A Bumbling Idiot's Guide to Ghost Hunting

Ghost Hunting for Idiots

I am a major fan of paranormal shows. I watch ghost hunting shows all the time and I will watch any show that features paranormal researchers. However, I've noticed some of these shows are plagued by idiots. Luckily, those shows don't last too long, but I get to laugh at them for a season or two. I don't mind the occasional practical joke, but there is a point when I want to see some ghosts, not foolishness.

For anyone considering ghost hunting, or more importantly, filming a show about ghost hunting, I would like to offer some helpful advice. Not only will viewers respect you, your show will probably stay on the air longer.

Don't Run from the Ghost

When a person is going to look for ghosts, one can only assume the person actually wants to see a ghost. Otherwise, what are they doing there? So this is an important pointer to remember: don't run from the ghost! Go towards the ghost, not away from the ghost.

I do understand it can be quite a shock to see something scary coming around the corner. Obviously, there is going to be a moment of fright. However, running from the ghost ruins a person's credibility and, even worse, ruins the chances of actually filming the ghost! Isn't that the point? Did it ever occur to anyone that the ghost could be more afraid of a person than the other way around? So stop disrespecting the ghost. Be strong and be brave, and get me that photographic evidence I want.

Furthermore, if a person is constantly scared on every mission, stop ghost hunting. Obviously, they have picked the wrong career. It happens to the best of us. Why not go research ghosts in a quiet library somewhere? Books are much less scary than ghosts. Sure, there could be ghosts in the library, but at least no one is recording the embarrassing screaming sissy moments in there.

No, I Don't Hear Any Voices

EVP is short for Electronic Voice Phenomena. Basically, paranormal researchers record noises while ghost hunting. Later on, they review the recording and can sometimes hear voices they did not hear at that time. I've heard some really awesome recordings. I've also heard some really terrible recordings, too.

As a general rule, if all I hear are scratching sounds or rustling sounds that sound as if the recorder was left on in someone's pocket, I am not buying what the ghost hunter is trying to tell me. I want to hear words, actual words ! If I hear a bunch of scratching and I am told, "Oh, the ghost just said, 'I want to kill you,'" I am not that gullible. Give me something a little better than that.

Stop Provoking the Ghosts

Most ghosts are probably not ready for a fight. They are pretty content roaming about and making sure their former home looks nice. Sometimes they even drop by and visit some relatives. In general, ghosts are usually pretty peaceful and mean no harm. So why do some ghost researchers feel the need to bust through the door with an attitude?

Some ghost hunters only attempt to provoke ghosts that have a nasty reputation. Other ghost hunters bust through the door screaming and cursing at the ghosts. Excuse me? The ghost was there before you and will be there long after you. So stop being so nasty. I am sure ghosts want to be treated with respect just like anyone else.

Stop with All of the Foolish Rituals

Perhaps the stupidest activity I've witnessed on any show are the researchers that decide they are going to perform a ritual. Basically, a common premise will be: there is a demon rumored to lurk in a certain location. Well, what better plan of action than to perform a satanic ritual? Sure, I can't imagine what could possibly go wrong with that.

What is wrong with people? I am not too keen on the use of a ouija board, much less performing some type of voodoo or satanic ritual. The person conducting the ritual usually has little or no experience at all. What is wrong with people? Does this make for good TV and they are willing to do anything to entertain? I mean, I have to admit, if some demon pops out and slaps one of the guys around, I would be really pleased. However, doing a ritual for the sake of entertainment is completely foolish.

Don't Tell Me About It, Show Me

One of my pet peeves about paranormal shows is the moment when something is spotted, the camera always seem to go out of focus or no one was filming. Nah, I am not buying that either. This is a career choice for some people and I have to believe that learning to focus the camera would be a top priority. Keeping the batteries fully charged seems like that would be somewhere at the top of that list, as well. If the camera has been working perfectly all night, but all of a sudden, when the creepy ghost rounds the corner, no one has a working camera? Bah! Show me the ghost!

Now Go Out There and Be Brave!

OK, so you've made it through all of my rambling. I think the time has come to go out and ghost hunt. So take some great photos, collect some real EVPs, and stop trying to upset the ghosts! As I've said before, I don't believe most ghosts mean any harm. It can be an educational experience. So have fun and be safe!

P.S. If you are dealing with a demon or something, don't mess with that. It is totally OK to run! Seriously, RUN!

Ghost Hunting Shows

What is your favorite ghost hunting show?

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Comments 41 comments

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

I agree with your pet peeve about the camera always going out......unless of course ghosts have some cardinal rules they have to follow....like in Monsters Inc. ...they had to shut the door when entering a kids room.....maybe for ghosts....the rule is....either enter the room when the camera is off....or enter the room after you mess with the focus button....we all have to have rules and follow them....voted up and funny

kittythedreamer profile image

kittythedreamer 5 years ago from the Ether

Actually my favorite ghost show (though it's not a ghost hunting show) is The Haunted on Discovery Channel. It gives re-enactments of real live ghost stories told by people throughout the US. Pretty awesome.

