Christianity to Atheism: Faith to Reason. Atheist Conversion
Christian to Atheist Conversion
Raised a Christian, I was told at a very young age never to question God - so, for most of my life thus-far, I obeyed like a dog. Many religions promote the idea of total loyalty to a God(s) That is called faith, but what does that mean? It means that we are essentially born into our religion. It means we are conditioned to be ignorant - to be a slave of our society.
This is a story I wrote a few months ago about my Christian experiences and my conversion to atheism (There's probably some spelling errors). Christian conditioning teaches that we do the work of the devil by being skeptical of the heavenly father. I can tell you that we only see the world as it is. You are an atheist to thousands of past Gods. Each of their followers will call you evil. It is thus meaningless for a Christian to call an atheist evil anymore than for a HarryPotterist to call a Christian evil.
I had a great rather innocent childhood up until 7th grade. I was proud of my intelligence and I had no problem believing in a God. I love the confort of other christian friends and families - parties, meetings, games. THe time I looked forward to the most are the bible studies/ party which happened once a month. While the adults sit in a circle in another room reading their bibles, the children, including me would first eat, and then watch a christian movie. The only one I still barely remember is the christian veggie tales. The one who stayed the quitest throughout the show got a pokemon card. We went to multiple parties at different friends houses throughout the month. The Sunday church mettings themselves were extremely fun. After sermons, we played pingpong, we sang (Though rather horribly), we played soccar in the fields, had easter egg hunts, ate dinosaur sized chicken legs, etc. The setting was overall conforting. All through 6th grade, my life seemed perfect - only to someone blind. As I look back, it wasn't as good as I thought. I was a mind slave. I, living in a chinese familly was typically beat if I disobeyed my parents. I couldn't get bad grades, and my father would lecture me on what is evil. I hated the beatings. If I didn't practice piano for 3 hours a day, I always end up with a black eye or a cut lip from the edge of a table.....and I used the tool of a God to confort myself.
Things only got worse during 7th grade. I hid my grades from my father and I hated having to forge his signature or lieing to avoid his screaming and beating.....so I retreated to God. God was my confort and my sorrow. Why would a loving God make me live in a life dictated by a monarch - much like modern North Korea or the time of Hitler and Mao where free-thinking was prohibited. I knew my dad meant well, but I hated him for it and 5 years since then, he has admited his wrong. Back in 7th grade, I was bullied for my rather deformed appearance. I was the last to be picked for any physical activity despite me being the fastest and often the strongest. My grades depleted as I continued to be tormented by these beasts of society. Why would a loving God ignore my prayers and continue to watch me suffer as if I didn't exist? I retreated deeper in my delusion. I felt even worse when I questioned his existence as I've been taught in church that questioning God is a sin and that no true christian would question God. I know now that one who doesn't question is one who can't perceive the truth from utter lies - this being I call, truly ignorant. I often got into fights where I was quickly overwhelmed. Many did it just to get the attention of their friends. One boy - Arron Parker, was particularly nasty no matter how nice I was to him - attacking the only thing I had left: myself and my flat face. I had no friends, a dysfunctional family, and a horrible appearance. All I had was my imaginary friend, God who betrayed me just as much as any of the other scoundrels. I knew he didn't wasn't real. I knew it, but I did all I can to fool myself. I told myself that it was the Devil what was making me doubt God, but I knew what wasn't true, besides, everyone I knew was a Christian - I had no other option. Believing something I knew wasn't real was one of the hardest things in my life. I even took it as far as refusing education - my only way out of this delusion. I was in a cycle which eventually made me depressed if I wasn't depressed already.
It was a little better in my sophomore year. My dad found work in pennsylvania so he wasn't home to practice mind sorcery. My mother often left for work and my sister with her friends. I liked being with myself. There was no one to take me to the church - no one to carry on my delusion, yet I still believed in a false God. He was my last wall out of teen sorrow.
*This article does not have the logical reasonings behind my conversion. It is merely how I felt and a few of my thoughts at the time. I'll write another article outlining the reasons.
My awakening began over the summer of my Jr. year. I recieved a letter containing my GPA. I saw 2.8 - with this I could not go to any good college. I was bound to a failed life. My delusion was weak from missing church. Slowly, I began less afraid of thinking for myself and I slowly pulled my self to ask the most important question, "How do I know God is real"? I realized that the only reason I believed in God was because I was raised as a Christian and because of my hard years, I was trapped in it like a hungry rat trapped on the sight of food hovering above the trap. I the became an agnostic. Perhaps if the Christian God didn't exist, surely there has to be one out of the thousands. Surely the universe couldn't have come from nothing. There must have been someone to have created the universe. I was an agnostic due to my lack of education. I had little education in the natural sciences. Despite going to a rather prestigious middle and high school, I had squandered away my time for a false reality. After this awakening, I learnt all I could. My thirst for the truth became rather ravenous. This became for the foundation for who I am not - one who never backs down from a challenge and one confident with others. And so, my transition from fundamentalist true christian to strong atheist was finished. My past weakness became my strengths. I don't discount God because of my experiences with the church; I discount him because he doesn't exist. The truth is the truth, whether one likes it or not.
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