God is closer to you than you think...

God is as far from you as you are from yourSelf!
God is as far from you as you are from yourSelf!

This happens to be the 50th hub that is getting published. I felt that I must share a part of myself to commemorate this beautiful and fulfilling event. As I sat back and thought of what to share, one episode kept repeatedly arising in my heart. I took that as Swami’s message and decided to share it with all.

After that unforgettable day, 24th of April, 2011, life changed completely for me. I was not able to do any of my work. I was not able to keep cracking my usual wisecracks. I no longer felt the need to keep chatting and making people laugh - how could I when I myself was poverty-stricken in that respect? There were no smiles on my face nor was there laughter in my heart. The pain was so much that I did not even have the guts to go to the Sai Kulwant hall where the mortal remains of my beloved Swami had been buried.

In fact, I mentioned to my fiancée, Pooja (my wife now), that I would not be going to mandir (temple) any more! She was not surprised but she told me that Swami would miss me if I did not go. I told her that I would meet Swami daily in my workplace for, by His grace, my work involves seeing Him, hearing Him and writing about Him. And that was how life went on for two months after that. It surprises even me to think that there was a time, not long time back, when I used to spend at least 3 hours every day in mandir. Now, I was not even seeing the face of mandir.

It was on the July 2nd, as I was riding towards work, that I suddenly felt like going to the mandir in the morning. The bhajans were about to begin. My heart longed to go for the bhajans. My mind also came up with a reinforcing justification,

"You did not want to go the mandir because you felt that you would cry there. And the tears would be because of the memories that would come flooding by. You do not have many memories in the morning right? All of them are in the evening times. Maybe you should begin by going to mandir in the morning.”

Thus, I parked my bike and went for the bhajan session. But, within a few moments, as I saw the marble structure in front of me, I began to shed a few tears. Soon, I began to weep and one bhajan later, I was crying inconsolably. I just could not stop crying. I remembered the times when Swami had told me that the only thing I should do for Him was to love and be happy always. And now, I was letting Him down. Ironically, that thought made me cry even more!

Once the bhajan session concluded, I moved to my workplace. I was so shaken with emotion and I just told Swami in my heart,

“I miss you so much!”

It was about 10am when my fiancée called me. She works a shift that ends at 11pm. So she sleeps quite late and rises at about 9:30am. I picked the phone.


“Hey listen, I called to tell you that I had Swami’s dream

“That is nice. (but my voice was still feeble)”

“Why are you still whining?”

“What do you mean ‘still whining’?”

“Ok listen. In the dream I could see you seated in the Kulwant hall mandir. Swami was sitting on the chair in front. There were people seated next to you, but it wasn't like the hall was packed! I think there were very few people and there was bhajan going on. He called you and you gave Him a letter and started shedding tears. He asked why you are sad. Then turning to someone next to Him, He made a pouting face while pointing to you. You managed a weak smile at that. He patted your right cheek, gave you a sweet and told you that He was always with you and that you should not cry.”

As I heard this, I was dumbstruck. She continued.

“And now again you are sounding sad. That is why I asked you so.”

“Did you get this dream today morning?”

“I woke up with this dream about half an hour ago.”


“What sort of a question is that? Really!”

“Because, I was in Kulwant hall, half an hour ago. I went for bhajans and was crying because I was missing Him.”

“You told me you would never go to mandir….”

“Correct. But today morning I felt like going.”

“Did you go to bhajan today morning.”

“I just came to work straight from bhajans half an hour ago.”


“What sort of a question is that? Really!”

Both of us fell silent. Suddenly there seemed another being listening to us, grasping us in His love and feeling happy at the joy that was sprouting in our hearts.

"Your Bliss is My Food." The ABC of life is to Always Be Cheerful
"Your Bliss is My Food." The ABC of life is to Always Be Cheerful

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© 2011 Aravind Balasubramanya

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Comments 33 comments

Prashanti Gurung 5 months ago

Whenever I start singing bhajan or think of baba automatically tears comes in my eyes And I began to cry

Munishkumar 2 years ago

Ohh... sairam brother how wonderful //Suddenly there seemed another being listening to us// Jai sairam...!

Chaitra 2 years ago

Sai Ram ..

I've been following ur blog brother..and twice I've had dreams abt swami d day I read ur articles on vibhuti manifestations..I never had d opportunity to see swami in physical form..yet he has always told me that he's Der for me..always.. I've loved ur articles..and ur book is really good.. Thank u for sharing these amazing stories.. Thank u :-)

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aravindb1982 4 years ago from Puttaparthi, India Author

@KLW - Glad that you liked it! :)

Thank you for stopping by and maybe you will read more here... :)

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kathy little wolf 4 years ago from Dusty Trails, Arkansas

oh! I really enjoyed this!! Thank you so much for sharing! KLW

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aravindb1982 4 years ago from Puttaparthi, India Author

I strongly believe in God's words - If you need me, you deserve me. We should need Swami just like a drowning man needs air. HE WILL MANIFEST!

Sai Santosh 4 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Sairam

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Mark Aspa 4 years ago from Berlin, Germany

very very moving...beautiful....thank you

deepa venkitesh 5 years ago

i cried along with you and felt the joy too.

Veekay 5 years ago

Sairam Bro..I can't control my tears ! What a wonderful experience ! Thanks for sharing bro.

Pooja 5 years ago

There is nothing that He does without a reason. We are too tiny to grasp the entire picture. Swami blessed us with the form and we should be grateful for those memories.Faith in God is not just about seeing what is in front of us,but feeling His presence in our every breath.He is always with each and everyone of us and we must dwell in the joy of being so close to Him always.

