I emphasized more on the general signs of a failing relationship. I wrote another article entitled "How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship".

Thank you for your comment. Happy Weekend!

christalluna1124 profile image

christalluna1124 7 years ago from Dallas Texas

Tina, Excellent hub. My relationship has reached the point to where we live in the same house but not together. everything about him annoys me.


TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi christalluna1124,

I understand your feeling. When couples have a rocky relationship with their partners, the person really tends to feel annoyed and irritable. The spark of being connected is no longer there. But I wrote another article on "How to Mend a Broken Relationship." You might be interested to check it out. Thanks for reading this hub. I really appreciate it. Have a great week!

Lainy 6 years ago

I, too, have reached the point of having everything about someone I supposedly "love", annoy me....We have never had a stable relationship, probably never will. I have tryied counseling(couples), and singles, and to no avail, succeeded....We have a 3 and a half month old together and it complicates things even more.....i think I threw in the towel a long time ago....sometimes it's just easier to walk away than try to repair it:(

Liz Alshirey 6 years ago

Great advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now sad to say almost everything in your article is true about our relationship. It makes me sad to see such a great thing to go waist, but we dont see eye to eye on anything anymore. I feel like we have grown different ways, and we are not even married yet!

TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi Lainy, my apology for the late reply. I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Counseling do help couples, but each also have a role to play. I have another article entitled "How to Mend a Broken Relationship." I hope it would help you. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you.

Have a great week!

TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi Liz,

I know a lot of people who also experienced failed relationships, but they eventually found somebody that were meant for them. It is really sad to let go of something that you have put much effort. However, we all learn from our experiences. Just let go and let God do the rest. I'm glad to hear from you. I really appreciate your comment.

Have a great week!

Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 6 years ago from Long Island, NY

I myself had experienced "Communication Withdrawal" with a former girlfriend after trying to communicate about the issues when she refused. I finally lost all interest in communicating any further and just broke up. I related to your thoughts. Another great hub of yours.

TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi Glenn, I'm sorry to hear about your relationship with your former girlfriend. But we all learn from our past. Thank you for sharing your experience. Have a great weekend!

katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Very well written and cold hard facts of truth. This is a great guide to relationship failure.

TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi katie, I really appreciate your comment. In a relationship, it is sometimes difficult to accept the truth behind the failure. I hope this would help our readers in their personal life. Thank you so much.

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luciouse 6 years ago

Very well said. My relationship of 3 years unfortunately ticks all the above and I don't know what to do. There has been a lot of infidelity some with very close friends of mine which has left me broken and hurt.

I would love to continue fighting for the relationship but i don't have the strength or know how...

Thank you very much

TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi luciouse, I'm sorry to hear that your relationship is failing. Infidelity can really hurt a relationship. I suggest that you analyze first if it still worth saving if there has already been a lot of infidelity going on. If your answer is yes, then I have another article entitled "How to Mend a Broken Relationship." I hope it would help you. But if you think otherwise, then you have to move on. I'm sure you'll find the right partner for you. Good luck!

I really appreciate that you've shared your experience to our readers. Thank you.

Have a great week!

kate 6 years ago

This article is basically describing my relationship with my partner for 4 years now. Three time this week he told me he thinks i need to move out or he wasn't sure if he wanted this relationship anymore. then i am the dumb one and tell him i don't want to leave that i love him. i believe deep down he is trying to make me leave cause he is to scared to end it. I guess i should make the choice to leave then. Why is giving up so hard even if it is the right choice?

TINA V profile image

TINA V 6 years ago Author

Hi Kate,

I understand how you feel about the situation. Separation is the difficult part of loving someone. Sometimes bad things happen in our lives that we may not understand; and that includes letting go someone that we love. The pain that you feel is part of making life’s choices. It may be hard to give up something, but God uses these difficulties to develop one’s character. Through these trials, you will learn to overcome struggles in life. The Bible tells us, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” (James 1:2 – 3)

As you go through life, just concentrate on the roses instead of the thorns. Let us be reminded of the verse in Hebrews 11:40, “God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.” He has his plans prepared for us before we even knew it. He wants us to work it together with Him and not for us to work alone. Just pray for His guidance. If you don’t believe in prayers, let someone pray for you.

