The sleazy side of online dating

Profiles say one thing

SPORTY SPICE, muscular sportsman who takes care of his body, good looking, 38 years old, single and an accomplished lover, great at giving orgasms, seeks a life partner.

I'm sure that many of you who frequent online dating sites have seen similar ads when you click on the profiles of the site's users.  Most of them are a complete lie.  In the days when I was trying to rebuild my life after a messy divorce, I thought that online dating sites were the answer to my prayers.  Initially, it was almost an addiction, rushing home to go online and check out the profiles and then contact the ones who grabbed your attention.  One soon found out, that after the first few email exchanges where you exchanged facts about yourself with each other, the man invariably upped the ante and would start making suggestive comments.  Being a little flirtatious in the good old days, one might flirt back, and the next thing you know the conversations would get completely sexual and very explicit.  It appeared that although there were a few genuine men looking for love, most were just looking for sex partners.  Many were married.

Sporty Spice will remain forever in my memory.  I checked out his profile and moved past it as when they mention being a good lover and orgasms, you just know that all they want is sex.  Free sex, because they don't want to pay for it.  They're too miserly to just pay a prostitute for a good time.  Instead, they prey on desperate, lonely women.  Sporty Spice contacted me and actually sounded quite nice, nothing at all like his profile.  I wondered if he might be genuine after 2 weeks of regular daily emailing, and not one mention of the Sex Word or anything else below the belt.  He set up a meeting at a Thai restaurant.  When I arrived at the Thai restaurant and I saw the fifty-nine going on sixty year old man, about five foot high, dressed in an overcoat and holding a wine carrier with two bottles of wine poking out and a bunch of flowers, with a sinking heart, I knew that this was Sporty Spice.  One had to admit, he had slightly misrepresented himself in his profile.  We had a pleasant enough dinner, a bit like dining with my dad, and then sure enough he suggested we go to a hotel.  No frigging way was I ever setting foot in a hotel with that man!

Then again, I suppose the same can be said for many women.  They can say that they are sylph-like when they are built like a house.  They can find a photo of someone else on the internet and use it as their profile picture.  They can also say they are single when they are actually married and just looking for some afternoon fun or some excitement.  Some women can be high-maintenance and have already been through a few husbands, but no online dating site asks how many times you're been married.  Basically, you can say what you like, and some gullible fool on the other end might even believe you.  There is something about online dating that attracts predators.

When my friend's sixteen year old daughter innocently went on an online dating site, she was immediately contacted by men of all ages.  Many offered to help her become a woman and learn about sex.  In fact, most offered to teach her about the facts of life.  My friend was predictably upset when his terrified daughter confided that she was being hounded on the internet by sleazy men , some in their sixties but most over forty, sending very graphic pornagraphic emails, including photos of penises in varying stages of erectness.  As you do, my friend and I decided to seek revenge on the pervert predators out there.

The Revenge Plan

We decided to do what most people on the online dating sites do.  We set up a fake profile.  My login name was Melting Moments, and we found a photo of a blonde German pornstar to use as my profile picture.  In the description, we had fun.  We said that Melting Moments was a nymphomaniac and although happily married, was seeking another man for a threesome.  Within 48 hours over 800 men had replied.  Many had used their real names and had sent their responses from their company emails.  If we were into blackmail we could have made a fortune.  We were inundated with emails containing photos of penises in every size and shape.  It was unbelievable.  We strung the men along, most again in the 40-65 age range.  Incidentally, Melting Moments was 22. 

