Is Your Man Mr RIGHT or Mr WRONG ?

When I wrote the Hub "My boyfriend became a woman", our dear colleague Misha mentioned significant differences between male and female biology and abilities.

He is right: there are many differences between opposite genders due to the "different wired brains" and different hormonal levels of actually same hormones: estrogens, testosteron, progesteron, oxytocine, serotonine.

Although we are strongly attached to each other, the cold war between opposite genders is everywhere around, because lack of knowledge about each other.

There is huge difference between men and women:

if we analyse differences in body chemistry between men and women, we will find that women produce much more joyful and bonding hormones: serotonin and oxytocine then men. That is the reason while men seems to be more distant and less involved in the relationship. They are really less romantic.

Oxytocine is hormone which bonds people together: It is scientific fact that women produce it much more then men, because this hormone is in female body also involved with pregnancy and labour. Oxytocine is secreted by our pituitary gland. When people are compassionate, when they care about somebody else, when they hug, touch or express any act of tenderness, oxytocine is also involved.

Especially high amount of this hormone, people produce when they are sexually aroused and during sexual intercourse. After sex, it is happening something very interesting:

  • level of oxytocine stays very high in women`s body for very long time (for hours, days, sometimes even for weeks or months), and we need tenderness, communication and further proofs of love.
  • to the men happens something completely differently: oxytocine level drops down after sex suddenly. Puuuf...and romance is gone. Instead of tenderness and romance, watching football game (and naked men´s legs of players), or falling asleep becomes more interesting. Women translate this behaviour as lack of love and interest.

Oxytocine is hormone because of which we fall in love and because of which woman becomes so strongly bonded with man after sexual intercourse. For us is not wise and is almost not possible to have only sexual relationships without love and bonding.

Female sexual organs are very sensitive, deeply connected with emotions, love, acceptance...because of role of maternity. For carrying somebody else, inside you for 9 months as women carry the babies, your body needs to be full of love, that is the reason we produce so many oxytocine. The same is with sex...we need big amount of loving abilities (oxytocine) to accept somebody else inside our bodies, and high level of trust for doing that... Our sexual organs and pituitarity gland (oxytocine) produce the same energy of deep unconditional love, attachment and tolerance for our sexual partners and babies.

For our gender, sex is not the game, in 95% of case. Women do fall deeply in love do to the sexual intercourse, especially if there is good compatibility and a lot of passion involved. Unfortunately for us, these are our basic instincts, it is not easy to full the nature.

Difference between female "X" and male "Y" 46. chromosome is huge!

There are few facts about men`s behaviour towards women every normal female should know.

1.HUNTER

When driven by testosterone and adrenalin, men like hunting and competition- they use to hunt while we were living in caves and tribes, nowadays their hunting´s needs are concentrated on hunting the women only (plus the wars).

Hunting means - sex only. Sexual urge of men - is different and very often is not connected with emotions. Girls & women very often misunderstand men`s interest and think guy is in the process of falling in love -while he is just having sexual foreplay.

There are three basic types of hunters,

First type (single/married/ in relationship):

  • VERY ACTIVE HUNTER: he is interested in changing his targets all the time. He always needs new "hole", because he immediately looses interest when his sexual performance is over. Hormonal picture: A lot of adrenalin and testosterone hormones (sex, sex, sex and new challenges), not enough estrogen and progesterone hormones, not enough oxytocin and serotonin for sure (no bonding, no love, no ability to keep the focus, scared from relationship). Even his sexual performance is not as good as he thinks.

Second type (single/married/in relationship (s))

  • LAZY HUNTER: his ego is very satisfied when he cultivates casual and continuing "no-strings attached" sexual relationship with woman. No strings means without responsibilities. Without responsibilities means that despite the fact your relationship can be long-term, he does not perceive you as human being at all - you are just sexual target, not more, not less. Hormonal picture almost same as above, but this type has less adrenal hormones, because is able to stay in continuing sexual relationship. No future with this guy.

Third type (very often single/few relationships at the same time)

  • PARASITE HUNTER - this guy is most confusing. His interest is not sexual only. You will recognize this type as "guy who is always in some kind of trouble and needs some woman to help him out". He will always ask you for something, and never help you with anything, because he is the one with major problems, not you. Such type of man is parasite and takes all possible help from woman: compassion, unconditional love, sex, money, shelter, food, clothes...while knowing that women are compassionate beings and when in love, they have big hearts and will give everything to help. Well, to such type of man, you can give all stars of this universe, you can cook the best meals for him, you can give him all your free time, you can sacrifice all your friends, you can give him all money and possessions you have, you can give him the best sex possible - but he will never be content. He perceives all women in his life as providers for his primary material needs. As long as there is any woman who will fulfill his demands, he will never grow up. Advice: run away from such type of guy as soon as you can.

