Horoscopes, and why you should throw them in the Bin.
For many thousands of years, in fact ever since man decided to tilt his head upwards and ponder what the hell was going on up there, we've turned to the stars for answers to life's all important questions. Questions like; "what is the meaning of life?" And "When will Mansfield Stags have a good game?" Of course the answer to the latter question is; Never.
It is true that there are identifiable patterns if you follow the stars, such as Leo the Lion, and by looking upwards you can learn a lot. But there is one thing that stars cannot tell you, your goddamn future.
However this doesn't stop people claiming that the future, for you, and everyone can be predicted by checking the alignment of the cosmos.
Okay, so you want to know why you can't tell the future from the stars? Well, when it's night, go outside and look upwards at them. Can you see anything? Anything at all? Do they tell you anything? Hell do you even feel a little different? I didn't think so.
The stars, and all matter in fact, was supposedly created by an almighty expansion of Dark matter well over 15 Billion years ago. This includes the stars. The universe is still expanding too, and as a result all stars, planets and galaxies are travelling at incredible speeds away from each other.
What does this mean? Well, if this alignment has taken over 15 Billion Years to actually be how it is today, what do you really think are the chances that they've come together to tell you that you're going to find something precious to you today? Or that "Red is your lucky color today!" They are extremely remote, at best. So stop being silly and thinking the universe revolves around you, it doesn't. (Unless you're a massive explosion that created all matter, which the chances are that you're not)
But wait, there's more. Let's say, hypothetically of course, you can predict from the stars. How? Seriously, how do you even know where to begin? There are trillions of the buggers, so where exactly does it read "You're lucky number is 12, Ryan". But apparently, it doesn't just tell me my future, it tells EVERYONE their futures. Me, you, even the bloke with the dog that barks a lot at number 42.
This is ridiculous though. It's a star. An inanimate ball of flaming gas several light years away, it cannot talk, or send messages. It probably doesn't even have Myspace yet.
The real reason you listen.
Today, my horoscope is "Less is more should be your motto for today, Leo. The more you cut back in certain areas of your life, the more room you open up to bring in new and exciting things. Go ahead and say no to people, and don't feel badly about it. Take care of yourself and your needs as much as you take care of the needs of the people around you"
Okay, I'll admit, that reigns some truth in my life. Perhaps less is more. Perhaps I do need to take my own needs into account, but there is no way on Earth (or even space) that the stars just so happened to align themselves after billions of years simply to tell me this Not a chance.
But it's so easy to make you believe it's true. So today dear reader "You're feeling unsure about something. Perhaps you need to take some time out of your day to think about what you want, and where your life is headed before making any quick decisions."
And I just made that up. It might not mean anything to you, but by the same token, it might.
By using a series of open statements that could mean anything, you're willing to believe it's true. Everyone has something that might be bugging them, so these 'psychics' play on it, and make you think about it yourself and put in the missing pieces.
It's the equivalent of some paranormal medium walking around a room shouting "I'm getting the letter J, does anyone have a name beginning with J in their family?" It's just crap. If the 'spirits' could communicate, they'd tell them everything they needed to know, not play a game of Hangman with the audience.
And that my friend, is why you should bin your horoscope.
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