Eventually, after a few days, we set up a meeting for the next night in a pub in a different suburb to the one we came from.  We invited all those 800 men to the date, sure that many would back out on such short notice as they would probably be married.  Sure enough, on D-day, we received apologies from a couple of hundred men, some asking for more notice, others asking for an afternoon or lunch meeting instead.  We gave them a description of what we would be wearing on the night.  Obviously, we dressed ourselves in completely different clothes.  We battled to contain our excitement all day.  Our little game seemed like fun and a great way to get back at all the sleazy men on the dating site.  Unfortunately, when we arrived at the bar three quarters of an hour before the arranged meeting time, we were the only customers.  We worried that we would stand out like sore thumbs, the only couple in the bar.  Slowly, more and more men began to arrive on what was obviously a quiet night for the pub.  How bad was our luck!  They glanced at us briefly, but we looked nothing like the description we had given them.  Although it was entertaining watching the men arrive and all sit staring at the door waiting for Melting Moments and her husband to arrive, it began to get a little frightening as more and more men began to arrive.  We hurriedly finished our meal and agreed to leave before anybody approached us or got aggressive.  There was so much testosterone in that room, we figured things could get ugly.  Obviously, something we had never considered when we came up with the hair-brained scheme to set these men up on a fake date.  As we left, another couple arrived.  The woman was tall and blonde, and wearing a black top and white slacks, just as the one I had described that Melting Moments would be wearing.  We left that bar faster than the speed of light, as men started to make their way towards the innocent couple.  Definitely something we had not considered at all.  As we walked towards the car, we saw more men standing on the sidewalk, hesitantly wondering whether or not they should enter the bar.  It was with shock that I saw Sporty Spice walk past me and into the bar.  He hadn't used Sporty Spice so obviously had another login name.

What can we learn from this?

Revenge is a dangerous game.  Online dating can potentially be a dangerous game.  We were obviously too cowardly to hang around any longer, not too sure what we might have stirred up.  Those men were all sexual predators, all keyed up for an evening of sex with a nymphomaniac and her husband.  What on earth did we think we were playing at?  But really, online dating does seem to attract some very sleazy men.  Some men have also had bad experiences with pychotic women on the sites.  So, I guess it works both ways. The profiles don't tell you all you need to know before you go out on a date.  People can easily lie.  And, they do.  Repeatedly.

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Comments 29 comments

shibashake profile image

shibashake 7 years ago

Hi Cindy, I really enjoyed this article. Your experiment was very interesting and it is amazing how many replies you got. At one time I was thinking of doing an experiment and crafting various different profiles to see which would get the most hits. I suppose any online social site can get a bit creepy, but they are also a great way to observe and learn about human and social behavior. As I was reading about your experiment, I started to wonder if you could divert all that traffic into a website and convert it into clicks. Perhaps sending the list of names to an advertiser would be the best sort of revenge :) Welcome to Hubpages!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

I never have made up a fake profile myself, but what you say is true about the desperation of online dating.  Even though I have a profile on myspace I have many men contacting me on there as if I am on a dating site, and I am only on there for social networking.  The same men who message me and say they have met their sweet angel post the same message to many other womens' pages.  Oh well, I guess that is just the desperate side of online dating.  However, I think men should not assume women are online for dating just because they have a social networking account, but I really do not take what they say seriously anyway.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

It would be good to hear from men if they find the same thing happening to them. Are women also contacting them on social networking sites? Most of us see the comments they leave us and ignore them. But, what is worrying, is that every now and then there is some gullible woman who takes the bait, and responds to the message, actually believing that they are the sweet angel. Thanks for your comments!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 7 years ago from Southern California, USA

cindyvine,

You are right, I have seen some desperate women on myspace too. There is one guy I chat with as a friend and some women really leave some flirtatious messages on his page and many other mens' pages.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Yeah, women might be as bad as the men, but the big difference is, is that the women contact men close to their own age. What sickens me, are the 40-65 year old men going after 16 year old girls or even younger. For me, that is just sick.


GreyMoon profile image

GreyMoon 7 years ago

Interesting Hub.

You can also meet just as many so say nice people in the real world that turn out to be crazy. I dated using the internet for about eight years and have many stories that would make your toes curl. Although I did marry a lady I met online, but between you and me I think she thinks im the crazy one :)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hey GreyMoon, think we're all crazy in some way. Just the degrees of craziness that differ


KCC Big Country profile image

KCC Big Country 7 years ago from Central Texas

Write a book, GreyMoon! Toe-curlers sell!

(Crazy confirmed)

Thanks for sharing your story, Cindy! Great hub!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks KCC, we could easily probably all put together The Hubbers Guide to Online Dating lol


1964human profile image

1964human 7 years ago from Smallville Kansas

Cindy,

This is great! I wish you had invited a news cerw privy to the details. All those married guys would have just died! LOL You make some great points about the worries involved. I worry SO MUCH about the young girls.  Gray Moon points out there are wierdos at the grociery store, museum and bar as well!! He also makes the point some (even if only a tiny handful) are real enough to marry!

