Angel Fish -- my best friend sent me messages from the other side of the veil
artwork inspired by Angel Fish dream
Stacy was the most beautiful girl I had ever met.
Her last name was Yu, which, in Mandarin, sounds exactly like a fish.
She stood out, like a beautiful pink rose among wild daisies, and literally turned heads wherever she went. Nobody could resist craning head just to be able to look at her a little longer. For me, her beauty was like something out of this world.
And she was very kind. For it was her kindness that saw us became friends.
I was crying bitterly in the class one day. I couldn’t stop. It had only been a little over a month since we started our new life at the university campus. When they asked for someone to take charge of a stage performance, I gamely volunteered. I think it was because I had something to prove to myself. I had fell from grace and totally blundered the University Entrance Exam. From my proud and privileged position at the very first girls’ high school in Taiwan, I had plunged to the bottom and only made it into one of the last universities. I needed extra help for this stage performance but so many had turned me down. Somehow I thought I would never be able to pull the performance off and that I had failed once again. The very thought of failure broke my brave façade and ripped every very last bit of respect I still had for myself to shreds. I was at a dire emotional crisis that my mere 18 years of age was incapable of withstanding. My tears started flowing, silently, in the middle of the class, and would not stop, to such an alarming extent that my teacher repeatedly stopped the class to enquire after my wellbeing. I just shook my head wordlessly, powerless to stop the tears from falling in an alarming speed.
At the end of the class, after everyone had left, my teacher insisted on prying from me the reason for my distress. Stacy waited, somehow made up her mind to become my friend and to comfort me. I would have never dreamed of approaching her otherwise, feeling too unworthy from my severe lack of self-esteem. I never dreamed that I would become the best friend of an angel.
Together, we sang and wrote poetry, as dreamy as only young girls could be. Over the years, we performed a great many successful English Dramas, where I was always the director and she was always the leading lady. At the end, she would address me in all her letters as “my one and only director”. Even years after I moved to New Zealand with my family, our friendship prevailed.
She got married, but in my heart of hearts, I scarcely believed anyone could ever deserve her. The day that I got the phone call from her sister to say that she had killed herself at the age of 33 was the darkest day of my life. Out of all things I learned about spirituality, I refused to believe that a suicide could not go to heaven. I could not and would not believe that would be the fate of my beautiful Stacy.
After that, she simply moved from earth right into my dreams, as scarcely a week went by without her visiting my dream like we were still the inseparable bosom friends.
Three years later, I divorced my husband of ten years. I was only 35 and we had no children. The unhappiness I had felt at the last few years of my marriage was taking its toll and I could barely remember what being happy was like. Intelligent and proud by nature, I had never coped well with failures, yet life has a way of piling them on me. I moved into a little cabin in the woods near the sea, needing all the outer tranquility to help me find some inner serenity.
Then the dream came.
In the dream, I was once again a little girl of maybe 5. I was alone by the ocean’s edge. It was nighttime but it wasn’t at all scary. The ocean waves were gentle, and the entire surface of the ocean was lit by the most beautiful moonlight, with shining silver sparkles everywhere. I was treading the water’s edge with my bare feet. Everything was warm and lovely and very charming. Then I saw them! Beautiful shining fluorescent fish no bigger then my palm jumping out of the silver waves one after another, catching in the light, glittering like nothing I had ever seen before. Even when they were just under the surface of the waves they were a magical sight. Like fluorescent fish stars. I squealed in my little girl voice, so full of wonderment and delight, “Angel Fish! Angel Fish! Angel Fish!” I woke myself up with so much excitement, my heart filled to the brim with the purest happiness I had ever felt in my life. Then I remembered Stacy’s name: Yu. Fish.“She is the fish. She is my Angel Fish.”
The feeling of pure joy revived me greatly, and I began to live again instead of merely existing from one day to the next. Every time I remember this dream, I also remember a presence. I remember I wasn’t really alone in the dream after all. There was always Jesus, with me but somewhere to the side, watching like a protective parent from a distance, smiling at a child’s delight.
Another three years later, I moved into my dream home in Kaiwaka. One night, I happened to be chatting with a friend R online. She was a very new acquaintance and we never really met in person. We were just chatting about our days when all of the sudden, out of the blue, she said, “ I have a lady here for you.” It took me a little while to realize that she meant “in spirit”. I remembered R was known for her ability as a medium.
“Ok…” I said, a little unsure of what’s going on.
“She said to tell you about the fish and you would understand.”
The fish! I immediately thought of Stacy and promptly bursted into tears.
R said the angel fish dream was indeed a special gift from Stacy. But then R started telling me that Stacy told her she had two boys living in China. Then my heart plummeted. As far as I knew, the boys lived in Taiwan with their father. I thought, “there was no way that the boys could be in China, it was all a fluke.” But R insisted. She said I must not reject it without checking it out.
The next day, I called Stacy’s sister in Taiwan. She informed me that the boys had indeed moved to China with their father a few years back due to a most profitable employment. I was astounded.
My darling Stacy had once again comforted me. She did it in life, and she would continue to do so again and again in heaven.
R told me that Stacy is with the angels now and will always watch over me from above. And I believe her. I really do.
written by Violet Flame/Vera Lin , 2012.
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