 

Frog will never become prince after you kiss him. Frog will just stay - a frog.

The Truth is:

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If man is in his "hunting phase", no way that he will establish normal long-term relationship with the woman. When did you see any hunter to be deeply emotionally connected with killed animal? When did you hear of any hunter that he killed ONLY ONE ANIMAL? I think you see the point. If your beloved one is in that phase of life, or such type of man...do not hope that he will change JUST BECAUSE HE MET YOU.

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HUNTER

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2. MAN WHO IS NOT-COMPLETELY-READY FOR SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP

There are many tactics some women use to catch their loved ones - or to convince them that they are ready for commitment, while they are still "half ready" .. Usually this cannot work well on long-term basis - average man needs much more time to become emotionally mature then average woman, so if you start to live with or marry somebody who is just half-ready or not ready, he will do his best to run away from you and and from this prison:

  • he will escape into the world of adultery, or
  • will spice up his (and your) life with overtaking alcohol or drugs,
  • you might find him visiting Casino too often,
  • he might be sitting all day long in the front of TV watching football games or in the front of PC watching hot sexy chicks,
  • some of man will do anything to provoke you to live him,
  • some of them will just leave you even if you have children,
  • some of them will spend all their time and energy at work or with their friends ...

.... any of "alternative realities" will be suitable for the man who deeply down knows that he is not fully ready for commitment and all duties which this commitment brings. Such signs you need to read as - "Sorry, but I do not want to grow up yet - I just want to play with life and be free". The best position you can win in that stage is - to forget the dreams about romance, and become his true friend, and/or perfected replacement for his mother. If he is not happy with this compromise, or if there is too much animosity between two of you, he will leave you or provoke you with his irresponsible behaviour to leave him.

Why men enter into marriage if not want to become ready?

  • Not-completely-ready man is very often driven to the marriage by his genetic urge to have children. "To have children" not necessary means "to be fully responsible father", it more means to find appropriate women who will have to take full care about his offspring. Even if he loves his children, he might leave you as soon as children grow up, if not before, because "his duty is finally over".
  • Not-completely-ready man who does not want children, is very possible with you just because he cannot be self-sufficient while single, so needs the woman to take care about him. (f.E.time came to leave his parents)

3. MAN WHO IS READY FOR COMMITMENT

When man is really ready to settle down - he will announce that fact very obviously. Usually, average man at first starts to feel ready for long-term relationship and/or marriage, and AFTER THAT he will start to search for female partner. On the contrary, when girl or woman seriously falls in love - she will almost automatically be ready for long-term relationship and for commitment. Man do not react on that way. They can be in love - but not ready for commitment for next 10 or 20 years, if ever. If you want full commitment and be sure in your man, choose one who is really ready and emotionally mature, and who will have some serious plans for future.

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Even when they seriously want commitment, many guys just DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH WOMEN, except flirting and sexual performance. In many cultures there is tradition that men with men bond together and women with women, creating friendships, and the relationship between opposite genders stays more or less on sexual basis even in the marriages. This separation cannot help to anybody: we cannot understand the others if we do not know them, if we do not share experiences, if we do not connect more deeply...like human beings.

While being in female body, I can easily understand every woman: to understand the men, I needed much more effort, I needed to ask more questions, I needed to spend more time with them, listen their stories, love them, communicate with them, observe them, read many books about them...

The same is with men: if they want to understand "us", they need to establish much deeper connections with us: it takes s lot of effort.

When we discuss about relationships, women ALWAYS want romance to be involved, men most often want that their life stays more or less the same as when they lived with parents or while being single.

Men also usually want unconditional love from the women, to accept them as they are. No changes. Only woman must change and sacrifice. This cannot work - the both sides need to get fully involved into building the relationship, or marriage with or without children. Relationship is dynamic organism and the both partners need to develop and transform into the better and more evolved human beings. That is main reason two people met: to learn from each other, not to stay the same as they were.

If there is no mutual change - relationship is just an illusion, somebody will break it up sooner or later. Energy which does not move, will become inert and destructive. The same is with people and their relationships, without any exception.

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HOW TO FIND THE SERIOUS AND NORMAL GUY - Soulmate

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The worst thing which can happen to any woman is to desperately fall in love with the guy, who does not want anything serious. Even when is that obvious, oxytocin hormone prevents us to realize that. It creates love-fog in our heads, and we cannot see the facts we are wasting our time and energy with somebody who is not worth that. We know we deserve better, but somehow we hope that situation will change....

HOW TO PREVENT IT

There are so many great guys who are able and wanting to share their best with us. We need to change our approach and learn again - HOW TO HUNT.

