It's Time to Play, Are You Smarter Than a Heller?

Hal y'all doin? I's just wondrin what you people do for entertainment. Well, we's in the south like to attend church and chew tabacci while sittin on the porch with ma and smell the aroma of cow pastries. Heeee haaa!!

Aaahhh, let's cut the crap. I can't type or speak with a southern accent like Jeff Foxworthy. Funny I'd mention the commedian famous for telling redneck jokes. It really has nothing to do with our little game for the next couple of months. But the title somehow connects with this man. I don't know, something about a bunch of kids who know more than the grown ups invited to have their intelligence undermined. Was watching it one night when I had to go for some of my famous koolaid. See, they think some puppet speaking with an obnoxious falsetto voice is cute. Really, twas ridiculous. And they show these nitwits laughing. Not the kids though. I could tell they wanted to kill it. Well, good thing for remotes. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh yeah. We are going to play a little game to see if the common man/women is smarter than some orthodox hell teaching heretic? As in, who's smarter than a spiritual fetus? Can I change the title now? Nawww. A heller is a real term. I think it's in the dictionairy. Go check. I'll give a few definitions below.

1. If you walk around with a self righteous mug, but warn others of hell with your face of smug?? ? ?. ..You might be a heller.

2. If you are happy to be headed to paradice while most are headed for paravice????. . . . . . . . . . . You might be a heller!!

3. If your salvation feels complete while family members are headed for eternal heat? ? ? ?. . . . . . . .You might be a heller.

4. If yooooouuuuuu think that a god of love, will roast humanity while you watch from above? ? ? ??. . . . . . . . . .You might be a heller.

5. If yooooooouuuuuuu,, like to tell stories of your maker's eternal lovin, but warn of his enemies being cast in the oven????. . . . . . .You might be a heller!!!

6. If yoooooooooooouuuuuuuuu, , think children should be forced to watch church plays depicting the lost screaming in fire while others dressed in cute little demon costumes stab them and pretend to rip them apart? ? ? . . . . . .You might be a heller!!!

7. If yoooooooooooouuuuuu, , think that we are ready for a church revival where sermons are in the likes of famous historical theologian Jonathan Edwards who had people puking from his hellatious eternal hell heresy? ? ?. . . . . . . . . .You might be a heller!!!

8. And finally, if you teach your own children that to fear God means to fear hell?????. . . . . . . .

Sorry, You are a heller!!

Anyhow, those are the definitions that I found somewhere for the term, Heller!!

So, let's get started with the game. I have invited three hellers that I have met here on hubpages to act as a panel for questions asked to "YOU". And I invite, Christians, Mozlems, atheists, egnostics, more hellers, ect. (just not scientologists. Too weird for me.) I will ask a question that hellers are well equiped to answer and you will get first shot. But first, let me introduce our hellers:

1. Carrie Cake Cutter

2. Get Bent

3. No Clue

Now, it's important to remember, that you have to answer before one of the panel tries. Please don't attack CCC CB or NC. If you happen to say something scriptural, they will deny it and call you a cult member who follows Ray Smith or something. Just get used to it. So, first question:

What does the following bible verse mean and what is the context?

Psalm 9:17 The wicked shall be turned into hell (sheol), and all the nations that forget God.

The rest will take place in the comments section.

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Comments 169 comments

Learning Truth 6 years ago

I think it's a mistranslation and should read, the wicked shall return to the dust, or the unseen realm of hades.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Uuuummm excuse me? Do you hate the word of god that much? If we look at the bible index of orthox church words you'll see that hell is described as shooting fire and that this scripture is stating that they'll be so engulfed in fire that it'll be like they were turned into hell. god can turn you into what ever he wants.


Get Bent 6 years ago

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. Why did he give his son if there is no hell?


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Well, I guess I could have expected that. Nice comment No Clue. Remember, wait for the outsiders to comment first. Next bible verse:

Matt. 5:30

And if your right hand offend you, cut it off, and cast it from you: for it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be cast into hell (Gehenna).


