God Dropped Me

One of the first things I learned about God was through the ever famous Footprints poem. It explained that during the tough times there would only be one set of footprints in the sand, not because God has left your side, but because he is carrying you. In this moment, I feel God has dropped me. In my toughest time of my life I have ever seen thus far, God feels miles away.

Why can some people pray more during their toughest times, believe hardships are all part of God's plan, and accept they are simply being divinely tested? What an enormous amount of blind faith and part of me thinks they might be ignorant. I just want to shout at them "Can't you see the roof is caving in around you"!?! Yet another part of me is envious and thinks it admirable they hold onto something, like faith, so strong and unshaken. I'm not sure if I can remember ever standing my ground for something with such undying enthusiasm. Yes, I've prayed during these tough times, but certainly not with conviction. God give me conviction.

We tend to only think of God on Sunday, or during an award speech "I'd like to thank my mother and God, etc", but I think of him the most when times are tough. I am wondering if he is thinking of me. We can equally attribute the good times to him and the bad, but what if, and how do we know, he is there during any of those times at all? Perhaps the good times was luck or karma and not God at all. Is he always with us, good and bad times?

I am fully aware tough times are part of life, maybe a good, necessary spiritual and character building part of life, but they are usually interspersed with some good times or a feeling God is carrying you and a showing you a way out. These periodic good times remind us and comfort us, carrying us just far enough to make it through the next tough situation. It helps to see a glimmer of hope, but what if God doesn't show you that hope? What if God isn't the one to help me through the tough times- it seems I am relying on myself this time.

God has not been by my side for nearly 2 years. My "glimmer" of hope is the glare from my computer screen as I write this. I have seen my share of hardships for not even being midlife so it's not like it's "my turn". Every aspect of my life has been turned into a major hardship, everything is a struggle, every time I open the mail, get a phone call, put my heart and soul into something only to fail, do everything right but still have to fight. I have to admit all this makes me upset and proves God has dropped me.

Many years ago I had a tough ordeal to get through and God was right there, in fact, it's when I began to open my eyes to Him and he blatantly proved Himself to me. I guess I'm having a problem this time because I want that same feeling again, for Him to announce His presence like He did before. I need Him more than ever so why can't I find Him. Last time, He sought me, this time I am searching.

Why are we "tested"? God tests us and the devil tempts us. I'd prefer tempting over testing any day. Don't you think God should find a better way of recruiting? I don't like tests, never have. I do well on them but I almost suffer a heart attack trying to pass. God is putting me through some serious test anxiety without preparing me or giving me the tools to pass. OK maybe that's not true. I have had an unusual and rough life and maybe all that was to prepare me for an even rougher life- well, that sounds fair (not). I feel like a stomping 2 year old in a fit. I just don't understand.

I really can't even take God seriously anymore. Every time something else comes up, I just laugh and cock my head up toward the heavens above and say, "very funny. Is that all you got?" Or as Jim Carey's character says in the movie 'Bruce Almighty', "Smite me Almighty Smiter"! So here I am, I hopelessly gaze around me only to see one set of footprints, but I know, and feel, it is only me. When I ask him "Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me"? There is no answer, only the heavy imprint of my footprints burying deeper, burdened with defeat during my toughest times.

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Comments 83 comments

Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Izettl, hope I spelled that right--that's your problem, btw, God just can't pronounce your name and you pissed him off. Ha ha. Why couldn't you have just made it easy on him and been Mary or Ruth or Hope? Oh I know there are some favorites of his like Hezekiah and my personal favorite: Mahershalalhashbaz. (MODERN USAGE: Fruit of a sexual relationship between a famous person and a bimbo-- when the famous person SWEARS the relationship was purely a professional one.)--anyway, maybe it's a simple as that or maybe it's like Joshua who was promised by God that as soon as their feet touched the Jordan River (swollen and raging at the time) that God would stop it up and they could walk across--what God didn't tell Joshua is that he would stop the water 30 miles upstream--Joshua had to wait for 30 miles of raging water to go by before he had the answer to his prayer. Maybe you just are seeing 30 miles of water going by with the bright side on its way. =:)

boyjyoti profile image

boyjyoti 6 years ago

Looks like you are repeating my life story! hardships.... hardships.... and failures including those failures in relationships. However hard you try to 'laugh it off' they surely leave scars in your mind. The 'golden sentence' or phrase that I find in your writing is the one for which I failed all along to find a proper expression as to what my complain to the God has been. You have expressed that complaint on my behalf also. The golden sentence you have written is, "God should find a better way of recruiting"

Yes, why is He so tough a teacher?

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

winsome~ funny you should mention I need to trek, rather swim, 30 miles of water because I can't swim. Maybe I just need to learn how to swim and the rest of my life will fall into place- ha! I enjoyed your jokes- you're right up my river without a paddle.

boyjyoti~ I've always thought that- why is God so hard on us if he wants us to follow him? I would never test someone or give someone I was in a relationship with so many hard times just for them to receive my love.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

izetti, I read and reread this hub. Those who preach seem to think they should have all the answers. When someone comes to me with a problem, I don't pull out those handy little text book answers. The problem that you suffer from with God may sound famaliar, but it's absolutly as unique as you are. I approach problems from the angle of looking for answers toghther, Get the easy stuff out of the way first. God doesn't test people. He created us, so that would be like testing Himself which doesn't work. I've gone through about the worst things life can throw out I guess, and I got through it. Although bruised and batterd, I look back and the analagy of God's tapistry comes to mind. The thread is tatterd, and ugly, making no sense on one side, but a thing of beauty on the other.

Try this. please .. When your passion is at it's highest today or tonight, or tomorrow .. Go to a quiet place. Pride is the biggest barrier between us and God. Make youself physically go to your knees. Tell God exactly how you feel. If you're pissed, tell Him. If you're hurt, tell Him. Get all of it off your chest. Then as hard as it may be to choke out ... Tell God you will love Him even if He doesn't see fit to intervene, because you can't imagine living in a world without hope. Izetti, you may not be able to do the last part of what I'm suggesting. If you can't, we know where to begin our work. As soon as I hit the Post Comment button, I will pray in your behalf. My batting average has been real good in prayer.

Things are going to turn around and then I'll say .."I told you so!"


izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

JIMwithnopants! thank you for not throwing Bible verses at me. thank you for praying for me- that means a lot to me even in my wanting to fire God moment. A couple weeks ago when i was fed up i tried acting like God was not part of my life anymore and i did feel quite lonely, it felt strange so I decided to try harder, pray harder and bam, another bit of bad news came in to make things harder for me. so now i'm kicked back down- or dropped as I feel and wrote about. I've gone through a lot too, but I've always had something going ok- a job, or health, or great friends, etc and for the first time all areas of my life are suffering. well, as usual I will get through and we'll see if it's from any doing of the man upstairs. THanks again, now go put some pants on for crying out loud!!

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

No worries, I grabbed a pair of shorts before sitting down to type. (I'm a bit uncomfortable in front ladies.) lmao aka lol

It's hard. Sounds like you've got a minor Job thing going kid. Even though I completly trust God, the Job deal seemed rather harsh. There is one of the greatest theological lessons to be learned when you go beneath the surface in that story though.

