Alternative Monthly Horoscopes December. Horrosopes for romance, love, money, jobs and employment prospects.

Alternative December monthly horoscopes are slightly down to earth with a twist.

They come from the heart without conceiving ideas prior to the date. Horoscopes are what many people base a large percentage of their life around, like looking for guidance to find an answer to their existence, but most are just random words stuck together with little meaning.

Horoscopes are what is in your own heart, you are the answer to all your questions. Only you can change your life, horoscopes just give you that extra kick, permission, or even reasoning for actions already done or about to be done.

Read your monthly horoscope then answer the poll at the bottom of the page after the messages from beyond, even that may change your perception on life.

Messages from beyond at foot of page.


Aquarius

20 January - 18 February

Not much sex for you this month, unless you get a new partner or lover. Christmas will take its' toll on your relationship. The rushing around, the fuss and hassle this Christmas could wear you, your partner or both of you down. Learn to sit back once in a while, not just sit down and put your feet up.

Take stock of your situation, think from the head and not the heart. It is traditionally a busy month, but slow down and take a chill pill.

Your money situation is Okay, nothing great but you will get by, or so the stars tell me. So do not spend to much at Christmas and get yourself something important in the January sales. A new car may be good, or maybe even move to a more modern and spacious abode, even for a little break. Perhaps a new TV. Something which you have wanted for a while you should get next month when it will be cheaper.

Work prospects: It looks a bit boring to me. Nothing great is on the horizon, but at least you will keep your job if you have one. If you do not have a job and would like one, ask Santa Claus, the local employment office does not seem to have many jobs this month unless you want to dress up and say Ho! Ho! Ho! all day long. But Happy Christmas anyway.

Alternative Monthly Horoscopes advice for the month: Stick to your job at least until the new year. Don't spend to much money on others and buy yourself a nice gift in January. The bedroom scene may be a bit dull this month, but apparently, abstinence makes the heart grow fonder, or does it?




Pisces

19 Feb - 20 March

Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat. The chances that you may get fat over the festive season are quite high, and losing the weight in the new is going to be difficult. Buy yourself or a loved one whose weight fluctuations may cause problems, some exercise equipment for Christmas.

It may not be the most romantic present in the world, but it may get more use than most others and will help change their lives for the better.

Throw a party and be the vibrant Pisces person that you know is inside you. Show your friends an electrifying time and search for some wicked Christmas cocktails online to ensure your party or even Christmas lunch, is enjoyed by all.

The festive season is a time for forgiveness, open your heart to people whose friendship has fallen by the wayside. Talk to those neighbors who are annoying, telephone or email relatives whom you have not heard from for a while, you may be amazed at the response.

Money will not be surging through your door so keep a lid on spending. Love is quite good this month as romance is on the up and warm cosy evening are promising. New romances or flirtatious behavior runs amok as the Christmas spirit enters the soul, or the alcohol enters the brain. Be careful not to take it to far, rumors and problems nearly always arise from parties.

Do not be disappointed by the lack of presents under your tree, there seems to be something exceptional on the horizon for many female Pisceans next year, something big and unexpected. For the men, you are getting nothing surprising, so it may be another year of work to get what you want.

Alternative Monthly Horoscopes Advice For The Month: Keep a tight hold of your money now and your underwear at parties. Do something unselfish and contact a lost relative even via email. Enjoy the love that will flow to you over the festive season, you would of deserved it. A different job opportunity will present itself soon, take the chance.

Message for Janet, DHL office, Delaware: Michael would love to take you out for a drink.


For The Tree Hugger In All Of Us

Aries

21 March - 20 April

For you lucky Ariens, my December monthly horoscopes have predicted a month of loving. If you have a partner then keep them, a partner is not just for Christmas, you can keep them all the way up until New Year as well.

New romances will flourish, but take it easy on the alcohol, as when being sick, it tends to put a dampener on the kissing side of things.

If you are a parent of a stroppy teenager, the sky is saying to ensure that they have a lovely Christmas because next year they may get a job and start paying you back for all the years of torment that have given you.

Think about what your loved one would really like for Christmas before making a purchase. Be inspirational, different, even down-right weird in your choice of Christmas gift. Get them the gift that they would really appreciate, even if it means only getting them one gift. Send them to get the new teeth that they always wanted, or that new set of boobs, or even an extension of some kind. Give them a gift that they will always remember, and that you can play with too.

The stars at night above the pig farm suggest that if you do have little piglets of your own, treat them well this year. Don't lavish them with crap, buy something decent, it will reduce the amount of gifts, but ask any woman, it is always quality over quantity.

Ariens should throw a small Christmas party for them to show themselves off. The electric and vibrant personality of a true Arien will ensure a fantastic and much loved party. Remember your family, family matters this month especially for the elderly, buy the mother in law a new broomstick and keep her happy.

