Why do men cheat on their wives?

Please note that I am not trying to make excuses for men. Cheating on your wife is wrong. Here we will try to understand and in some cases explore methods for managing, a cheater’s behavior.

The numbers
Current studies indicate that around 52% of US men and 44% of women have cheated on their spouses. It is worth noting that the number of women, who cheat, has steadily increased over the years. This indicates that the number of cheaters is determined by how permissive society is, rather than the sex of the cheater. It is worth mentioning that women cheat for different reasons than men and that when they cheat, it is usually with fewer partners.

We can see more of this social influence, in that the third most often given reason for infidelity is that the cheaters friends are cheaters. There for he felt that it would be ok to go ahead and try it.

Emotional needs
This is the number one reason that men give for cheating. Frequently you will find that the cheater’s wife is sexually more attractive than his mistress. In this case the mistress makes him feel like ‘a real man’, while his wife and family don’t. She does so merely by acting and speaking to him in a way that builds his male ego.

The big S

Sex is much more important to men, than woman realize. The quality of a man's sex life seriously affects how they perceive themselves and their relationships.

Sexual need
If you are having sex with your husband rarely or not at all, chances are that he will go looking for it elsewhere. If this is the case, it’s not a matter of the quality of the sex, just the quantity. Perhaps you might consider try to chemically balance your needs in this area?

Sexual boredom
Men like to try new things in the bedroom. If you aren't willing to experiment, a bit, they may seek this excitement elsewhere. It shouldn't be hard to find things that are new, but still within your boundaries.

Seeking sexual excitement outside the marriage is connected to a husband's social circle. If they feel their friends are going outside their marriages for exciting sexual experiences. They are more likely to try it themselves.

Revenge
It doesn't necessarily mean that you cheated on him, now he cheats on you to get back at you. It can revenge for something else you did.

They think they can get away with it
If they think you will not punish them for it(maybe because you didn't do so in the past) or they think it is unlikely that they will get caught. Then men are more likely to cheat.

They are very unhappy at home
If you argue a lot and he seems to be under too much stress, he might escape from his problems by looking for a mistress.

I know this article does not fully answer the question: Why do men cheat on their wives, but I hope it has given you some insight into how cheating happens.

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Comments 34 comments

LiveInHope 5 years ago

Dear Confused--you are SO welcome! I wish you knew how beautiful and absolutely lovely you really are...it's like I wish you could see yourself as God sees you--exquisitely beautiful inside and out. I bet you make people laugh, give and give to them until you are worn out, and all of this just to make them happy! It is the beauty of the feminine genius, and I think you have it.

I am sorry to hear about you and your husband separating. I bet neither of you really wanted it. It sounds like this is not the first time you have separated. I wonder if it is that the two of you keep repeating the same cycle again and again and never really get down to the ROOT problem that is probably hurting both of you. So, you follow the pattern: 1) fall in love, realize how precious the other one is to you; 2) live happily; 3) the root problem start to come out and things become increasingly unpleasant; 4) you realize the problem is coming out and begin to deal with it either through defense mechanisms or other ineffective ways (silent treatment; struggle for control, fighting to be the one who is right; clash of ideas; manipulating each other; maybe he isolates himself; then you feel rejected, etc.---any number of ways to deal with the problem in the wrong way)--have you ever heard this: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." It CHANGED my life when I realized I was trying to solve my problem in the same ineffective way each time and it never worked. I ran from relationships by isolating myself and becoming a workaholic--never entering into real intimacy and taking the risk of letting the relationship get deeper by allowing myself to be vulnerable, by letting the other person hold me in my woundedness, talking about and feeling with the other my woundedness and hurtful things of the past...; 5) since you run away from the real problem and don't deal with it effectively, the pain and tension becomes too much and so you separate; 6) after a period of separation, the pain has subsided, the wounds that were emerging have been covered over with a good scab and so you both feel better--so, you get back together--then, the process starts all over again from step 1)

But, the problem is --is that you both may be running away from one of the most AMAZING THINGS about MARRIAGE: you become not just the other person's lover--but their lover in the deepest sense of the word: you help to become their healer. We all have wounds. These wounds show themselves by insecurities and fear--and we hide the pain or calm the fear or deny the insecurity through avoiding the people (your spouse!) who see it or escape the reality of the wounds and the pain they bring through addictions (escapes like meaningless sex, alcohol, drugs, etc.). Does this make any sense? I am just saying, you are beautiful! And I think your husband must be a wonderful man. Do you have the courage to help each other heal?

