Disturbing Figurative Language in Christianity

Introduction

    Normally I spend much of my time ranting against Fundamentalist Christianity, the sort of people who have decided to take the Bible literally. Today though I want to talk about some of the more obviously metaphorical ideas in the Bible, ones that many Christians admit to not taking literally. Despite these being figurative they still very often utilize some bizarre and disturbing language that, figurative or not, should raise a few eyebrows. Then again I remember that I when I was a Christian all of this stuff seemed completely normal. Now that I'm on the outside I wonder just how Christianity, by all rights a cult, ever made it mainstream.

Washed in the Blood

 This is the text-book example of disturbing Christian imagery. As a kid I remember belting out hymns about being washed in the precious blood of Christ. What else could make us whole again? Nothing but the blood of Jesus. There was great pleasure taken in the paradox that scarlet blood would make you clean again. Christ's blood washes away the sins of world once and for all according to mainstream Christian thinking. Does this idea give anyone else the creeps? The idea, figurative or not, of bathing in blood? I'd be curious to know if there are any Christians out there who also find the whole blood sacrifice thing to be creepy. Which leads me to an interrelated example.

Jesus is a Sacrificial Lamb

    Jesus is compared to a Passover lamb. This is strange because Passover lambs had nothing to do with purging sin. Why are BILLIONS of people on this planet worshiping a God who demands BLOOD SACRIFICE? And why are most of the rest of us allowing this cult to continue unabated?

    Jesus is meant as the end all be all sacrifice to cover the sins of everyone though I'm unsure why Yahweh demands blood in order to forgive people. I forgive people all the time without requiring an animals entrails to be torn out and without sending my only son to die. Okay I actually don't have a son but if I did I wouldn't need to have him killed by Romans to forgive people.

God as a King

This imagery is everywhere in the Bible. God is often depicted as a heavenly King on a throne. It makes sense because when the Bible was compiled into English it was a time of tyrannical Kings. Jesus and God are sometimes called the King of Kings or the Lord of Lords. Indeed God is often referred to merely as Lord. The idea of God as King often bothered me when I was a Christian. I didn't like the idea that God had the final say in everything. After all if I wanted to go and do something God could interfere with my free will. Plus I'd always been told that Jesus was sent to set me free. How the hell can I be free living under a celestial dictatorship?

God is not only a King but he also demands worship, and he has several creatures who bow down ceaselessly singing praises to him. Many people think that Heaven will involve singing praise to God. What better way to spend eternity that worshipping your King and groveling at his feet? Anyone sick to their stomach of this antiquated disturbing imagery yet?

Divine Right to Rule?

The idea of God as a King likely helped despotic rulers hold onto their power
The idea of God as a King likely helped despotic rulers hold onto their power

God as a Father

I mentioned this on my blog before. The idea that God is a Father is a disturbing prospect indeed considering that the sins of the Father pass to the son and Yahweh is one of the worst sinners in history (see: the entirety of the Bible). I later made a youtube video on the subject asking how we can rate God's performance as a Father by looking at the Bible. The first mistake Adam and Eve make and what does God do? He CURSES THEM and then BANISHES them from the Garden and never attempts to forgive them for what they did or make amends or anything. Later on he drowns all of his children in the Flood.

My Video on the subject of God as a Father

Joel Osteen Sermon about God as a Father

Bride and Groom


Numerous times throughout the Bible the Church is referred to as the Bride of Christ (similar to the Bride of Frankenstein no doubt). Is anyone else creeped out by this? There is even mention of a Marriage Supper taking place in Heaven in which the "Lamb" will be wed to the Church. The Church is also, strangely enough, called the BODY of Christ. So is Christ marrying his own body?

The point of this metaphor is to keep the Church "faithful" to Christ while they await his return. Wouldn't want believers to follow the first sexy savior to walk by. Regardless of what the intention was I feel this is a fairly bad metaphor to keep using especially with all the sexual assault allegations leveled against various Churches in modern times.

Here's a scriptural example of the Bride and Groom idea AND God as a King, from Revelation 19:

4 The twenty-four elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God, who was seated on the throne. And they cried:

“Amen, Hallelujah!”

5 Then a voice came from the throne, saying:

“Praise our God,
all you his servants,
you who fear him,
both great and small!”

6 Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:

“Hallelujah!
For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory!
For the wedding of the Lamb has come,
and his bride has made herself ready.
8 Fine linen, bright and clean,
was given her to wear.”


Communion Canibalism

    This is another big one for me. Communion, the act of cannibalizing the flesh of Christ while drinking his blood, is a bizarre cult-like ritual that still goes on today. It's usually done with wafers and wine but when I was a Christian we got Welch's Grape juice instead. According to certain Church doctrines the wine actually transforms into the blood of Christ as you're drinking it. Yes that's right some Christians TAKE THIS PART LITERALLY. The wafer also becomes the flesh of Christ.

