Top 10: Things Men Shouldn't Do On A First Date

First dates are easily the most important part of getting to know a girl, unfortunately they can often be the most awkward. As a pivotal point in your relationship with this person, generally you want it to go as smoothly as possible - but oh-so-often in your attempts to make a good first impression you slip up and commit some unforgiveable deed that sends her running for the hills. So what do you need to avoid? Well, that's what this here block of curvy lines is all about!

Location, Location, Location! Ok, so you're not buying property yet, but if you ever want to get that far you're going to need a first date! One of the worst possible places for a first date is the cinema; it may seem like a great idea, watch a romantic film, share some popcorn, talk about how much you love Audrey Hepburn's dresses (ok, maybe not so much) but most of all, it springs to mind because you don't have awkward silences, just periods of 'viewing' interjected with casual chat - unfortunately it can often come across as unimaginative and you'll probably learn next to nothing about each other. So, just take her out for a meal, it's easy, it's personal and you'll get a lot of talking in!

Right, that's the first hurdle - you've got a date - be sure to phone her and actually arrange a date though, you can't just think of someone, think of a place and rely on coincidence for the rest (coincidence is usually far too busy making ex's bump into newlyweds to bother with your little dates). Never just text her, though, it's far too impersonal and usually makes things much easier if you've already talked to the person in question about it before it actually happens (you could mention in the phone conversation that you'll text her the place / time - just so she doesn't forget!)

Ok, you're at the table, you've taken her coat and pulled out her chair (you charming devil, you) and all's going well! Now for what you need to avoid:

What not to do!


Don't talk about your ex-girlfriend

If you go on about how lovely she was they're going to think you're still in love, if you start slagging her off then they're just going to think you a little harsh; either way, it's rude and demonstrates that you're simply not over her yet. If you don't actually have an ex-girlfriend then the one you would be referring too would be an imaginary ex-girlfriend which is 1) weird and 2) begs the question as to how you broke up with a nonexistent person.


Don't smoke

If she doesn't smoke then you doing so is likely to greatly discomfort and her and cause offense. Even if she does, it may be seen as rude - it's always best to wait and see if she suggests it, if so then go for it, if not, just resist for a while.


Don't talk too much

Talking too much, particularly about yourself, can come across as quite arrogant and self-centred, so ask her plenty of questions about her life. I'm not saying you should tie her to a chair, shine a bright light in her eyes and interrogate her; keep it casual, ask her a question then respond to her answer - while she's talking make eye contact, smile, nod slightly every now and then, and try not to stare.


Don't drink too much

It's nice to have a glass of wine with your meal, but a few too many and you're going to start slurring your words and generally looking a bit stupid. For that matter, after a glass or two, suggest water - nothing puts a girl off more than thinking you want to get them drunk.


Don't talk about sex

What's more attractive than a sex pest? Well, everything. So stay off this topic completely - however comfortable you are about it and however innocent your intentions, she will not necessarily be comfortable and could well get the wrong impression altogether. If she mentions it, on the other hand - just as a general topic, not specifically with you: you're not that much of a Casanova! - engage in the conversation but move on to something else after a few minutes. If you back away from the topic she'll probably think she's embarrassed you and will feel a bit guilty for it - she may even presume you to be shy and immature which is never a good thing to be!


Don't lie

You may think that she'll be impressed when she hears that you're the masked saviour of Gotham city... but then again, spandex-clad 60s superheroes may not be her thing - not to mention that it's a slightly suspect claim! Fact is, if you just tell the truth life is going to be a lot easier; one lie will lead to another until eventually you'll slip up, causing some serious trust issues.


Don't finish before her

It's a very subtle thing to do, and she probably won't even notice it, but slowing down your eating to match her pace can make the date a lot more comfortable. If you finish first you won't have anything to do while she's talking to you - while I did mention that eye contact is important, it's good to have something for your hands to be doing; i.e. eating, to prevent you from fidgeting around. Also, once you finish, she's likely to me a lot more conscious of the fact you're 'waiting' for her and try to speed up causing unnecessary anxiety.


Don't look at or talk about the people around you

Looking around at other diners will make her feel like she's not interesting enough, and talking about them can make you seem quite judgemental. Also, situational conversation like this is up there with talking about the weather! Always be thinking of things to ask her to keep the conversation flowing - don't start questions with 'So...' and 'Anyway...'; you may as well say 'Well, that conversation was rubbish, how about this one?' and never make any mention of the service taking too long as it will make you seem impatient and as if you're desperate for something to do.