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! I wasn't chosen to be on the heller panel. I wanna pass gas. I am a loyal follower of Judah's Daughter (where da hell is she by the way?). Let me be on the panel. I wanna go doo doo.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Ok Ok!! I'll let you on the panel. But I'm warning you JPG, you keep your comments tasteful and stop reminding us that Judah's Daughter thought that you were someone else and then deleted your post. I'm tired of hearing about it. Tell you what: You can comment on the very first verse and what Learning Truth said.

And no passing gas on this hub page!!


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Hey Learning Truth, you know what I think of your interpretation?

spspsppsssppsppspspsplllllllllllllllllspspspsspspspspspsp (ffaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!!)


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

What did I say JPG?!! I said no farting on my hubs. Do not return. I'm warning you. And very good No Clue. Again, the next bible verse is:

Matt. 5:30

And if your right hand offend you, cut it off, and cast it from you: for it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish, and not that your whole body should be cast into hell (Gehenna).

What!! Does!! It!! Mean?!!


Church Lady 6 years ago

You know what? I's thinkin bout that one da other day. Is we sposed to cut off our body parts to keep from sinnin. I always talk to the childrens bout the love of god and how we gonna live in heaven forever. Don't usually talk about where dem bad people go. Just the grown ups. I tell them bout the fires of hell and stuff. Know what? I think Matthew was talkin bout it bein better to cut off your parts to avoid eternal hell. I likes to talk bout the rich man in hell wantin just a drop of water cause it so hot. Well, now I gots somethin else to talk about.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Hey Church Lady, I wrote a hub about how to teach children the word of god. Do you think that children should be told only about the love of god and not his justice? We are held accountable for not speaking the truth. It's never too early for kids to learn about god's fair justice of eternal hell.


Get Bent 6 years ago

Church Lady, jesus warned not to offend any of the little ones. And how offensive it is to hear you not telling the children the truth. god is not only love, he is fair. Warn them today.


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Hey Church Lady, I think I have met you. You substitue at some inner-city school in Miami Florida. You always preach the word of jesus in class and chase teachers around with blow torches when they don't pay their tithes, right? How's it going?


Church Lady 6 years ago

That's right Hell No. god loves everone but you don't get why he has to burn them bad people and non tithe payers for eternity. It's like what I tell the childrens. Even if yo family only makes $100 a week, that's only $10 of tithe money. But Hell No, I just got one thing to say ta you. Get Your Ass To Church!!!


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Hey Church Lady, I have something for you to share with those children to show god's real wrath.

F ssspspsppsp A spspspsspspsp R spspspsspspspp T spspsp!!!


Church Lady 6 years ago

Wewwwww, boy you nasty. That stank's burnin my computer screen. Yo behind must a been spawned by the devil himself. You done turned my skin white.


church god 6 years ago

Just Passing Gas is correct. The brimstone in hell will smell just like the stank coming out of a rotting walrus. His advice is good. He is an a chosen heller of mine.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Wow, we are really honored to have such a special guest. We have the epitome of all worldly church doctrine at hand. he is the ultimate heller. Welcome church god.


Get Bent 6 years ago

Everyone kneel for church god. He will set the evil universalists correct.


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

he's not real. church god was invented as an elaborate scheme to taunt and mock the true and biblically acurate heller society. In fact, church god is just an alternate personality of. . . .

Church Lady.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Now that just aint so Cake Cutter. I don't even agree with evythain that church god say. he say that Catholics go to heaven. Well, they ain't no Catholics in my commnity. Cause I run them out with the jesus machine of fire. They be sayin they eat jesus and all. They nasty. But I pray for them. They just better start goin to da right church.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

You know Carrie Cake Face, you should stop accusing my hellers of being fake. I said to keep it civilized here.


Church Lady 6 years ago

That's right sista. I'll knock them white teeth out you mouth with my walker if you don't shut that pie hole.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Everybody cool it. No more threats Church Lady and No more accusations against church god/Lady CCC.