I wouldn't be surprised if your husband has the typical male insecurities: the fear of failure (at his job, at being a husband--providing for you physically and financially, etc.), not being appreciated on a daily basis, not having the woman he loves see him as wonderful, strong, intelligent, noble, of good character--just, honest, etc.--his greatest fear may be that your marriage will never work out and it is his fault.

Then, he has really failed. Would it be possible for you to let him know all the ways you think he has been a wonderful husband and spouse? Start making a list maybe? Encouragement is better than gold and silver...The reason for the encouragement is so that both of you will find the strength to get back together and TOGETHER get to those ROOT problems and, in a completely NEW WAY, solve them once and for all!

I am sorry, Confused, if I am totally off base. I guess that is part of the problem with posts! I will pray for you and your husband, your children and grandchildren! If you can make your marriage work, you will be an inspiration to all of them--and I can only imagine HOW HAPPY and SATISFIED BOTH OF YOU WILL BE!!


Confused 5 years ago

Dear LiveinHope: I want to thank you for your nice post, it helped me a lot!! Since my post my husband and I have separated. Your advice made me feel a lot better and I will NOT and have not been with that co-worker. I certainly have thought of his wife a lot and it has bothered me. Many thanks again, it's very difficult especially now and I seem to be having a hard time today, so your post was inspiring. Many thanks!


LiveInHope 5 years ago

Dear Confused, You don't sound to me like the kind of woman who would want to cause the same heartbreak to another woman that your husband caused you by cheating on you years ago. Your new-found self-esteem will be completely destroyed; he will probably dump you after the affair--he probably has children! Think of his poor children too. What kind of man is this who is doing something that is NOT helping you? (as you said)--that is not real love.

He wants to cheat with you because men feel loved through sex. I bet his wife is not showing him the love, appreciation and admiration that men need and crave. He is looking for that affirmation from somewhere else. Eight years into a marriage, as you know, is when the honeymoon is over and the real work of loving begins. The real work of self-sacrifice and communication begins--or, the marriage starts to die.

Cheating is a huge gash that can lead to the death of a marriage--would you really want to do that to a lovely young family that has so much potential and goodness?

You could instead help this man back to his wife and help

him to see the kind of person he is becoming--something he probably would find disgusting if he took the time to step back and look at himself. Is this the example he wants to set for his son and daughter?

It seems to me you love his flirting because women love to be attractive and desired--but it only has true meaning when the man is available (not lying as in this case) and when he intends a life-long commitment that says, "I want to love you and take care of you; I want to cherish you and provide for you all the days of our life together." It sounds to me like this guy is saying, "I'm going to see if I can get you, because I think I can--you are pretty and sexy and so you are a 'prize'--but, after I have sex with you... well, I don't know..." Men who cheat on their wives are ____ --you fill in the blank. Is this the kind of man you want to give your body to so that he can use you and then put you aside? You are TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THAT!

Don't let him destroy you. Don't help him destroy his family.

I want you to be able to find healing for yourself. It sounds like your step-father was terrible to you. What about your real father? Father wounds that are not healed can have devastating effects on women's lives and cause them to be miserable, always searching for their father's love and never at rest. I hope so much that you will get to the cause of your deep pain and not try to just cover it over with one relationship after the other. Only in the healing of the deep wound will you find rest and peace and joy.


jGaunt profile image

jGaunt 5 years ago from London Author

Well the 2 major red flags here are: he's married and he works with you. Both of these are a recipe for heart break.

I recommend you find someone else to replace what you are getting from this, married guy. Though I do realize that it’s not an easy situation for you.