I also suggest that you check out my other hubs on “How to Mend a Broken Relationship” and “How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship” before you make your final decision. You might find some insights to better understand your situation. God bless you.

I really appreciate sharing your experience with us. I hope that others who may be in a similar situation with you may also learn from this comment. Thank you for checking out this hub. Have a great weekend!

mary.jane profile image

mary.jane 5 years ago

thanks tina for this amazing hub, it's really opened my eyes to my how my previous relationship went wrong.



TINA V profile image

TINA V 5 years ago Author

Hi Mary Jane,

I’m sorry to hear that your last relationship didn’t worked, but it’s good that this article helped you understand what went wrong. I wish you the best with your new or future partner. I really appreciate your effort to share a bit of your experience. Thank you for checking out this hub. I apologize for my late reply. Enjoy your weekend!

mary.jane profile image

mary.jane 5 years ago

not a worry, Tina V !

i really enjoyed reading it and will take away plenty from it.

seeing as you are very knowledgable in this area, you might like to check out my newest hub on teenage relationships :)

i hope your weekend was splendid,


TINA V profile image

TINA V 5 years ago Author

Hi MJ, it's good to hear from you again. I will definitely check out your newest hub. Enjoy your week!

ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

awesome and great! Thanks for the hub

TINA V profile image

TINA V 5 years ago Author

Hi ubanichijioke,

I'm sorry for my late reply. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you for checking out this hub.

Have a great week!

HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

The question is what are you doing to make it be alive, or making it a better relationship? What kinds of things are you showing your partner that are positive, good, and loving about them, or are you just focusing on all the negatives!

TINA V profile image

TINA V 5 years ago Author

Hi HattieMattieMae,

This is only one out of the five articles I have published about relationship communication. This hub talks more on the signs that can be harmful to any relationship. To answer your question, you may check out these two hubs:

How to Mend a Broken Relationship

How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship

I hope this helps you. I really appreciate your comment. Thank you. Have a great week!

Daniel 5 years ago

Thanks for such an article ,I feel exactly that way my relationship for over 3 year is on that path and I am tired of trying to work on it.That part that you talk about expectation is a very important factor.I have decided to just end it and try to focus on myself cause I have given everything I could and sadly all those 43 months feel like I have wasted my time,anyway we live and we learn a lot from broken relationship.

TINA V profile image

TINA V 5 years ago Author

Hi Daniel,

I’m sorry about your broken relationship. Thank you for sharing your experience. I hope you’ll find that peace in your heart as you move on in life.

On the other hand, I wrote this article so that people who are in a situation of finding out what is happening to them as a couple might still be able to understand the reasons that makes their relationship fail. I also wrote two more articles entitled, “How to Mend a Broken Relationship” and “How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship” that might help, too.

Thank you for checking out this hub. Have a great week!

vicky 4 years ago

hi. i think my relation is falling apart. i've been married for 3years now. me and my husband love each other very much and we have a one year old daughter. my husband is a very deficult person. he gets angry at anything. take different meaning out of things. wont let me visit my family. says really hurtfull things sometime. even rais his hand on me sometime. he does say sorry sometime. but now it seems like to me that his sorry means nothing to me anymore. i really love him and i know he does too but dont know why he behaive like this sometime. what shall i do now to save my relationship?

TINA V profile image

TINA V 4 years ago Author

HI Vicky,

Thank you for sharing your experience. I suggest you check out my other article entitled “How to Mend a Broken Relationship.” Here’s the link:

First, I’m sorry about your relationship with your husband. It is normal for couples to fight over something, but it is not right for one spouse to physically or emotionally hurt his partner. It is right to respect your husband, but do not forget to respect yourself too. Respect is one factor that contributes to a successful marriage.