  • When you feel ready for permanent love & commitment, START TO DATE MORE GUYS THEN ONE AT THE SAME TIME. When I was searching for partner, I dated 5 of them at the same time. But do not have sex with any of them till the moment you are really sure that you have found the right one and wait at least to the moment that you are sure that he is really very much in love with you. Take your time. Do not date the same one every day, you need the clear head and a lot of analysing. Test each of them on many ways. Never rush. Serious guys always show that they are really interested into something serious and never insist on sex only.

Men are men, so you need to be very careful, because when is possibility of sex involved - they adore lying. This is part of their play - they are afraid that if they tell the truth, they will never get what they want, so lies are common thing.

Use your brain, intuition and not only your heart. And enjoy hunting game.

I have learned hunting from men, although it is in female blood as well: and believe me - is such a fun, especially if you are able to keep clear focus on your goal. And goal is worth of that game - serious guy who wants normal, loving and permanent relationship.

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Hot to tell that somebody is lying

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Some time ago I decided that I should stop to learn about love and relationships from women: average woman is usually not too content with her love-life, her life is full of various duties, she is tired, complaining about lack of understanding from her partner and under a lot of stress. On the contrary, I realized average man is much wiser and he is not rushing into responsibilities till the moment he feels 200% sure that he is ready for them - this makes many sense to me now.

Men usually do not do anything by themselves if they are not completely convinced that this is right thing and right moment for them to do.

Women usually accept more duties then they can perform, this behavioral pattern makes us bitter and tired afterwards.

So, the lesson I learned from men is:

DO NOT SACRIFICE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

  • Healthy relationship does not require sacrifice, just willing transformation of the both partners and balance between giving and receiving. If woman sacrifices, she will sooner or later start to treat herself as a victim of her relationship and she will feel that way. Being victim is destructive. Do not blame your partner - YOU NEED TO CHANGE!
  • Never give too much, especially do not give more then you can- give exactly the quantity which you receive from your partner. He is not helpless. Balance between giving and receiving is necessary.
  • If woman establish this much needed balance, she will be able to perceive her life and her relationship on positive way, which will give many fruits on long-term basis to the both partners. When woman is happy, relationship is blossoming.
  • The truth is that WOMEN need to learn how to make THEMSELVES content and how to enjoy life much more and how to gain all self-respect and respect they deserve. Nobody cannot give more to the others then to oneself - and stay happy, healthy and balanced.

Female gender has the ability to give birth to the children, so every woman has tremendous power of love and creation inside her mind, body, emotions, and natural wisdom if she is balanced. Mother Nature gave to the women much more then we are aware of, more then is given to the men. Love is basic creative force of this universe - use that amazing force of love to create happiness at first for yourself, then inspire your dearest ones and whole your life will gradually become a miracle! You can do it - you deserve it!

Homeopath, Reiki Teacher &  Counsellor

Tatjana-Mihaela

mihaelat999@yahoo.com website: http://svjetlost.webs.com/E

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Comments 30 comments

Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 7 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

You've put a lot of work into this one! It's a good read, and I'm always up for learning more about how the other half thinks :)


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thank you Paraglider. I did put a lot of work into this hub: 26 years of experience, he, he, he...

Thumbs up for you!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Definitely experienced the "PARASITE HUNTER". (Read my hub on "Living with a Control Freak" if you want to know more), and your description is a 'textbook case". Great Hub, and makes me feel a whole lot better knowing my case is not unique by a long way. :)


Misha profile image

Misha 7 years ago from DC Area

Your picture of chromosomes is very sexist and politically incorrect! :D

Love the birds though ;)


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I used to attract the "Lazy Hunter", was not very fulfilling for me. Your information on oxytocine is very interesting, didnt' know about this. I enjoyed reading your very thorough article!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Hi, Cindy...I did read your Hub you mentioned (actually majority of them). Parasite hunter was also in my life (but not very long) and many women have this experience. I hear this story from women,while counselling, every now and on.

Women are not stupid: we become naive because of oxytocin hormone. No need to blame ourselves...

Thanks for your comment, wish you all the best.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Ha, ha, ha, Misha, picture of chromosomes is real: taken by electronic microscope.

When I first time saw this difference, I was also shocked. It explains a lot, isn´t it?

I agree with you - pic of swans is gorgeous; make me feel much more secure....Well, swans have only one love-partner though the whole life, people do not.

Thank you for your great comment.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thank you Mary, none of us can enjoy "hunters". They leave us confused, and full of traumas.

Thank you so much for your kind comment...Wish you all the best in your love-life.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Kako si Tatjana!

I guess your search is still not over for prince charming. Men are in search of Cinderella princesses too. And both woman & men are lost in the process. However, It is very interesting but sad that they are both looking for each other but still can't find each other. I hear this question right in my neighborhood everyday. Men telling me they are looking for a woman & on the other hand woman tell me same thing. I always tell them look around & you will find someone right here. But I noticed one thing that people have no courage or they are shy to start the conversation.

