Are You a Cougar?

By: Toni Tucker

To Be or Not To Be a Cougar...

I could be a cougar. Courteney Cox is a cougar. At least she plays one on ABC-TV. There was another network TV program with a 40 plus woman who was a cougar who had some 20 odd 20 plus year olds vying for her affection. A cougar. Sounds like Satan 'like a roaring lioness looking for whom she may devourer.' I haven't been in a relationship in nearly 25 years, for real, and I look up and it's way past 2000 it's 2010 and I am still single, still hopeful, and considered cougar age. I tell you why I would be considered a cougar. I like young men. 33 to 38 is the age group I'd personally like to see myself hook up with. I don't look a day past 35 with God's grace, clean living, and with the help of Clairol's Light Golden Brown hair-color. I keep the greys covered. As God keeps me covered. However, sometimes I start to slack on the coloring, but God never wavers in his protection of me.

Now, any weight gain is because I like to eat and don't exercise like I used too. I'm not dating maybe that would be more of an incentive. I do exercise, sometimes. I just can't find a tennis partner. I 've been carrying my Wilson tennis racks and balls in the trunk of my car for six years, I will play a tennis match or two to go. "Tennis anyone?" Will travel! The running and jumping and huffin' and puffin' is fun and good for the body. I've tried with my younger cousin, she can't play, and her little brother was the go-for, he went for the balls and collected them.

Did I say I haven't dated, well I haven't been asked. Not seriously at least. Maybe by some long distance scary looking Internet guys. Yikes! I see why so many of these Internet men don't post a picture, some of the pictures posted scream, "I just got out of the joint", "I repeat, I am not a rapist, or a psycho." And judging from the pictures the list go on and on. Just tell me, why do so many of these guys from all ethnicity's think it's appealing to post a picture with their shirts off?! Can they not afford a shirt, or is that suppose to be a turn-on. It's a turn-off to me, present yourselves in a manly manner. It just sends the WRONG message. Good bye Internet dating, let us part in peace. You haven't worked for me in the past nor in the present, and probaly not in the future.

I am told and have been told by men and women of all ages and ethnicity's all of my life how pretty and how beautiful I am. I think more importantly I have a great inner beauty and that only helps the outer appearance. Some men are put off by my knowledge on a myriad of issues. Maybe that scares men away. A married brother in Christ, an older man, once told me my personality is so strong that I'll either attract weak men or run away solid strong men. Thanks Brother! Is that my problem? Do I need to dumb down to get a solid strong man? My advisor was a Caucasian brother in the Lord. So insightful. Did I mention I was an equal opportunity available woman? You can be of a different ethnicity, just be single, saved, sharing, sexy, and SANE.

I started liking young white boys in my early 40's. By then, I had just given up on the 'Brothers'. All of them were either, married, taken, bi, tri, stingy, or just not right for me, that's what I personally have faced. There was this handsome single guy, he had sandy blond hair, blue/green eyes, and he was 'down with the people.' His name was, (I mentioned his name because, nobody reading this knows him, at least I hope not) Ryan. I met him in Indiana a few years ago. He was the Director of a marketing firm I used to work for. When our eyes first met, it was a mutual attraction. But when he found out I was living a Christian life and had prior TV experience, he seemed turned off. As if he wanted someone less informed. Nothing came of nothing. I left the job because I then moved to the Sunshine state.

There, I met a handsome 21 year old who seemed wise beyond his years. He was intelligent, the Assistant Director of a company I worked for, and seemed to really like me at first as well. Until his true personality unraveled and I found out he had a poor attitude towards blacks in general. And he came off as arrogant and as a womanizer. He had a girlfriend and a 1 year old at the time. A couple of years later, I heard that his girlfriend hanged herself in front of their then 2 year old son. The guy found her. What a sad story. By then, I was head over hills for someone else I thought was the most handsome blond blue eyed guy this side of Brad Pitt. He was only 28 years old and I thought he was older. He had a girlfriend too, but, word is he flirted and had relationships with other girls on the job. Everyone that is except me.

So, I've been visiting the Christian singles, E-Harmony, and all of the other mating and dating websites for a mate and after 6 years have come up with absolutely zero! I don't look for men over 38 because most of them have either, had their children, or don't want children. I've never paid for these sites, I've only used the free part. Why should I pay to meet someone? After all these years, if God can't do it for me than skip it. And, I'll keep my money in my pocket. And as long as mother nature visits me regularly, and considering all the suffering her monthly visits sometimes have caused, I want to put her to use before it's too late. I want to be a mommy. I want to have a baby or two of my own. These older men don't want that. Some of the younger men don't even want children. But, I need a youngin' to help me with his energy and chase and raise our babies.