Maybe it'd be good to take an eventory of what good you do have going on. It's usually more than you think. When things start building up and going south. I do this. I actually write down the things that aren't broken. I start with things that meen the most to me here on earth .. like the health of my children. I don't have cancer. I'm not homeless and so on. Then get that crooked little smile on you face and remember that the guy that lost all of his pants in a home burgulary, told you .. things are fixin to change!

billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

izettl a deep hub that brings home all the tough things in life - I know I have had my share and not sure if it is a test but I try to focus on the good - truly look at the bad and ask why. i like Jim's answer sometimes we over look the good and look to blame the big fella upstairs. I just think God is deeply personal and Jim's advice is perfect - speak direct and all that fire and brimstone people bring certainly isn't the personal God I am talking about. :0

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

You are real. The people you care about are real. I think you are really on the right track shaking off reliance on externals like gods and spirits. Rely on what you know and CAN count on: yourself. The heap of discarded and outdated religions gets higher and higher as humanity progresses, not by the will of Ra, Zeus, Pachacamec, Yahweh, Quetzalcoatl, Mars, Ganesh, Thor, Igaluk or any number of ancestor spirits, earth spirits or weather deities, but by its own will (which is imperfect, but determined). You too will progress if you aren't encumbered by even a subconscious expectation that a magical being is going to intervene on your behalf. By taking your fate into your own hands fully, you cast off the shackles of really old stories and clear your vision for real progress. I understand that having a god or spirit waiting to catch us if we fall is comforting, like having a parent with us to make us feel safe, but if we expect it to do anything for us when we really need it, we are going to be disappointed like all the millions of people whose prayers go unanswered every day. You can pray for things to happen, or you can make things happen. The only reason "miracles" are considered "miracles" is because of how rarely they occur. Think about that. So count on YOU. You are real. Be strong and persevere. Seek help from real people. They can be strong for you too.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

My, my ... Let me make sure I understand this. Miracles occur but rarely. Okey .. Where do the rare miracles come from? You can make things happen Shadesbreath? I'm not being ugly or argumenitive, and I usually don't use comment boxes to debate, but what sort of things can you make happen? Can you make a tree from scratch? You're the first person I've ever come across with no problems. I know you don't have any problems, because when a problem comes up, you just solve it. A problem solver like you would never sit around with nasty little problems lying around. That wouldn't make any sense would it?

Do you think you just gave this girl hope Shadebreath? I'd like to see other people's comments on this subject. I'm curious as to whether myself and ninety percent of the people who ever existed on planet earth, who believe in a creator were are all a bunch of dumb asses, and Shadesbreath is the genius who finally got it right?

I used to think I was super man. I was talented ..the best in my industry. I could make as much money as I wanted. A lot of people's lives hinged on my ability to perform. I had the big home, a twenty seven foot Sea Ray, fast cars, a beautiful, intelligent wife and kids. I was in control. Until my wife called my office to tell me that my son had been hit by a car at 4:30 one afternoon. I arrived at the hospitol to find my son with a badly fractured skull. His brain was swelling and they were running out options as it drug on until day number eight. On the eighth day the doctors all agreed that the next twenty-four hours didn't look good, as it appeared that his brain would go down his spine, and of course that would be the end. With less than five hours sleep in eight days, I went out to the parking lot and cried like a two year old as I prayed desperatly to God. I can't tell the whole story in a comment box. But what happened on day eight could only be explained as a miracle by one of the top neurological surgeons in the world. He said that in his twenty-six years in this field he'd never witnessed anything like it. My son is a healthy, smart young man today.

You're entitled to what you choose to believe, but don't speak with authority on this issue. I don't know you but I'd put my I.Q., my education, and my bank account up against you or anyone else's in this little land of comments. This person is vunerable at this point in her life. The hazards she faces are much more severe if your wrong, than if I am.

God doesn't expect us to stick our head in the sand. In fact he calls upon us to "have the mind of a warrior and the heart of a child." The benefits of faith far out weigh the hardships of having it.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

billyaustindillon~ thanks for stopping by. I know I need to look more at the good in my life. manwithnopants is right about that too. One of the most important things in my life is my 2 yr old and she is thriving so I must remind myself of that right now and everyday.

Raised going to church, I saw how much suffering was there, and in other parts of my life or with non-religious people, their life seemed much better. I remember thinking as a kid, that God isn't very nice to some people and always wondered the purpose why some get through life with minimal damage and others have scars from a rough life. Somewhere there is a division of people who get closer to God when they are suffering and others who move further away. Myself I'm teetering for the first time, I'm doubting. I do agree that God is very personal and maybe I need to start simple and get answers to why my personal relationship with him is the way it is right now. I've had so much happen the last couple years that I've had to reinvent my definition of myself and I guess that's caused me to re-evaluate God too.

shadesbreath~ enlightening comment in that it's opposite obviously from the other perspectives I've read so far. Even though I do respect your comment, I know that if God doesn't exist, we are not independent of anything. We are still among forces of energy- past and present. I am a very logical person and came from my father who is a "genius" and believes in his intelligence, not GOd and then my mom who is very religious, sometimes annoying so as you can see I have influence from both perspectives.

I can relate to what you say about God being like a comforting parent watching over us. I guess I depended on and explored God more when I became an adult and lacking security from my parents. I think a lot of good things come from people believing in God though. It benefits some- maybe a placebo effect- haha.

themanwithnopants~ I'm not sure which makes me feel lonelier, giving up on God or believing in God and feeling alone still. Just randomly thought of that somewhere between shadesbreath comment and yours.

Wow what a story. I hear about miracles often so I'd have to disagree with shadesbreath on that. There is the unexplainable that can only be explained as a miracle. Your story is deep and now I know why your faith is so strong. Thank you so much for sharing. Stories like this help me really think about what it possible. I had a crying like a baby session with God almost a year ago and it seems like things got worse and I sort of took on a sarcastic note of disapproval with God. I guess I thought that if I really was down on my knees, praying my hardest that he'd come through. I certainly didn't expect things to get worse.I jsut wanted him to show me the light at the end of the tunnel. I was saying earleir to shadesbreath about my mom being religious and my dad not. On that note, i began to question faith because my dad has had a good life- good health, great job, security, etc. but my mom has had issues in all areas (they're long divorced). I am just seeing the inconsistencies in God and wondering why that is. I always appreciate your comments and real perspective on this matter. My step right now is to concentrate on what's good in my life and I mentioned earlir to billyaustindillon that my daughter is healthyso I am thankful of that, especially after reading your story of your son. I am so glad, by the way. he is doing good.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

You know I actually hate to preach. I'm better at just talking I guess. But think about this for a minute Izettl. In the course of raising children, there are times when we are called on to do or not do certain things, that in the young mind of a child, cause them to suffer. We deny them too much of that candy that tastes so good, we make them go sit in the corner for things they did that they didn't think were so bad, and so on. Sometimes we have to restrain ourselves from jumping in and making everything bad go away, in order for them to grow into strong adults.

I know that when life's got you on the ropes, everyone's got the easy given advise that's so easy to dole out from the corner, so I know it's easier said than done.

It took me a long time to become emotionally mature, and I'm not sure I've made it all the way even now, but I've learned a few things that are important to comming out of "the good fight a winner." I've faced difficulties all my life it seems. But when I look back, with the exception of being a young child, every problem I've had can be traced back to me as the one who caused it. It wasn't God, and He didn't always jump in and bail me out. The second thing I learned is when I look back on all those difficulties, what I hold dearest to me now, would not have been possible had those difficulties not been in my life.

Maybe God is like us in the loving parent sense. Maybe He has to allow certain sufferings for the greater good of us becoming strong spiritual and emotional adults.

Try and understand that things will sometimes get worse before they get better. I've been through a couple of hurricanes, and man it got rough, but I knew it was a storm, and whether it was a catagory two or three hurricane, it was still just a storm, and eventualy storms blow out, and along comes the sun. You pull the plywood off the windows, and get on with life. You are in a storm, maybge even a hurricane Izettl, but it will be over before you know it. I promise.

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California


First, you'll have to forgive me if I chuckled that someone with your name is defending god given ongoing scandals in the Catholic Church (not saying you're Catholic, but from the outside they're all rather lumped together in some ways).

That said, you talk about me not giving her hope? I'm encouraging her to be confident. I say the problem is you give her false hope when she's already had enough of that. Hope lies in self reliance, belief that she is able and competent, has friends and community to lean upon with real people and actual help rather than dependence on the auspices of an absent deity. In your emotional tirade you tried to twist that into something bad, tried to impregnate my words with claims of personal grandeur that were not there.

So, no I can't create a tree from scratch. But I can either spend twenty-six years praying for shade and hope for an arboreal miracle each day, or I can plant a seed, do some weeding and tending, and have shade in under ten. It’s not about ME creating miracles.

