In the beginning - Gods first operating systems

This hub has sprung out off a forum conversation that turned a little bizarre, however it sparked this concept for a hub and as I'm normally deadly serious about God, I thought it was time to use a more humorous method of bring the truth to a dying world, and hopefully amusing you also!

Commandments ver 1.00

When God first created the earth and put us humans on it, He decided to give us an operating system equal to His own, but with smaller ram, because we would only need to run a small planet somewhere out these in a corner of one of His universes, whereas He was running....well everything!

The first beta version was immediately corrupted when Gods main rival, a former data controller, managed to get the people it was installed in to disable their firewalls and turn of virus protection, so that he (Satan) could try and clone the source codes for his own use.

Fortunately God spotted the problem before the source codes could be copied and disconnected the direct line into His headquarters mainframe server so that if they became further corrupted (and He knew they would) there was no way for the hacker to get inside Gods own systems.

Time passed and God saw that most of the people who had His system had become mightily corrupted and were full of stuff that was never supposed to be in memory.

One day He realised that He needed to erase most of the units out there, as the infection was so deep and complete that no virus checker could clean them up.


Some people believe He only wiped some sections of the hard drive...
Some people believe He only wiped some sections of the hard drive...

He could only find eight people with uncorrupted systems, so He put them into a secure sector on an external hard drive, with backups of everything they needed for the future, then wiped the main hard drive clean and reconfigured it.

The new issue stayed clean for a long while, but as corruption crept back in (for the hackers were still trying to gain access) the people started to have much reduced useful operating times, until eventually their useful life was so short God needed to create a new operating system that contained many more features than His earlier versions.

He decided to call this one Commandment ver 1.00.

Gods first release was supposed to be only one operating system, however when he asked His then chief programmer whether he wanted a new system, Moses answered 'How much will it cost me?' , 'Nothing' said God, and Moses replied "OK I'll take ten"

The two zeros after the one was to signify that He did not expect to need to issue any upgrades or different versions. It was relatively hacker proof and He gave it to specially trained operators who were to administrate His system on behalf of the users.

Unfortunately, like all administrative managements, they decided to expand the system and their power base, so that after 400 years had created over 600 rules from the original 10, and turned one tablet of simple instructions into 455 books of operating manual. It was so detailed that just loading the application meant the people took ages to open at all, and when they did manage to get operating , they were so slow that most gave up trying to speak to head office and relied upon the specialist to send them newsletters and twitters about what God wanted them to do.

God had a much needed brainstorming session back in Heaven, and they made some decisions.

The biggest change that they intended to put into operation was to change the way that people interfaced with God (InfinityInc).

The specialist operators; SanhedrinSoft LLC who had been in charge of distributing the OS, had instead hijacked the whole system and as stated, written millions of line of new code which made the system almost impossible to live with or operate efficiently.

Virtually any command request was answered by a pop up window telling you that you could not do that which you wished to do. The online chat service center stopped being 24/7/365 and began to only function on special days and then charged fees for their services, as much as a dozen doves for even the simplest software problem to be examined.

God sent His own son down to earth to sort this matter out, and just to make it more fair God sent him undercover, disguised as a simple data programmer.

To be fair, God was not sneaking about spying on His distributors, He had told them in countless memos to watch out for the arrival of Gods top man, and left may clues as to where and when this software guru would appear.

Problem was that naturally they expected this wonderkin to arrive in the normal stretch limo that the head honchos of SanhedrinSoft favoured, so not surprisingly, they completely missed him when he slipped off the bus quietly and opened a repair shop in the back streets.

Nobody expected this, I mean the folks at SanhedrinSoft had become so used to controlling who had what in their rigs, that they never expected that someone who looked so insignificant, a sole operator with no research facilities even (that they could see) would begin to challenge them.

When Yeshua & Cº employed 12 programmers who between them had no experience whatsoever in software or hardware, who were in reality losers from the wrong part of town, SanghedrinSoft relaxed, but not for long, because Yeshua & Cº started going from town to town offering free software that was open source and needed no operating licence, verification, authentication, or even to download special software to ensure it was a genuine SanhedrinSoft version.

Even worse, the new software worked faster than any of their versions, and carried an eternal guarantee with full and free exchange facilities if it ever let you down.

Add to that the fact that you had a genuine 24/7/365 lifetime guaranteed full service chat service to skilled technicians, and even to God Himself if you wanted to deal direct.

People started to reconfigure their hard drives in droves...

Now SanhedrinSoft were worried!

Watch this space or register as a fan to see what happens next!

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8 comments

aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 4 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks Carl, though I realise that you, as a real coder, could have probably built in some better analogies that are beyond my simple WYSWYG capacities!

Good to see you here!

John


lone77star profile image

lone77star 4 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hilarious, John. Thanks for sharing this.

The SanhedrinSoft company missed a major bug in their messed up version. Those who have stretch limos in their eyes can't see the simplicity of humble code -- and humble code is lightning fast, efficient and effective. They'd never make the connection between turning the other cheek, forgiveness and humility. They wanted features and fluff -- "O/S bloat!" But all that does is blind the user from what's really going on.

Great analogy, John. Really a lot of fun.


innersmiff profile image

innersmiff 4 years ago from UK

Fabulous! The computer analogy makes more sense the longer time goes on.


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 4 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

The 'f' has consistently gotten me in trouble, I will seek and destroy the typo!

Thanks Wesman,

As a former proof reader/typesetter I am ashamed, mortified and was probably slightly spaced out when I wrote it!

At least that's my excuse, it was a flight of fancy on a whim!

... and thank you boyet dela paz, such praise is undeserved, but welcomed!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 4 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

This is really wonderful!!!! I've been doing that same sort of thing for a while,i.e., using computer speak in reference to the human mind/brain....but I've never gone so thorough as you have!!!!!

What's the old saying? Art imitates life? I don't think of computers as art...how about "modern science and technology seeks to mimic life!"

Oh we try so very hard to make machines that are increasingly similar to the human mind....and yet we still think we're so clever that no God could exist.

I spotted one tiny error that you may have missed, you just left off one "f" where you have "of" instead of "off."

Oh man....the mistakes I find years later in something I've published would horrify you.


boyet dela paz 4 years ago

perfect !, the analogies, Just perfect !


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 6 years ago from Malaga, Spain Author

Thanks, I noted a certain similarity in our writing styles, so it's not surprising we enjoy each others work!

BTW those lines came not from me, but from He that is in me!


Ken R. Abell profile image

Ken R. Abell 6 years ago from ON THE ROAD

This is great, man. It really speaks.

"Virtually any command request was answered by a pop up window telling you that you could not do that which you wished to do."

That explains legalism in terms that are easily related to by anyone who has ever used a computer. Good job.

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