Unless God has a total different take on the age of the man I'll eventually marry, that's my preference. Does that make me a cougar? Most men have children these days in their 20's and 30's and by the time they are in their 40's they either have grown children and grandchildren, or have decided not to have them at all. Men in their 50's, they're looking forward to retirement. I'm still trying to date, let alone retire. God would have to bring a really special man in my life to change my mind. Although, nothing has happened yet.

So what do you think? If you are in your early to mid to late 40's and still look young and function young, would you want to get married to a younger man by 12 to 25 years and have a child or two? Or are you an older 40 something year old woman who feels old and wrinkly and that it's over for all that stuff? You just don't want to go the Cher route. Do you consider yourself a cougar or a kitty-cat? Or are you just waiting for Mr. Right still with baited breath, or with a super natural faith and eagerness, not understood by many?

Take the poll.

Are You A Cougar?

Are you a Cougar?

  • Yes
  • No
  • Could be/Maybe
  • Only If It's God approved/Clean
See results without voting

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Comments 27 comments

cristina327 profile image

cristina327 6 years ago from Manila

Nice hub. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I don't want to be a cougar I prefer older men than me. God bless you Toni. Have a great day. Happy New Year.


must65gt profile image

must65gt 6 years ago

When I was a new divorcee with a three year old son, I was not what many women would consider an option. So, I lost myself in work and church. I decided to let go and let God. I found him to be awesome. God tells us to seek ye first his kingdom, and he will provide all our needs. I have found this to be true; perhaps he has a man planned for you too. Age is relative, and our minds and preconceived ideals can blind us to what’s right in front of us. Take a look in the mirror; you’re an attractive woman with good values and principals. Is it not possible that there is a man; possibly an older one, with the same charisma and zest for life as you? My recommendation is to broaden your horizons, and open your heart to his will. May God Bless you wholly and provide you the desires of your heart. Great hub.


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Thank you christina327 for your response, and how are you? Happy New Year and I'll have whomever God has in store for me. Noone and nothing for 25 years has been boring and lonely. So, if I do meet someone at church, grocery store, restaurant, wherever, I'll be happy if he's from God! But why the wait? I always get year after year and decade after decade all those looks from strangers when I go places alone. Travel, movies, restaurants, etc. I go because I don't care, but when I've gone time after time and year after year, I always run smack dab into couples kissing and hugging and a lot of times with their 2.5 children. All the time, what is this. I was doing fine. So I've been busy serving the Lord all of my life, as a child, teen, young adult, and adult. So where is the man? LOL.


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

must65gt, thank you for your insight as well. I have been delighting myself in the Lord though, all of my life that seems to turn off most men. Even the saved ones. I just have to wait and have been for a couple and a half of decades. An older man huh? I hope he's young in spirit. LOL. Thank you again, many blessings to you and your family and Happy New Year!


gracenotes profile image

gracenotes 6 years ago from North Texas

Toni,

I feel moved to comment.

I can now say that I was not meant to be married. It took being married for 5.5 years, and now divorced, to figure this out for myself. And I got married for the first time at age 48 -- so, yes, it is possible, and likely it will happen to you, too.

There is so much that we have picked up about marriage from TV, movies, and print media, and too much of it gives a fuzzy picture for today's woman. Try though you might to avoid it, in marriage, you will find yourself slipping into a role that was assigned to you a long time ago. You'll say your lines, hit your marks, and hope for applause. But you may have a director (your husband) who you really don't enjoy working for. You'll wonder how you ever got the part in this play, and whether or not you'll ever make it through the complete run. If you're the strongly independent type, you may dream of running your own production on Broadway, and imagine how much better you could do it than the idiot director who's in charge.

Yep, I'm just too independent -- and at least half of that has to do with my upbringing. I had a great childhood, and my parents were married forever, but I'm just an odd duck, I guess. I don't know of any other people among my lineal ancestors who were divorced, and both my brother and my sister have been happily married since the 1980's.

