Death Vision

The body is a temporary housing

My NDE

As more people speak of their own near death experiences we can draw a few more reference points of what awaits us on the other side of life. Religion does not supply us with sufficient information other than the traditional western view of a heaven and a hell. I have surfed between two realities in a twilight zone and this is my story. We are all going to die, that is a certainty. We share in common this thing called a life; let us never take our moment to moment life in a particular body for granted. There is a purpose to life. Let us not wait until we're dead to discover that purpose. The axiom to live each day to the fullest is my personal wish. I hope it is enough, if that is the only axiom I own, to pass on to others.


The physical world circumstances before the vision occurred began as three generations of women were traveling in Calif. Myself, my mother and my two grown children. We stopped to stay in a motel after escaping a freak snow storm. We were taking mother home.
She lived most of her life in Calif and was born in Minnesota, but for all purposes, her other children were in Calif. and I lived in WA at the time. Mom had come to stay with me for a few years and we'd gotten to know each other better. We were doing a closure on our relationship as her death was approaching at age 83, and I'd not known her very well until she and I lived together. We'd barely been on speaking terms throughout my life.

Mother was thinking a lot about dying during her stay with me. Her life review was happening with my grandmother presiding over her as a guide in spirit. For the 2nd time in her life, it looked like I would be able to assist her to stay longer, In a small way.
She said to me one day "I might as well die!" As if the thought had never entered her head that perhaps life can end in the body when we least expect it to . I replied "it's up to you when you want to go."

I brought to mind when she'd had an illegal abortion and lie bleeding in agony on a table years ago, she'd told me she left her body (NDE) and spoke with some nonphysical beings, she knew not who, and they caused her to make a decision to go with them or re-enter that torn and bleeding body on the table. She started to go with them and decided not to, after considering her firstborn, my sister, needed a mother.

They told her it was the right decision. When I reminded her of how she had come back from the dead through a decision of her own free will, her eyes lit up and she became perky again. She decided a few more years wouldn't hurt to stick around. Yet she was depressed living with me. I knew she missed the hub bub of her grandchildren around her. I was the quiet type on the computer all the time. we were two very different people.

Now we were taking mother home because spirit nanny said it was right even if mother was uncertain. I'd contacted nanny just to make sure I was doing the right thing. Closure for us had occurred when mother had made a tentative confession, that she saw during her life review that "she hadn't treated me good."

It seemed all my life I'd been waiting for her to offer that makeshift apology and I was all too happy to accept it. Right at that moment I stopped seeking my mother's approval for who I was. My breath came out in ragged relief of more than 50 years of a painful and strained mother/daughter relationship. Forgiveness is the real miracle in our lives just as *ACIM said. It is a forerunner of PUL. (pure unconditional Love. *See reference books below.

At that moment the little child in me that had wanted mother's love died. A more mature me arrived to take her place. That night in the motel I felt myself dying, not physically related, but emotionally and spiritually we could say. Something "sprang" forth, a being, a person, me, fully grown and now sprung from the body and the life of Alysia, a name I had given myself long ago.


I will tell it from the focus point of this younger self that died. Her name was Rosemary, as given to her by mother and though her body was around 50, she was still the little girl who needed mother's love and now was set free from that need through mother's apology.

Now the vision begins:
I felt sprung, ungrounded, drifting, floating; everything around me was vaguely defined, a shadowy world, insubstantial, somewhat bluish gray tinged. I could see into walls that on earth are solid.
I was vaguely aware of nature and people looked like see-through ghosts. I drifted across a bridge wondering what to do, where to go. I felt a sense of great freedom, like a bird that had escaped it's cage by accident and was now just flying around seeking what it could find.

I felt good about myself even if there was no orientation here and it was like visiting a foreign land and culture at first. I had absolutely no baggage to carry around. I took an equally vague assessment of my uniqueness. In this place, I knew I'd been sprung from something but there was no memory, it was like amnesia, but pleasant enough. I suppose the pleasant part related to the amnesia, is because with amnesia there is no memory of having dysfunctional relationships; therefore a sense of light heartedness. I discovered that I had this sense of adventure, which was like my basic characteristic, and that many people did not have this sense of adventure, so as I set off across the bridge, it was with a feeling of hopefulness and anticipation for what lie ahead.