I never said I can create miracles (in your fanatical and emotionally reflexive rant, you missed pretty much my entire point). "Miracles" are the word that people apply to events that occur that defy impossible or seemingly impossible odds. You said yourself that "one of the top neurological surgeons in the world" said that "in his twenty-six years in this field he'd never witnessed anything like it." That is exactly my point. A “top neurosurgeon” is someone who has seen a lot of that stuff, I totally concede that point to you. Twenty-six years of it. And all those cases like your son's, the patients all died. All of them. Every single one. Dead. Are you telling me you are the only one of twenty-six years worth of that doctor’s career who cried and prayed to God? Really? Just you? Nobody else? All the rest were just like, "Well, there's no hope here. Bummer." Only you thought to pray?

I doubt that. I bet they all prayed. Every one of them. Even the atheists prayed. They dropped their non-belief, their faith in science and pragmatism and went with hope despite all odds, hope for magic, for miracles. And every single last one of them buried their kid anyway. Twenty-six years of digging holes and carving head stones. What makes you so special that god only listens to you? And I'm not even saying you aren't special. Maybe you are, and that's cool. I'm seriously happy for you and I’m genuinely from the bottom of my heart glad your son is thriving. However, all those other parents and all those other kids during that two and a half decade of day-in and day-out surgeon's life represent a lot of people who god didn't show up for. They represent a massive, massive, tidal wave of a majority, just like all the heaps of dead children in crappy places around this world.

So, my point is just that, while I'm not saying there is no God, my point is that perhaps putting more faith in your own efforts and working towards your goals, and in accepting that your failures are something you missed, or didn't do right and can improve on with effort, with more tending like my planted tree… that putting faith in real people who really will answer your calls, people you KNOW exist… that is a more practical solution given the fact that, at the very least, God appears to be too busy to answer most people’s calls. That's my point. I think you under estimate her if you think encouraging her to believe in her own strengths is discouraging.

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

Izttl, I would say from your response that you seem to have a pretty level head. I'm sure you will find the balance between the spirituality you need and the personal wherewithal to see to building your own success. Call that perseverance and self-discipline God's gift to you after you succeed, that's usually how it goes anyway. The folks with the good stories at the end credit god, as our pantless friend above did. It's the ones where it didn't work out that need excuses. So, "God helps those who help themselves" is a good one. Or, my personal favorite, "Luck, often enough, helps a man if his courage holds." :)

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Wow some good points here from both themanwithnopants and shadesbreath.

manwithnopants~ yeah I've looked back in my life and can take responsibility for a lot of rough times I went through. My recent diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis I don't believe was my fault as I've always lived healthily and it's a disease with no rhyme or reason, no certain cause, no cure, so I guess I was looking for some reason from God. My tolerance thresh hold for other things has dramatically gone down because everyday I already start out a couple miles from where the start line begins. Most people wake up and begin their day at the start line, not me for sure. I've lost my job, my ability to play with my active daughter, going to the gym which I loved so much, and now going in debt due to medical bills, facing sress of being disabled or taking very harmful medications, knowing I'm stressing out my husband (who coincidentally does not believe in God). Enough of my crap, you get the point. I can't reason why some get miracles and others don't. I think we should take responsibility for even the good things that happen in life too and not totally account God for it. What keeps my sliver of faith is thinking this suffering may lead to something better. Those that are suffering, I just wonder where their enduring faith comes from. Why don't I have that?

shadesbreath~ I can totally agree with you about putting more faith in our own efforts and "God helps those who helps themselves". As I explained above to themanwithnopants I have a chronic illness and I think I've been waiting around the last several months for God to give me a miracle because I heard other stories like mine, but people randomly went into remission. I realize I have to do the work and figure out what is helpful for me with my condition. Also to realistically know that a lot more people don't go into remission so where's their miracle? Favoritism and jealousy come to mind when I hear some people get their miracles or prayers answered and others don't.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Shadesbreath, let's debate this in a more personal forum rather than someone's comment box. That's more my fault than yours though. I offered some theological whoopie doo to for her to consider. What offended me was this. When I talk to someone about God, you'll hear me say things like ... maybe it's like this, or this is something to consider ... In my experience .. what I've learned .. and so on. You came right over the top of me and might as well have well said, "dismiss his life time of learning and listen to me. I've got the right answers, not him. I didn't mean to sound like I'm ranting. But I don't let people disrespect me in life and I won't tollerate it on the Hub. I could have taken you the wrong way. I can't see your face or hear you speak, I can only go by the type written words.

If you looked at the last part of my rant, I said that the Lord calls upon us to be proactive, not put our head in the sand waiting for Him to magically come along and make things right. I can't stand Christians who say, "We've put it in the Lord hands," then go sit in the corner. In fact if you ever get a chance to look at any of the stuff I write about, you will find I have a lot of issues with my own Christian faith. I just want to be clear. Some of these rosy cheaked, Bible thumping, Sunday morning Christian hypocrits are far more dangerous to what Christ taught than you. Manners are very important to me Shadesbreath. I've spent a lot of time examining God, scripture, and such from not just the standpoint of divinity, but an intellectual, and scientific level as well. I apologize if I was ranting, and I've said I love to debate with anyone, as long as they have manners, and back themselves up with facts or accepted theories. I won't continue to use this girls problem for a forum though. Izettl, sorry I allowed that to happen.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

P.S. Shadesbreath, you look to know this hub thing really well. I'm pretty new, and kind of stumbeling around. I had one writting class thirty million years ago in high school. I type like a two year old, and I've become so dependent on spell check, that I'm almost illiterate. I'm going to read your piece on hubbing and see if I can get a little competitive with some of these good Hubbers ariund here. I love to compete. (Not a trait usually found in Christians.) lol

Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

Izettl: There is nothing I can say that wouldn't sound trite or cliché about what you are going through. I have no way of understanding it thoroughly and can only try to grasp in intellectually somehow while offering sympathy for whatever it may be worth. But I think you said it right when you wrote, "I realize I have to do the work and figure out what is helpful for me with my condition." I don't know what that is or how hard it will be, but I am confident that human nature rewards effort with, at the very least, some satisfaction in knowing we are doing everything that can be done. I wish you absolutely the best.

TheManWithNoPants: I certainly was not attacking you or coming over the top at you. To be honest, I hadn't read your response when I wrote mine (I was moved by the story and felt compelled to respond), so, well, it wasn't about you at all, certainly not intentionally. I agree that civil discourse, respect and manners are important, in fact something of a "bible," if you will, for me, is Aristotle's Rhetoric, and I try (and admittedly fail sometimes) to follow his rules of argument very closely as it has almost everything to do with that. I too enjoy a friendly ontological debate, and admire articulate theologians who can hold their own.

(Happy to help you with the HP ropes in any way I can, don't be shy. Feel free to ask.)

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

I love Aristotles and Plato. I love them so much in fact, that I went through a phase in high school where I tried to model my personality around them. I failed miserably and had to return to a natural state of goofiness of course.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Well I too love a good debate and both of you state your perspectives in a manner that speaks to me. From what's been stated by both of you here, I have a lot of respect- even though I'm in limbo with my faith. The point that sticks with me most is helping myself. I hear Christians, and even you mentioned this manwithnopants, that they will have a complacent attitude and say things like "give it to God". I need to take charge of my own issues, especially my health.

Well we all agreed to agree and disagree in the end- interesting discussions for sure. I got my take-home message from both of you. Shadesbreath may I say that you said it very well when you said sometimes the reward may be just knowing you tried your best.

I have definitely gotten myself in some heated debates but something, if not just knowledge, always comes from them. We all can't be clones here on hubpages. I think it's a place where different points of view are welcomed.

