Damn Physics!

Damn Physics!

I like to point to lesser minded beings sometimes, like say my sister. Those "people" who seem to blame God or the Universe or some kind of higher power every time something goes awry like her keys are missing or she stubs her toe. But I'm guilty too. Just the other day I was up early and cleaning the kitchen, y'know mainly doing the dishes and straightening up. Something my wife does each and every morning. Something I felt that I was doing as a favor even. Not really considering that I only clean up the kitchen in the morning about 1 out every 365 mornings... but I digress. I was cleaning up the kitchen in my awkward clumsy man way, tipping and spilling things and sometimes making more mess than was there before. And I was doing things, like for example, when I was wiping down the oven I ran my hand into the metal edge of a burner unit and it dug a little into the side of my finger and it stung. It really did sting. So I felt a need to blame. I even looked up and said, "God damn it!!!" and I know I felt wronged especially since I was doing something "nice".

I think we all do this a lot. Blame God or our Higher Power or anyone other than ourselves. This is normal. Less normal maybe though is when we blame God for things like running your finger into the edge of a burner. I mean, what did I want to happen? I wanted God to suspend natural order and protect my finger because I was doing something nice? Shouldn't that be reserved for pulling cars up into the sky to avoid accidents? I mean, really? I'm going to feel wronged and a bit pissed at God because I have a little hunk of stingy skin on my pinky from my good deed of the morning? It's physics that is to blame. If you run into a wall you will probably hurt yourself. Do we really want God intervening and preventing all injuries? it be nice. It all seemed a bit silly though when I thought about it.

So now I (and I'm suggesting all of you) am going to put blame where it belongs. Since it can't be my fault. I'm the innocent actor of a good deed with what may now have resulted in a semi-infected finger!??!? It is physics fault!!! Physics creates the stupid world where if you walk wrong barefoot you stub your toe or if you misplace your keys they don't magically go back up on the "key hook". It is physics. That ole bugaboo of cause and effect. Who said it had to be this way? Physics did! Not God. Not the Spaghetti Monster. Not a Pink Omniscient Unicorn. Physics.

Damn physics! So next time you burn your tongue on too hot morning coffee (well maybe I could blame QVC for that) as I have just done now - don't blame the Higher Powers. Don't blame yourself. Blame physics. Damn physics! Damn stupid physics. It is to blame. Ack!?!??! My coffee just spilled onto the carpet when I moved my elbow. Stupid physics! Oh, that felt better. And a tad less silly.

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Comments 7 comments

bballbeadle 7 years ago

I think this is one of the deepest things I have ever read. My life has been changed - forever!

I'm not joking!


pacoweaz profile image

pacoweaz 7 years ago

Love this idea. I can blame physics for my dying car and leaking toilet. Damn Physics!


Happy Rasta 7 years ago

That's what you get for doing women's work.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Very Funny! I was thinking about this too andI was wondering what God thinks about it--after all He did tell Moses he lost his promised land ticket after striking a rock out of frustration and anger to make water for the whiners he had shepherded for 40 years--that seemed a little harsh so there must be an alternative to violence in words or actions when things don't go as we'd like that God would like us to learn...so I tried blessing when I spilled a drink on my papers again...I turned all that energy into finding things I was thankful for (at the top of my lungs of course)...that it wasn't my computer this time, that I have my health, that Texas is in the Rose Bowl etc. It actually worked quite well...now can I get my promised land ticket God?


JBeadle profile image

JBeadle 6 years ago from Midwest Author

@Winsom - glad you liked it. I'd been blaming God for a lot of minor stuff. Hell, on good days I realize God isn't responsible for any of my troubles. So on bad days when I'm into blaming I blame physics. Just yesterday I was about to try to take a plate of grilled cheese, soup and a glass of milk down to watch TV and I knew because of "damn physics" I would spill on or all of them. Then have to clean it up! So I took two trips. Praise physics as I didn't spill anything then! :-)


Mow Mow Mow 6 years ago

Dam physics for being stuck in this boring buisness class right now


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Has it been nine months since my first comment on HP? Wow. Since people have been damning physics all sorts of things are starting to go wron.g--see that's what I mean, that period doesn't go there and the other day a back-up horn from a truck run over by an oblivious economy car driver spun in an impossible trajectory to fit Tetris-syle into the grill of my car at 65 mph and lodge into my radiator. The impossibility of the physics and the odds left me thinking of wild reasons. Was I the designated Good Samaritan to transport the dangerous object off the freeway via my ruined radiator? Was the driver of the car a vehicular assassin who had an off day and missed with her weapon of choice? Had the truck driver been in a horrible collision that dislodged the huge horn and its attendant bad karma into my path? Was I supposed to miss the meeting I was hurrying to? Was physics trying to get my attention? These thoughts are all too weighty for me since I feel a distinct increase in word gravity this morning--d*%n grammer! =:)

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