Alternative Monthly Horoscopes Advice For The Month:- Buy some new boobs to enhance your appearance and invite the old witch over for Christmas dinner. Watch out for those alcohol fueled evenings and be careful of throwing up in some one else's mouth. Enjoy yourself is the main topic for you this month, you can really shine now, be positive.



Taurus

21 April - 20 May

Happy Christmas, here is a baby. For you very hot blooded and randy Taurusarians, you can easily create the next baby boom all on your own. If you are trying for a baby, this month will see you ready to get as fat as the original Santa Clause.

If you already have enough babies in the family, then ladies, keep your legs well and truly crossed. Other than that, sex is on the cards for nearly all of you, unless of course you are under 16 years of age then it is illegal. Or if over 60 years of age, then although it is legal, it doesn't bare thinking about.

Other than babies, the bold and beautiful Taurus people will be full of all the joys of the season. Traditionally a time of jolly festivities, you will be in your element as the Christmas joy spreads to all of your immediate family through you.

For some unknown reason, your moodiness that you may of felt recently disappears as well as your money over the next few weeks. Don't worry, your job is safe for long enough to pay off the expensive gift that you will either buy yourself or your partner.

It is the one time of the year where the whole family gets together for the traditional family argument. Don't dissapoint your family. Argue your points and stick to your guns, after all, you are only visiting the planet and will be dead soon enough, so don't worry, be happy.

Monthly Horoscopes For October Advice For The Month:- Don't worry be happy and don't die just yet. Have lots of sex unless your pacemaker will not stand up to the job, but be cautious if you do not want another illegitimate back door sprog. Spread the joys of Christmas to all the family through arguing your point and be nice to strangers, for once.

Special personal message from Smantha and Paul of The Big Apple: - Sarah we miss you and will always love you, you are in our hearts forever.


Gemini

21 May - 21 June

The quickest way to a mans heart is not through his stomach, it's straight through his chest.

But don't do it, problems with relationships this month will only escalate if you let it. It takes two to argue ( three if your mother gets involved ) just take a step back and if you want to keep the relationship going, talk calmly. On the other hand, if you have just about had enough with your partner, then replace him or her with a new one for Christmas. But if you have kids, then think twice.

A phone call or mail may bring something unexpected, not really what you had hoped for, but something nice - ish. Every cloud has a silver lining. The high price of gold may result in little jewelry for Christmas, but a true Gemini is always grateful for what they receive, aren't they ? ? December horoscopes do not look too brilliant for you, but it is not that bad.

Money luck is usual, nothing special, and antics between the sheets may be a bit dull. Put it down to Christmas pressure and start again next year.

Don't bother making any New Year Resolutions, because you will not keep to them. Instead just encourage all your friends to break theirs, it's much more fun. Let yourself loose, if you are lucky enough to get snow, go outside and build an igloo or something dramatic. Build a snowman and put the carrot and two lumps of coal below the waist instead of on the face; then face-book your photos. Be unique and different, you may find a new you.

December astrology advice for the month: Don't stab your partner, just simply get a newer model with more hair. Let yourself be loose in the bedroom to spice up your really crap love life. Experiment with snowmen and have lots of adult fun. Don't make any promises to yourself for next year, this may help avoid disappointment.



Cancer

22 June - 22 July

Monthly horoscopes for December can provide you with ample pleasure and ensure you are aware of a fantastic fortune which is coming your way. It could do, but not this month, you are not that lucky, yet.

December is always a highly strung month and for some of you, this is so very true. Don't be a stress head, if you cannot do something, or the dinner gets burned, don't worry, it is not the end of the world. The family who mean the most will be there to smooth things over and make sure Christmas is celebrated quite nicely.

The moon and stars indicate a new household purchase, such as a TV, new furniture or even a car. Something slightly expensive but will last for years, something for the whole family. Maybe it's simply a pot of paint or wallpaper to redecorate. It is something to do with the home and not a personal gift or purchase. If your home could do with a lick of paint, get off your backside and do it. The change could be phenomenal, it could mean more cosy evenings in with a loved one, or more cosy evenings in with somebody else's' loved one. Which ever way you derive your pleasures, it would be nicer to do it with style and in luxury.

Christmas is a time for giving, so ensure you give your selfish self a lovely gift. Push the boat out, it you are female, you may want to simply get your hair done, for the men, maybe you just want to get some hair. Let the Christmas spirit thrive through your veins, get drunk on occasions and let your hair down, live life to the full. You may as well, don't be a sourpuss.

Cancerians are, apparently, known for being slightly deceptive, maybe it is for your own personal protection, or maybe you just don't want to get caught doing something you shouldn't be doing. Just be careful this month that nothing slips out of your big mouth whilst under the influence of alcohol.