Royalmark profile image

Royalmark 6 years ago from Lagos, Nigeria

He's still up there and I know it... He's been there many at times for me... I think you've read my hub "I Believe He Still Lives In Me"...


rust profile image

rust 6 years ago from East Texas Woods

I'm a Deist, believe that God created us and the universe around us but do not believe that He is up there in the skies fiddling with us as we go throughout our daily activities. That doesn't mean He doesn't care, doesn't want good things for us, but think about it, beyond creating us and giving us some rules to live by, how can He interfere with a real life lived in real time in the real world? He'd have to anticipate Everything, all the time, with everyone, before it happened, and then enact a miracle to prevent disasters and allow only good things to occur.

Rest assured, God is not hovering up there throwing bad things in your way to "test" you, or me, or anyone. Man tests himself far deeper than God ever would care to. Take your complaint up with those around you, not the one who created you. It'll bring about a new way of looking at your relationship with God if you stop blaming Him for things His will had nothing to do with. Life is Real, it is Self-Driven, Self-Steered. And full of traffic, unfortunately. Think of God as a Creator, not a micromanager, and you'll get along with Him on much friendlier terms. Your faith should be in yourself, in your divinity as the creation of a divine being. Look inward, not upward, to overcome.

bjspivey-rivers 6 years ago

It sounds like you are in a dry place. These can be so uncomfortable. I have been there. No fun at all. Everything is going wrong and it seems like God is in the Bahamas on vacation or something. And on top of that, there's usually someone else telling you what a wonderful life they are having! But I have found that testing often precedes promotion. Maybe God is getting ready to reveal Himself to you in ways you have never experienced before. Two things have worked for me when I have been in this position. One is to just tell God how you feel--I mean how you REALLY feel, complete with tears, sweat, snot, the whole monty. Another is to find a sympathetic friend to pray with. Then at least you don't feel so alone. Jesus taught that sometimes you have to be a pest in prayer. God will answer you if you just keep hammering on the door with a "I know you're there and I'm not going away until you tell me something" attitude. In fact, the Lord said that was a form of faith. Bible people argued with God, wrestled with God, made crazy requests, and God seems to enjoy the drama. So go to the prayer closet and have it out with Him. What have you got to lose?

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

royalmark~ yes i read your hub and it is very inspirational.

rust~ I admit I never knew what a Deist was. Sounds interesting. I think we control our lives, but when the uncontrollable or unexplainable occurs, we try to find reason in it and we want to make sense of it and then many of us turn to God. A pastor friend of mine told me that my random illness I was diagnosed with may not be a "test" or a reason for it and that made me realize God is at the very least more separate from us than I may have thought. Good comment, great perspective.

bjspivey~ i have too many unasnwered questions and prayers and hoping that there was somewhere to turn and I had my cry like a baby session with him many months ago, but things are just getting harder so I wonder what he is doing up there. I even thought to pray for the very least he could do for me and that was strength to get through everything but that seems to be another unanswered prayer. It will be intresting if there is a plan or "promotion" for me. I'm certainly finding out how much strength and tolerance I have within me.

bjspivey-rivers profile image

bjspivey-rivers 6 years ago

I know that living with a chronic illness can be frustrating and discouraging. I also know there are support groups for people living with RA. Some things you shouldn't go through alone. Beyond that I don't know your particular situation but I intend to pray that God heal you or give you peace or both. If you don't mind, I will ask my prayer partner to pray for you with me. We have seen a lot of answered prayers.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Young lady, as we all give you our words of wisdom .... you continue to respond more like Jesus teaches, than we do. You are cool kid.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author


I will never turn down a prayer if you feel it in your heart to do so for me I thank you. I belong to an online support group but you'd be surprised how everyone is still very closed off. Locally I can't find a support group for RA. I'm still searching for the extra support- i do attend a christian lady's play group with my 2 yr old. Sometimes it's inspirational but mostly we run aournd after our kids. I don't ask them for extra support because I am unable to give it back right now. thank you for stopping by and giving your kind words

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

You know it occured to me that when you look the long line of comments on this hub of yours, it's like a theology wresteling match where Jesus edges out a win. You have done more than you could have ever imagine to make people examine their beliefs. Just look at the comments dialog. It's a four star Hub within itself. The Lord works in crazy ways like this I think.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

manwithnopants~ you're right (and insightful). Well I have you to blame for a lot of this- just joking, but glad you sparked some conversation here. It has done a lot for me to read the different perspectives. I take everything into consideratoin. This hub isn't typically "me". I've always been the strong one, the one with all the answers and never felt I needed God.Although I've had God throughout my life, I've never asked any "favors" and I thought I could turn in all my chips when I needed him most, well, like now. I think it's my scorekeeping, karma believing, what's fair and not fair mentality that has me disappointed.

Ghost32 6 years ago

I got my King James Bible in 8th grade for perfect Sunday School attendance, never mind that said attendance had been via "forced trucking" to each and every session sincer 3rd grade. In high school I was an atheist, switched to agnostic in my senior year, and eventually found my niche (which happens to be a non-Christian faith that includes belief in karma and reincarnation among other things).

Bottom line: I don't really feel like God has dropped me, but rather that the Creator set things up to run on automatic...with the negative stream in charge of testing AND tempting (all one thing).

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

ghost32- i would consider myself spiritual in many ways that you describe, karma, etc But I really like what you said "I don't really feel like God has dropped me, but rather the Creator set things up on automatic". "testing and tempting (all one thing)"- another great perspective. Thanks for adding your thoughts.

TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

I don't think it's automatic because throughout the Bible God's had to go to plan B. lol ... In fact I covered that to a degree in one of my hubs too.

If you don't mind, drop me an e-mail and tell me a little about what's wrong with your health izettl.


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 6 years ago from Tucson, Az.

ixettl, if RA stands for recovering alcoholic, get with me. I may not be good at too many things, but I'm a good listener and know all those dirty roads kid.


AEvans profile image

AEvans 6 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

izettl: I know you read my hub and you know I have felt the same way. have gotten to battle and be so over-stressed that I did not know which direction we were going. Through all of my battles I have grown and here are reasons why.

1. We lost our home, I cried and was so disheartened angry at God that this could happen.

Answer: By this happening it made me realize that it was only materialistic and I was not completely thankful for the things we had. It was replaceable.

2. My mother was diagnosed with Cancer, of all people my mother. She is stage 4 but she is so far winning the battle.

Answer: From this lesson it has brought my mom and I much closer then we were before, cherishing the moments we have together and taking time out to listen to her. She now lives with us.

3. Job Loss it is the most painful thing that can happen and my husband lost his. We are a one income family.

Answer: It has brought our family and marriage together more now then it dd before. We were not appreciative of what we had together.

There are so many more , but what I am trying to say is sometimes it does take time to get the answers. For each issue there is, something positive does come from it. od hasn't dropped you, he ha been carrying you.

When we the bill collectors call and we pray for money, were we not the ones who created the debt? God said he will give us the desires of our heart but it is how we handle the responsibility. If we turn and get closer to him, instead of doubting him all of our prayers become answered. We have to have unshakeable faith. We cannot blame all of our actions on God, he did not tell us to do anything that we have done and once we accept responsibility for our actions he will always give back. Satan always wishes for us to doubt him, it is more souls for him and when I think of where I do not wish to be, once I leave this earth and what Jesus died for I turn my attitude back around and get back on stable ground. When you can't take it anymore, listen to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xwzItqYmII

I will pray for you Izttl hang in there, he is there for you. I know he is. :)

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

themanwithnopants~ No RA stands for Rheumaoid Arthritis- an autoimmune illness that causes jots to get disabled and so much more stuff. Everything else in my life seemed to go downhill after I was diagnosed. You've been great with your helpful comments.

