His Mercy is greater than your sins
What the others may say in a sentence, took me all the following words and sentences and some kind of experience maybe.
As you know, our state of faith is not stable, we pass by moments of lack of faith that make us lose hope sometimes, commit sins, forget about death, feel desperate about forgiveness.... They are simply moments when Shaytan takes the best of us and makes us face our fears alone, taking away trust from our hearts and replacing it with weakness.
In moments like these, we search for an external help, for someone to tell us that things will go well, to show us the way to take, to help us find a solution for the problem that our lack of faith leaded us to.
The majority of time, we are never left alone. People are always here to help us, be it friends, neighbors, Imams or just listening to a lecture on youtube would help. The external energy that we search for a new beginning can often be offered Alhamdu Lillah. But let's not forget the moments when we are really alone, when we feel disappointed because those whom we expected to help us are not or no more there, or when feeling much disappointed about ourselves that we choose to deal with our state far from the others. Moments when we cannot find the source of energy we used to find.
Until here, I've been using the word "alone" referring to people. But if we talk about loneliness with its true meaning then "You're never alone however lonely you feel" there is always someone to hear us. And who can be a better listener than Allah? He doesn't only listen, He helps more than anyone else can do.
Now you may tell me that you are a sinner and the act you did, even if it is just a lack of faith without any bad consequence, is against His commandments. Right, but what about this :
[So flee to Allah, verily, I (Muhammad) am a plain warner to you from Him.] Quran 51:50
This verse combines fear and hope. You did wrong? You've to know that there is no refuge from His punishment. Wait! Did I just say "no refuge"? Sure, you can't escape His punishment, unless you flee to His Mercy.
Do you want more?
[Say: "O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah. for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.] Quran 39:53
[... and do not lose hope in the mercy of Allah. In fact, only the infidels lose hope in Allah‘s mercy.] Quran 12:87
I can't control it
Allah is the All-Forgiving, the Most Merciful, just repent!
Now, what does mean repentance? Regret? Yes that's it, but still something is missing in this definition. Feeling guilty is not enough. It is to never come back to the sin you did. You may regret something now, later on, you'll feel weak again, Shaytan will over come you and you come back to it.
"I can't control it." This is wrong! I am sorry, but this is why you have been called HUMAN. There are Angels (creatures without desires), Animals (creatures without brain, they can't think, they have no will against their desires) and Humans (You have desires, that's why you can't escape mistakes. But you have a brain too, that's why you are supposed to control your desires)
So believing that you can't get out of your sin and making of it a habit is totally wrong. If there is a person able to get you out of this, it will be YOU. You're the only one capable to decide to break the chain, to make the change and start a new life, a life of faith.
How much is Allah forgiving?
Talking about Allah's forgiveness is like asking "how many water molecules does the ocean contain?" Well, it is absolutely much greater than this. I just couldn't find the way to describe it.
So clearly, the Mercy of Allah is above what you can imagine. He forgives your sins even if they were mountains high, even if they were like the foam of the sea. Yet you don't have to forget His punishment, you don't have to forget that there are sins that can never be acceptable, I can cite associating partners with Allah.
Now if though you know all this, you couldn't find comfort to start again, here is a solution in the Hadith of Rasool Allah peace be upon him: "Fear Allah wherever you are, and follow up a bad deed with a good one and it will wipe it out, and behave well towards people."
Today, I'm not trying to give you the energy you're searching for to start a new beginning. I'm trying to help you find it within yourself. For that the next time you find no one around, know that Allah is always there. You sinned in His presence, but He will always be there for you. Don't let Shaytan beat you twice, first by making you sin, then by stealing your hope in Allah's forgiveness. The key is to trust Allah.
Even if you disobeyed Allah, His Mercy and Forgiveness are greater than your sins.
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