December Horoscopes Advice for the Month: Get drunk but keep your mouth shut, for once. Decorate your dull house and breath new life into it for more passion in the bedroom, living room, and bathroom. Treat yourself ( again ) and enjoy the festive season, you are not going to win a fortune this month, but don't worry, be happy.

Leo

23 July - 22 August

In the sky at night and even up until dawn, I was asleep and missed most things. But for the average Leo, December is an excellent month. The vibrant Leo will be out partying till they drop, sprawled over the floor in a near subconscious state; then resurrected in time for the next party.

If this is you, be warned, whilst in this state of inebriation, you may be judged somewhat harshly by some one you fancy, and if your lifestyle continues at this pace, you may need a different job or another partner in the new year.

For the rest of you, who may not need alcohol to boost your flagging mojo, it may be a busy month preparing for the ultimate festive time of any year, and an expensive time. Splash out a bit and enjoy life, you are only visiting the planet for a short time after all. Get dad to dress up as Father Christmas and really push the boat out, it needn't cost a fortune and the kids will remember it for years. Invite relatives and friends around for cocktails, get them drunk and watch how silly they can be at party games whilst drunk.

For the few whose loss is making this season a somber one, you have our deepest sympathy.

Money this month does not matter, you should only spend what you have got, do not get into debt for the New Year. Even if the world does end again as certain astrologers predict, you may as well of paid your electricity bill before you pop your clogs.

Giving great gifts is excellent for them, keeping a roof over your heads is better for you. Tell your partner that next year you want to do something special, and you need to save a bit, do it. They may not understand and think you are a tight git, but they will eventually see the sense in your suggestions.

Alternative December Horoscopes Advice For The Month: Get drunk, fall down, make an ass of yourself, then find a new job and partner, your choice. Party and enjoy December with the knowledge that you have some backup money hidden somewhere, unless you are mega rich and don't need the money anyway. Besides that, call mum and dad, they love you.



Virgo

23 August - 22 September

Once every few thousand years, a magnificent child is born on Earth, but enough about me, lets see what is in store for Virgins this month. The stars were very bright this particular night, which means it was also very cold, like the next three months will be, so wrap up warm. Virgo horoscopes for December are promoting a well being factor for many of you. Maybe a new health regime is on the cards or a possible illness will seem alleviated It may possibly only be a new and revamped you ready to hit the town in all your glory for the festive season, but it does look good.

Men out their seeking short term relationships are very lucky this month, but watch out for those little bundles of joy which may land on your doorstep in nine months, so keep it zipped. Ladies, if you are seeking romance and think you may have just found the perfect partner, be careful. They may not be the proverbial bunny boilers, but everyone has skeletons in their closets and you do not want to be frightened by his old bag of bones. Ask him directly if he is carrying any excess baggage that you should be aware of. You may be surprised, or shocked, or even left more in love. Cupid may have your number this month.

Work prospects look slim for unemployed people, but keep trying, it may happen. For the other 1% of the population who are already in work, keep that job, suck up to your boss so much that you do not know where he ends and you begin. Your job is important, so don't do anything stupid, especially at parties. Try to improve yourself with a new course of education, it may improve your stature.

Virgo December Horoscope Advice For The Month: Kiss up to your boss but don't kiss your boss. Find your partners skeletons in their closets and sort it out for your future. Feel free this month as illnesses appear to fade away.

Libra

23 September - 22 October

This is going to be rather a strange month for some of you. The rest of you Libras' may just want to stay in bed until January with your heads under your pillows. Your love connections this month will blossom towards you, from someone of the same sex. Now that is unusual. Do not take it wrong, it is actually a compliment that you can be fancied by nearly everyone, you lucky devil. Where you meet them is up to you, maybe avoiding the gym this month may be advisable. Now if that is not strange enough, it can get worse.

An unexpected bill will plop on your doormat as well as a potential new house or flat mate. Maybe a person or even a pet, or maybe nine months ago the male Libras could not keep their pants up and the females did not cross their legs and the patter of tiny feet may be heard. Unless of course you are over 50 years old and then that does not bear thinking about, get a cat instead. But if you are due to give birth, It is very possible that your baby will be born on Christmas day-ish, or be the first born in the new year.

Sit down on Christmas day and think how your last year was, and how crap your next year could be, unless you do something about it. Only you can change you destiny. Get some exercise and lose the lard, get a life and a new employment prospect, kick your partner into touch and remember that only those who go to far know how far to go.

Libra Monthly Horoscope Advice For The Month: Get off your ass and do something useful, unless you are giving birth, then sit on your ass and push. Avoid gay areas unless you swing both ways and welcome new life into the home. Or alternatively, you could just bury your head into the bed and hope the world passes you by, again.



Scorpio

23 October - 21 November

Anybody born under the sign of the Scorpion knows just how sexy they really are. No matter what age or sex, you can pull any other star sign just by showing your magnificence. This month is no different, your sizzling auro's' will be out there grabbing love from all directions. It maybe the festive charms you are giving out or just the huge amount of alcohol you have drunk, but you are on fire in December.

