10 Tips to Get Over Your Breakup

You’ve cried, you’ve punched your pillows, you’ve listened to the depressing music, you’ve detailed all of his flaws with your girlfriends, and you’ve eaten ice-cream and Nutella straight from the container... Good! Now it is time to start piecing you and your life back together. Actually, it’s time to take a step on the road to feeling awesome.

1. Reclaim your power.

You may not realize it yet, but once you start to reclaim power over your destiny you’re feeling better already. I’m not saying you’re back to 100%. But maybe you’re not thinking about him every minute now (yeah, I know you are reading an article on how to get over your ex this very moment, but good for you, that means you want to help yourself and get over this!). And if you still get the urge to call him (don’t call him!!!!), don’t be hard on yourself.

2. Set an intention not to call him back.

For every minute, every hour, and every week that’s passed and you didn’t call him: congratulate yourself. Set an intention not to call him in the next hour, the next two hours, the next week, and instead do some of the stuff listed below. An idle mind is the devil’s playground. If your thoughts are free to run around like a crazy monkey, you’ll go bananas. So start reclaiming your power by reclaiming power over your thoughts.

Not thinking about him is awesome, but you can`t apply that advice directly. Actively trying not to think about him will only make you think about him more! So here are some tips to replace toxic thoughts with positive ones.

3. Set an intention to be happy.

Repeat this to yourself as much as you can. "I’m setting an intention to be happy." You see, happiness is not the product of external conditions. It is not the result of having wealth, a relationship, children, or a great career. Both people with and without these things are happy and unhappy. As a matter of fact, happiness will attract to you all of the things you wish for. So set an intention to feel happier every day. Choose to be happy. Repeat this to yourself over and over, as many times as you can: " I choose to be happy".

4. Focus on what makes you happy.

Go to your journal (If you don’t have one yet, go out and buy one. See it as a bonus activity to fill your time and give you a sense of purpose). Answer the following question: What do I love? What are the things that I think are nice, great, lovely, taste good, smell nice, feel good? What is it that YOU like? Make the longest list you can come up with. This exercise has many benefits. First, you will keep your mind focused on positive things, which is sure to lift your spirits. Second, it will help you define who you are and what are your preferences. Third, it will make you more aware of how many things you love are already in your life! Now that’s power.

5. Contact old friends.

Send an email to a friend or family member you haven’t heard from in a while. Send an e-mail, or a letter to a friend every day if you can. Soon enough your inbox will be flowing with messages from people who are happy to have heard from you and want to connect or reconnect with you.

6. Listen to some power music.

Music has a tremendous power over our moods. Some of my personal favorite power songs are: Express yourself (Madonna), Only girl in the world (Rihanna), Respect (Aretha Franlkin), I will survive (Gloria Gaynor), No scrubs (TLC), Stronger (Kanye West), Beautiful (Christina Aguilera), Money honey (Lady Gaga), Single ladies (Beyonce). So go ahead make yourself an awesome power-mix!

7. List 100 positive things about yourself.

Go to your journal and list 100 positive qualities about yourself. One-hundred!!! That’s too much! I could never come up with one-hundred positive things about myself! Is that what you are thinking now? Maybe you haven’t allowed yourself to think highly of yourself very often, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. I tried this exercise and I could easily come up with about 10, and then it starts to get tricky. I started doubting myself. Number 11. Honest. Well I’m not honest all the time… can I really put that down? Number 12. I’m a good writer. But so many people are way better writers than I am… Number 13. I’m a hard working person. But I do tend to procrastinate a lot… You get the idea. But you really are the beholder of these qualities, even if it is not all of the times, it still is true and it can still be said about you. If you we’re generous once, put it down, if you are trying to be a hard worker, put it down, if you are trying to be a good mother, a good friend, write it on your list! Even wonderful singers don’t sing well all of the time. They get sore throats too, but they are still fabulous singers. To help you with this exercise you can enroll your friends and family in helping you list your positive qualities. I asked my 12 year old cousin to help me list some of my qualities. She told me: You’re a good kisser! Now, how she figured out that I was a good kisser I have no idea, but truth be told, I am a good-kisser, and I had almost forgotten to put that on my list!

8. Exercise.

Even if you don’t have a gym-membership you can exercise. You can do 10 push-ups right now (ok maybe not if you’re sitting in a coffee-shop, but you get the picture). You can choose to take the stairs instead or the elevator, you can walk around the block, you can do a few sit-ups in your living room. Physical exercise produces endorphines in your brain that make you feel good, regular exercise has been said to provide you with benefits that are similar to a mild anti-depressant. Plus, you’ll feel better about your body. So put the power music on and shake your booty!

9. Make a bucket-list.

Come up with a list of things you would like to do before you die. What have you always wanted to do? Do you want to run a marathon? Have you always dreamed of travelling to Europe? Do you want to learn to dance? Do you want to try scuba –diving? Do you want to have a new career? Do you want to be the owner of your own house? Once you’ve made your bucket-list, set things in motion to accomplish one or many of these things. Set up a vision board that represent your dreams and let it inspire you. Next ask yourself what steps you could take the would bring you closer to your dreams. This could be anything. If you want to learn to scuba-dive, then one of the steps you could take is too look up information about it in your community, you could try to save 10$ a week to afford the class, it could be hanging out at the outdoor and sports equipment store to look at gear and speak with people who have tried it before.

10. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Now, I know you may still be thinking about him. How is he doing? Is he dating someone else? Is he still thinking about me? How is he spending his time? Yes he probably is still thinking about you, maybe he feels guilty, maybe he's worrying about how you are coping and maybe he is missing you. Maybe he is doing poorly or maybe he’s coping actively, and so should you. The best revenge is feeling better than you have ever felt before, for you, for your next lover, not for him. He missed out on you. Now don’t miss out on your life!

It’s normal that you are still thinking about him, that you miss him. Eventually, that will last only a few seconds and you'll know that all the validation you need comes from you.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Please visit my website for 5 myths about relationships:

http://www.psychologyclinicmontreal.com/couple_therapy.html

Also, I you are in the Montreal area don't hesitate to contact me if you need extra help.


All the best.

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Comments 2 comments

weezer17 3 years ago

Loved this article. I am going to try and take your advice. I have been feeling so sad and miserable but after reading this I choose to be happy. Please write more....


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Road to harmony 3 years ago from Montreal Author

Dear weezer17

Thank you so much for your comments. I really appreciated them.

I wrote this series of articles almost 3 years ago, since then I have met a wonderful partner and we have the most beautiful relationship. Please trust that you deserve to be in a good relationship and don't fall into the trap of self-loathing because this last relationship didn't work. You are meant to be with someone who is fully commited to you, who listens to you, who reassures and loves you. I will take your advice and try to write more in the next few weeks.

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