Confused 5 years ago

I've been married to my first love and boyfriend for 28 years. It's been a rocky relationship since we both said "I DO". We've been separated 3 times and divorced then remarried. I got married at age 18, I'm now 46 years old and a grandmother. The past year has been very trying for me in our relationship.

He cheated on me 3 years into our marriage just the one time, I forgave him and it doesn't bother me at all anymore. I've NEVER cheated on him.

Over the course of a year, I've lost 100 lbs. I've always been heavy my entire life and I work in a male dominant place (a prison) and have been getting a lot of attention from staff (male & female) due to my higher self-esteem and weight loss. It's the best feeling in the world for me!!! Infact, to my surprise, I've been asked out by three single male co-workers (this has never happened to me before anywhere) Of course I said NO.

But, now I have encountered a co-worker whom I work directly with for almost a year now who's been flirting with me the past 3 months and wanting me to have sex with him, and he's married (for 25 years). At first, I thought he was joking, so I played along with it, having fun with it, then he said he's serious, shocked me!! His flirting is getting stronger and I'm starting to develop feelings for him and visa-versa (he tells me that anyways). Please also know that I was belittled by a step-father my entire life, so any type of attention is wonderful for me! I came to this website because I want to get some ideas why this co-worker wants to cheat on his wife with me. I actually asked him "why me?" one day and he said "you're pretty and so very nice". He's been in the states 8 years (he's Filipino and so is his wife). I was born in the US and I'm a white female. I'm just so confused right now and my life is moving in so many different directions and what he's doing to me isn't helping me emotionally and physically but yet I don't want him to stop the flirting either.


imstupid 5 years ago

False advertising, women and men change as soon as the ring goes on the finger women dont try anymore and men feel that when they meet their match its under false pretenses my advice is keep your guy happy by pleasing him and you wont be as likely to lose him. Women think once the chase is done so are they. no big shock that oral sex is the norm then goes away women dressing sexy goes away constant complaining increases and anything other than missionary is all of a sudden considered as they are being treated like a tramp. funny though they are all in while the pursuit is alive and well. My wife is an absolute slut in the sac and after 12 years i dont even look at other women because there is no way they would do for me what my sexy wife does for me. All of my married freinds not some all complain that sex is once a month or less and they are a bunch of horn dogs. My cravings are well satisfied and i am happy with my marriage.I live to satisfy my wife sexually and we touch each other constantly. its really fun just try it. I suggest you try having sex 21 days in a row and you both will be hooked life is fun and it can be really fun in your own safe home.


disappointed 5 years ago

gave your comments some intense thought and decided on that advice as well as advice from my mother in law to attempt to stay and figure it out. the real threat of divorce had an effect that we have approached some issues of course i didnt share intimacy details with my mother in law but she assumed this was a problem since the day we married. my kids are relieved but a little cautious with their optimism kids are smart. my wife has agreed to attend joint marriage counseling but she also had an appointment with a psychiatrist that sounds like it might have been a little tough. Her dad is a good man and her relationship is very good and always has been so that isnt an issue. she told the therapist that i was not a mean person and that i had done everything she could imagine its just that she never really saw the importnace of sex