There is a bright spot. Today, I'm in my 50's, and I have quit caring about how it looks to be alone. I am beyond thrilled when friends and acquaintances share their news of engagements and weddings. I rejoice with them, but I know myself so much better now, so I don't covet or envy anymore.

I am very happy to be alone.

I totally understand your wanting to be married if you also want to be a mother. I never had that desire.

Yes, continue to pray and look. You are a pretty woman, and you deserve a wonderful mate. Just remember, though, that nearly all men want to be the kings of their households. (Genesis 3:16) There are exceptions, of course, but in that case, you've got to be willing to fill a void, and it may make you feel uncomfortable.

If you are called to marriage, then may God bless you in your journey there.


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Hi gracenotes! I have to admit you made me laugh. I thank you so very much for your sharing your experience and I'll whole heartily take it into consideration. You waited and maybe he wasn't the right one for you. I don't know. But, at least you got there. LOL... I will eventually, I'm sure and I know that submitting to a man when I've been free to roam the world will be interesting. I just pray for the right one after all this time. That's my loop-hole. The right one. Sounds good at least. (Smile) Happy New Year, and I love your sharing. I just can't stand being alone anymore. I am content and happy, but I want a mate. I promise not to be a Bridezilla (I'm watching that show, why?) And how do these women with all their arrested development get men? No prayer lives, no maturity, just me, me, me and a bowl of crazy. Hahaha. Have a good week.


gracenotes profile image

gracenotes 6 years ago from North Texas

Submission is usually easy in most areas. At least it was for me. But there are always tough areas where you are going to be self-protective, and not fully trusting God to direct your husband rightly.

Two words of advice: REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. That's all you need to know, Toni. Wish I'd employed this one more. Be supportive when a new idea is mentioned. Don't react like someone scalded you, even if you are scared silly by the ideas from your hubby. When you don't go along with them, that just makes them want to do something even more. Just because you are against it!

Wish somebody had pointed me to the above piece of wisdom. But now I'm the one doing the pointing. See? I did learn after all.


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Gracenotes, I'll remember that as well. Reverse Psychology! It sounds like dealing with a child, oh no!!! Hahahaha. This is really serious advice and I do take it seriously. Trusting a man and supporting him, even if it sounds off, does sound scary. But, I'll keep praying now for wisdom and even more spiritual and natural maturity in relating with whomever God has in store for me. Thank's for coming back and sharing wisdom. Until next time, God bless you.


frogyfish profile image

frogyfish 6 years ago from Central United States of America

Heavensgates, I hear your thoughts/desires twirling around in your emotions, your heart. I hope for you That God does have Mr.Right being prepared for you...but if He doesn't - and you won't know that until eternity, I guess - your purity, and sacrifice and waiting will Not Be in Vain! I don't have another answer to help, except that God will be beside you in your journey, whatever the outcome. Best wishes and blessing to you!


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Thanks again frogyfish, I'm happy to know that He is in control and will deliver! Peace to You.


terced ojos profile image

terced ojos 6 years ago from terced_ojos@yahoo.com

I ain't no cougar. They call us dirty old men. I lykes me a younger woman; between the ages of 21 and 25. How come I can't be a Lion or something like that? How come I gots to be called dirty and old? It ain't right. Women is cougars and men is dirty and old. You know that ain't right. How come I caint be yo daddy baby? Huh...u know daddy love his baby...ROFL.....I'm a slow moving Cheetah...yeeeeaaah that's it. :)


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Okay. Thanks for the comment terced ojos. I think I am too old for you! I just look young. You can be a Lion, but be a saved lion. One woman, One Love and marriage. Did that take you off-guard? By the way, I do teach English. Happy New Year!


terced ojos profile image

terced ojos 6 years ago from terced_ojos@yahoo.com

LOL heavensgates. I was just having a little fun. Perhaps too much fun at your expense. I'm a forty-three year old happily married man with four children. I thought the topic was interesting even though it didn't apply to me. I was trying to inject some levity using slang but appearantly it didn't go over too well. Suffice to say that my point was to point out the inequity of men who want relationships with younger women; they're called "dirty old men," whereas women are called "cougars." I just thought it was wrong. LOL. Anyway heavensgates have fun. Thank you for the offer to teach me "English." Uma pass doe cuz fools be thinkin dey no how to spoke but reely dey jess fruntin. Nah meen. Lemme speek own it. Layta. :)


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Okay terced ojos, I'll take this one in stride. I am smiling and grateful that you have a level of sensitivity and humor. I understand the 'double-standard' when it comes to catergorizing men and women differently. I figured you were probaly married with kids and joking around. But unless I really know you or have a strong sense of your humor I have to greet you at arms length in receiving this, that's why I felt compelled to correct you. Okay, you speak Spanish and have command of the King James English. I really knew you did, I was just taking back by your sudden vernacular change. And that is offensive. But, God Bless you for coming back and clearing the air my brother. Smiles!