Second, your husband has an anger management problem based on your story; whereas in your case, you have the tendency to be too submissive to him, which is not also good. I suggest both of you need to seek counseling for couples, which can be through your church or with a life coach. If your husband really loves you and your daughter, he will be willing to seek help to save your marriage.

Third, I still believe in the old saying – “A family that prays together, stays together.” I encourage you to try to do it; seek God’s forgiveness and help, then trust Him fully.

Last, continue to do your role as a good wife and mother; but if your husband is not willing to compromise, I’m sorry to say you also have to learn to let go. “Letting go of someone you love can be painful, but it can also be the cure to your pain.”

I wish you the best in your married life. I hope you and your husband can settle your differences with each other. God bless!

me 4 years ago

No relationship is worth the hassle. Stand alone and damn those who would try to make you weak by dependence.

carol7777 profile image

carol7777 4 years ago from Arizona

Relationships fail for many reasons. However when you have been with someone for a long time and have mostly been happy, maybe time to make some changes. There are so many reasons for failing. The main one can often be just not trying anymore. Today there are so many outside challenges for survival, sometimes working on a relationship is not priority.

TINA V profile image

TINA V 4 years ago Author

Hi Carol,

I really appreciate your additional insights. Thank you.

Have a great week!

starr30 4 years ago

MorI feel if its over its not safe to use ur other half when it convent for u because love is a dangerous game if u didn't learn anything from this article then its best to let go or read it again I know I have

Pppp 3 years ago

My bf can't take it if I get a better mark than him in studies?wat does that mean?

TINA V profile image

TINA V 3 years ago Author

It's a feeling of insecurity that needs to be resolved between you and your boyfriend. You need to let him feel you also support him in his studies or any activities in school so that both of you will grow individually but together. Ask support from your family and friends, too. I hope this helps you in your relationship.

Sky 2 years ago

Thank you so much for this article.... My husband is emotionally unavailable and I think I hate him already but I still want to work it out because I grew up without bought parents. There were so many things that I had to learn on my own about relationships that maybe contributed to our situation. I started thinking that I was crazy. My husband always took jabs at my unfortunate past and blamed me for our problems. And I really thought I was. I got help ( I started seeing a therapist ). Know I'm able to keep my voice down even when he is yelling, I remove myself from the situation if in know its going to escalate but my husband thinks its childish. I tell him that I rather talk to him logically instead of emotionally but he just doesn't see it. After my therapy I realized I'm not crazy. I can see that I made great changes but my husband doesn't.... I did do something that I still don't know if it was the right thing. I moved out with the hopes that he could too work on something's and then when we are both better we can reunite again. No overtime we talk he tells me that I gave up... How can I possibly had given up if i drive an hour and 15 to see him every weekend, and sometimes 2x on a weekday. Anyways I'm just going to stop here because I can go in for days... Maybe I'm just expecting him to be someone who he is not and I just keep wishing he was.... It is very hard. Please help!!!!!

ronny 2 years ago

i have been in a relationship for five years n we,ve got a 4year old son,,the problem started when i started cheating with a local girl ,,an things with my baby mama went bad an she left me for couple of months,,after months passed i,ve gone to her an solved our issues then we got back together,,but at that time she got a job cause she was unimployed she was dating some guy hu,s got a baby mama so they where cheating ,,so when we got back together i didn,t know all dis stuffs,,but also is was still cheating with the same girl,,so somebody saw me with that person that i am still cheating with and they wen,t an told her so she confranted me an i an i liad,,an she went an sleep with the guy,,an i found out i tried to fix stuffs but things are just falling apart she is no longer that person i know,,an after all dis stuffs i payed lobola but still i am no longer happy i don,t trust her an we are always fighting an she says i cheated she cheated we are even now

Tamala 2 years ago

Hi, I'm married been married for fours years now but been together for ten years my husband an I have problems from outside people like friends an in laws that's when he's distance I hate that feeling

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