LiveInHope 5 years ago

You sound like a wonderful man. Your faithfulness and your desire to protect for and provide for your children is so admirable! Your faithfulness has also been tested (since you see that other women are attracted to you and yet continue to act nobly and virtuously). But, I don't think you should compromise your own high standards because of the difficulty you are running into with your wife. One very very wise person once said, "God doesn't protect our marriages from suffering; He protects them through suffering." You have been suffering. But please don't make your suffering turn into a suffering for your children. You feel free now going through the divorce process, but it is a false freedom: you see it is false because it destroys others--it is destroying your children. Your wife is gossipping because she is hurting and confused. I do think it is wrong what your wife is doing and the way she is treating you--but, as I've read what you've written, I can't help but think that your wife is a deeply wounded person. Did she have a bad relationship with her father? Was she ever abused (sexually or otherwise)? Something seems almost to be making her afraid of intimacy with you, and I mean here both emotional as well as physical intimacy. She is not at home in her own body and soul. She has been making you sleep on the couch for years?! She is afraid of closeness--is that because she is afraid of the pain that is within her, left there from some past trauma or deep insecurity? When you become close to another person, it also brings you closer to your innermost self. It doesn't sound to me like she hates you at all--I think she hates herself. She sounds like a poor woman in pain. You didn't do it to her. She needs help and real healing. Would you help her? Would you come to her rescue and provide what she needs the most? Something for her soul, something for her past, something for her heart. She is the one who is really miserable. A person who is hurting or numbing themselves can become oblivious to the needs of their spouses. They push them away even though they need them more than anything else in the world!! I don't think any of this has to do with your sexual attractiveness or your desire for sex (which is healthy and normal in a man; and I think you are noble, upright, and dignified for refusing to masturbate). I think it has to do with her fear. Getting close to you in sexual intercourse for some reason is bringing some kind of fear that she is too afraid to face to the surface. Please don't add to her pain and her fear. Please try to help her. She needs you. The ugly things she says are only coming out of her pain. They are not the real her. Please be her hero. Please be the hero your children need and want you to be. The world needs men like you to step up, to go into the battle with our past and with our pain that we are too afraid to face alone. She needs you to be her man, her hero, her hope.


LiveInHope 5 years ago

Dear Disappointed,

I just read your comments from the past postings here.


disappointed 5 years ago

Left my wife now she is using kids against me. lots of fun here. Have not had contact with any other women dont want to right now just going to put the rest of my life together all of her friends hate me. She has tried to degrade me by saying BS stuff about me she told one of her friends that I was unsatisfying in bed for her. The good and bad news is that i have lost weight I am down to a 32 inch waist.I am jogging again and feel great health wise I feal I have a 100 pound weight off my shoulders. I miss spending as much time as possible with my kids but I am going to court next week to get joint custody. I have hired a great attorney a woman who has been as much a therapist as she has been a lawyer. I met her husband he is a great guy who works in her office as a paralegal. If i ever were to remarry i would like to have a marriage like theirs.I have spent good deal of my time taking my frutrations out on a heavy bag and speed bag in my rental home. truth is I am in the best shape of my life and i look forward to spending more quality time with my kids absent my soon to be ex-wife. Life is going to be good eventually.


lindsey 5 years ago

my beloved husband does not love me. we just got married 3 years ago and we never have any sex. he used kindness to trap me and for quite a while constantly instigates fights with me. He also kills any attempts to communicate with him about any subjects. I never realized how important sex was to me until I have found myself at the mercy of a man who doesn't seem to have any interest in it... or in me. He seems miserable, that I think I'd rather leave just to do him a favor: that this marriage is not a prison sentence. I am losing confidence in him and it feels terrible to feel as if you can not trust your husband because he can not be honest with you. I feel so depressed about having to be strong while he just tells me the worst kinds of excuses. He thinks everything is going to be okay, but I am broken hearted to realize that my love for him is dying, that he doesnt nothing to create and nourish trust. I feel so stupid always talking to someone who shows no interest. I know this marriage is in trouble and I have a hard time dealing with its failure. I am beginning to see that to him, marriage is just a sentence in life (maybe he had a miserable childhood, with overbearing parents) and has just come into the marriage jaded but I don't know how I can serve a tough sentence when all I wanted to do was make him happy and see him happy. He's never said, "I love you." Deep down inside I know he's a passionate person, so this situation is quite painful for me to bear. I feel as i want to inflict emotional abuse on myself because it just doesn't make any sense. i want to break down when the temptation arises for a better life elsewhere. I don't think he feels the same spiritual obligation I do. It is easier for him to betray me, because he often lies to himself and this is the part I wonder if I should have the courage to let him go.


disappointed 5 years ago

I brouched the subject of our relationdhip she asked why I cant just masturbate like the rest of the world what a cold thing to say I have been in counseling and I think its not likely to work without her being there. I asked her to go she said I am the one with the problem. I have met someone just talking and she said she doesnt ant to be more than freinds unless I file for divorce. she gave me the name of a very good lawyer but i dont want to get divorced i just want to be happy.


