Hell Raisers

It brings me great pain to admit my collosial error over the last year here on hubpages. In fact, this mistake goes back over four years and possibly my entire life. I sincerely hope that god will obsolve me of this unforgivable blunder as it appears that I have done a great diservice for him and his church. This error is so great that I should get on with deleting every hub written so far. See, it has come to my attention that so many churches out there cannot all be wrong about the essential doctrines of god. This is especially true about eternal hell. Oh god, please accept my appologies. How could I have been so wrong. Hell is real. And I have learned that approximately 125,000 people go there each day. Please don't let me be one of them. It must be really hot down there. But why are so many going to this eternal barbacue pit? It is due to the crimes of those who call themselves christians. They will of course, reap the benefits of eternal happiness in the clouds while billions physically burn with complete nervous systems but no way of burning up. And what is the crime of god's beloved Christians?

They insist on telling the masses about jesus, making those people eligible for hell. See, if those poor Africans and Aborigines never hear about jesus, they go directly to heaven at death because they were never warned. Why do missionaries perform such a wicked diservice to the pagans of the world by telling them about jesus? The church has made it clear that those who never hear will be taken care of. And of course, children go to heaven because they can never do wrong. So why, Christians? Let them all pound their drums, dance with tree leaf suits and when it rains, allow them to thank their pagan gods. At least they will go to heaven because they were never told about jesus. What are ya? Selfish?!!

Again, I repent of my non belief of church doctrines. They are the truth because 2 billion people say so. And I have been warned, so there is no choice. I must accept the truths of:

Eternal Hell

Free Will

The Trinity

The Rapture

Lucifer Devil

Church Tithing (Boy, I gots some back payments to make up.)

Immortal Soul

Young Earth

Global Flood

And of course, christ was made to be the very sin that all of the world is guilty of.

Now, some will aggressively attack me because the bible (especially the original scriptures) don't teach any of those doctrines listed above. In fact it teaches a different gospel all together than what the organized churches teach. Well pardon me for my self righteous comments but, maybe the writers of the bible should have gone to church and stopped adding and subtracting from the word of Christianity. In reading the bible, it is clear that they never attended church like they were supposed to. Let's check just a few examples:

The bible denies eternal hell.

John 1:29 Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world.

No he doesn't. We are given a free will to accept jesus or burn.

John 4:42 . . .For we have heard Him ourselves and know that this is truly the Christ, the Savior of the world.

Now that's just a wicked lie. he will do no such thing. No real church building preacher says that. And they must be right because there are so many of them.

The bible denies that we have free will.

Jer. 10:23 . . . . .I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps.

Once again, they lie. We direct our own free will steps because the church says that we can't use God's purpose as an excuse. I know the bible never says anything about excuses but that won't save the writers from the fire.

Rom. 3:11 "the goodness of God leads you to repentance"

Oh, so it's God that led you to change that old ladies tire on the side of the road? No, us real Christians know that it is our free will that we used to decide on helping out. Because we're better than you. god has nothing to do with our good works.

John 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you.

Hope you bible writers packed a lot of sun block 10 billion because if you don't think you can choose god on your own, it's gonna be an eternal magma bath.

The bible denies the trinity:

John 19:39 I and the Father, We are One.

Excuse me bible writers, but you forgot about the holy spirit there.

John 16:27-28 . . .. I came out from God. I came out from the Father. . . .

Which one of them is the holy spirit?

Eph. 1:17 . . .that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father. . . .

Oh, it appears that the holy spirit is never called the Father or God anywhere in the bible. You people must have never gone to church. They have asserted that god exists in three eternal persons: god the father, god the son and god the holy spirit.

Darn good thing that the Catholic church decided to fix the trinity doctrine into the bible in about the 15th century with this:

1 John 5:7-8 And the spirit it is which is testifying, for the spirit is the truth, seeing that three there are that are testifying, the father, son and the holy ghost: and these three are one.

These are all essential doctrines of the church and cannot be denied. The reason that the bible teaches a whole different gospel is because they never even went to church. They couldn't even find correct wording to show that the saved go to heaven forever and the damned will burn forever. They used terms that mean only for a time. Had they gone to church like they were supposed to, they would have been witty enough to: First, create scriptures for a dungeon of torture in the after life called hell. Second, they would say that the torture would never come to an end because obviously, there was no word back then for eternity. Thank god for the King James Bible correcting some of the mistakes in the originals. But why bother, the scriptures are a hoax and go against the all mighty words of the many varieties of Christian churches.

So we can assume that churches back then were the same as today and taught all of those essential doctrines. But those writers of that day were probably warned by those who attended church. So, at this moment, I'm sorry to say, they are surely being barbecued in some eternal dungeon of fire, or at the very least, taking a bath in liquid hot magma inside of the earth. And this is all because:

The church holes would not keep their gargantuine spit factories closed about jesus, splitting hell wide open with poor souls daily. Please Christians, listen to your church teachings about heaven and hell. If you don't tell people the truths, they cannot be expected to know them. Therefore, they will be sitting with you on fluffy white clouds playing harps with the angels. And what constitutes telling of jesus? Well, when someone cuts you off in traffic, don't yell out jesus christ!!, unless you want them to go to hell. Assume that no one around you has heard your church given truths, or even the name jesus christ. And stay out of those pagan jungles and deserts. You are saving nobody. You are only handing them a live grenade, of which if they fail to put the pin back in it with their own free will, they will be blown straight to hell.

In closing, keep your hearts closed and set on gurchd (that's god and church in one word). Do not question the teachings of gurchd. In other words, stay gurchd. But most importantly, and this is for we who want others to be saved. Mind your own beeswax and stop openning up the bowels of hell for those who have never heard.

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Comments 8 comments

Drakoras profile image

Drakoras 6 years ago from San Diego

Bravo.


Hoff 6 years ago

Heil gurch!


roy d profile image

roy d 6 years ago

Hell No, I want you to know I'm with you all the way.The sweetest sarcasm I've ever seen. Only a warrior of the truthful word can put it like you just did.


LoveSoftly profile image

LoveSoftly 6 years ago

I have to second roy d's words, Hell NO! You da man!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Who said I'm being sarcastic? Ha ha!!

Thanks for the wonderful comments.


babylon_is_fallen 6 years ago

Shooo... you had me going for a while there... I was worried you might be crawling back to the darkside... Lol.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Interesting thoughts and fine sarcasm! Thanks for sharing

Love and peace

Tony


Lilred 5 years ago

You go, Hell NO! AWESOME!

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