I wondered if this was all there was to "me", this adventure feeling, and did I have anything else that was just mine, and that was a good trait?
I couldn't find any other essence than this ability to explore without being afraid, to see what could be found. It would have to suffice then, as a traveler in this strange land I'd found myself within.

Another thought occurred: where could I find some people to talk to out here? I went into several houses floating down from the ceiling out of curiosity to see if people were in the houses. I didn't think about that they were physical and I was not. I hadn't gotten that far yet.
I was looking for a place where I could fit in, have a life, belong. I was looking for the like-minded. The feeling of aloneness is not comfortable even if the freedom feeling was great.

The first house I went into was a family of 3; they were intensely involved in a heated argument of some sort, and I knew this was not for me, it was none of my business. I then drifted into a house where a man sat watching TV, absorbed in the show, unaware he was being scrutinized by me. He was overweight, it seems no shirt on and drinking beer and I thought this must be a couch potato for sure! I left, growing more perplexed by the moment. Next I went into a room where there was a whole table of men, approximately 6 in number, talking in a most serious manner, about world problems, it seemed like a political debate.

Although I am not politically inclined I had some spiritual ideas about politics and wanted my say. There was one fellow louder and more stringent in his opinions than the others, and I felt he should give equal time to the other contributions. I knew he was leaving out a vital part of how world changes for the better would arrive. I felt I had that piece. Although it was difficult to get a word in edgewise, I raised my voice, to be heard and supplied the missing link. It was something about service to life, rather than aggressive forceful means of getting something done.

As I launched into a mini speech on this the man turned to me and his eyes got very large. I was not sure he heard what I was said or cared; the fact that a ghost had entered the room and was making a speech was frightening him.
Clearly, I realized, I'm different, something is different, I don't belong here.
I saw the others at the table looking at his face of amazement but the others could not see me and he was the only one who could. He began to describe the ghost in the room to the others and I quickly left, feeling depressed, out of place and confused. I had thought I was just like them. I still didn't know this was death I was experiencing. The place I'd been sprung from was clearly Alysia's body. To mother, I'd always been Rosie. Mother had never realized that Alysia had arrived in the stead of Rosie. They were two different people.

I then floated a bit and sort of gave up my adventurous nature and briefly fell into a stupor then was jolted awake to find myself in a current much like an escalator on earth, except this escalator moved not just from the feet location, but was more like an energy conveyance for the whole body. I had no idea where it was taking me. I was alert and aware and curious but I was not controlling the ride.

I did not see landscapes on the ride, it was blurry and too swift to see anything and still a sort of twilight area.The one thing I remember on this side of reality, was a sense of great spaciousness, the only boundaries to anything were the see-through walls I'd encountered. Now I seemed slightly above physical sights and sounds. Just before I'd slumbered, I had asked myself where I truly belong. It seemed nowhere at all. Then poof! I was looking over the shoulder of one of my duaghter, Dana, and she was doing dishes. I watched the back of her head as if I were slightly above, in the air. I briefly was approving of her work. In real life, it had been hard to get her to do dishes when she lived with me. I also had a thought that I would never have to do such a task as dishes again, but I still did not consider I had died.

I thought, well, here is where I belong! How could I wander afar when I love my kids so much? Yet I was a little uncomfortable about the experience with the strangers I'd had; I still remembered that discomfort of being gaped at uncomprehendingly.
Although my daughter never turned her head from the dishes to actually view my person, she and I spoke mind to mind. I said " hi honey, something is wrong and I'm confused right now, nobody seems to be able to see me well, I'm pretty much ignored..yada, yada..." Dana broke in with the simple statement "You're dead mom!" Then she began crying, while I was shocked through and through with that simple revelation.

I'm dead??!! For a second I felt guilty, like I'd had an appointment with death all my life, and now here I was realizing I'd failed to keep the appointment. Then I thought there was no need to feel guilty at all, as now I could go see God, or at the least find out what was on this side of the bridge, or river, this twilight zone that nobody could explain well. Whatever God was, I was sure there must be a place for me somewhere, where I could exist.

