Top 10: Tips On How To Talk To Girls
Talking to girls is an issue that has always been apparent with many guys. It happens to so many men of all ages; you walk up to a girl and suddenly - as you're about to unleash one of those many 'hilarious' one-liners you were reading on the internet the other night - your tongue seizes up. Gone is the humour that comes so easily when around guys, gone are all those conversation starters you had planned out, and gone is any self confidence you might have had a few seconds before:- all to be replaced by an awkward silence during which you desperately try to formulate an escape plan as she surveys you expectantly. So, how do you go about avoiding such situations? Well, that's where these 10 tips come into play; sure it's by no means a guarantee, but it should serve as somewhat as a pointer and get you on the right track!
What you should be doing
Don't plan it out
It may seem counter-intuitive but it really doesn't help 9 times out of 10. If you plan out what you're going to say it's going to sound very forced and rehearsed; not only is this a problem, but also, when you're talking to her, you're less likely to fully absorb what she's saying as you'll be working out what you're going to say next which can often make you seem distant and impersonal.
It's an obvious one, but also hard to do - so, often the best thing is to fake it and just appear relaxed despite the mental juggling act going on in your head. Appearing relaxed will make the whole situation seem much more natural, less awkward, and will make her feel at ease too - and not like you're about to deliver some devastating piece of information.
Casual but polite
So you're over there with her and you're chatting, but how should you go about it? Well, you shouldn't be too serious and formal (so don't go for long, sweeping bows and address her as "m'lady") unless, of course, you're at a medieval re-enactment - but even then it might be a bit much. You need to be casual about it, if you're sitting, don't be bolt upright, but then again don't slouch. Manners, as always, are important, so remember your please's and thank you's but be sure not to correct hers as it's generally quite rude and could be off-putting.
If you ever want to speak to this person again you're going to have to be yourself because eventually they'll work out what you're really like and, if you've bent your personality to match theirs, they're going to realise and go looking for someone that's actually like them. There is nothing to be gained in the long run from pretending to be something you're not.
Complimenting people is something that will either come very naturally to you or something you're going to have to work on. Compliments generally take three different forms:
- The utterly rubbish, internet sourced pick-up lines and compliments probably written by the same people responsible for fortune cookies that just never work (not the fortune cookies - they always work - it's not exactly hard to make something that breaks) because they're cheesy, clearly not sincere and are often very well known.
- The more sincere forms of compliment that come to mind on the spot and are actually about the person in question. As for when to come out with one, it's completely random, the conversation may brush over some topic that invites the opportunity to compliment one of their physical or emotional features - don't force these situations as a free-standing compliment doesn't usually lead anywhere and just causes awkwardness; but do look out for opportunities to get them in - the less you make of them the more effective they can be.
- The third form of compliment is a bit more hit-and-miss but works well with the right sort of person. Essentially you just throw in an over exaggerated compliment in a semi-sarcastic tone which, although clearly not very serious, if followed up by looking them straight in the eye and smiling, can also convey the point that it wasn't all insincere. As an example, say your girlfriend say "Am I pretty?" (how very uncommon) you might reply with "of course, but if I dated people just for looks I'd be in a relationship with my mirror"; albeit not the best of examples, it illustrates that 1) it definitely has to be the right sort of person and 2) if you say it too seriously it just sounds arrogant!
Find the common ground
When talking to someone you will soon come across topics that interest you both and it is these you want to dwell on and stick to as you're both going to enjoy the conversation just as much. Usually you don't want to stray too far into more personal subjects when talking to someone for the first time, so rattling on about your lost and troubled soul, and your inner search for some unknown form of self-completion can be quite heavy-going as far as conversation goes. Equally, the weather is never a good choice.
No manly conversations
She will almost definitely not want a report on the last football game you saw, or the complete history of your car ownership. I'm not saying you need to talk about dresses and makeup, but try to stay clear of topics where she's unlikely to have much interest and that she'll know little about.
Don't fall back on your friends
The conversation's running dry, what do you do? Well, you should definitely not say 'Oh, by the way, have you met...' and drag one of your friends into the conversation; this will instantly draw her attention away from you and is about the most obvious way of demonstrating that it's all got a little dull short of saying it.
Know when to walk away
Ever so hard to do, knowing when to end it is the real trick. You want to keep the conversation going long enough that you make a lasting impression but short enough so that you don't run out of things to talk about. If you suddenly have to leave as an awkward silence descends on you it's incredibly obvious so really do quit while you're ahead. When you actually do leave don't make up some elaborate excuse that may be asked about in the future - just say that you're tired or that you need to be getting back - but be sure to say that you'd love to meet up sometime soon and ask for their number or facebook (if you're that hip and happening)!
Getting back in contact
Going back to the times of smoke signals and arrows with messages attached there have always been questions raised as to when to get back in touch with the person. The fact is, there's no real answer, you just have to judge it right - if you really feel you hit it off, maybe phone her up the next afternoon; if you think it went ok but aren't sure about her, leave it a few days first so as not to seem 'too' desperate. The thing is, everybody knows about the problem of when to call someone so in reality, people make very few assumptions based off it. Oh, also, If you're sending a rider at first light (because you just like doing things the old fashioned way) be sure to send the message a few days in advance. Better yet, ride up to her place on that white steed you impulse-bought on e-bay and have yet to find a use for - I find it always goes down well.
Hopefully this will have given the more shy readers a few ideas on what you should be doing - and hey, maybe even some of you seasoned experts (why does that always bring to mind images of cannibalism?) have learnt a thing or two! But remember, every single girl is different and what works with some will not with others so never assume you know everything - nothing will destroy your confidence more than being overconfident in something that then fails.
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