Sanctus Vesania profile image

Sanctus Vesania 6 years ago

*sits back and munches popcorn*


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

At least you hellers aren't taking any chances. I'd rather be a heller and find out that I'm wrong than to not believe in hell and end up going there. Besides, the only reason not to believe in hell is to have an excuse to sin as much as you please. Why not? You will be saved anyway. Right?


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Oh my God AA!! What a totally abominable title you have chosen for yourself. Would you care to explain?


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Let me explain. See, I was tired of the other sixth graders in my class beating me up for looking and acting like a nerd. And when I let my hair grow out, it looked like a nest of ravenous spiders. So my briliant dad had a giant afro surgically embedded into my head to make me look cool. Well, there was a "mistake". Some seventh grader accidentally set it on fire and it has never looked the same. So in fact, my afro had to be aborted.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Them things you kids do to yo hair make me want to set all yo heads on fire. Da lord don't like them crazy rooster heads and fros and even them spiky things. I'm tired of my church lookin like a livestock pen. Da lord don't like it. Make me wanna use my blow torch.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Look, let's forget about your hair. AA, I already explained to you. . . .um. . . .no, actually it was to someone with a similiar title. I explained that universalists don't believe this because we want to sin away. We believe it because it's scriptural and actually glorifies God. And besides, one cannot just believe something because he/she wants to. Not really. Eventually they will have to see the flaws in what they believe. Well, four years and counting, I still see no flaws in a perfect God saving all. And I see it as scriptural. I couldn't believe in hell even if I was afraid of possibly going there. It's a ridiculous doctrine and is not backed by scripture.

And I don't want to read another word about your hair mistake.


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

I know what happened to his hair. Remember me Afro's Abortion? I'm the one that walked up to you, lit a match, and lit a:

FFFFFpspspspspsspsspspAAAAAAspspspspspspspspsRRRRRRspspspspspspspTTTTTspspspspspssp!!!


Church Lady 6 years ago

Boy, I'm glad ya don't empty yo sinful behind at my church. You'd set off my pace maker. People'd be turnin to the devil just to get fresh air. Even sweet jesus would be lightin a match to clear out the stank. lord's house would look like Sodom and Gamorah once you finished.


Get Bent 6 years ago

For the lord gives us release.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

I threw Just Passing Gas off of my hub for staining my teeth.

Afro's Abortion, it is good that you have seen the light of our loving god. Isn't it stupid that so many deny our gift of free will. It is the most loving thing god could have given us. I'm glad that the wolves of the Ray Smith cult have not deceived you. I am just at awe with my precious free will. I mean, he gave me the power to choose heaven or hell. Imagine if I never had a free will. I would be forced to be happy with god for eternity. But now, I can choose to physically burn and not be able to change my mind. How loving is our god?!! Oh the potential for pain if I made the wrong choice.


Skeptic Man 6 years ago

Geez, I'm definately not smarter than a heller. I still don't see how those who have never heard of jesus can be burned in hell forver.


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Those who don't know they are sinning can't be held responsible. So if you haven't heard of jesus you won't be sent to hell. That is why we must spread the word of christ throughout the world.


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!!

Oh wait. . . . . . . .

What AA?!!


Bringer_of_Light 6 years ago

All of you are wrong. God is going to send you all to hell for eternity.

Don't worry, I'll make it as comfortable as possible.

Except for you Just Passing Gas, I just had the damned place aired out. I don't need you stinking it up with your shit smelling farts.


church god 6 years ago

BOL, how dare you threaten my holy church with eternal damnation? They are my chosen and will live in golden mansions and play harps for ever and ever and ever. I will defeat you in the final battle of Armageddon. Then you will be cast into the fires of hell where you will torture all universalists and atheists and pagans. If the 2nd law of thermo dynamics gets in the way and the fires cease, I will send Just Passing Gas with a match to start the eternal fires again. Don't think I can handle his farting anyway.


Get Bent 6 years ago

Praise you church god. Your love keeps me strong. I can do all things through church god. Punish the wicked!! Punish Hell No!!