Don't assume you're only going to pay half of the bill

Always assume you're going to pay for everything; when the bill's delivered pick it up and pay for it, if she says you should share, insist on paying for it. However, if she asks to share a second time, do so, but split the bill 50:50 and then pay the 10ish % tip yourself. As a side note, once you've finished dessert and it's been cleared away, keep the conversation going as long as you see fit, then suggest getting the bill. Directly asking for the bill as the waiter's clearing your plates without asking your date first is just plain rude - you may as well just throw a plate at her, tell her you can't bear talking to her for a moment longer, rip off your clothes to reveal that oh-so-sexy spandex batsuit and go take out your anger on the criminals of Gotham.


Don't say goodbye outside the restaurant

If the date's gone well, offer to take the taxi ride home with her - even if you don't live anywhere near - but, as you get into the taxi, tell the driver you're going to wherever she lives and then on from there to your place; this makes the whole thing very unassuming and will prompt her - if she so desires - to invite you to stay at hers for a little before going home (if at all!). When you do get to her house, get out of the taxi with her and walk her to her door, say goodnight, give her a hug, a kiss, a striptease - whatever seems most appropriate - and suggest getting together again sometime. Having done this, she may ask you to come inside, she may not, whatever you do, no matter what happens in the taxi, don't pay the driver as you get out at hers; do so after she invites you in or once you arrive at yours; otherwise you're kind of forcing yourself upon her. Most of all, never - ever - expect to have sex or anything close on a first date; if it happens, it happens.

So, you've reached the end of the list and are probably overflowing with anticipation of putting it all into practice - or rather, not putting it into practice - on your next date. Fortunately that date's only a click away as I run an online dating website that can be found here: www.ireallywouldn'tbesoobvious.com. Anyway (If this paragraph was a date then it's not going so well, have already used 'So' and 'Anyway' - such a hypocrite!) that's all for now! I hope you enjoyed the read and if you have any questions at all, feel free to ask!

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Comments 12 comments

Appletreedeals profile image

Appletreedeals 7 years ago from Salisbury, Maryland USA

Geez! wish I knew this "back when" (LOL)


Dnadydon 6 years ago

Good points made.


disgruntledmale 6 years ago

Surely you jest. You pay 50% if you go out with me for the privilege of my company. What's all these rules about paying more - for what, because you have a vagina and I a penis? Want equality - earn it.


KennyStyles 6 years ago

Wow, I really like the point about pacing yourself to finish dinner same time with her. I have never thought about that. I am going to try it out next time I go on a date.

http://hubpages.com/relationships/2-Girls-Teach-Se...


rachel 6 years ago

Mr Disgruntledmale: there's nothing wrong with paying 50/50 but if you want to be impressive pay the whole thing.


JakeMcMurphy profile image

JakeMcMurphy 6 years ago from Chicago

Dead on with the section about the Cinema. The worst place in the world for a date is the movies. You can't get to know someone better unless you have the opportunity to converse with them. The perfect date is still the afternoon at the coffee shop. Or shopping. A lot of men don't consider this but doing a little shopping creates a TON of great opportunities for conversation, jokes, and really getting to know someone.


johnathan 5 years ago

great guide

@ the part when you said dont tie her to a chair and interrogate made me laugh


Date My Ride profile image

Date My Ride 5 years ago

Another important tip is don’t drink and drive!


Relationshipc profile image

Relationshipc 5 years ago from Alberta, Canada

I've never thought of a man not finishing his meal first! I think that makes a lot of sense and is a great tip. I always feel like I eat more then my husband because he always finishes before me so I see the benefit on a date.


chinemeremz profile image

chinemeremz 5 years ago

First impression really matter a lot, and the perception your partner gets of you while on your first night out, will endure for long as your relationship progresses (that is if doesn't end that night). Thanks a great deal for these tips and I believe every young man trying to build a healthy relationship with a dream woman must heed to these advise. It was really nice reading.


santoshubpages 4 years ago

I realize that you are from the United Kingdom. I liked your article, however, American readers need to be aware that around 10% tip is not acceptable.

The standard for tipping a server is 18%-20%. If people don't like that, then they should not eat out. Your food cost is kept lower by servers making their money on tips. If everyone tipped like you then thy would have to be paid more and food prices would increase. Don't be cheap.


LeslieOutlaw profile image

LeslieOutlaw 3 years ago from South Carolina

Great Advice! Men....Read this article. This is great advice for a first date. Wonderful job!

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