God is a Stoner

And then God Said "Let there be Kush"

Not many people realize that God was the first "pothead".

I was watching a reunion of Tommy Chong and Cheech Marin doing all their old comedy bits and the memories almost brought a tear to my eye. I've included some of those great songs at the end of this hub.

One of Tommy Chong's final bits (also include below) was the classic "God's a Stoner" assertion. It mad me laugh so much that I decide to create this hub.

Chong's correct. We are told in dozens of places in the bible that God smokes marijuana.

Is He not known as The Most High?

<< Mark 5:7 >>
He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God?

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In Genesis we see that God creates weed on the fourth day of creation and harvests his buds on the fifth. He gets baked on the sixth day as He ponders his "totally awesome creation" through red squinty eyes. Here's the scripture:

<< Genesis 1:11 >>
Then God said, "Let the land sprout with vegetation--every sort of seed-bearing plant, and trees that grow seed-bearing fruit. These seeds will then produce the kinds of plants and trees from which they came." And that is what happened.

<< Genesis 1:12 >>
The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.

<< Genesis 1:29 >>
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

<< Genesis 1:31 >>
God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning--the sixth day.

<< Genesis 2:3 >>
And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. BECAUSE HE WAS STONED.

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God gave Moses some good weed too. As were are told in scripture:

<< Acts 7:30 >>
"After forty years had passed, an angel appeared to Moses in the flames of a burning bush in the desert near Mount Sinai.

Moses was seeing angles! That must on been some good bush!

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Jesus is obviously another stoner. Just look at him. Would he get searched at the border coming back from Jamaica? Actually, being the Messiah and everything he could create whatever he wanted. Apparently he was into Honey Oil. Read below:

The ancient recipe for anointing oil, recorded in the Old Testament book of Exodus (30: 22-23) included over nine pounds of flowering cannabis tops, Hebrew "kaneh-bosm" *, extracted into a hind (about 6.5 litres) of olive oil, along with a variety of other herbs and spices. The ancient chosen ones were literally drenched in this potent cannabis holy oil.

From the time of Moses until that of the later prophet Samuel, the holy anointing oil was used by the shamanic Levite priesthood to receive the "revelations of the Lord". At the dawn of the age of Kings, Samuel extended the use of the anointing oil to the Hebraic monarchs by anointing Saul (and later David) as "Messiah-king". These kings lead their people with the benefit of insights achieved through using the holy anointing oil to become "possessed with the spirit of the Lord."

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The bible goes on and on with descriptions of High priest in High places, on High hills. Here's one final passage from High Scripture to make my point:

<< Isaiah 57:15 >>
The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: "I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.

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For those interested, I take a less tongue-in-cheek look at Jesus and Marijuana in this hub

-Peter.


Disclaimer:

God is not a stoner.  He is the almighty and I am going to be sorry for writing this hub because now I am going to hell.  So please don't kill me in the name of Allah.

More by this Author


Comments 13 comments

Whikat 5 years ago

LOL, So that explains all the strange visions and miracles in the bible! :P


David Stone profile image

David Stone 5 years ago from New York City

I think there is a possible misinterpretation here. I read it the God was the first pot pusher. But he was just being generous with his creation.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 5 years ago from Malaga, Spain

You have a weird style and some wacky ideas, but I enjoy reading your stuff, even if you are off the wall!

But I do agree that God never actually banned weed, and I have believing friends who 'fellowship' with it in Holland.


pjk_artist profile image

pjk_artist 5 years ago from Turkey Point, ON Author

I've been called weird and wacky before. My Jungian archetype is The Fool. I enjoy the process of finding "shocking" hub titles both to get the clicks and to then teach somebody a lesson or too. The fool's jokes always hide a wisdom that guides the King.

This silly hub has no lesson. Its just supposed to make you laugh. I give the credit to Tommy Chong who's comic observations caused the creation of this hub.


hanging out profile image

hanging out 5 years ago

the problem with a 'silly hub like this is' that instead of plucking people from an eternity apart from God you actually hasten some peoples gnashing of teeth. The difference between a parable and the rest of jesus talking is that the rest of jesus talking is straight forward and just the parables are in code and the reason for the parables is not to push your metaphoric stretches of reality completely off the scale of rational thinking but that the jews would not condemn themselves further. Kinda like someone not egging another person on into deeper trouble. I am sure you are very proud of your private interpretation but i assure you, it is not the god of the bibles way.


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 5 years ago from the bridge of sighs

Hmmm...What IS the god of the Bible's way?


pjk_artist profile image

pjk_artist 5 years ago from Turkey Point, ON Author

Dear hanging out,

I suppose that it was not altogether wise to create a hub in which I purposefully misinterpret biblical scripture for the purpose of humour when I try to get people to accept the assertion, in most of my hubs, that most people, including yourself, do greatly misinterpret biblical scripture.

No one can do anything to pluck you away from an eternity with God and the only teeth gnashing is done here on this earth. To think that this silly hub is going to lead some poor man astray, from the truth of God is ridiculous.

Priests have been egging people into deeper and deeper trouble for thousands of years with their literal misinterpretations of scripture. The authors of scripture would shed a tear if they saw to day what a mess learned religious leaders have made of the original message. If you think the "God of the bible" as any sort of being external to yourself then you are part of the mess and worship an unknown, false God.


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 5 years ago from the bridge of sighs

Well said,well spoken,well written

god is dead...Long live GOD!

Dean


Tusitala Tom profile image

Tusitala Tom 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

I must admit that your humor is not mine. Still, I will say "Thank God we live in a democracy where the 'Religionists' don't have absolute power." For if they did, you could be placed as Simon Rushkhee (wrong spelling I know) was when he upset the top man in Iran a decade or so back. He sicked the whole religion on the poor feller.

Some religious people have no sense of humor at all.


pjk_artist profile image

pjk_artist 5 years ago from Turkey Point, ON Author

Ah but that's the point Tom. Your humour is mine and mine yours and ours, God's.

Religious extremists with no sense of humour about God are just reflections of yourself.

God plays all the parts. You. Me. A doctor. A terrorist. A king. A poor man. etc.


eyehategod 5 years ago

if only it were true and the world were stoners...how peaceful things would be


Naomi's Banner profile image

Naomi's Banner 5 years ago from United States

Jesus always taught in paribles and He and God have a wonderful sense of humor! I am sure they will not throw you into hell for writing this Hub! Very funny! I cool way to get the scripture out there.


Karma Jello 4 years ago

Haha, god is a stoner, that's why there's so much cannabis on earth. Whoever put the weed here is also caring:

http://karmajello.com/mind-spirit/cannabis/medical...

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