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Oh church god, oh church god, my life for you church god. Give me strength church god. Oh god, oh god, oh god, FFFFFFpspspspspspspspspspspspAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAspspspspspspspspspspspspRRRRRRRRRRRspspspspspspspspspspspTTTTTTTTTTTspspspspspspsp!!!!


Church Lady 6 years ago

church god? you silly. Do yo mamma know what you up to?


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Hey church god. I believe in you. But I need help. The other seventh graders are picking on me and pulling my underware up over my new fro. I warn them of your justice and yet, they pick on me more. Why is it that your precious free will given to all, is going to send most of humanity to hell when you could have initiated a plan at the beginning of time, that would teach the world righteousness?


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Careful AA, that is what the Ray Smith cult teaches.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

...awesome


Church Lady 6 years ago

Well lookie there Hell No. That there lady looks mighty nice. P haps you should get ta know her little better. I heard she one them atheistics. You should take her to church and get her good with da lord.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Uuuuummm, I don't go to those buildings you call church. My church has few and we believe the truths of God. But you're right Church Lady. She does look nice and she has spunk. I don't know if she's actually an atheist but she doesn't believe that heller crap that you believe. But if you see her in the Miami area? Nudge nudge, you know what to tell her. And keep that damn blow torch away from her.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

...its ok hell no...i like it hot. and according to some, im knee deep in magma anyway ;)

Not an atheist...not an agnostic anymore either...just a non believer. religeons are like magazines. too many to choose from, and there mostly full of advertisements and B.S. Maybe if their god was more like morgan freeman in bruce almighty, but the way they make him out, he kind of seems like a mean stepdad. No thanx


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

Church Lady 2 days ago

Boy, I'm glad ya don't empty yo sinful behind at my church. You'd set off my pace maker. People'd be turnin to the devil just to get fresh air. Even sweet jesus would be lightin a match to clear out the stank. lord's house would look like Sodom and Gamorah once you finished

haaaaaaaaaaaaaa lmfao rotfl...........Church lady! hahaha you kinda remind me of Media!


Church Lady 6 years ago

You know what Hell No? I'uz reading them exchanges tween you and the pink one at that there site bout cont-dictions of da good book. She may be a atheistic but she still show you that we gots a free will. What you got to say bout that?


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Well Church Lady, it looks like free will is a concept that most don't get. Once they see that it is a church invented concept to convince people that they can in fact, invent their own desires, then maybe they will get it. And of course, I'm bombarded by others misinterpretting what I say. They would believe that I just said that free will is making your desires happen without work. But no, free will is the ability to change your very desires, such as to believe in God, even if you have no reason to.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

I was at her site warning pink of eternal burning and then appologized. . . . oh wait, that wasn't me. Sorry. Anyway Hell No, how can you say that we don't have a free will? Are you saying that you can't make choices? Daaaaaaaaaahhhhh!! Who's making them then? We must choose god or choose hell. Just two choices.


AKA Cigerettes 6 years ago

Hell No, ha ha, I am smart and you are just some creationist nut job. And I do have a free will. I have the free will to parade myself on the NET as some super intellect. Everybody just adores my scholarly manerisms. Why? Because I don't believe in god. And despite what science has shown, I think that DNA molecules do not appear to be codes at all. Rather, the primordial ooz was like a four letter alphabet soup and they just all bonded the right ways. And the Miller Urey experiment shows that proteins for life are easily made over time by pure chance and the amino acids do not require only left handed nucleotides for life like those creationist scientists point out.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Uuuuuuuuuummmmmm??? What's with the name AKA C?


AKA Cigerettes 6 years ago

What? It's my free will to have that name. And it was my free will to smoke five packs a day until I looked like some walking corpes. Haven't you seen my photo?


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

I think we have a free will Hell No. In fact, this will really make me free. . . . . .


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Don't you do it JPG!! I'm warning you!!!


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffspspsppspspspspspspAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaspspspspspspspRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrspspspspspspspTTTTTTTTTTTTTTspspspspsp!!!!