I looked at her tears as a sign of her love for me, and I wished she knew what I knew so she would not suffer my absence, but I knew the suffering itself would mature her soul beyond what a mother could do. Next I told her I had to leave, I was in a great hurry to find my homing station.
I was excited also, and I knew why the friendly current had brought me to her, so I could be informed I was dead and trying to interact with physical people still. My daughter had retrieved me to my senses, which is like what a love bond will do. Also I had known that there are humans who pass on, and do not realize they have passed to the other side. In this case, helpers will inform them they are no longer physical beings. It is, I hope, to become a rare circumstance within the new age of enlightenment.

I told her I would surely return again, and throughout her life I would watch over her, so no need to cry now. I was in my etheric double it seemed, a replica of the physical form I was familiar with.
Now I lifted these eyes upwards in wonder..was my destination "up?" This is what I thought. Then I would go up. I had been aware of the lack of gravity on this plane. Flying was a no brainer then. I did not need a magic carpet. I simply could think "up" and up I shot like a bullet, so fast there was no thought but to keep those symbolic eyes shut. Even so I sensed that up was brighter and brighter, like the light was penetrating my consciousness. Also the flight was ecstasy, not unlike riding a roller coaster only faster.

I sensed my back was arched in flight, my head thrust back, my chin up, but these were not conscious movements, it was an image of self going up. Ascension of the commonplace you might say. At the moment of the decision to go up, I recall thinking I don't know what's up there, but there is no other place to go! Then I thought that there was a possibility by leaving this earth station, that I would become absorbed into cosmic stuff and no longer be an individual, to say, annihilation perhaps of my being.
Still, I knew from my experiences just undergone, I could not stay here, as also here I was a non-person. So I chose the adventurous route again and I would make my peace with God and God would do just as he/she pleased with me and I would abide with it.
I surrendered all thought, desire, and released all concern for my well being or existence. This is true death it seemed, total surrender of every memory of earth and at peace with possible annihilation.
Yet as I ascended I was in a rapturous tunnel of light where the silence was deafening, yet warm, sensual, caressing, comforting and perhaps like the womb of life. The tunnel seemed alive, intelligent, all knowing, space itself, and I felt I belonged there.

I heard no words of wisdom nor saw the face of God for I never could conceive that God actually had a physical body, but I had conceived God was dispersed as the universal particles inherent in my being, and sort of on loan to me. There was a huge emotion of joy of fulfillment, of a job well done, of intense satisfaction and a resounding feeling God was rejoicing in me too and recognized me, and knew everything about me that there was possible to know.

I had come home. Then I fell asleep in the light. A peaceful, blissful sleep before I awoke on level 5, the station of retrievers and servants to the Light Forces, the rank of helpers who would bring in the heaven on earth concept, one by one.
They also recognized me to my surprise, and they chided me for taking too long to get there, but it was a joke in good nature. Just like the God-like energy, they knew everything about me through and through.
They said I could work at any table I wished to. Just to choose one. They said, we know you, we've been watching you since you were born, you told us you would return and we knew you would. End of NDE. About this time I became a retriever and started going to Bruce Moen's Afterlife Conversation board every day where I discovered I was a natural born retriever type of soul, and that there are quite a few retrievers who do this work while they sleep at night, and quite often they have little memory upon awakening.

When I woke in the motel room I remembered every detail and I didn't know where I was, mainly because I so seldom awaken in motels, but as I recalled the obe/NDE combo, I felt like a brand new person about to start a brand new life and that my childhood was no longer effective to cause a mental pattern of blockages in my life. I had passed some sort of spiritual initiation point test and been found not wanting. It also felt like here was a 2nd chance in life, after awakening from being dead. I felt I had done my part in the atonement principle mentioned in ACIM and now had closure with mother for all time.

*ACIM A Course In Miracles

*PUL pure unconditional love, see Bruce Moen's advertised books below for reference to PUL

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