why good black women are unmarried
True or False. 42 percent of African-American women have yet to be married, compared to only 23 percent of white women.See results without voting
It is no secret that black women are least likely to marry compared to every other race in the United States. With statistics such as 70% of black women are unwed mothers and black women least likely to get married.........one wonders the fate of the good black woman.
While the media largely portraits an image of ghetto, rude, low-class animalistic behavior of dysfunctional characters for ratings sake, not all black women are this way. I believe there are 20% of black women that are really good women. The definition of a good woman (marriage potential) is a woman who has a kind heart, supportive psychologically, caring individual, good morals/values who is committed to working together as a unit. These women are not in search of ballers, they are not gold-diggers, and they are not cold hearted and manipulative.
Questions in my mind regarding why good black women are not married.
1. Could it be that one can not duplicate what one has never seen? (the perpetuation of relationships doomed to fail because it is psychologically familiar / broken home syndrome)
2. Could it be self-hatred exists which results in critical "outside feature" evaluation of the features of a woman?
3. Have reality television shows such as love and hip hop, www.loveandhiphopatlanta.net, and an entire generation raised off bet video vixens and rappers been adopted as reality for black men?
4. Has the media and desperation of black women taking literally anything to "get one" led to black men believing they are entitled to multiple partners without requiring a commitment? A generation of women willing to accept house-calls by the maintenance man losing their soul and dignity while convincing oneself it's okay in the meantime. Don't forget those who obtain educations and careers and pickup a felon or person living hood rich and move him in.
Unfortunately it seems there are traits not valued by African-Americans age 40 and younger. Generations ago you wanted a wife that had moral integrity, not promiscuous, nor anyone who carried herself in a way that did not signify being a good person. Honesty, good spirit, ability to laugh/smile, kind heart, loyalty, a woman capable of being your friend and lover, education/intelligence, moral character, genuine interaction, and true love are irrelevant in today's marketplace. It was important that a lady understand her history, be conscience, and achieve in society based on the blood shed to provide opportunity.
There are so many African-American men addicted to the illusion and manipulation of women best described as Delilah (samson and delilah) or Jezebel from biblical days. With no concept or experience of marriage, no good guidance and direction from parents, you see bad results on both sides of the coin. You have men who choose the wrong women based on "the saint" image. Good idea in theory except you are who you are and your partner never experiences who you truly are and it's a formula for disaster. On the other side of the coin you have people picking others according to physical attraction, sexual interaction, and manipulation leading to marriage then ultimately leading to a quicker divorce. Don't forget the "players for life" and those were were never taught to settle down -children or no children. For further example please refer to the Steve Harvey book/movie Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man.
Twenty percent of black women do not fit the majority of the mold of black women. Maybe they are open to artwork, cultured, well traveled, genuine people who volunteer and seek to make this world a better place. These women are not materialistic, manipulative, or self-fish but really seek to genuinely get to know someone and interact with love.
The majority are those with no discretion with regards to sleeping around A LOT after every dinner, vacation, purse purchased, or when the dollar threshold of spending has been met. Unfortunately within the majority of interaction the latter is valued and pursued. Perhaps this speaks more to the effects of an oppressed people but whatever it is, it's sad.
Being understanding, loving, kind, easy to talk to and supportive translates into a screaming red alert screaming disengage, this is too healthy. Chasing gold-diggers, big behinds, skin tones, or the the hottest woman to enter the room seems to be of importance. High maintenance and overly demanding women appear to be a challenge and value to the masses. A good black women is going to be supportive and encourage you to reach your dreams while being your biggest cheerleader.
There are two movies that illustrate the meaning of this article it's Boomerang and Just Wright.
In the movie Boomerang Halle Berry's character said some key words that apply to the relationship game today: "I may not be all glamorous. I may not have weave all down my back like Jackqueline but I have a heart."
I have to give credit to the person who created the concept for the movie Just Wright staring Queen Latifah and Common which provided a perfect illustration of the reason why good black women are not married. So many good women relate to that story because they have been a good women passed up for the game that people prefer. So many good women will not get married because they take marriage/love seriously and are looking for "the one" and not anyone/someone. The best line from that movie: "I'm looking for the one I can't live without."
Maybe Tom Petty had it right when he sang the lyrics: "she's a good girl, loves her momma, loves Jesus, and America too.........All the good girls are home with broken hearts."
The other side of the coin
What's sad is there are good black men that feel the same way. Good black men claim all black women want are rappers, ballers, and thugs. Perhaps there are too many good black men desiring the 80% of the bad masses and vice versa. Somehow the 20% of good, moral, conscience, and intellectual don't interact. Work, home, bookstore, and the occasional interaction when picking up take out are our best hopes of running into one another. Perhaps at the next open forum, book signing, or art festival you might find the 20% for they are the minority and not the majority. Perhaps online or at home listening to Versus and Flow on tvone (tvone.tv/shows/verses-and-flow).
Staying away from the foolishness of the masses, living your best life while being your best person you can be results in 20% remaining unmarried. Unmarried and disconnected from the foolishness = ostracism. If you think I'm way off base, I would like to be however I remember a beautiful young lady with a bright future while 90% of the black community focused not on her accomplishments and good heart but her hair. Rock on and never change anything for the ignorant :Gabrielle Christina Victoria "Gabby" Douglas American gymnast!
To all the beautiful (inside and out) black women - rock on!
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