Jean 5 years ago

I just found out that my husband of 30+ years has cheated on me for the second time. I found a card that she had writen he in his closet as I was helping him clean it out. I can't believe that he cheated on me again.asked him why his reply was that I did not make him feelspecial. This comes from a man that had stopped telling me that he loved me over 2 years ago, I had tried to find out what the problem was an he would not tell me. We have a very active sex life and he seemed to always enjoy it. Now I've completely lost any faith in him. I wish that I would have spitwith him after the first affair. Now all he says is that he is sorry and he tells me all the time that he loves me. But to me it is too late! He also wants to have sex alot, i just cna't bring myself to do it. What am I going to do. We are so in debt that there is no money to move out, and why should I, he's the one that has done wrong but he will not leave as I have asked him to.


guilty 5 years ago

i have been a victim of cheating and the problem is i really fall for the person. do i need help


disappointed 5 years ago

Lorin,

thanks for the advice and i have tried many but not all of the things you suggested. I tried to have a conversation about our marriage and she said I had changed that I have become distant I am trying to improve but i am getting tired of trying


lorin 5 years ago

Disappointed,

Your wife is very stupid. I think I can say that without offending you because I dont know her. While some men cheat no matter what his wife does for him. You are one of the good ones that knows how hard it is on the kids. Have you asked your wife what you can do for her? What she wants? You have to be straight up with her. That sex is very important to you, it something that shows her love for you. While she needs you to do more with the kids, help clean up, be sweet, do things for her, have a good attitude or whatever the list of things is.. All you REALLY need from her is sex. If you are Christian remind her that sex is a gift from God, and a blessing for your marraige, and a tool to help keep you close.

Dont tell her that you can get other women. She already knows that and sounds arrogant.

I can tell you, we want for a lot! We can barely keep our utlities going, but we are happy, and we try to have sex everyday. My husband is African and I am American. We have come from two worlds of thinking which allowed us to release ourselves from being stubborn, completely submit and design our life from our own thoughts and not allow culture or other people's opinions play any part thereof. But what people don't realize is men and women come from two totally different cultures (mars and venus). Just because sex is not important to you as a woman, does not mean that it is not EXTREMELY important to your husband. And on the reverse there are a lot of things men think are dumb that are REALLY important to women. We need to drop everything we are thinking, that are mothers or fathers are telling us and realize we are different and have different needs. They are not me and I am not them and design the best way to be for you two as individuals.

Also, the kids know you are not happy and they might even think it is them. I also came from a broken home at 16. And supposedly the older your children are the harder it is. For you, the best two options you can take in life are either to stick this out, work it out with your wife... and work harder at making it happen and reaching her than your job. OR you leave her, see if seperating from her makes her want to change. If it doesn't it is better to move on and find the right person than to cheat. If you cheat and then divorce, your children will find out and feel that the divorce was your fault. Just saying I love you to your kids is not enough. Even if you dont think you and your wife are going to make it your kids deserve the best of you. Be there for them, be at their games, play games with them, teach them, make them a priority. If you do this no matter what happens, they will be fine.


disappointed 6 years ago

Recently on a business trip i was in a restaurant and i was at the bar i dont drink so i was having a quick bite and a lady sat next to me who was nice looking. She initiated a conversation and we had a nice talk. She said i seemed like a nice guy and said she noticed i was married i said i was and added that i was happy (lie) but i didnt want anything to be misconstrued. She said that is nice and that she was divorced after 7 years of marriage. she told me her story and i was surprised to learn that their marriage had stalled in every way not just sex but simple caring. People often talk to me because i believe i am a good listener. I dont offer an opinion i just listen. We had a pretty long talk and i paid and got up to leave and she said boy i wish i had met someone like you i simply said in reply you are very attractive and have a great personality as far as i see it wont be long and you will be off the market. she shook my hand and i went back to my hotel. I dont believe I did anyting wrong but man i think i could have. I half wish my wfe had knowledge of the event because maybe she would see we are in real trouble. I need help and i contacted a counselor and went to meet with her. She asked why i didnt bring my wife and i said she wouldnt come along she said i have to get over my issues. I am not perfect but i earn a very nice living and she and the kids want for nothing really. I am affectionate with the kids and say I lve you every night before trodding off to the couch where i have slept for more than 6 years dont know how long I can keep this up though.


