The corrosive effects of domestic violence within relationships

Contents


A picture of domestic abuse



Why does domestic abuse happen? How will it end?



Domestic violence. The outside world does not see this


The loving couple? No sign of abuse here

Source

A picture of domestic abuse


The battered and bruised victim cowers in the corner of the room. The attacker has just went mad and reigned a torrent of blows on the body of the terrified innocent. The attack was the culmination of an argument that started while the evening meal was being prepared. The crazed aggressor sometimes used fists, but this time a weapon, either an iron bar or a rolling pin, was used. This was not the first time that domestic violence had flared in the relationship. Always after an attack, there would be apologies and promises of improvements in the future. The promises were never kept. The really scary thing about this is that the aggressor is the female partner and the cowering victim is the man.


Why does domestic abuse happen? How will it end?


Recently in the long-running British soap, Coronation Street, there has been a very dramatic storyline, in which one of the characters, Tyrone, repeatedly gets attacked physically by his partner, Kirsty. They have been living together for about one year now and she is heavily pregnant with his first child. Kirsty is an ex-policewoman and she showed elements of obsessive jealousy since the start of the relationship. Tyrone is one of these typical “good characters” that you meet in long-running television dramas. He is everybody's friend and is well known for his generosity of heart. He had a difficult upbringing, with a mother who deserted him and now only returns, when she thinks there is an opportunity to sponge off his good nature. Kirsty comes from a different, but equally difficult, background. Her father was a policeman and he was a very controlling parent to his daughter while she was growing up. Her mother seems to be terrified of her husband and will never contradict him, or try to counter any of the lack of real love that he shows. As characters, they only appeared in the soap in one episode. All of the above opinions on their relationship were obvious then. It was even hinted that the husband might be a wife beater. The extremely angry reaction of the father, when he discovered his daughter had lost her job as a policewoman, served to highlight the fact that he was an extremely nasty character. The first attack, by Kirsty on her partner, happened on the same evening that her parents had visited.


Since then, the attacks have escalated. The latest is the one I detailed in the first paragraph. There is no certainty as to how this storyline will end up. Will he leave her? Will she kill him? The whole story is very distressing to watch. But it is all too common in relationships throughout the world.


There are some conclusions that can be drawn from watching this tragedy unfold. The first is that, children who have experienced abuse and lack of love, are more likely to grow up to be unloving abusers. The second conclusion is that, while abusers may profess remorse and undying love, the abuse rarely stops. Something else this story teaches us is, that victims too often defend or make excuses for the aggressors within relationships. Sometimes they are just too ashamed to admit that something is wrong. Love really can be blind at times. Let's hope it never degenerates to becoming blinding.


Domestic violence. The outside world does not see this

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Comments 9 comments

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi christopher, yes its one of those things that only gets talked about when its the man who is doing wrong, as you pointed out this happens so many times to men too, it has to be talked about, and somehow be brought into the open. I haven't watched corrie since tyron was with molly, but this made me want to catch up with it again! very good hub on a serious subject, nell


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom Author

Hi Nell. Too often the victims themselves, just can't even acknowledge that there is a problem and when it is a case of the man being beaten up, the police refuse to believe it is happening. There is no excuse for bullying within relationships, regardless of which partner is doing it.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

I totally agree, yes the police don't like to get involved do they?! this needs to be addressed more, and should be shown on tv etc, they are sorely lacking in this department, nell


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

What a fascinating hub, Chris. Did not know about that British TV program but can understand why police may have difficulty believing the situation when a male is the victim. After all, aren't men supposed to be the stronger half? Unfortunately, they can be victims, too. The entire subject of abuse whether physical, psychological or sexual appears to be swept into a very dark closet much of the time.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom Author

What you say here drbj is all too true. Thank God that the majority of people are kind and loving. That still leaves a lot of nasties though.


Reynold Jay profile image

Reynold Jay 4 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

It's a small ironic world when we end up talking about the same subject like this. Domestic abuse has the abilty to totally destrroy a life. Amara came to me with her story and I had no idea just how terrible this can be. Now I understand it and can feel fortuneate that I lived in a happy non-violent family.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom Author

It is indeed an ironic world Reynold. Like you I was very lucky to be blessed with good parents and a happy untroubled childhood.

I wish everyone could be so lucky.


jpcmc profile image

jpcmc 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

I just don't understand it. How can you abuse some you love? It's quite ironic. More importantly it's sad. Abuse can be physical but verbal and psychological abuse are equally devastating.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 4 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom Author

I totally agree with you here jpmc. Psychological abuse is designed to reduce the person being abused and it is equally to be deplored.

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