16 Things You Should Never Do After A Relationship Break Up


After a break up it is hard to reason well. During such period a person’s mind is clouded with emotions thinking clearly is hard. As a result, the person might end up doing things which he/she would later regret. This article aims at showing you which things you need to avoid so you may allow the healing process to commence and ensuring recovery from the break up.

I'm all alone & incomplete
I'm all alone & incomplete | Source

1. Don't Pretend You Are Fine

Expressing hurtful emotions is nature’s way of dealing with a painful episode. It is no way signifies weakness but an understanding something hurtful has taken place. It is a bold step since you are not escaping from what you know is a fact. In fact, expressing your emotions is the first step towards healing and recovering from the breakup. Don’t suppress these emotions. Don’t run away from them.

2. No Contact

After the break up, don't text or call her. This is not the time to beg for another chance or reconciliation. You need your 'me' time to think things through. You need time to sort out your thoughts. You need time to heal from the wound created in your heart. Not contacting your ex aids you in analyzing the relationship on the positive and negative side. This will put you in a good position to know whether to give the failed relationship another try or not.

3. Contain The Emotions

After experiencing the hurtful emotions for some time, it’s time to deal with them. They have run their due course, now it’s time to say goodbye to them. You are now aware a hurtful event has happened; it’s now time to deal with the hurtful emotions. Do not let the emotions continue running their due course for long as they’ll end up taking control of your mind, and ultimately your life. When they become part and parcel of your life they will affect your life negatively. You need to deal with them.

Getting over a break up - Break up advice
Getting over a break up - Break up advice | Source

4. Revenge Not

So, she ended the relationship. Thus, you've decided to revenge. You send her abusive messages. You do everything you can to hurt her in any imaginable way you can.

In whatever form of revenge you are thinking of, remember this wise saying, 'Revenge never pays.' Instead, it explains how miserable of a creature you are. Leave revenge to film actors and actresses.

5. Forgive and Forget

It is very hard to forgive someone who has wronged or hurt you. It feels like you are condoning his behavior thereby giving him leeway to hurt you the more. This is not the case. In some situations you can forgive and condone the behavior. In some cases you’ll forgive but not condone the behavior. A person can forgive an ex but not condone the behavior by bringing the relationship to an end. The most important factor you need to know is your forgiving is for your own benefit. It aids you in setting yourself free from the captivity of negative emotions such as anger and hatred. Also, it helps you in not letting your ex control your mind because you’ve allowed yourself to be still angry, hateful and bitter towards him.

6. Remember Not The Past Wound

When you have forgiven your ex, forget the wrong done to you. Try your level best not to revisit time and time again the past hurt(s). If you do so, you’ll never heal from the hurt nor recover from the breakup. This signifies you’ll be living like a person who is always hunted by an unseen force. You’ll end up not functioning well in your day-to-day activities.

Why Break up is so Painful and Change your Life
Why Break up is so Painful and Change your Life | Source

7. Stop Stalking Your Ex

Stop trying to find out how she is doing. Is her relationship with her current 'man' going well? Stop reading her updated statuses on social media sites. They will not hep you at all. You are just doing yourself a disfavor. Stop trying to find out how she is doing. What matters now is how you are doing. Have you at least recovered and ready to move on with your life alone without your ex?

You have a life to live. Stop living someone's else life. Give yourself a break and concentrate on yourself. Stop living like a zombie.

8. Stop ‘Beating’ Yourself And Ex

Blame game. Either you’re blaming yourself for the demise of the relationship or your ex. You can blame yourself or your ex, but seriously, how will blaming help you in the long run? You can blame yourself or your ex but don’t let the blaming go for long. It will not help in anything. In fact it is you who is going to feel the blunt of hurt as long as you continue blaming. Accept the relationship didn’t work out, and if you were the cause of the breakup pledge to become a better you before you fall in love with another person.


9. Stop Listening To Sad Love Songs

There is nothing worse than listening to something which makes you sadder than you are. They will make you more miserable and a pathetic creature full of pity. They will increase the hurt, you’ll become bitterer and you might end up depressed. You need to listen to uplifting or inspiring songs. Songs which will comfort, encourage, motivate and challenge you. Songs of hope and which will strengthen your inner self.

10. Don’t Live In Denial

Face the fact. The relationship is over. Don’t live in denial the relationship hasn’t yet come to an end. You are just deceiving yourself. You are living in a fantasy world. You are denying yourself what is rightful yours – your life. You are trying to live someone’s life of which you know isn’t a good thing. Accept the fact of which it will help you in recovering from the breakup and moving on with your life. Don’t live on a past life. It never works.

3 Things Not To Do After A Breakup

11. Not Too Close Of Friends

If you end up becoming platonic friends, you will never move quite far in your life. Your life will be revolving around your ex. You’ll end up becoming like our mother earth which always revolves around the sun. You should become casual friends for your own benefit. You don’t want to always remember the good old times. They will not help you. You will always be a living a life of wishful thinking which indicates you will be living in a fantasy life, no longer conscious about yourself. Be casual friend for the sake of your sanity.

