If You Had to Choose Your New Minister from the Bible, Who Would It Be?

A List Directly from Scripture...*

Let's say your minister left your church and your board advertised for some possible candidates to take his/her place. You'd want them to be spiritual, of course, and good with people. Perhaps they might emulate a favorite Bible teacher? With that in mind, if you were to pick your new minister from the Bible, who would you choose? After all, there are some mighty fine characters among those old sages. Shall we give it a go?

Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods. So, we'll keep looking.

: Top of the list, right? But, seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he's single. Has a messiah complex. May die young.

Prone to unrealistic building projects. Has way too many pets.

A big thinker but a braggart. Believes in dream interpreting, and has a prison record. Had been accused of adultery. Might be seen as a bit woo-woo.

A modest and meek man but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Pastoral counseling would probably be off the table.

: Complains a lot. Rotten luck, too.

The most promising leader of all until we discovered his affair with his neighbor's wife. His kids are out of control. Believes in giant people roaming the land. Says he even killed one. Scary.

Great preacher but too many wives. Good with building projects though. Rather extravagant--materialist, actually.

 Prone to depression. Collapses under pressure. Spends too much time in wilderness. Loner. No wife that we know of. You'd have to watch the kids.

Hair is way too long. Would probably collapse if it was cut. Kind of a hippy.

Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. Known to pout when things don't go his way. Big fish, eh?

: Says he's a Baptist but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept outdoors for months on end. Has a weird diet. Provokes denominational leaders. Is too social and political minded. Offends politicians and is
 known to lose his head on occasion.

Too blue collar. Has a bad temper. Has even been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Probably speaks in tongues. Claims to have visions.

Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. Controversial on women's issues. Admits to speaking in tongues. Has recommended young men to drink wine. Little chance that he will ever marry.

Too young.

Too old. WAY too old.

Good government references. Knows how to handle money. Knows what’s secretly going on among the people. Now he’s a possibility.

As you can see, the guys in the Bible, fun as they are, would more than likely come up short in your search for a new minister. Best to keep it simple. Hire local.

* This list has been attributed to several sources both on and off the Web, so if you know who created it originally, let me know. I have edited it to my own tastes for this post.

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