AEvans~ your story is inspirational and your writing is too. Just like you listed above, I know there is an answer for everything and maybe I won't know until the rough part is over. I'm just such a person who has to figure things out- WHY! I will have to listen to the song you suggested- thanks.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Hi Izette! May I lay an egg in this basket of yours? Because this is one of the most interesting conversations I’ve read since I arrived in Hubs. I am so amazed! This conversation is to me, for the utmost time, a confirmation that God is omnipresent. As the Holy Spirit he lives in ALL of us, around and above us, all over us, and most of us don’t realise this and therefore we don’t make use of any of its power and wisdom. I sensed that you have learned something from every contributor, and this something – your personal final interpretation - will be the truth (for now) which will give you the power to get out of the whirlpool you are in since a year ago. (I have struggled 10 yrs in that one! Some of us are too headstrong; we’ll rather drown before we accept reality.) Fact is, you have RA. Accept it, accept the medicine, or bear pain daily, whatever, just COPE with it. Accept what you cannot change and change what you can. Get that bright (currently negative) mind of yours over all matters. Perhaps you need some anti-depressants? Don’t let matters rule your mind, honey. Remember God is Love. Once you turn from hating who-what-where-how you are to loving who-what-where-how you are you’ll be fine.

jo 6 years ago

When I was about your age with a young daughter, I went through one of those teeth-jarring periods when life slaps you around a bit.

One of the difficult things during this period was my mother's illness and death. She developed early onset Alzheimer's at a time when I had never heard of the disease.

I brought her to my home to care for her but also to try to find out what was happening (she had not been diagnosed). So I began to read books and talk to doctors--to try to fix her. And what I learned was there are still a few things we humans don't know. Many things about our brains, what we know with, I learned, are not only unknown but maybe unknowable. It was a humbling experience. I, who had always intellectualized everything, began slowly to look at life a little differently.

I had grown up in a very religious, fundamentalist, Christian home, my father a minister, but, early on, I began questioning some of these beliefs. One year I stopped believing in Santa (I believed in Santa a long time) and the next year I began questioning religion. (If they lied about one thing, I reasoned...)I never openly disagreed with my parents religion. I respected them too much. I just drifted away and had a life without religion.

I wish I could report to you my life made a sudden, dramatic change after this. It didn't. My mom still died and I went through years of struggle when it seemed I couldn't catch a break. I also went through years of struggle with faith. I still struggle.

Through those years, I would sometimes hear echos of that early religious life. Bible verses (always the King James version. Still my favorite). Songs. The difference was, I now let them in.

Now, some 35 years later, a little song we sang each year in Bible School sometimes echos through my mind:

"I have the peace that passeth understanding,

Down in my heart,

Down in my heart,

Down in my heart to stay."

As a child I didn't understand what it meant but liked the alliteration and repetition. Now, it fits.

I wish you peace.

ShawnKriv 6 years ago

izettl, Who do you belong to?....You said in at the start

that you feel your being tested....By who..God does not test us or tempt us that the Devils job...the worlds job.

Put the blame were it belongs on the one who wishes you harm...You said you were not prepared and were not given

the tools to pass,All the tools were given to us by Jesus

when he died on the cross for you and me and had his disciples to write the new testament (your text book).

Have you given yourself to Christ whole heartily as your savior? Are you a Christian? We all have problems some of us worst than others but all of the neg things in our lives are caused by the master of this world and not God.

ShawnKriv 6 years ago

Just A Voice 6 years ago

I can't tell you how much I appreciate finding this hub. And reading all the comments were a bonus. Maybe it's the fact that my misery loves company.

I have no advice, or even words of wisdom as I am floundering around in my own doubt, frustration and anger. The only thing I have found so far is that when I walk completely away from my faith I'm more personally miserable, than I am when I'm just hanging on by my fingertips.

Weirdly enough it's a small comfort to look over and see others hanging off the cliff by their fingertips too.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Dave barnett~ thank you for your short message. Since my troubles hav begun, I lost my identity and therefore it felt like I lost God too, but I understand your point.

Martie coetser~ your no-nonsense comment is very true. I do not intnd to be mopey and know that do not feel this way for most of my day at all. I wrote this hub because it was feeling I had that bothered me. It wasn't really my cirumstances that bugged me most, but rather it was the first time I didn't feel God's presence- I literally feel like he's gone, left me. I've had rough times prior to this but I usually felt closer and more protected. This round of rough times, not so much. It's funny, you sound just like me if I were giving a speech to myself. I do need to get from "why me" to acceptance. Part of the coping process I guess. This did turn into intersting conversation and I wrote it thinking not many people would probably see it.

Jo~ thank you for your comment. I guess from reading all these comments I'm learning that everyone has struggles, fair and unfair, religious or non-religious. I know your battle must have been tough. My grandpa never seemed the same after caring for grandma who had alzheimers- very rough disease. You and my grandpa had to do it during a time when there wasn't much info on it too. I am getting older, although some will say my 35 years is nothing, but I've made it to a point in my life where rough things are piling up. It's not like when I was younger and one rough thing would occur every year or two and ther would be time in between the bad times to recooperate, so to speak. It does feel like you can't catch a break sometimes. It's a transition I may have to get used to and accept as others have pointed out to me.

Shawn kriv~ I gave myself to Christ when I was about 8 yrs old. A lot has changed and forgive me for stating the obvious but I am only human and I have lived a faithful honest life and I am just being honest by saying what my relationship is now with God or rather, how I feel. For some reason I feel like I am alone because at my lowest point- it was dark, lonely, and I was crying in pain (from my illness- RA) and for the first time there was no answer, but most of all no feeling or God. So what I've written in this hub is about my doubt and that "feeling". I know I shouldn't doubt if I was a strong Christian to begin with and perhaps that is another isse.

Just a voice~ the comments are amazing- something I never expected for sure. I have reread them and so many are different, but each loded with personal wisdom. I've read a couple of yor hubs so far and it means a lot to me that you've gotten something out of what's been written here. Admittedly more from the comments than the hub perhaps. YES! I know exactly what you mean by "when i walk away from my faith I'm more personally miserable". YES YES YES! Glad I'm not the only one comforted by learning of others suffering too. Weird, but cathartic. Take care.

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Hi Izette, just a quick interruption – you’ve admitted an identity “crisis” and the feeling that God is not near. The real you is a bit upset because reality wants her to change her self-image. I mean her self-image were that of a lady being in the pink of health – perhaps with RA when she’s old. So the real you is now hiding (with God) where your brain (right hemisphere) can’t “feel” her. Just give her another day or two then she’ll be ready to give her self-image a proper make-over. PS: You are being stoned with advice and I like the way you handle it.

Dave Sibole profile image

Dave Sibole 6 years ago from Leesburg, Oh

There is so much I'd like to say (but I hate long reads)and first of all my heart aches for you (and the millions that are hurting for whatever reasons.) It doesn't hurt to question God although by definition god has no responsibility to answer the questions.

You mentioned blind faith in the article, by definition all faith is sorta blind, it is trusting in someone or something. Things that can be seen and require no trust requires no faith.

One of my favorite Bible stories is in the book of Daniel of the 3 men about to be thrown in a furnace. Here is what they said, Daniel 3:17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

The apostle Paul said if in this life only we have hope in Christ we are of all men most miserable.

Our hope has to be beyond this life. In this life we are not promised that it is fair or trouble free. But His grace is sufficient. The fact that you still around for another test or trial is witness to that grace. I have been through some times when just to maintain my "sanity" I sat and read Psalm after Psalm and through them I soon found myself looking up to God instead of at my circumstances and found Him to be bigger. I pray you will be able to do the same.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

martie coetser~ I think you've just made an excellent point. My identity crisis (and it is at this point) is completely related to where/how I've lost God. All other relationships have changed in my life so it would make sense that the one with God did as well. Oddly enough, my mom and husband are disabled (minimally, but still have major physical weaknesses) and I was always the strong one, physically and mentally so you can probably guess those relationships have changed a lot- not bad, but different.

In regards to handling all the advice- yeah I am still shocked by all the comments, but it's like life where you take it all in, but leave behind what you don't need and take what is useful. In the meantime it's all stored up in my memory and here so I can refer to it anytime. I also know people wouldn't write anything/comment if it wasn't really important to them for me to know what they want to say or helpful for them to pass on info.