mark 6 years ago

thank god am not mariage


Lisa 6 years ago

You can't blame genetics. You can't blame your spouse. The cheater is the only one to blame. It's your fault for not communicating and it's your fault for making the choice you know is wrong. It has been my observations that the cheater doesn't have any respect for themselves, much less for anyone else.

I think the cheating happens because that person doesn't have a clue how to communicate and/or listen. That they are possibly in denial about a lot of things including their own feelings and emotions. The cheaters that say "it's only sex, nothing else" just can't control themselves and can be a serious problem. The lies are inexcusable.

I feel for all of those who have been cheated on. It is one of the most hurtful feelings a person can experience.


Lizzy 6 years ago

I discovered 3 weeks ago that my fiancee had been cheating on me for 2 months. We have been engaged for about 10months now. I decided to give him a second chance but i feel so lost!I have this desire to call the mistress and ask her why!!He claims they never had sex but just made out..How can i marry a man who has already cheated on me???I keep thinking about him cheating on me again after the wedding....So Lost!!!!


cheated on too 6 years ago

I too have been cheated on yrs ago and the latest I found out his single cousin set him up with a friend he has been talking to for the last few weeks. It is devastating. I think it is more to do with some genetic abnormality with in the cheaters. We have been together 10 yrs this is the second time. I know he also cheated on his ex wives. There is no excuse for it at all. And to all you women out there that help our spouses cheat SHAME ON YOU!!!!! It will come back to haunt you Karma!!!!


janie 6 years ago

i recently found that my husband was cheating. i was devastated. his girlfriend told me. he would have continued to lie and cheat as he had been for the better part of a year. i chose to take him back. but i am very conflicted about my decision. i believe he will cheat again and believe that i have set my self up for more heartbreak. he does not want to have sex with me and i believe it is because i do not live up to his outside experiences. i believe we are headed down an inevitable road to separation and divorce. i sometimes feel that i shoould have just finished with it instead of taking him back so that i would be well on my way to being over it now.


bloominglily profile image

bloominglily 6 years ago

Because some couples women too aren't honest about what they want.

Bloominglily


sherrie taylor profile image

sherrie taylor 6 years ago from North Idaho

Sex is a natural function of the human person. If she is having a problem, ask her if there is ever a reason for sex in her opinion. Don't yell it at her. Maybe she is just one of those people that do not like it.

but explain to her that you are a healthy man and ask what she thinks could be done. tell her you still find her attractive and would like to understand what you need to do or if there is ever going to be anything. Don't blame yourself.

also, there are a lot of men out there that cheating is just a way of life. The reasons they use are just rationalization to make it seem right in their minds. Many of their wives are fine and giving all they need, but they like the chase, conquest and on to the next.

thank goodness, you do not sound like one of them.

good luck.


