Few experiences of a lifetime (part III)
I still remember that one day and may be the reason behind this remembrance was a déjà-vu. Someone had asked me whether there was anything about my life that I wanted to change. Everything was exactly the same as the previous time when I was asked this question except the place and the person asking the question. The first time when I went through this question, my answer was ‘no’. But it was about 3 years ago and a lot of things had changed in this huge span of time. This time, I wanted to change my answer and see what happens. I waited for a while, and then said ‘yes’. The next obvious question that pounded on me was – “What’s that thing?” I answered –“my intense hard luck”. The next question which came immediately after my answer was –“why is it so?”
I wasn’t expecting this question. Or maybe I was, but it doesn’t matter, because it was my choice to walk on the other side of this déjà-vu. I had no answer to the last question. I remained silent physically, but my mind was still racing back, trying to find the answer for that question. After a while my mind landed at a certain block of memories. I remember my mom was shouting from the kitchen, asking me to complete my prayer as soon as possible. It was 45 minutes already and I was still enchanting the Mantras with full force inside the prayer room. Those days, I used to spend almost an hour in prayers, because at that time, I had faith in the Almighty, as things were in my favor and I was a happy soul. But then, things started to change. My one-hour-praying disappeared from my daily schedule. In fact my whole schedule collapsed. It was like until now the train of my life was running on a smooth straight track. But now it was derailed and still it had to run on the rocky and unbeaten path. Perhaps that was the first time I was facing the bad times of my life. I knew it would come, but didn’t know when.
In Hindu mythology, there’s a saying –“hoihain soyi jo Raam rachi rakha”. It means whatever has happened, is happening and is going to happen, has been planned by God. So is this what God had planned for me? I was (and of course I still am) a boy who never smelt liquor, not even touched anything that my parents asked me not to, was at all times ready to help any needy no matter whether able to do so or not. Overall, I was a good boy who never did a thing even worth a small scolding. So why was I facing all that? These were the things that were pushing me towards atheism.
After this thought process, I came back to where I was at present, looked up into the eyes of the questioner and closed my eyes. Looking down, I said –“I don’t know. And no further questions please.” I got up and started walking out with that question in my head. ‘I’ll come back and answer that question’ was the last thing I said to myself before leaving that place.
Copyright © 2011 Abhimanyu Singh. All Rights Reserved.
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