I ask everybody whoever are in search of someone. Go in your neighborhood today, there are many places where you can find people. If you like someone say hello, talk to them nicely & you will get a positive response. Next lesson by appointment........hahaha have fun.

When you left comment on my hub this morning I was updating, visit again & you will find it changed.

http://hubpages.com/literature/Why-Its-Wonderful-T...


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thanks Tony, for your nice message. yesterday I was out, then I fall asleep so I could not answer... Actually your message ispired me very much...hopefully for one new Hub. I will check the changes immediately.

A lots of love....


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Hi Tatjana, a very informative hub! So, we need to get the pharamceutical companies to develop an antidote to oxytocin, so that we can be more in control and less naive. This can be marketed along with the Ovulation Scent I mentioned on one of my other hubs.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

He, he, he, Cindyvine, there is even better idea: we need to give to the men oxytocine. This hormone exists as nasal sprey and used in healing anxiety etc.

Thanks for your comment.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

I found this very enlightening.  I think many men are ill-equipped to know when they are ready for commitment and often deceive themselves that they are in love when they are not.  Within the stark differences between men and women there are levels of differences between individuals - more "man-like" women and "woman-like" men.  Why this is I don't know, but I suspect that hormone levels in individuals vary.  Your definitions of the hunter resonate with me in that I remember observing so many young women deeply in love with attractive men who simply did not care about them, and to me it made no sense. 

I wonder, too, how much is hunter behavior and how much is maturity.  I know that I was not fully mature until I was in my early thirties. 

I have seen women also involved in playful sexual relationships that did not seem to be unhappy or unhealthy.  There seemed to be a mutual understanding, a mutual 'hunting', going on, perhaps.  I was always curious about this ability not to become emotionally involved such that separation was not painful.  Some couples seemed to be able to do this, but I could never fully understand it. 


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Us women have been forced to become hunters because of the weakening of the male gene pool and their apparent current lack of hunting skills. Men have gone all oral and only talk about what they think they can do, but they never get round to actually doing any of it.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

Oooh, ouch! I think that's going to leave a mark.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Except of course Tom the Toolman


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you say something? I was putting on a bandaid...


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Well, Tom, I agree with you. Many thanks for very wise comment. Maturity comes with certain age, but some men never mature (some women as well, of course). 

Women can hunt, if they have excess of testosterones. I also agree with Cindyvine. Human society tends to balance itself. If men in one society do not have enough testosterons, women have to take the hunting role, otherwise no sexual and emotional contacts would happen. We all need these contacts in othere to develop our feelings and gradually become more emotionally mature.

Well, my present boyfriend said, after I told him what I wrote in the article, that he is still very lazy hunter and actually still in the process of maturation. Wow, I am so lucky!!! He told me the truth.

And he bought nasal sprey of oxytocine!He, he, he...

Thanks, guys for such great comments.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

And the Amazonian women were the best fighters!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Yes, Cindy, I am planning to write one Hub about Amazonian women as well....


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

Another hub worth looking forward to!


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Actually human behaviour is not so much connected with gender - it is connected with our hormonal levels. We all have same hormones: estrogenes, progesterone, testosterones, oxytocine etc.etc, which create our behavior.

People who decided to change gender by hormonal therapy (and surgery) are the best witnessing that.

If someone takes different hormones, change completely sexual interest. And becomes different person.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thanks Tom, it is very interesting how hormones can inluence our behavior. (The comment above this one).


lyricsingray 7 years ago

I really loved this HUB-great info and what a ton of work. I especially like the Danier room 808 spot-brilliant! Thank you, Kimberly


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thank you Kimberly.


scarlet1300 6 years ago

u really must have went through alot i go through lots of break ups can u give me any advice


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thank you for the visit and comment, Scarlet. Calm down, your pain will not be here forever, just give yourself needed time.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

You cannot be more right, Elyse, but women are "involved in emotions" and idea that they are ready to settle down much more and more intensively then men, because of biology. Well, to be full of emotions and plans really does not mean readiness to settle down, but how to explain to the person who strongly belives she is ?

Thank you so much for the visit and common.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 6 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA Author

Thank you Elyse.


Cathrine 4 years ago

Fantabolus! But still i am wondering how to breakup with my boy friend. As he is very good person and a nice friend, but as a husband i do not think we can be happy together. I just do not want to lose him. But i also do not want to marry him. As acceptance of his proposal was an emotional decision, at that time i used to like him as my husband, but now i realized he is too sexually aroused, when ever we are together he just have this topic. I do not know what to do in this situation. I am helpless now a days.

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