Just Passing Thru 6 years ago

Heavensgates, I can emphasize with you, the Lord didn't bring me to my wife until I was 45 years old. I spent my time reading and studying in His Word how a Christian husband should treat his bride and at the same time praying for the Lord to give me the woman He had chosen for me, long story short, He gave me the desires of my heart, He moved me half way around the world to find her and He provided everything that was needed, the only thing I can add is, 'the just live by faith,' ...no matter how long it takes.


2besure profile image

2besure 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Yes, I am a cougar. Was one before being a cougar was popular. I met my husband at Bible School. He approached me and I laughed and told him, I'm old enough to be your momma! There was an 11 year difference. Well, we got married and 19 years later, we are still serving God and still married. Age, is just a number!


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Thank you for your comment Just Passing Thru. What a testimony and I will continue doing what God wants me to no matter how long it takes. And if it takes forever, I'm still going to do my best to honor the Lord and serve him always. I appreciate that you were preparing yourself as the Lord prepared you for "Mrs. Right." I would love to hear from more men about their various journey's towards marriage. Marriages that are from God at the start and that last because of obedience. I realize marriage is not a cure-all, but it can be a tremendous blessing. Blessings to you again!


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

2besure, thank you for your post! I'm old enough to be your momma! LOL Eleven years is not that bad really. And I am happy for you and your hubby! That's who God had for you. Be Blessed in your marriage, and I pray your days get even sweeter and sweeter. Thanks again for the share.


Just Passing Thru 6 years ago

Heavensgates, I guess I should add, to further encourage you, my wife is 15 years younger than me, also, ...3 years before I was saved she started praying for an American man to be her husband, I guess you could say she prayed me into the Kingdom. I/we serve an awesome God, may I suggest, if you aren't already, do what I did, remind God that He is the one who said, "It's not good for man/woman to be alone," I reminded Him constantly, and in His timing He gave me the desires of my heart, not only in my wife, but in where I wanted to live in the world, even though I never prayed or asked for it. I want to further encourage you, for I too would sit and look at couples, and question God, why not me Father? He was not being cruel or mean, it was just that the timing was not right, basically I wasn't ready to love and take care of one of His daughters, so I say to you, dear one, be courageous, don't give up hope and continue to pray for your Adam, he is out there somewhere and in God's timing He will bring him to you or you to Him, just allow yourself to be Scripturally lead by the Holy Spirit.

IN His Love


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Thank was beautiful! That's for revisiting my hub with more encouragment. God's timing is impeccable. I trust him and thank you for just passing thur, by way of the Holy Spirit, no doubt. Smile! Thank you again, and many blessings...


allergy1 profile image

allergy1 6 years ago from United Arab Emirates

Me too not a cougar, Nice Hubs, keep Hubing.


Bea 6 years ago

I don't think of myself as a couger...as I do not purposefully go after younger guys to date. However, my friends have pointed out my couger tendencies! Can I help it if its the young guys that pursue me!! Either way, I'm loving my gorgeous boyfriend (9 years younger) and look forward to what the future holds for us.


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

Thanks allergy1,

I am not a cougar either. I haven't dated in 20 plus yrs. So I am a by myself girl, until God brings that special one into my life. In the meantime, I am somewhat content.


fred allen profile image

fred allen 6 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

God knows the desire of your heart and sees your patience. I believe Prince Chaming awaits!


drcrischasse profile image

drcrischasse 6 years ago from NH/Foxboro

I say this, you go girl! :)


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 6 years ago Author

I will go, but where! LOL, I got you. Thanks for the post drcrischasse.


Heavensgates profile image

Heavensgates 3 years ago Author

I appreciate the above post, but, I don't even think Drcrischasse read my blog! He replied, "you go girl."

I'm still waiting on God! Still holding on and holding out till he brings me my husband. Did he not read that! People misinterpret whatever they want to, according to their own belief system. I trust in God and will wait! He's near, I know this!!!

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