Dave sibole~ Yes, i never find myself ungrateful for being here and things not being worse. I've commented that alone helps me make it through the bad days. When you said "our hope has to be beyond this life" I want to have that faith. I need to get there, but I have a feeling to get there for me will take smaller steps than that leap of faith. "found myself looking up to God instead of at my circumstances and found him to be bigger". I like that. Thank you for your comment.

mosaicman profile image

mosaicman 6 years ago from Tampa Bay, Fl

Life can be tough on us. I am a person of faith and I can empathize with the struggles you are going through. However most of the things I am going through are because of my own doing. The credit card debt, the large amount of student loans that I have to pay back, health issues etc.

At this point I do not point fingers or blame God or anyone else. I just pray to God that he gives me the strength to endure. I pray and concentrate on prosperity, not debt. The funny thing is my attitude and situation turned around because He changed my outlook.

Bruce_Leiter profile image

Bruce_Leiter 6 years ago

Izetti, I sense that you are open to people's ideas. All I can do is share with you my beiefs, my soap-opera life, and what God did for me.

First of all, when I was in my mother's womb, my parents were struggling with my 3-year-old brother's leukemia, and he died when I was 2 and a half nonths old. I grew up in an emotionallly-distant, dysfunctional family. Furthermore, our second boy died from leukemia after a traumatic sickness of almost three years during which our whole family had hepatitus. Seven years after Keith's death I began to experience seven years of depression. In the meantime I rebelled against God's clear call to the ministry to go into 8 years of teaching and three years of sales management.

After God clearly renewed his call for me to be a pastor, my depression started during my last year in seminary and continued for six years in two churches. My tiredness developed into exhaustion and then emotional shut-down with two severe anxiety attacks.

One question that occurred to me was, Why did you base your faith in God on a poem rather than on the Bible? I didn't read any reference to the Bible, which is the basis for Christian beliefs, not a poem.

Anyway, God used psychological means to enable me to get in touch with my anger, which I had buried for 43 years and of which I was unaware (80% of depression is repressed anger).

Well, God also broke through to me by enabling me to grieve out all of those bad things that had happened to me by telling him how angry I was at him for allowing, not causing, the tragic things that had happened to me. Also, towards the end of my depression, pain in my feet and hands started and has continued for 24 years, and daily migraines started a few years later. I also grieved those events out in prayer like Job and David in the Bible. In all of those prayers, God took away my depression and gave me the peace of Philippians

4:4-7. My pain is receding because of back surgery, and look at my threads to discover God's non-medical solution for my migraines, for which I praise God.

The most amazing thing is that as I shared my anger at God, he came closer to me and blessed me. Humans often escape from us if we share our anger, but God's grace is amazing in that he accepts believers as they are and then transforms them throughout their lives.

That's my experience, Izetti; take it or leave it as you wish.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

mosaicman~ My faith funk I'm in is perhaps just a moment in time, as so many of life's undesirable situations, but my chronic illness is likely to last. Since I've had my illness everything else in my life has gotten worse. I've always looked forward with a positive attitude and know things will get better. I thought that "knowing" and reassuring feeling was God's presence, so now that I don't have that feeling I guess that's how I lost God's presence too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am in need of a change in outlook- I'll proabably get there eventually.

Bruce leiter~ You have an intense story to share and I am still amazed with people's stories in the comments. You commented a lot about repressed anger and I am discovering I had/have a lot. You see, I never considered myself an angry person- my vocal chords don't even support me yelling and I have always thought of myself as easy-going, always the peacemaker, but the anger is there. It comes out within me- I'm not one to show it so it is certainly repressed anger. I still find a lot of joy everyday somehow, but I feel more alone not knowing where God is for me personally. You mentioned why I place so much importance on the Footprints poem, mostly because of the symbolic and sentimental nature- it was the first thing as a kid I remember learning about God, the notion that was intstilled in me by mom that God is always there, and I have not consistently read the Bible. Honestly, I read some the other night pertaining to my situation and it didn't speak to me at the time. I'm not a quitte something will get through to me. I like your last paragraph best in that i never thought to confront God with my anger,I am the type to walk away before displaying anger. You are right about several things in your comment and believe me I took a lot from it.

Joni Douglas profile image

Joni Douglas 6 years ago

Hello, I happened to step into this hub and found myself entranced by not only the article but the comment line as well. I just wanted to say that we all go through periods where our faith is tested.

You mention your daughter, look at her face. Is she not the most beautiful thing in the world to you? Is there anything that this little could do that make you stop loving her?

Now step back a moment. When she hits the teen years, you know there may be conflict with her. Most of go through a period of strife with our parents when we think we have all of the answers and mom and dad are just stupid. It is her job to question everything so that she may find her own way in this world.

While she may lose faith in you for a time, will you lose faith with her? Of course not. As a parent, that is how it goes. You love your children and sometimes allowing them to make mistakes and letting them bump their nose and fall down is the best way for them to learn.

For me, when I feel at odds with God, I remember that He is my Father. His plans for my life are sometimes at odds with my plans. That perspective can rearrange the thoughts into a pattern that as a daughter of a earthly dad, I can easily identify with and understand.

We get mad at our dads, why wouldn't we get mad at God? What we need to remember is that His focus will always be on our welfare, but perhaps not in this life as much as the next one.

Good luck to you and May God Bless you.

Segun Tewogbola profile image

Segun Tewogbola 6 years ago

Really God wants us all to know Him in person and not through someone's else experience. Truly the church age is passing

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Joni douglas~ yes the comments are fantastic! I think your point resonates with me the most- seriously. The example you give of her when she gets in her teens, and even now I feel that. I put her in a "time-out" and it seems the end of the world for her, but I still love her no less and she forgives me. I know that it may seem tough for her at the time but I am doing it to benefit her inthe long-run. God as a father figure speaks to me. Thanks for your comment.

Segun tewogbola~ I agree God wants us to know him personally, and even in church people share their personal relatioship with God.

kimberlyslyrics 6 years ago

Thank you for such an important context of an issue so important for or not for every one of us, scrambled into structured religions.

I was raised with very little teachings of god or religion, converted to Judaism to marry in conservatory levels of strict faith, denounced that with a divorce, entered a 12 step addicts recovery 12 step program which is based on spirituality, some say God, so I figured I was spiritual and not religious as I don't believe in the rituals and expectations that come with any faith, nor the bible, written by man.

I too believe God took a hike when I was 8.

I have no answers, am no one to add to what you have so well written, and who am I to judge or preach, nor do I. So I float til something does or does not click. I dont feel lost or less of a person, just godless repeatedly, but if that was true, I just asked myself

why does AEvans up above make sense to me?

Thank you for your hub



izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

kimberlyslyrics~ I like the way you put it "So I float til something does or does not click." And yes, AEvans put everything into perspective, that's why it makes sense. Lost of great comments on here. Thanks for adding and stopping by.

Vetalia 6 years ago from Hemet, CA


Thank you for sharing your feelings in this hub and sparking all of the thought-provoking comments. I've gained new insights from you and from each of the comments, even those with which I don't entirely agree.

I think I have at least some understanding of what you are going through with the rheumatoid arthritis, as my mother had it and I have degenerative artritis (not the same, I know, but still painful and debilitating) throughout my spine and in my knees. There are times when I wonder why I have to endure this unending pain. May I share with you what has helped me to cope? Perhaps it may help you or another hubber, as well.

The first thing that helps me is to immerse myself in serving others to the extent I am capable. I visit a friend in a nursing home who is two years younger than me and paralyzed from a broken back. She is bedridden and completely dependent upon others for her care, yet she is cheerful and true to her faith. I leave her room thanking God that I can still get out of bed and walk, even if only with a cane and in great pain.

I work as office manager for an adult day care center for people with Alzheimer's disease. Every day I interact with the clients and their family members who care for them. Seeing them struggle to cope with the ravages of this terrible disease helps me to keep my problems in perspecive.

