9 Days of Dooming

The Numerology of Doom

There are 9 days between December 12th and December 21st. Call it the 9 Days of Dooming.

How do we celebrate the 9 Days of Dooming? Well there is the customary exchange of lethal weapons and ammunition, courtesy of some of your more hellbent Doomsday preparedness folks. They plan to stockpile the goodies and shoot anyone who tries to take it.

Approaching Doom

There are at least two basic approaches to the coming of doomsday. And they can be appropriate whether you think doomsday is tomorrow or a billion years from now. You can Pray or you can Prepare.

If you decide to greet the end of the world on your knees then more power to you. Remember to trust in God and not in man. Don't forget there have been any number of cults that have followed a charismatic individual to "God's spaceship" or to that Kool-Aid Island. What those of us who remained behind saw was a bunch of corpses and no evidence of revelations or of a rendezvous with the Almighty.



Always be Prepared

You could go the doomsday preparedness or prepper route. For that path we need to think up verses to the song. It could go something like this:

On the first day of DoomMass my prepper gave to me: One armored personnel carrier.

On the second day of DoomMass my prepper gave to me: Two flame throwers.

On the third day of DoomMass my prepper gave to me: Three well oiled chainsaws.

4) 4,000 rounds of ammunition and several weapons

5) 5 BFGs!!!! (for those who don't know a BFG is a large, awesome gun, possibly of alien origin that is guaranteed to make anything no matter how big or numerous go away)

6) 6 Cases of anti-toxin. In case of Zombie Apocalypse, the man with a secret stash of the antidote to zombism could name his price in the world of barter which will emerge when cash is no longer king.

7) 7 cases of hand grenades

8) 1800 compound bows and 100,000 arrows

9) 9 RPGs. Most of the world's governments frown on letting individuals get a hold of rocket propelled grenades so I don't know how you are going to get around that one. Except that on doomsday, in theory, there will be no government...


You may be asking yourself: What's with all the weapons? Where's the water and food?

Well I heard it from one of the armed preparedness guys. He said he wasn't going to save single drop of water or a single can of food. He believes that with enough guns and ammo, he can get food and water anytime he wants, anywhere he wants.


Prepared for the Last Day Of Your Life

What do you absolutely have to have at the end of days?

  • Justin Bieber
  • An autographed picture of Justin Bieber
  • A case of Billy Beer
  • A years supply of manwich
  • A years supply of vegemite
  • A stomach full of poutine
  • More booze than you could possibly drink
  • Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders--All of them
  • A years supply of zombies
  • Enough fruit cake to choke a years supply of zombies
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Don't for the Zombie Apocalypse

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