This hub by the way was SUPER funny and I totally agree with every word of it! I absolutely despise Ghost Adventures for the sheer reason that they a. provoke the ghosts. b. pretend to hear things that aren't really ghosts and c. run from anything remotely creepy.

Another thing, you and I both know that that main guy in the show really just wants to be famous...not actually find any ghosts. He's pumping himself with 'roids and then trying to pick a fight with the nearest ghost? That doesn't say truly interested paranormal investigator to me!

Voted up and funny!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Cogerson - Yes, maybe the ghosts do have some type of ghost law where they cannot be filmed or something. Maybe Tim Burton was right all along when he put that in Beetlejuice. I guess the ghosts can drain the batteries, too. However, there are times when the camera is focused on the scared ghost hunters face. I usually scream at the TV, "No! Not him! The ghost!" Thanks for the vote!

Kittythedreamer - It's so funny how much Ghost Adventures angers most people. For some reason, I will still watch it. Whenever Zak is yelling at the ghosts, "Come get me! Why don't you hit me!" I start thinking, "Hit him, ghost! Hit him!" I do kind of like Aaron though even if he is scared of his own shadow.

Did you ever watch Extreme Paranormal? They were the craziest of all the ghost investigators. They used to perform rituals and one of them was buried alive for an episode. It was a terrible show! Yet, I watched that one, too.

Thanks for the vote and comment!

Jamie Brock profile image

Jamie Brock 5 years ago from Texas

Great hub... I used to love watching Ghost hunting shows but then got tired of them.. I have started watching Celebrity Ghost Stories and My Ghost Story on the Biography channel.. Those are pretty interesting and not the typical ghost hunting shows. There is another show that isn't too bad either that comes on Bio but I can't seem to think of it right now. Anyway, great hub and funny too!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I still like Ghost Hunters, but not as much as I once did. I really enjoy Destination Truth now since there aren't too many shows like that one. They go to different countries to research paranormal claims, but usually they look for things like bigfoot, sea monsters, elves, mermaids, etc. It is funny, yet interesting. Thanks for reading my hub and for the comment!

RandomThoughts... profile image

RandomThoughts... 5 years ago from Washington

I almost peed my pants on the 'not running from the ghosts'. As a general rule I don't watch reality shows and have only seen ghost hunters once or twice. I do agree that some actual proof would be necessary and then i would probably still question. Funny, made my night. Thanks

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am glad this made your night. You would think the whole "not running from the ghost" rule would be obvious, but considering what I've watched, I don't think it is. Ghost Hunters actually still has some dignity and is probably the most respected of all the ghost shows. Some of the other shows are ridiculous. Thanks for the comment!

Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Nice article and thanks for sharing.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for the comment!

jimagain profile image

jimagain 5 years ago from Hattiesburg, Mississippi

I knew I had to read this when I saw the title! You brought up some very good points and frankly most of us intrigued by ghost-hunting are getting a little tired of the same old 'scream and run away' tactics. You'd think after Shaggy and Scooby kept bungling things up, the ghost-hunters would have improved their trade by now.

Good stuff. I voted UP and FUNNY!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, you would think ghost investigators could have learned a thing or two from Shaggy and Scooby's mistakes. It is a shame. I just want to see some real evidence. Most of it has that annoying "logical explanation" factor that Scooby and the gang always experienced. Thanks for the comment!

Southern Muse profile image

Southern Muse 5 years ago from USA

I completely agree with you! One reason I prefer the Discovery Series "A Haunting" (even though 95% of it was recreations rather than actual evidence) was because at least you were hearing first-hand accounts. Most paranormal shows today seem to be gimmicks - telling you what they hear rather than showing the evidence. Excellent manifesto, dear! Voted up :)

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for reading and for the comment. I know what you mean. Most of the reality paranormal shows features people constantly saying, "Did you see that?" Ummm... no. Why not try pointing the camera in that direction next time and perhaps we will see it, too? Thanks for the vote up!

epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well I just the way you write - whether it's in a tongue in cheek style or based on delicious irony or just making your readers laugh at the bitter truth - it's style you have and it's style you've got!

lake erie time ontario canada 1:18pm

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you for reading and for the comment. Thank you for all the compliments! I really appreciate it.

lisa42 profile image

lisa42 5 years ago from Sacramento

I agree! I've seen some ghost hunting shows, and they always make me laugh.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, some of it is just pure silliness. If someone is that afraid of a ghost, they should just stay home. Thanks for the comment!

justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

Love this one! My son and I got hooked on Ghost Hunters for awhile...until we saw a couple of the live shows and saw some things that made us wonder what people were doing behind the scenes to make it seem that ghosts were around...

Voted up and funny!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I still watch Ghost Hunters and I do tend to trust them more than some of the other ghost investigation crews out there. I have to admit, I watch Ghost Adventures, but I don't believe most of what I see on there.

Thanks for the votes and the comment!

Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA

I love stories of the paranormal...it's the perfect subject for this time of year! I have to admit that I like personal accounts of ghost sightings more than TV shows about hauntings. Recently some friends of ours told us some truly amazing stories of their ghostly experiences. No one I've known has ever met a ghost because they went looking for one—I find it hard to believe that ghost hunters can just schedule ghosts for their TV specials! But it does make for good entertainment. Fun hub, voted up!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I love paranormal stories, too. I have to admit, I do really like the reality shows when they go into houses and look for ghosts. Sure, it seems they never find anything, but one can always hope. Thanks for the comment and the vote up!

adrienne2 profile image

adrienne2 5 years ago from Atlanta

Loving your hubs Jeannie, and becoming one your biggest fans. My list is growning long from all the things to do from reading a lot of hubs lately. So now I am adding check out the show Ghost Hunters to my list. U Rock!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much for the compliment! I am glad you are enjoying my hubs. Ghost Hunters is a great show and so is Destination Truth. Ghost Adventures is completely ridiculous, but entertaining at the same time. Hope you get a chance to check them out.

Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, thanks for the laugh! ha ha this was brilliant! rated up, and shared, well, why would I want to keep it to myself? lol!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks so much for dropping by. I am glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing and voting it up, too!

Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

Wow I can not believe it has been 5 months since I wrote the first comment on this hub. Still an awesome hub and still fun to read. Voted up and awesome again.

Pinkchic18 profile image

Pinkchic18 5 years ago from Minnesota

I used to watch Ghost Hunters after I got done with work for the day back in college. Then I would spook myself! lol I could never be a ghost hunter, I'd get too freaked out!! Witty hub, great writing style!

duffsmom profile image

duffsmom 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest, USA

Fun Hub and so true. I have never watched one of these shows that doesn't have the standard phrase throughout--"Did you hear that?" Ah no , I didn't and I am starting to doubt they heard anything at all. Great Hub!

AngeLife profile image

AngeLife 5 years ago from Almost Heaven

I'm convinced 99% of those shows are staged for the camera.

angel115707 profile image

angel115707 5 years ago from Galveston, TX

LOL....I have felt that way many times, I hate it when the provoke a ghost that was a rape victim or a child that was murdered...I am like "what is wrong with you!" its so mean and i don't think they should sleep too well when they do that....

after what my brother pointed out I will never be the same on "Ghost hunters" he said to watch out for the stake outs at night, the lead actor is on steroids and at first he is calm and whispers but when he peaks on his drugs he freaks out and is sweating by 3 am he is flipping out, no matter where he is and screaming "OMG WHAT IS THAT!" its so funny ,I can't watch it now without noticing he is high on something....

very cute hub, rated up!

Hillbilly Zen profile image

Hillbilly Zen 5 years ago from Kentucky

Wonderful Hub, Ms. Jeannie! I don't have cable so I don't see the ghost hunting shows, but I do have a tiny bit of personal experience. Your advice is excellent and hilarious, thank you. And Ms. Nell, thank *you* for sharing this Hub :)

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks everyone for posting comments. I was really surprised to login tonight and find 6 comments for this hub. I am glad everyone liked it so much. Also, thanks Nell Rose for sharing this with everyone! I really appreciate it!

hecate-horus profile image

hecate-horus 5 years ago from Rowland Woods

Good hub! I have the same pet peeves...and I've been ghost hunting for 2 years, and let me tell ya, it's nothing like TV. It usually is a long, boring night of sitting around and taking pictures of nothing.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Yes, I would imagine it is not all non-stop thrills. I used to live in a dorm I thought was haunted and sometimes my ghost wouldn't do anything exciting for weeks. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment!

Lilleyth profile image

Lilleyth 4 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

OMG, you hit all the nails on the head with this hub. My favorite show is Ghost Hunters, but I am getting a little bored as it is mostly "did you hear that?" "no" "did you hear THAT?" "hmmm, not sure" kinda like "can you hear me now?" When is Destination Truth coming back? Josh is so funny.

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I like Ghost Hunters too, but I would also like to see some real evidence. I miss Destination Truth so much. First it was supposed to come back in January; then Syfy said March. I hope it is soon. I am going through Josh withdrawal. Thanks for the comment!

TToombs08 profile image

TToombs08 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

This...was...FANTASTIC! Lemme say that again...FANTASTIC! I only said it again cuz I like that word. :) Seriously, tho...I loved this. I laughed my patootie off! I love Ghost Adventures cuz Zak is smokin hot! But I do laugh at them more than anything. :) I am sharing this...it's too good not to! :) Voted to the moon! :)

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kelleyward 4 years ago

This is so funny because I can so much relate to much of what you said. I think the shows are pretty ridiculous but also very entertaining. Voted up! Kelley

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you both for checking out my hub and for the votes. I love my paranormal shows, but they are pretty ridiculous at times. I listen to most EVPs and hear only fuzz. Yet, they are coming up with elaborate phrases... ummm... no!

Lilleyth profile image

Lilleyth 2 years ago from Mid-Atlantic

You are spot on, I'm thinking the same thing when I watch those shows!

Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks. They always seem to be so scared of ghosts... but yet, they are looking for them.

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