It's difficult to understand why bad things happen to good people trying to do the right things. However, it helps me to remember that Jesus suffered in Gethsemane and on the cross - to the point He shed blood from every pore - not only to save you and me and all of us from death and the effects of sin, but also so he could understand what we suffer and help us get through it. He knows you, He loves you, He cares about you, He is there for you - even when you can't feel it.

I find it also helps me to view life from an eternal perspective. Our life here is but a speck in eternity, but what we do and what we become here will have an immense impact on what our eternal lives will be like. I believe this life is a period of refinement to prepare us to live with our Heavenly Father in His kingdom.

Malachi 3:3 says in part, "And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver..." The process for refining silver requires that the silver be heated until it liquifies. The intense heat has to be maintained until all of the impurities are removed, but if held beyond that point the silver will be destroyed. So how does the refiner know the exact moment to remove the silver from the heat? When the silver is pure he can see his reflection in it. So it is with us - God changes the sinful nature of the mortal man or woman within each of us by refining us in the fire of adversity. The specific adversity is different for each of us and tailored to our specific needs (from God's omniscient and eternal viewpoint), but we all have some kind and degree of adversity. Sometimes that adversity continues until the exact moment God knows we can handle no more, but that will also be when He can see His reflection in us, at least with regard to the specific attribute he is refining in us.

It's easy to believe in God when things are going well for us, but it's also easy to forget to be grateful and to remember Him. It's the difficult times that cause us to turn to Him, pray more earnestly (as did even Jesus himself during the agony of Gethsemane, according to Luke 22:44), and seek to truly know Him and become like Him.

And finally, remember that even Jesus cried out "My God, why hast thou forsaken me?" as he endured the torment of the cross. Perhaps, for each of us, as well, there comes a time when God must withdraw for a moment and allow us to fulfill our unique mission. But he will never abandon us completely.

God's ways are not our ways, and His timetable is not the same as ours - but He is there, He is involved in your life and He cares. He will not forsake you. Never, never, never give up!

CYBERSUPE profile image


Hi Izetti, You are so fortunate to have received so many ideas to think about so that your life will become filled with Joy. Reread Martie Coetser's comment and I am sure you gain some insight as to what life is all about. Izetti, I am 79 years old and is by the grace of God that I am able to say to you, God has answered your prayers you need only to regain your Faith in him. I wish you and your beautiful little girl all the happines in the world. God Bless!

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

cybersupe~ never expected so many thoughtful comments. Martie Coetser is amazing- I've been reading her hubs lately and identify with several. I guess you could say all these comments were an answered prayer. And thank you for stopping by too.

Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

Baring your soul like this has inspired varied responses, hasn't it? People who really want to discuss and not necessarily debate. Already your life has meaning!

I am working though The Artist's Way. It is an old book by Julia Cameron, with a daily writing practice. You might like it. You can obviously write! I find that it opens me to God in the way I can understand, because it opens me to God in me. Just a thought.


izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Vetalia~ yes it is easy to forget God when things are good. I guess I was feeling a bit "forsaken". I always felt like even in the bad times I could see where it would turn around but this time I've been given a life sentence to a chronic illness and I don't see the reason and this time a bad things has effected all areas of my life. Things are different for me so things became different between God and I too.

storytellersrus~ glad to see you. I wrote this purely for myself just to get it off my chest and never expected anybody would comment ot care what my relationship with God was like. The comments made this hub basically.

I got to the bookstore often and I always see "The Artists Way' out of the corner of my eye. Yes, I need to just pick it up already. Hugs back to you and thank you for reminding me about that book.

nlogan profile image

nlogan 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Izetti- My heart goes out to you that you have lost faith! I'm not here to convince you but I have learned thru the tough yrs-if I don't give my life to God totally I will be going thru many struggles. I used to be the person who only prays on sunday and at night before bed,,,, But my prayers were empty and I had no relationship with God. It's kinda like having a boyfriend, but you don't have sex with him,,,so really there is no connection right! --you can't see God if you don't know him personally and have a connection!

And life is kinda like karma, because if you lived a life full of pain and hurting people and doing whatever, eventually it catches up to you. For entance drug dealers seem to have the best life but the good people have the most troubles. God wants us to be able to testify and you can't unless you have been thru something. And eventually the drug dealers life catches up to him, and God punishes him. So sometimes we forget how much of a bad person we used to be, and when God punishes us we say he has given up on us, but really he is using you.

When you think its karma-its God, when you hear your mind say "don't do it" its God. When you are filled with happiness and joy- it's God.

He hasn't left you, he is waiting for you, and he likes to use the weak! He has great plans for you. Tonight I want you to test him! Ask him if he is real to fill you and come into your life again! I bet everything he will show himself to you!

Read 1Cor 1:27

He doesn't use the rich and the high and mighty.....And if you are going thru that much pain he wants you badly!

catherine74 profile image

catherine74 6 years ago from London

Wow!!! Some really touching comments on this hub. I guess that's why something like hubpages has become so popular.

In relation to this God argument...

We need to somehow seperate our personal understanding of God from the objective evidence of his existence. Improbable things happens to people everyday, some of these things on the face of it will seem miraculous... it might even be a miracle. But scientists will argue that if you have enough incidents of a particular event there is a high probability that you will witness the improbable. Improbable events (bad or good) cannot be used as arguements for the existence or none existence of God.

We need to look to science for possible answers for this conundrum. And science seems to suggest that there is indeed a God... or something that exists beyond this plane that somehow organizes and maintains complex organic systems.

Anyway great discussions. Hope to read more in the near future.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

catherine74~ I was really shocked by all the thoughtful comments on here. I wrote this on a whim and it really sparked some great conversations- I am thankful.

On your comment- an interesting and refreshing perspective with science and God in the same sentence. You don't see that too often. Miracles are improbable and also other improbable events would include tragic events that occurred for no reason as well as if struck by lightning. I think it is the balance or justice and reasons for things that I am looking for. Is it random or planned (by God)?

Lillee McLoflin profile image

Lillee McLoflin 6 years ago from Texas

I too went through some rough patches in my life. I think I learned a hard lesson during all of it. While I wanted God to tell me why He would do this to me, I had to realize He didn't do it TO me, just allowed it to happen. At my darkest, I can now see that those deep footprints that just seem to keep getting deeper is my struggle to hand it all over to Him and Him carrying me even when I fought. I think there are reasons you are feeling these things, reasons you may not figure out for awhile. But the simplest of these reasons could be to reach the many people who have found this hub and in turn had to look at their own faith and evaluate. In my case, reading this hub reminded me to be thankful to God for bringing me out of my dark place. I hope you have one of those moments soon. But if not, He knows your heart, and while you may use the words "God dropped me," the fact that you know He was carrying you speaks volumes. You have a gift of story-telling and getting a response out of people. I hope you continue to use this gift not only for yourself, but for the next group of people who hearts will be touched.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Lillee~ I really enjoy your thoughtful comments. This hub was hard for me to put out there, but I'm glad I did. Your comment was beautifully written and touching to read. THank you for that.

Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 6 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

I'm glad you had the audacity to post this! Your post made me think of this one quote from a saint (I think it was Catherine of Siena, but I haven't been able to find it yet) in which she comments something akin to why does God treat his friends so poorly. Coming from someone who is renowned for her saintliness, I thought that was pretty much on the spot. I've always been humbled to read about people going through a really dark time and still struggling to believe in God. I think my most memorable one came from reading about a Jew who survived the Holocaust. At first, she stopped praying but after a while, she started back up again because she figured God needed a friend. I don't know what to think about that, except to think of the psalms and poems I've read and say that faith isn't always the obvious choice. And of course, thinking more thoughts on that and coming to no new conclusions yet. Thanks again for the post!

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

elefanza~ I've been reading and responding to your thoughtful comments and I can't wait to read your hubs. Yes, this was a changing hub for me. It was the first time I wrote extremely personal on hubpages. I absolutely believe in God, it is just a hard time for me because last time I had an equally rough time, I felt God sent me signs and pulled me out or showed me a way out, but this time I'm lost about my situation. Glad you got to read this and I am also glad to read your comment and I understand your example. It is very inspirational.

Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 6 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

I'm sorry to hear about it being such a difficult time. To believe in God and never see him seem to care during such a time....well, I don't know that I can find the right words to fit with this experience (but I could easily recommend a book that does :)). But I am again grateful for your candor. And I sincerely hope you discover those unexpected moments in which you can laugh and rejoice even in the struggle and frustration. Because if there is only one set of footprints, then God should do stand up comedy at the end of time. :)

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

elefanza~ I love your comments. You really have a way with words. I've onyl had achance to read a couple of your hubs but I plan on reading the rest soon. You seem like such a beautiful person. Ironically, I've made a couple of great supportive friends in this comment section- themanwithnopants and martiecoetser. Others too were very inspirational and somehow after I worte this I began writing more and more and I'm getting happy. It was also good for me recently to explain my faith in my recent hub, Explaining God to an Atheist. God doing stand up comedy- I like that! Made me smile- thanks! Writing this I really had no idea anybody would really read it and to know people were concerned was uplifting.

rafken profile image

rafken 6 years ago from The worlds my oyster

Izetti. You said that earlier God proved to you that he existed. Proof is proof, so how can you, now, not believe.

That aside, I can imagine how you feel.

Life is a test. It is not how many times we are knocked down or even held down. It is how many times we get back up, and where we finish (on our feet, I hope) that matters.

God is supposed to be inside of all of us, your baby included. Lets hope and believe that he is carrying your baby and expecting you to walk by his side.

Trust and believe in God. If he exists, good. If he doesn't, then it won't of hurt anyway.

Pray but trust in yourself. We all have inbred into us the ability to survive. Trust in yourself, and God, and eventually one of you, will pull you through.

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

rafken~ yes you are right and I have ultimately seen this lately. I can't contradict myself. I spent a long time ifnding God and it would not have been right to give up so easily. I had just never experienced so much stress and ill health overwhleming me in every aspect of my life. Every plan I'd made had been taken away, but now I see a new path ahead of me, maybe better. I still have to overcome pain from my illness (Rheumatoid Arthritis), but I had one thing keeping me going. My light at the end of the tunnel was that my daughter is so healthy and vibrant. I thank God for that.

I am doing better, largely because of the comments made here and reminding me why I chose the path with God so many years ago. I've met some wonderful friends from the comment section that have changed my life.

Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 6 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

Yeah for people! I'm glad you have found such an encouraging community! People can be quite amazing at times and I'm stoked that you get to discover that again despite everything. Hope the new road is going well. :)

izettl profile image

izettl 6 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Elefanza~ Great to see you. I was actually thinking of you and that I need to get over to your hubs soon. I've been doing more writing than reading lately.

I've been a hub pages member for a while and had stopped writing for several months, but came back to it and spontaneously wrote this hub. I could not believe so many people actually cared. I thought i was putting this hub out to get lost in cyberspace, but I had some reflecting and maturing to do in my faith and have done so recently.

Thanks for visiting!

macrobin profile image

macrobin 5 years ago from Amarillo, Texas

Izetti, I just joined here yesterday. I stumbled on your hub and felt like you and I are twins separated at birth. From the day I was born, life has been one 'test' after another and by the time I was 33, I felt like I was a 'red headed stepchild' and God just flat out hated me and I didn't know why. I've thrown my temper tantrums and told people to not talk to me about God but in the depths of my heart, I knew He was my 'real' Daddy and I wanted His love and closeness more than anything else in life. I am now 52 and I suffer with daily physical pain of which no one knows why. I don't know if it's RA but I know, regardless of what it is, I don't want medication that makes me loopy all the time. Some days are hard and some days are a little easier. As I was looking over all of the replies here, I am listening to Pandora and the song 'Footprints In The Sand' by Leona Lewis started playing. I don't believe in coincidences so I know that song is for you. I just started posting hubs on here and I hope that maybe one or more of them can somehow encourage you when you have bad days. I put some of my testimony on my profile so maybe you can identify with some of the junk I've endured. I'm here for you as a friend if you need one. We're both going through this 'test' together....((((hug))))

izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Thank you macrobin- that means a lot to me. God can seem miles away sometimes especially when pain is near all the time.

Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 5 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

izettl: Here is some food for though for you. You state that you feel that God tests us and Lucifer tempts us.

God is a God of love, he loves us unconditionally. Since His love is unconditional and without reservation, what purpose would be served in His testing us as you seem to think? My thoughts on this is that test or tempt, it comes from Lucifer, he is the only one to benefit if or when we stumble. Think about this please.

izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Dave Matthews~ I completely understand what you are saying and it's a good point- one I haven't heard actually. Since writing this several months ago, I thought about it a lot and your point only reassures me I'm on the right track now with my faith. Thank you for caring enough to leave a thoughtful comment.

ekenzy profile image

ekenzy 5 years ago

God is the only believed thing that is almighty and can never be played with.

izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

ekenzy~ sometimes I need reminded of that- thank you.

jeanine 5 years ago

If I had never stumbled... I would have missed the dance... if never tempted... would never know lust... of taking one more chance... If never brokenhearted... would not know the Balm that still heals me... if I did not know bondage... I would have missed how to live freely...

God creates us... then the most creative thing He could do... is leave it up to me... leave your life up to you...

izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Jeanine~ This hub is what got me writing. I was at a low point with my Rhemautoid Arthritis and just being diagnosed, along with the agonizing pain, I was doubting everything. I was doubting myself, God. Several of these comments on this hub really got me turn around, trust God, bounce back and be a better version of myself. I had always loved to write and yes I wrote hubs before this but only one every few months. I thought time and life is precious so I will do what I love and I love writing. Mostly I have to focus on what I can do, not what I can't.

"God creates us... then the most creative thing He could do... is leave it up to me... leave your life up to you..." This applies to everything I've been learning about myself and my faith. You somehow know what to say.

ladyjojo profile image

ladyjojo 5 years ago

Very nice hub!!

I think people forget that GOD helps those who help themselves. Cannot lay back, never pray, never worship and expect everything to be fine. Yet there are times he help the helpless who don't care about him.

That is why sometimes he sends us trials he wants us to LOOK UP to Him and yet some are so blind instead of they look up and say thank you LORD for my trials they mur mur like the israelites in Moses time.

We ought to praise and worship God everyday, in good times and bad times.

God has been so good to me i cannot complain i would be ungrateful what we all need is the right attitude to understand HIM, commune and fellowship with him more.

Ask for the sunday worshippers they ar pathetic only remember there is a GOD on sunday for about 2 hrs if so much.

PUT GOD FIRST and everything would fall into place for you ;)

Peace be unto you


izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

ladyjojo~ thank you for your inspirational words. I am so glad I wrote this hub because it has given me a direction with my faith.

Acdov profile image

Acdov 5 years ago from Liverpool , England

Hello, faith is something i can only find and give to myself in these times. If there is a god then he has a sick sence of humour. I myself cannot put my faith into something that has let me and the rest of the world down for so long, and is getting worse. Science proves what we are and were we come from. I suggest you take what faith you have left and put it back into yourself. Truth is, nobody looks after you in this life but you.

izettl profile image

izettl 5 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

Acdov~ I see your point of view. But others I love and care about have let me down, but I still have faith in them. Your last comment there is bascially saying, God helps those who helps themselves. I guess it all just depends on how you look at it and I appeciate your input.

independentwriter profile image

independentwriter 4 years ago from the Snowy Northeast

As usual, you have created another excellent hub. Life is tough, there is no way around that. The biggest thing to remember is that it rains on the righteous as well as the unrighteous. God knows where your at!

izettl profile image

izettl 4 years ago from The Great Northwest Author

indepentwriter~ this hub was probably the most influentioal one on me. A few people commenting on here changed the way I view God (as of a year or so ago when I wrote this). I was going through a tough time and have overcome (or learned to live with) some obstacles. I always appreciate comments on here and it reminds me where I've come from since I wrote this.

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