  I'm new at online dating so I have not been sujected to many of the horrors yet to come, but things like this are a good reminder to BE VERY VERY Careful. I make it clear in my profile that I have old fashion views about sex and even plainly state "If you are looking for sex with out love, you will NOT find it here, so move on now" So far (but I am new) no one has tried to show me things I don't want to see, or been too sugjestive. I have a friend who had that happen to her though. She chatted for a while with a guy, he sent pics, then one pic he sent was, well lets just say "an X rated pic of his you know what". I swear I would run screaming from my screen! I'm no prude but YUCK!!

Thanks again for the post! And for your kindness!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hi there 1964human! Yes, you have to be very careful as many men look on online dating as being a source of desperate women they can take advantage of.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Wow Cindy!  Can I ever relate!  I love the experiment you devised, and it is too bad there weren't either police or the guy from Dateline there to take these people down. 

In my off time, I watch some talk shows, not Jerry Springer lol, but the decent ones, and it is so sad how dangerous the times have become.  I even hear it on my radio news show, how these young girls are sending and posting naked pictures of themselves on MySpace or FaceBook.  One 14 yr old just got caught for sending a naked pic of herself on her cellphone to her classmate.  It is said repeatedly to these young girls how dangerous and foolish it is to do, not only in terms of sexual predators, but also when they grow up how bad it is for getting a job or into college.  I have a 7 yr old granddaughter, and you can best believe she will be watched with an eagle eye. So far, she has very little interest in the computer other than some kid games. I hope it stays that way :)

I'm glad I have the knowledge and experience behind me, since I was involved in chatrooms and now have the benefit of the wise advice being shared on tv shows.  My only hope is that she listens.

Thanks for writing this great hub!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Thanks Trish, we could put together a book on online dating!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

I think you're right! LOL


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hey Captain Badheart, I answered your request!


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia

Good prank Cindy, but be carefull some one might be playing a prank on you too.

But you are right. I've been in the dating game too for 2 years and got some horrific awakeners. LOL.


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Yeah, M.A.D that was in my youth, am older and wiser now and won't ever try that again. A man with testosterone racing through his veins is a dangerous animal


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia

LOL, and the girls that make \us that way, they should be sent to tadpole, badcompany and me to sort them out, right guys


men are dorks profile image

men are dorks 7 years ago from Namibia

Goldentaod, sorry not tadpole...


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Yes M.A.D, exactly, send em to the Golden Tadpole hahahahaha


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

I hope that couple came out o.k., how frightening but quite interesting. This is a must share with my single friends as they are not listening to me. :)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

lol AE, too many sickos in the online dating world!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Having a good night Cindy?? LMAO (20)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Great hub. a bit of revenge gone wrong! But an interesting point. One wonders just how many of these wierdo's there are out there. Perhaps you should have tried a reverse sting and profiled a sexy man and got the girls to turn up at the same pub too! Then you could have charged an entrance fee (organised with the pub of course). Oh what fun, but pretty scarey none the less!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Jeez Blonde, you are turning me into a frigging stalker!

Yeah Sixty, it was one of those things that seemed like fun at the time and then when it was happening, was so scary we realised we were playing with fire.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Who is stalking whom?

Perhaps we are the only ones up?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

I think so! I need some icecream now, am outa breath chasing you guys around!


Ron 4 years ago

I loved your story and your writing style--enough that I even looked at your website! I would definately read something of yours again!

Yes, there are certainly lots of perveted men out there, and many of them are preditors.

However,I must point out that all those men who responded were not preditors or married. Who can blame a single guy who gets excited at the chance of being with Melting Moments?

I'm surprised at their stupidity for falling for it--just one photo, right? of an impossibly hot 22 yr-old wanting no strings attached sex with any male? But, that's part of my defense of SOME of those men. Men can get very stupid when they're arosed. Most men (the honest ones) have no problem with the idea of a casual, sexual encounter. Some act on it, some just fantasize--either way, that doesn't make one a pervert or preditor.

No offense, Cindy, as I can see how you may see it differently. You're a woman. But, I'm surprised your male friend couldn't understand. Perhaps he was blinded by the rage he felt over his under-aged daughter courting danger--understandable, I guess.

Cheers! I'll look for more of your writing!

(I hope you see this post--I see your writing is over 2 years old...)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 4 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine Author

Hey Ron, I still pop in from time to time!

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