Bible Verses NOT to Live By
The following hub is a response to a recently published hub called 5 Key Bible Verses to Live By by hubber rtcomics. The hub used to be found here, but has since been deleted: http://rtcomics.hubpages.com/hub/5-Key-Bible-Verses-To-Live-By
The basic gist of rtcomic's hub appears to be to present Biblical verses that are inspiring and offer good advice of how to live your life. The purpose of my hub will be to entirely ANNIHILATE the absurd assertion that the Bible is in ANY way a book that gives good moral advice. How am I going to accomplish this? The same way that rtcomics does, by presenting Bible verses which support my position.
Passage 1 - How to Sell Your Teenage Daughter
Pretty much the entirety of Exodus 21 could be presented as evidence against the Bible being “divinely inspired” but perhaps the most damning bit is the passage about selling your daughter into slavery. The 20th Chapter of Exodus lays out the 10 Commandments that Christians and Jews praise so readily, the chapter right after that has God openly condoning slavery and laying out his divinely inspired wisdom regarding how to keep, own, buy, sell and beat your slave. Exodus 21 7-9:
“If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as male servants do. If she does not please the master who has selected her for himself, he must let her be redeemed. He has no right to sell her to foreigners, because he has broken faith with her. If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter.” - NIV
Yes that's right folks, the divine and infinitely wise creator of the Universe condones slavery right in that wonderful, inspiring, and perfectly moral book known as the Bible. But as you may have guessed you probably shouldn't live by these verses, or any of the verses I'm going to discuss in this hub, doing so might just get you arrested. Apparently the moral depravity of considering a fellow human being as your property was lost on God for a long while, but don't worry, moral men like those in the Abolitionist movement, and Abe Lincoln, eventually set right God's mistake.
Passage 2 - Every Sperm is Sacred
The following heartwarming tale of moral advice from Christianity's favorite book comes from Genesis Chapter 38. The story probably needs some context, it involves Onan, his brother Er and his brother's wife. Er was wicked, and according to scripture God killed Er before his wife could give Er an heir. So, as culture dictated at the time, Onan was meant to go to Er's wife and make sure that she got pregnant so that Er, even though he was dead, would have a son. Onan didn't like the idea, so when he slept with Er's wife (Tamar by name), he decided at the last minute to pull out. God didn't like this one bit. Please keep in mind as you read this story that according to the Bible God is “the same yesterday, today, and forever.”
“But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.” NIV, Genesis 38 9-10
What a wonderful moral to this story eh? When attempting to impregnate the wife of your late brother every sperm is sacred, pulling out brings the penalty of being killed by the creator of the entire Universe.
Passage 3 - Rebel Yell
Honestly this hub is too painfully easy for me and it makes me wonder if rtcomics ever actually sat down and read the Bible in it's entirety. There are so many laws, morals, commandments, and stories that I could point out that I'm actually thinking of making this into a SERIES of hubs rather than just one response hub. Here's a bit of advice that should earn you a spot in the national news for a few days. Can you guess what the Bible suggests you do with a rebellious child? If you guessed murdering them than you'd be right!
The cherished text of the Good book reads as followed in Deuteronomy 21:18-21
“If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him,his father and mother shall take hold of him and bring him to the elders at the gate of his town. They shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.”
This is another chapter where the WHOLE chapter could easily be put down here. Earlier in the same chapter they talk about how female prisoners of war, taken as spoils of war essentially, can be forced into marriage. Yes I'm sure there's plenty of apologetic tricks to get around this, fortunately for those of us with brains and a dash of compassion apologetics serve as no excuse. For more on when it's okay to murder your misbehaving child check out Leviticus 20 verse 9.
Passage 4 - Penis Envy
If there's one thing God is obsessed with in the Bible it's penises, that and blood-shed, but the two are not always mutually exclusive. The following wonderful statute can be found in Deuteronomy 25 verse 11 and 12. The phrase all's fair in love and war comes to mind, only the Bible attaches one caveat to that, one exception to the rule, all's fair except going for the penis in a fight.
“If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.”
The odd thing is that it's only the woman who is in trouble. Presumably if the two men were punching each other in their privates there wouldn't be an issue, but if the woman becomes involved SHE LOSES HER HAND! Harsh doesn't even begin to describe the pure barbarism in these two verses.
Passage 5 - The Miracle of Childbirth
Most Christian women seem oblivious to the sexism in the Bible and many Christians like to pretend that most of the sexism is in the Old Testament. This is hardly the case however when you really get down to it. Most people know all about the Apostle Paul's demand that women be silent in church. Few read on into that passage, however, to learn about Paul's method for how women can be saved. Keep in mind as you read that the writings of Paul are the earliest Christian writings we have, pre-dating any copies of the four Gospels.
“A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. But women will be saved through CHILDBEARING—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety.” Timothy 2: 11-15
Emphasis added of course. Well this certainly explains the Fundamentalist QUIVER-FULL movement that has emerged in the last few decades so strongly. After all women apparently achieve their spiritual salvation by bearing children, not by following Christ's teachings or being “born again” nope, just by making sure that some people get born the first time. So ladies you better make with the submission and husbands, especially if you're wife used to be your brother's wife, remember not to pull out!
This hub shows a few of the many examples of offensive, barbaric and terrible moral advice a primitive book like the Bible provides. Are there a few GOOD moral points in the Bible? YEP. But they are overshadowed by the sickening, grotesque and immoral ones. For a book that was supposedly inspired by a perfect God the Bible sure does have some serious issues.
Thanks for reading and I hope you never EVER heed the moral advice of the Bible, chances are if you're reading this you're a better person than that.
More by this Author
A hub about the differences modern Christians often overlook between the Old and New Testament regarding the afterlife, punishment, obedience, the Messiah and more.
An analysis of the Ten Commandments as laid out in the Bible and a discussion on the fundamentalist Christian belief that these commandments apply to them and are morally good.
A brief journey into the bizarre branch of New Age woo called Spirit Science. Can you tell real Spirit Science from stuff I just made up—take the quiz!