I Am an A/FA Alcoholic Food Addict

I Am an Alcoholic/Food Addict

I am an alcoholic/food addict. From now on I’ll refer to my disease as AFA. I have been through the steps 12 x 12.I am a life member of Overeater’s Anonymous more times than there are letters in the phrase. Weight Watchers, should film a commercial about me, as the only person to join the group and actually gain weight. I may even start a business, how about “Weight Gainers”? Funny thing about keeping secrets. When you admit the secret, it's not so big anymore.

So I met this guy, who knows me better than I know myself. See, He created me. Some people call Him God, I call Him Pops, or Poppa God. Poppa is one of those people who yells at you 24/7,in ways that only a lover can. His whisper is a train barreling down the highball at ninety miles an hour. His whistle screams," I... Love...You..." The problem is that the only time you are able to hear Him is when you quit complaining about YOUR issues and listen to HIS gifts. You see, the screams are tiny. The yelling is gentle. The words are wind wisps prancing through autumn trees. You can only hear Pops when you take time say "Thanks for loving me".

"Pops", how is it that you can love someone who keeps trying to run away from you?"

"Listen, you...." I heard. That was strange because I had never 'heard' before. I had been busy in conversation with the most important person in the world. ME!

"Let's get some things straight. I have already forgiven you. Kids do stupid things all the time. It doesn't mean I can't love 'em. What's the payoff in that? I'd rather fool around with a broken Abundant Old Soul than a High falutin' yahoo of a know it all. Besides. I know everything already, so you don't need to."

Now my interest was piqued. "You mean my success is not all up to me?"

Well, I didn't say that." came the cardinal song from the tree. "I provide the inspiration, you provide the perspiration. I gift you with the dedication, you accomplish the remediation."

He had me on the hook. "Pops, what's the remediation? Don't tell me you just needed a rhyme. You INVENTED words."

"Hey Kiddo, what does remediation mean? To change. To get better. To accept correction"

"Poppa, are you saying I have to say 'I'm sorry cause I screwed up? I accept your forgiveness?" I was talking out loud by this point.

"My dear, dear son, I wouldn't use screw up. You don't even know which end of the screwdriver to use. I would say, 'I made a mistake' and leave it at that."

"Ok. I made a mistake, Pops. Sorry. Are you going to punish me?" I was suddenly feeling a little more hopeful.

"For what? Being a human? I already forgave you for all the stuff you have already done, and guess what? You got the coupon that says 'get out of jail free', for all the stuff you are going to do! Good deal, eh? Just say 'I accept'.

Needless to say, so I won't. I shouted "I ACCEPT!"

Thus, I have admitted that I am AFA. I have given my life to God, and guess what, He said, “I love you, and no matter what YOU think, what I think is all that matters. I think you are lovable and I think you are worthy. I love you just because. That's good enough for me. Wake up because the coffee's burning and it smells good. Sweet, like the love I have for all My children. Even the ones who don't realize I'm their Father, too. I am holding you in the palm of My hand because when I make a promise, I keep a promise. You see, my dear one, I needed an example of someone who could overcome and finally realize that even when you don't love me, I love YOU! Don't ask questions, just know that I love you."

When I finally heard the whisper shouting in my ear, I was transformed. Of course I have problems with food. But I also have a poppa who loves me and accepts me for who I am. Amazing. He Loves ME!

I decided to go for a walk and talk to my Pops some more. When you get to know someone really cool, you want to be around them. Sometimes talking to your poppa is the best way to get everything off your chest. Here is a snippet of what we talked about.

"Pops, " I said, "Thanks a lot for being more patient with me than I ever have been with myself. You were right all along. The reason you love me is because I am ME. Knowing that there will never be another Me has gotten me thinking about what that really means. I guess I better start telling people about you, right? Maybe I should tell people that even in despair, you are there, in the air, in your hair, not over there, or even where...."

Before I could finish, Poppa God stopped me. "Hey, you... Emily Dickinson you're not. Just say thanks and enjoy the birds. I have a lot of people to watch today, and if you keep crying, you'll miss all the gifts I have given to You. I love you"

I kept crying, but I saw the gifts more clearly than I had ever seen anything before.

"Hey Pops,I love you too. Thanks."