How To Seduce Your Wife
Are you stuck in a rut? Not getting any from the Mrs.? Here's a one day quick fix that's sure to break that rut... At least for that one day!
This is a simple idea any man can do. The best part is that it doesn't require any actual cooking. If you know how to cook, good on you - go for it! But this guide is for the other poor blokes out there who can't!
Will this work, you ask? It will unless you botch it! I gave this advice to a friend of mine who was stuck in a rut. He's the kind of guy who "burns water" - can't cook to save his life. I told him to try this idea and the result was that he got some loving - twice!
Why should I do this, you ask? Mostly because you want your wife to have sex with you, right? I know that what you are about to read seems like you are doing a lot, all for her. Yes, that's possibly true. However, it's also because if you do this for her and give her one night of making it all about her she will most likely do the same for you in the future!
Items you will need:
Go to the store and pick up the following items...
- 20-30 Lavender tea-light candles (you can get them in bulk to save money)
- A pre-cooked chicken
- Peanut Satay sauce (choose something else if allergic)
- Massage oil (something Lavender scented)
- A package of Steam-Fresh Veggies (the one you put the bag in the microwave)
- A bottle of wine (if you drink, if not you can try Martinelli's Apple Cider)
Make sure your wife is gone when you pick up these items. Have a bubble bath prepared for her when she gets home. This is essential for two reasons.
The first reason is that she will be nice and clean for later and hopefully relaxed! The second reason is that it gives you time to "cook" dinner. You will get bonus points for both the bubble bath and "cooking" dinner.
Step 1: Dinner
Take the meat off the chicken. It will be easy since it's pre-cooked. Put the Peanut Satay sauce in a pan, add the chicken and warm it for about 5 minutes. Stir occasionally.
While waiting for the sauce to warm, place the unlit candles around the bedroom.
After you are done preparing the meal, place some neatly onto two plates. Microwave your bag of veggies and neatly place them on the two plates as well. Clean up any mess that may remain. Open your wine or Martinelli's and put into appropriate glasses to what you are drinking...
She will be pleasantly surprised that you cooked dinner and had it ready before she got home! (Even though you didn't really cook...) Like I said, you will earn bonus points for this.
During dinner talk to her about her day and make conversation about other things. Make her laugh! Stay away from topics that you know make her angry or stress her out! Talk about nice pleasant things that won't aggravate her...
After you are done eating, you must put the plates away NOT HER!!! You must do it. You will get bonus points for this also. If you have a dishwasher, temporarily ignore it. Put the plates into the sink. Then do step two. (Only put them into the dishwasher now if she insists.)
Step 2: After Dinner
After dinner do the following:
Dance with her! I recommend having a CD already prepared in the room that flows from the dining area. That way you can easily transition from dining to dancing without much effort. If your first dance as a married couple was to a slow song, make that the second song you dance to in the living room. It will catch her by surprise! It will also put her in the mood for romance if she isn't already!
I recommend only dancing to two, possibly three slow songs. Then lead her to the bedroom, tell her you want to give her a massage. As she undresses, light the candles. Light at least 15 of them, it will look amazing in a darkened room! Then use the oil to give her a full body massage.
Massage her whole back and shoulders for about 10 minutes, after 10 minutes you can start kissing her neck and shoulders and everywhere else. Mainly the neck. Women like having their necks kissed more than anywhere else in case you didn't know already!
Please just make sure that before you start kissing her body that the oil is well rubbed in, I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to injest that... Turn her over so she's facing you and give her a passionate kiss.
She should be ready by now! I don't think I need to tell you what to do after this!
Step 3: After Loving
After you're both satisfied, this is when you go to the kitchen (please put boxers on at least) and put the dishes into the dishwasher and start it. Then go back into the bedroom, give her a passionate kiss, then a foot massage and then give her another passionate kiss.
I had not thought of this. This is what got my friend the second round of loving!
You can repeat this at least once a month. Good luck!
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