    Is there any good reason to teach this kind of nonsense to children? Is there any merit at all to eating a little wafer and pretending its part of Zombie-Jesus? What purpose is there in this ritual? Even as a Christian I didn't understand why we were doing it other than the fact it was instructed by Christ in the Bible. But Christ also suggested we cut out our eyes if they caused us to sin and that we trample of snakes and our Church did neither of those.

Conclusion

One has to wonder how this bizarre cult became so popular that it is now the most mainstream religion in the world. I guess we probably have the Roman Empire to thank for that. There are more examples I am sure but these are the ones that stand out in my memory. If you have any other examples of disturbing imagery or figurative language in the Bible post them in the comments section. Thanks for reading!

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Comments 15 comments

Zanerus profile image

Zanerus 5 years ago from United states

I love the comedic way your write this, as if your speaking and telling a joke at the same time. Most of the imagery I will fully agree with is down right creepy and the only one that never bothered me was the King one, simply because most "creators" in fiction are depicted as ruler types, God is nothing new.


Titen-Sxull profile image

Titen-Sxull 5 years ago from back in the lab again Author

Thanks :)

I agree. Yahweh isn't anything new and the idea of a god as a king likely predates monotheism by thousands of years.

One I missed mentioning was when the Bible describes God as a warrior. Kinda unfair for an all powerful being to be fighting amongst mortals.


Zanerus profile image

Zanerus 5 years ago from United states

I don't remember that mention.


Titen-Sxull profile image

Titen-Sxull 5 years ago from back in the lab again Author

It's primarily in the Old Testament, back when God spent his time commanding the Israelites to go into battle and sometimes commit genocide. One mention is in Exodus 15 called the Song of Moses, I can remember a version of it being sung in my Church.


Zanerus profile image

Zanerus 5 years ago from United states

I'll have to look that up. I agree though, very unfair.


arthurchappell profile image

arthurchappell 5 years ago from Manchester, England

Ecellent Hub - if i'm a bride of Christ I want a divorce.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 5 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Another excellent hub TS! I've always been surprised that the Christians make such a big deal out of human sacrifice and cannibalism by the Aztecs and yet the same thing practiced by them is perfectly ok and even holy!

I thought nuns were the brides of Christ. I didn't know the entire church was. Learn something new every day.


TahoeDoc profile image

TahoeDoc 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe, California

Awesome. See: the entirety of the bible. Hilarious and an accurate reference. A "father" who regularly tortures and kills his "children", often for minor infractions- no thanks!


getitrite profile image

getitrite 5 years ago

I was told that if you read the bible with the aid of the Holy Spirit, it will all make sense, and you will see that God is REALLY an extremely loving God--but you need to be in the spirit to understand.

It appears that the bible was written by ignorant, plagiarizing, goat herders, but I don't have the Holy Spirit, so I must be wrong.

It is apparent that the Holy Spirit is synonymous with insanity. So one needs to abdicate his mind to "understand" that the bible is undoubtedly the word of God, and that the God of the bible is a loving God. I can't see this any other way.


Butch News 5 years ago

Gotta love that old time religion. Let's go burn us some witches.

P.S. If you haven't read it, check out "God: a biography" by Jack Miles. It's likely at the library.


Titen-Sxull profile image

Titen-Sxull 5 years ago from back in the lab again Author

Thanks for the comments and kind words everyone :)

@getitrite - The funny thing is when I began to question the Bible and see that it was BS I considered myself a holy spirit filled Christian. I could even speak in tongues. So I guess the Holy Spirit did help me discern the truth of the Bible, that it's bullshit ;)

I do find the idea bizarre though, that one has to be possessed by a spirit to find truth in that book or as Ken Ham says we have to put on our "Biblical Glasses".


Trish_M profile image

Trish_M 5 years ago from The English Midlands

I found it very disturbing that Abraham was willing to sacrifice Isaac. What kind of father would do that?!


Titen-Sxull profile image

Titen-Sxull 5 years ago from back in the lab again Author

The binding of Isaac is something believed by both Christians and Jews and is even mentioned in the Qur'an... so there are three religions who are familiar with that terrible story and generally, somehow, approve of it...


what!!!! 4 years ago

how could you in accuratly translate and tweek the bible you idiot. Did you accually study this or did you just hear some stuff missinterpet it and blogg it. This is nowere near correct and

1:God flooded the earth because of it wickedness( while saving the few rightous to repopulate the whole earth)

2:God did give a way of foregiveness and it was Jesus


Titen-Sxull profile image

Titen-Sxull 4 years ago from back in the lab again Author

I'm not sure what you're talking about.

1. God floods the Earth because of wickedness but in the end he kills many innocent people, namely those under the Age of Accountability. Infants and animals are killed in the Flood that have done nothing wrong.

2. There are numerous problems with the idea of Jesus being a savior. You can read about them in my hub here:

http://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Salvation-...

Also I have a hub about how inept and stupid God's plan for Salvation is, it's just in time for Easter:

http://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Easter-and...

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