disappointed 6 years ago

I am a male that has been, for the last several years having sex maybe 3 or 4 times per year with my wife. I love and cherish what she does for the maintenance and care for me our children and our household. We have been married for 13 years and I feel that some women including my wife believe sex is a tool. I also believe this drives a wedge into the intimacy. I have not slept in the same bed with my wife for 6 years and have in effect weened myself from sexual needs thereby removing the tool from the tool box. This is not the recipe for a successful marriage but we are both stubborn. There is no doubt that our differing opinion about the importance of sex in a marriage is a real issue. I broached the subject several times as the frequency wained earlier in our marriage and the simple response was "that's all you think about" and it really isn't that important. It made me feel like a pervert for pushing for sex with my own wife. I tried dating with my wife to rekindle a real relationship but if I made advances she would say I had alterior motives so I discontinued this. It forms anger and resentment towards a woman I still love and want to have sex with. My father cheated on my mother and I will not put my kids through that so I bury myself in work and purposely keep myself from situations that could foster the possibility of cheating but it isn't easy as I travel for work. I am not an adonis but people like to talk to me and I find women to be predatory especially when I converse about my strong beliefs in the preservation of my family. Our kids are holding me in this thankfully. I don't want to be bitter and I did choose my wife but I fear when the kids grow up and leave the nest I won't have much of a reason to keep me here. It's sad and I am sure I have approched this incorrectly but I am doing the best I can. I have a good life, wonderful kids and a good job so I don't think I can complain. Things could be much worse. I also know I am not perfect so in some way it's probably completely my fault but that's life.


Realist 6 years ago

There is no excuse to cheat on your spouse, there is no way in the world to justify anybody's actions. The bottom line is that cheaters are not happy with themselves; therefore, they bring their personal issues in to the marriage as a result they end up cheating. Cheaters are people who are weak minded and do not know how to appropriately deal with their problems in their family, they look for the easy way out. They are selfish people who do not care about other people's feelings.


woman 6 years ago

i believe that when one loves a partner so passionately and so intensely cheating will not happen...when one lives for each other, cheating maybe far from their lives...but then again...not all married couples are really that in-love...

even as "just friends" u may still stay loyal and true..if one cares about the others feelings...


sad wife 6 years ago

my dad died this year i know i pushed my husband away and others.our marriage was fine till we hit tragedy in our marriage.now its going on a month since we had any sex.

he told me today that he has no sexual desire to do anything with me.it hurts,he still wants to kiss me an sleep with me in the same bed.now it scares me an makes me wonder then,if their is someone else taking care of my business.i know i would never cheat on my husband if his mom died no matter how much he would push me away.because i would understand what hes going through.can anyone tell me why he wouldnt want to have sex any longer?we never went this long without it in our marriage or even before we got married.


Skydweller profile image

Skydweller 7 years ago from Kathmandu

man you are talking more about the US. The case is different in other parts of the world...


LonelyHusband 7 years ago

I have been married for only two years and we have had sex on 8 times. I feel myself growing away from love and I don't like the way it makes me feel. I have lost interest in having sex with her, because I am tired of wanting it and being disappointed. I don't want to become one of those cheating husbands. We have talked about it, she is still attracted to me and I her; but she doesn't have the desire for sex. She was suppose to go to see what her hormone level is but she hasn't gone and that was 4 months ago that she was suppose to go. She feels that sex is not a big deal for the marriage, intimacy is. We are intimate, we hold each other and I carress her and reassure her of my love, but that's as far as it goes. We can be intimate and then nothing, no sex afterwards. We have foreplay but then no play. I am so frustrated and depressed because sex is important to me. Before we got married, she made me feel that sex was going to be an enjoyable and frequent part of our marriage. I didn't expect to be begging for sex within two years after getting married. She says that I am good at having sex and that when we do, she is very pleased and satisfied....(unless she is trying to make me feel good about myself).


lisa 7 years ago

Sexually, I may have a greater desire for it than my hb. So I don't think that applies here. But one point a wruter posted that he said is the 3rd most frequent reason given is his friends are cheaters or "single". The seemingly excitement of an extra-marital relationships experienced these friends somehow tempt them to try the same.


catnip09 profile image

catnip09 7 years ago

Truth be told -your average adult male has a far greater desire for sex than the average adult female. This fact is what causes many relationships to fail. I believe the Romans had the right idea with legalized non stigmitized prostitution. I'm sorry if this offends anyone but outside of developing a drug to curb the male sex drive what can be done .


Grace 7 years ago

That is very funny and true. I have been in two sexual flings with married men and you really have to remember that cheating is a sign of something wrong in the relationship.


bingskee profile image

bingskee 7 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

women also cheat with the above reasons.. it's all about not being content, not being satisfied, not being able to achieve happiness, which is after all, a matter of choice.

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