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poornimasrinath 5 years ago from Midrand, Johannesburg, RSA

To whom much is given, much is expected...you were blessed with His physical proximity in abundance so that you will write about the sweetness of Swami for years to come. I am sure it would have been difficult for you to settle after swami's passing away. Compasionate that He is, indicated it strongly thro' the special person in your life so that you can recoup yourself at the earliest!... :)

sreenidhi sivakumar 5 years ago

a beautiful incident indeed and an amazing lesson taught to me by swami through you,anna......jai jai sairam

Dharma 5 years ago

"Was Baba living because He had the body or was He dead because He lefy it?

No. Baba is ever alive, for He transcends both life and death.

He who loved Him whole-heartedly gets response from Him, at ant time at any place.

He is always by our side and will take any form and appear before the devout Bhakta and satisfy him."

Sri Sai Satcharita; Chapter xxx11; page 179- 18th Edition-1999.

This, I believe applies to both Shiradi Sai Baba and Sathia Sai Baba. Anyway that is my belief.

Jayanthi Iyer 5 years ago

Speechless Arvind.Pouring out the feelings of millions of people who are missing HIM soooooooooo much.It's a wonderful blessings for both of you.

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aravindb1982 5 years ago from Puttaparthi, India Author

@ Kumar - She does not work in Parthi. Swami will give everyone the perfect panacea - He always does!

@ Arpita and Maya - Very correct! Swami is always by our side, loving us and inspiring us to become Him.

@ Ramzan - The BHagawatham has said that in whatever way we think of God, we attain Him. What matters is that we think of Him.....

Kumar 5 years ago

No words, only feelings, emotions left. Who is your employer Radio Sai and where does your partner work, Shopping complex, just curious ?. Aravind, you got a skill, and you are putting into words, what about many others,heart are bleeding uncontrollably and getting mad out of emotions. Swamy freed himself from one body to reside in many. You knocked his door in mandir and he knocked your partner's door in dream, love saga.Love you all.

Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

Too much attachment to the physical form. God is not a body and neither are we. When we cry over a body we are exhibiting our attachment to the physical form. Every time we identify with the body we are reinforcing the illusion that that the ego makes up for us. No need for tears when you realise that there is no separation only the separation we make up in our heads!

maya 5 years ago

My eyes are full of tears. Again i recognize how much I miss His beautiful physical form, O God I really miss You!

On the other hand, even this sad feeling bring me close to Him.

Arpita Mallajosyula 5 years ago

Lovely experience anna...!! it is just soo touching....Swami has assured you in the best possible way that ur agony for even a second matters soo much to HIM...just a small suggestion i wld like to give you....hope u wldnt mind that..next time whenever u sit in da Kulwant Hall n u find tears of agony coming out of your eyes...just close ur eyes recollect this dream..open ur eyes visualise the same dream that u r actually going up 2 Swami and HE is telling u nt 2 cry, patting u on ur cheeks, etc....i really think then u will b able 2 convert that sad moment into a happy one...i told u dis coz it works wid me...i have not even had at least one close physical Drashan of HIS in the all these years...not even one...and so sometimes i keep day-dreaming that next time when i go 2 Parthi Swami will come n give me JUST ONE GOOD VERY CLOSE DARSHAN OF HIS....just a close Darshan...but i suddenly wake up 2 realise the hard n very harsh truth that Swami isn't there in HIS physical form any more...and i cry worser than a baby....and then it is like HE tells me from inside to meditate upon those wonderful dreams HE has given me where HE gave me EVERYTHING i wanted....i jus recollect that one dream of mine where Swami put both HIS hands on my cheeks and looked straight into my eyes and told me "SWAMI IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU"......and that soothes me down..do this imagining thing anna im sure it will work...!! neways thnx 4 da lovely experience u shared...and i pray Swami should make u rite more n more such hubs...have a gud day..sairam..!!

Ramzan Ali 5 years ago

Hi Barru.. you have articulated all of our feelings, the type of agony and anguish we went through after that unforgettable day.. Luv you Swami.. we miss you at every walk of our life.

gita Kalyanaraman 5 years ago

opened up the wound,but that's a part of healing and theres no escape from it.

Shruti 5 years ago


C.Rakkiyappan 5 years ago

Really tears are rolling down anna.Missing Swami anna..

aravindb1982 profile image

aravindb1982 5 years ago from Puttaparthi, India Author

@ Spirit Whisperer: Totally agree with you. Forget the past is a powerful mantra. But do not forget the lessons of the past. Just trying to relive the lessons of the past and not the past!

I do not want to cry at all! That is what He always wanted me to do! Am trying! and trying......

Spirit Whisperer profile image

Spirit Whisperer 5 years ago from Isle of Man

The past is the past there is only now and our future is created by what we think and do now. By continuously bring up the past and sadness then that is the future that you are attracting to yourself. "Why fear when I am near." are Swami's words that come to me now as I write this comment. If you want to cry why not cry for all those who never had the opportunity that you had to be so close to God.

Sai Jahnavi 5 years ago

Tears just rolling down as I read this.. Thank you brother Aravind. Sai Ram

saisudha 5 years ago

lovely article.swami blessed you both.Be Happy always.

Aarthi 5 years ago

Straight from the heart! Beautiful! :) Swami's with you all the time. Just tune in to Him. That's all.

SUDHIR - SSUHL 5 years ago

Brother your articles are bringing recognizable positive changes in me, & swami really we miss you

vaishnavi nagaraja rao 5 years ago

swami's love just can't be expressed by words

Barbara Joy Mullen 5 years ago

Such is our Beloved Swami! Om Sai Ram!

nagendra 5 years ago

no matter what we do, what we are, swami is always with us brother.

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