Royal Wedding Drinking Game

Sickly Sweet


It’s time to face facts; if you haven’t received your invite to the royal wedding then you’re not going to, I’m afraid.  Many would be utterly distraught to find that they are not going to the biggest event of the year, the chance to ponce around with toffee nosed Lords and discussing how to select a good Port, is possibly lost forever. But fear not, help is at hand. While others would simply sit and sulk about their royal snub, there is an alternative to get you through the protracted wedding ceremony and true to the greatest of British traditions, this alternative involves binge drinking.

Time to prepare!  First, get yourself down to the supermarket with the following list (quantities for approximately two people):

·         At least two crates of lager – try to keep away from Stella here as you don’t want to end up punching a fellow player.  If you’re feeling thirsty then get way more than enough, you don’t want to run out of booze midway through this royal bilge and have to watch any period of the wedding dry.

·         A bottle of Whisky or Vodka – the cheaper the better. The irony won’t be lost that whilst the toffs on the TV are sipping good Champagne, you’ll be drinking fluid that could more correctly be used to take the paint of paintbrushes. Remember, it’s worth taking it easy on this or else you won’t be able to coherently hurl abuse at the television screen.

·         A bottle of cheap fizzy Italian white wine(2 litres for approx £3) – Adding a touch of class to your own party (why should those blue-blooded twerps be the only ones to drink bubbly?!). If in Scotland, Buckfast will do this job nicely.

·         A multi-pack of crisps – Leave the caviar-topped vol au vents to them, we’ll be having mini-cheddars, chip-sticks and Quavers, thank you very much. Such snacks are essential as you’ll need a good lining on your stomach.

So, the shopping’s done and now it’s time to play the game!  Get your TV on nice and early, it’s beneficial at this point to already have a few beers inside of you as your stomach will otherwise churn at the sycophantic crawling of the BBC pundits. Remember at this point not to throw anything hard enough to smash the screen at the TV as this will void the rest of the game and may lead to you having to listen to the rest of the event by radio, which would be crap. You’ll need a bit of space for the vast quantities of lager that you’re about to imbibe so don’t get too leathered just yet. Though it’s probably worth having a spot of breakfast to soak up the alcohol – make it something that won’t taste too bad as it comes the other way or stain the carpet irreparably.

No Surrender

The Game

Take your seats, it’s about to begin! OK, the rules to which you must adhere until the end of the coverage – let’s face it, you’re not going to make it all the way through so be prepared to pass out before the end. The rules:

1.You must be drinking whenever Kate and Wills are on screen together

2.The TV shows shots of the crowds outside Westminster - everybody hold their noses and drink to get rid of the stench of poverty.

3.Queen falls asleep; all drinks must be downed and a rendition of God Save the Queen made

4.Any shots of a gormless reporter standing in an empty street insisting "Katherine will be here any second" - drink whole time this goes on.

5. The appearance of Prince Phillip on the screen must be greeted by a loudly shouted racist remark. The last one to do so must drink a shot of whisky.

6. Any crawly remarks made by the BBC pundits must be loudly condemned by a hail of expletives. The person in the room felt to have made the least nasty remarks must drink three fingers of beer.

7. The commentator mentions Dianna; three fingers of beer

8. When the couple say “I do”, all drinks must be downed and the empty can crushed against the forehead. The last person to do this must drink an extra shot of whisky.

As is often the case with such events, the sheer boredom of the occasion may ultimately take over. In this instance, the channel may ONLY be changed in order to watch football. Of course, each individual party will want to invent their own rules to this already great game. Be sensible though, as you want to remain drunk enough to get through the entire event without completely giving up the will to live.

I hope this hub helps to make it more bearable for everyone not already invited to the actual wedding. Please post your own rules in the comments section below or visit the Facebook community page or the Royal Wedding Drinking Game and take your pick from several thousand rule ideas.

Comments 25 comments

quotations profile image

quotations 5 years ago from Canada

I liked your humour. Nice hub.

superwags profile image

superwags 5 years ago from UK Author

Cheers! Post a couple of rules to the game if you like and we can add them to the "official" rules!

Golfgal profile image

Golfgal 5 years ago from McKinney, Texas

Blimie Funny, jolly good

superwags profile image

superwags 5 years ago from UK Author

Better get stocked up with the booze; only 7 weeks to the big event. I intend to get everybody to play this game and therefore the shops may run dry...!

crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Nice hub,thanks for sharing.

invita profile image

invita 5 years ago from Tampa, FL

That was truly funny. Thank you.

superwags profile image

superwags 5 years ago from UK Author

Cheers Invita! Hope you have even more fun carrying out the rules on the big day!

joan21 5 years ago

Very funny - I might play a slightly watered down version

Grassick 5 years ago

If Diana is mentioned then you must drink 2 fingers and pour 1 out for your 'homie'

Akey69 5 years ago

Explain rule 6 what do you class as Crawley remarks ??

superwags profile image

superwags 5 years ago from UK Author

It should read crawly - basic arse kissing or sucking up to the royals of any kind.

goprisca profile image

goprisca 5 years ago from Bangalore


Very funny and interesting hub.

mojefballa profile image

mojefballa 5 years ago from Nigeria

Fantastic but very funny hub which i enjoyed reading.

sam  5 years ago

great game! very funny and origional!! however, one question, surely they both say "I do" and you would have to down two drinks and crush against the forehead in the space of a few minutes. is this right?

Darren 5 years ago

Ive Included this into my pre Easter Celebration weekend, involving a Beach BBQ followed by Slip and slide and this!

Booboo Galore 5 years ago

I don't think they're saying "I Do". The wedding response is "I Will". If they do say "I Do" it will be by accident and surely that will require at least half a bottle of vodka to be downed in celebration?

Tamila Roberts profile image

Tamila Roberts 5 years ago from Canada

Didn't know royal life was that hard. Thanks much for useful info!

Jim 5 years ago

There's an iPhone Version of the Royal Wedding Drinking Game :)

Wish I were a Princess 5 years ago

This one involves a Brit mix: And is racismer a thing now?

Garbs 5 years ago

A shot of whiskey and 3 fingers of beer any time Prince Harry is on screen in the background looking miserable and left out.

footy8 5 years ago

whrn will it stert

paul 5 years ago

How about everytime the queen is on the telly, ypu hard to keep drinking your drink until she is off of shot again

josh allinson 5 years ago

very well written and very fun 10/10 :)

anon 5 years ago

Any time someone says "love" or "happiness", regardless of context, you drink.

lukecore profile image

lukecore 5 years ago from Manchester

Having played a version of this game I'm still not fully recovered!

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