Money is in short supply as usually, so nothing different to worry about. Somebody receives bad news and a dampener falls over part of December, but life goes on and you must be the rock which everybody leans on, until you fall over drunk.

Take the bull by the horns and sort out niggly problems before they escalate, and have that boiler given a service before it gives problems. For single Scorpios, romance is on the card like never before. For the men, get out there and flog your log, for the ladies, dazzle the males into submission with your female whit and charms.

If an opportunity comes where you can cheat on a partner and hopefully get away with it, be careful. You will eventually be caught, the other person may be a secret bunny boiler and will try and ruin part of your life. Good news, this is the month that you should not get pregnant, especially if you are male. So enjoy yourself, but STDs are on the increase, so still be careful.

Take a little time for yourself. Just a few hours or a day to relax and compose your thoughts. You are usually run ragged this time of year, and giving your self further heart problems will not help.

Scorpio Monthly Horoscopes Advice For December: Don't cheat with a bunny boiler as the array of possible partners increase this month, and STDs are not a Christmas gift that you would want. Sort out your old boiler or the missus and ensure that you find some time for yourself. Drink reasonably without going overboard and try to not wake up next to a stranger.



Sagittarius

22 November - 21 December

A great man once said 'You Plonker Rodney', does this apply to you? If so, stop being a Rodney and get on with the things you know you should be doing. Next year is so close and you should make it a better one than last year, which was really pretty crap at most times. If you are single, go and find the man or woman of your dreams, or just someone who will do for now, as many women know, a man is just for Christmas. Try a new partner and see where it goes, no harm, just have fun.

For you really lucky Saggitarians with no children, you must have lots of money. So begin to book yourself a vacation if you have not done so already. Try something different, maybe an extreme sporting holiday for skiing, snowboarding, even a parachute jump. Get your heart pounding and your feet tapping, basically get a life, once you do have children, most of your life will be under a heap of soiled nappies and school reports. For the rest of us poor souls with children, ah well, maybe next year.

Christmas is a time for giving, and make sure people give you loads. I have no idea who said that 'giving was better than receiving', but they obviously did not see the prices of things in the shops today. Have a themed Christmas and make it a Spanish one. Make pinata's out of paper mache in the shape of Father Christmas and Rudolf. Then let the kids smack them to bits for not getting the gifts they really wanted, at least they would get sweets when the pinata opens up.

Not everyone will have a good time this year, illnesses and deaths are common, so bear a moment of silence in their respect.

Monthly Horoscopes Advice For December: Bash in Father Christmas and ensure your family and friends give you loads of gifts this year. Being a plonker is not a good sign, especially if you are single, which actually may be why you are single. Be different in booking your holidays, don't be normal, be like the rest of your family and be abnormal.



Capricorn

22 December - 19 January

Thinking about a shopping list whilst having sex is not good. This definitely means that your sex life needs radical adjustment. If your partner is not up to the job, then either manipulate them or replace them. Capricorn horoscopes for December indicate a clear out of all unwanted junk, and that means useless partners as well. Do your self a favour and clean your own mess. If you adore your partner and there are just a few little problems, then sort them out before it gets worse. Clear the air for Christmas.

Besides that, money matters are not set to improve just yet, so no change there. But if you have young children, treat them to a family atmosphere this festive season, take them to a pantomine, they will be ecstatic, and so will you. The stars at night near Saturn mean absolutely nothing to you, and the solar flares are talking rubbish again. So this month is indicating to be slightly energetic ( except in the bedroom for most of you ) and fast paced, but not to fast, take some time for yourself.

Don't make any New Years resolutions because you never stick to them, just try and break other peoples' resolutions, it's much more fun. News from abroad could make it's appearance and it will be nice. Bring in the New Year in an inebriated state, and see what the rest of the year will bring. Try and cut down on alcohol this season, and behave at parties as a quick kiss and cuddle could end up as a kick in the privates or a divorce.

Advice For The Month: Spice up your dull life in the bedroom but not at office parties or whilst totally drunk. Sort out your partner or replace them with an energizer bunny for a faster paced life. Don't make New Year resolutions, instead, make a list of 5 things that you would like to of achieved by next year. Put the list in the Christmas decorations box so you can read it next year and see if you have achieved your goals.

Messages From Beyond

S.D. (London) Sorry love, I thought the power was off

Mike. P. ( NZ ) Yo !! That's my brother you cow

Karen V. ( Edgeware ) I told that the food tasted funny.

Disclaimer

I have no astrological qualifications at all, I am not related to an astronaut nor a scientist of any kind. I see what I see and make the rest up as I go along.

At the beginning of each day, it is up to the individual how their life will turn out.


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