A Reaction Of Fear

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Since the night before last, my stomach has been upset. My head has hurt and I feel a sadness and some guilt.

The picture at the right is what I looked upon last night as I went to the rooftop to pray; to ask forgiveness.

Oh,oh; what did Froggy do, many are asking?

It isn't what Froggy did, it is what Froggy didn't do. Could I have helped? Would he still have died?

I allowed fear to win this battle and for that I seek God's forgiveness. In doing so, I feel led to write this, in that it may help someone else overlook fear if in a similar circumstance.

Froggy was like the Levite in the following passage and Froggy feels terrible for it. Read the passage and then I will explain what happened.

Luke 10: 30-33

And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.
But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him

Shots Fired

We were driving at around 7pm going to get gasoline and a couple other items. Traffic was heavy on the two-lane road and as we got near a supermarket, it seemed the cars were acting very odd. I have seen some rather crazy driving here in Puerto Rico, but what they were doing here was even more odd. People were turning around real fast and others were parking on the sides and in parking lots. Froggy kept going and suddenly came upon many tree branches in the road. I ran upon one rather large one. I stopped and put the car in reverse and backed up slightly. Putting the car in park, I opened the door to get the tree limb out. As I made it to the front of the car, it seemed craziness just entered my little dream world. People were yelling and I heard something about a gun. I looked up and saw a car just in front of me that had crashed. Suddenly a young man ran directly up to me (other people were running away from him). He was yelling in Spanish and I said to him no comprendo. He pointed towards the car and he held two fingers up and hit them and pointed back at the car. Just then I saw another young man with a woman behind him. The young man fell into the middle of the driveway near the crash and I saw blood; lots of blood. I heard other people yelling to get away and I saw another car pull up and open its door near the bloody young man. I figured he was getting help, so we left.

I still had this gut-feeling I should have helped, but with all the craziness, I decided to just leave.

We were heading back that way when the phone rang. "The road is closed; there was a shooting," the voice said. We had to go a different way home.

To make a rather long story a bit shorter, the young man is dead. There was a shooting and he was shot several times.

Why didn't I help?

Many have told me that many innocent people are shot trying to help shooting victims because the shooters sometimes come back to make sure they are dead. I have also heard statements that if I screwed up trying to help that I could get in trouble.

Are any of those good reasons not to help?

Jesus said the opposite.

It really came to light yesterday when are morning Bible reading to read the Bible in one year was Luke 10 which had the passage above in it.

Could I have helped him? Would he have lived? I will never know, because fear beat me that night.

Yes, the young man was a drug dealer from my understanding, but does that mean he didn't deserve my help? I was once in that world and I praise God I received the help I did.

Tears of Inaction

As I write this hub, I have tears. I seek forgiveness that I passed when I should have stopped. I should not have been the Levite, but the Samaritan.

Father God,

I seek your forgiveness and mercy. Please comfort that young man's family and I lift him up to you. I hope he sought you before his death. Please God, help stop the violence on this little island. Help us not fear to do Your work. May Your light shine on this dark world.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Conclusion

I will always wonder if...

Please learn from my mistake. Don't let fear override. Fear is not of God.

© G.L. Boudonck

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Comments 9 comments

wordmasher profile image

wordmasher 4 years ago from USA

Sir, while I am so sorry to read of your pain I salute your courage to share this sad event in your life. As a new follower of yours, I see that you are quite a popular hubber. Many in your shoes would be fearful that writing with such transparency would destroy their image. Obviously you have higher priorities and that is so refreshing. May your wounds be soothed this very day by the"God of all comfort."


Seek-n-Find profile image

Seek-n-Find 4 years ago from Illinois

Thanks for sharing. I had to struggle with a lot of guilt and regret when in college, a boyfriend died and I thought it was my fault. I had just driven 4 hours home from school and was really tired. He wanted to go out that night but I was tired and told him we would hang out the next day. He went out by himself and ended up getting into a car accident and dying. I thought that it was my fault and that if I hadn't been "selfish" he would still be alive. But then some others pointed out that perhaps if I'd gone with him, maybe I would have been killed too. I've also lost two people close to me through suicide. That was even more difficult. There are always things to learn and those "I should have" and "What would have happened if I had..." questions that linger. It is good to learn from these and to build courage for future encounters. Yet at the same time, I encourage you remember the difference between God's voice and the enemy's voice. God allows godly suffering that leads to repentance and His mercy, forgiveness and love are always flowing forth. The enemy is the accuser and he produces the kind of guilt and shame that leads to "death." He is ruthless. Don't let the enemy's accusations get in! Thanks for sharing this.


songoftruth profile image

songoftruth 4 years ago from Joplin, Missouri

Excellent hub. Christians do need to be more willing to take risks, like Jesus did many times, in order to be his hands, feet and voice. Thanks for encouraging us to step out of our shelters and GO.


mandyf profile image

mandyf 4 years ago

I honestly think that if God intended you to help He would have given you the courage to go forth and do what you could to help this man. It was his time to go and he had fullfilled his purpose here to go forth and fulfill a much more important purpose. Although there may be guilt in your heart there should not be. It was not your fault he chose the path he did and ended up in a situation that ended his life. I am sure that even though this experience seems negative ther is a positive to it. It brought you to pray, one less drug dealer to deal to innocent children, The knowledge to know that next time you are in a similar situation maybe you will have the ability to help(providing God gives you strength to do so). Maybe a new perspective on not asking God why but rather giving thanks that you survived. I am positive you will find the srtength and courage and knowledge to forgive yourself for something you had no control over.


Brett Winn profile image

Brett Winn 4 years ago from US

Fear not, Froggy. All things work together for good to those who are the called according to His purpose. Rom. 8:28. This sad event worked repentance in your heart, but you can rest assured that everything worked out in those other lives exactly as it should have. We serve a risen God. Perhaps the young man who died's faith is now sight.


Solus_Vero 4 years ago

Don't beat yourself up Bro. Yes we are supposed to help BUT GOD KNOWS YOUR HEART. I believe he wants soldiers and not mindless sheep. He gave up freedom of choice AND he gave us a life. A LIFE TO LIVE not to throw away. I believe he gave you something a little more, instinct. The unwritten knowledge to know right from wrong and the wisdom to know when to help and when to WALK AWAY. If you didn't feel bad about walking away then you wouldn't be a christian. Don't beat yourself up for thing you can't change. We don't know the plan but, he does and it is perfect.


tobusiness profile image

tobusiness 4 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

I have to agree with all the above comments, reading this hub, I get a picture of a Good person, but there are times when you have to keep your head down in order to survive, it's part of our survival instinct, there were quite possible, nothing you could have done.

Every experience, good or bad, helps us to grow, the trick is to use it to become the people we most want to be. So don't beat your self up, be the best you can be and turn this negative into a positive.


Lastheart profile image

Lastheart 4 years ago from Borikén the great land of the valiant and noble Lord

Romans 12:3For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith. 4For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, 5so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly: if prophecy, according to the proportion of his faith; 7if service, in his serving; or he who teaches, in his teaching; 8or he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.


Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 4 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

Froggy:The young had been shot. Are you a doctor? Are you or were you able to prevent him from dying by medical means?

When fear grabs us a thousand and one scenarios flood our minds, some telling us help, others telling us to flea for our own safety. Had you stopped to help there is a posibility that the police might have tried to implicate you, rather than believe you as a good samaritan.

Had you actually witnessed what had transpired and if you were able to give witness to the police, then obviously, regardless of your own safety, you should do so otherwise not.

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