12. Don’t Rush Into Another Relationship

Don’t rush into another relationship to escape the hurt you know you’ll feel. Don’t jump into another relationship to show your ex you haven’t been affected and you’re better off. Not only are you hurting yourself the more, you are also hurting the new partner you’ve run off to be with. Before engaging yourself in another relationship, ensure you have healed from the hurt and have recovered from the break up.


13. Don’t Revert To Your Former Ex

Don’t go back to your former ex to escape the hurt or to find console or to think this time the relationship will work out. Not only are you deceiving yourself, you ex will end up getting hurt. Deal with your pain; don’t go to cause another pain in your former ex’s life because you haven’t been able to deal with yours. You two broke up and you entered into a new relationship. Do you want to cause your former ex to end up hurt and in a state of confusion as a result of you going back to his life? Do you think the relationship will work for the better? Isn’t it possible you’ll end up hurt when it fails or when your ex (former before the recent relationship ended) does something that brings back the hurtful memories of your former and current ex?

14. Stop Hating Your Ex

You will not benefit at all by hating you ex. You are only making your life more difficult to live by. Hatred is a negative emotion. If you let it continue manifesting itself in your life, it will turn out destructive especially affecting your mind and physical health in negative ways. The only best way to deal with hatred is by forgiving your ex.

15. Don’t Do Something Crazy

She ended the relationship. As far as you know the breakup didn’t affect her. You want to show her you have an upper edge against her. So, what do you do? Change your fashion style to a ridiculous one instead to one that will suit you for the better. Go for strange tattoos and post photos on your social media sites for the sake of showing her you are well off. You are just hurting yourself. Don’t do anything crazy to show your ex you have a life of your own, the relationship hasn’t affected you or you are faring well. Do things that will build you up for your own sake, not for somebody else’s sake.


16. Don’t Broadcast The Breaking News

Don’t broadcast to any and everyone about the breakup. You should only do so to your close friends and those you consider should know about it. For the others, they’ll get the information when they ask about you and your partner (ex). Neither should you broadcast the negative traits of your ex to the whole world. You should do so to your closest friend or the friend who knows your ex and you too very well. When you talk about the negative traits of your ex to your closest friend or your friend who knows your ex too well, you are not passing unfounded truth but showing how his/her attitude and/or his/her behavior resulted into the demise of the relationship, or how it was like in the relationship. Don’t try to justify yourself for no good reasons in order to feel better or for your friend to feel sorry for you.

More by this Author


Ben716 profile image

Ben716 2 weeks ago from Kenya Author

@Keisha, my sympathies. I know how it feels for I have been in your situation. I will be speaking from a man's perspective coupled with what I have learned through research in regards with relationships.

If he truly loves you, his actions need to be at par with the words he speaks. If he rarely calls you nor pick up your phone, then he no longer has feelings for you. You no longer interest him. Relationship is about communication. Early on in the relationship it's easy to know if someone loves to talk more than send texts or prefer to send texts more than talk. In your case it looks he was more into talking but now doesn't talk a lot.

If he says he loves you then he considers you special then he need not behave in such a manner. What you need to do is stop calling him. He is taking advantage of you. You are his backup plan. If the relationship he is in fails, he will come back to you. You are someone he can run to if what he has been doing on the other side fails.

Do not call him. Apply no contact rule. Do not call him for days and weeks. It will hurt but purpose to do that. During this period stop thinking about him and the relationship. Concentrate on yourself. Move on living as if you don't have a lover. Do your things. It is hard but he is enjoying your neediness on him that is why he is behaving so.

Keisha, don't let anybody despise or take advantage of you. Do not let him treat you like a doormat. You deserve a better man. You have a life to live. Do not boost his ego. Let him learn you are independent, and happiness and fulfillment doesn't come from having a relationship with him. Don't beg or plead to him. You deserve better. Let him know that by not contacting him in whatsoever way. He is just playing your mind. You never know, you will come across a better man than him and your feelings for him will die sooner than you expected.

keisha grant 2 weeks ago

he claims he loves me but very hard for him to call nor he does not pick mine ....the truth is i am into him a lot ...i do face a lot of trauma pls help me

Ben716 profile image

Ben716 3 months ago from Kenya Author

Thank you dashingscorpio. True, one needs to stop 'romanticizing the past.' She was not the one. Out of the 7 billion people, surely one cannot be 'mourning' to get back to an ex when there are still singles out there. Good advice, dashingscorpio

dashingscorpio profile image

dashingscorpio 4 months ago

Great advice!

I'd also add - Stop "romanticizing the past" and looking at the relationship through "rose tinted glasses". She wasn't "the one"!

In order for (her) to have been "the one" she would have had to see (you) as being "the one"! At the very least a "soul-mate" is someone who actually WANTS to be with you!

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde

If someone dumps you it means they clearly don't think you're "special".

Thankfully there are over (7 Billion) other people on this planet! Odds are there are thousands if not millions of other people who would love and appreciate you. Every ending is a new beginning!

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.

    Click to Rate This Article