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

No way dude!! You burned my fro again. You so nasty Just Passing Gas.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

Hell No- How about i hold you down and show you my free will.......would you maybe consider that i do in fact have my own free will to do as i please then?? ;)


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

You can hold me down but you aint got no free will. Free will is a false concept invented by religion. Without it people would not be able to "choose" heaven or hell. Ridiculous. You won't choose squat without cause. It attempts to put the responsibility in the hands of a person to believe something even if they aren't convinced by evidence. Let's say my eternal destiny is contingent on me believing that the world is only 6000 years old. Well sorry, the evidence says otherwise, therefore I cannot believe that. But what if I really had to believe this to avoid an eternity of screaming pain? I just didn't know this? Well, I still wouldn't believe the Earth is young. One more time pink: You have a will. You make choices. But your will is caused by millions of variables and your choices are a result of your will. Surely you'll understand this time. I will now hold my breath.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

breath out dude...breath out. ok, ok , i get it, no free will....i was flirting with you,,,,,,,, ;)


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Please pink, don't stop flirting, uuuuummm??? You may even abuse my uuuummmm, free will. My will is only as free as your command.


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

haha, ill have you shouting "pink umbrella has free will" in no time ;) lmao


Church Lady 6 years ago

Well lookie there Hell No, you gotch yo self a friend. I don't get them little inunendos you youngons be talking. Alls I know is that da two of you need to get your asses ta church for the lord sends his angry wrath on yuz.


Get Bent 6 years ago

The lord is our only true friend. You must ask his forgiveness Hell No, and repent of your heller attacking heresy. For the ways of man are not the ways of god.


Carrie Pie ho. . . .I mean Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Don't you people see that Church Lady is just pretending to be a real person? She is the same as church god. And lyers will not inherit the kingdom of god.


Church Lady 6 years ago

I done warned ya Cake Cutter. And the only lie is that 20 year old photo of yo self that you was pasting next ta yo title. Believe me, you gonta make me use my blow torch on you stead a dem atheistics n universitals.

One mo word outa ya and I'll slap you so hard dat when you wake up you'll think I's the mama of sweet jesus.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Oh come now hellers. Ya'll need to get along. Why not ask Afro's Abortion to intervene? He is well suited to show why hellers are all going to heaven because ya'll aint taking no chances. He has mastered Pasquel's Wager and is sure that this is the safest bet to please god.


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Why don't you shut your dang mouth Hell No? You are leading people to hell and I am not in seventh grade any more. Well I am, it's just my special needs class has designated me as a work in progress towards my AA in micro-biology. Most laugh at me and say there's no such thing as and associates in micro biology because I wouldn't yet be specialising in anything. But I am because I dissected one of my own turds. And you Hell No, can't post on my hubs your insulting universalist trash. You may only post if you agree with one of my points.


LoveSoftly profile image

LoveSoftly 6 years ago

Hell No, this is all very entertaining...but I am watching to see if anything develops between you and the pink umbrella...I'm thinking you need some one on one with such a lady..you know just to keep you on your toes! hehehehe! You guys are all so funny, really..I'm enjoying all this bickering! Pink..You keep flirting with Hell No..but don't distract him from his mission! ;) ha!


the pink umbrella profile image

the pink umbrella 6 years ago from the darkened forest deep within me.

lol....but distraction is my specialty!!!

church lady- bring on the heat, like i said, i like it hot!!!! :) lol


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Waaaaaaaaaaa!!! You people are messing around and forgot about my problem. I want Judah's Daughter to allow my posts. She deleted mine. This was my last one to her and she deleted it.

http://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/The-Locati

Just Passing Gas says:

38 minutes ago

Carrie, it is great to have such a warrior of the truth such as yourself to follow. For years I looked at the scriptures and felt they taught a different gospel in my oppinion, than all of the churches. Now that I have read your stuff, I find that I really don't have to be saved with all of those criminals. I'm glad that most will not get to share in the glory of god with us. That would be such a burdon.

Judah's Daughter says:

24 minutes ago

Gene, When we have the HOLY Spirit of God within, we understand that God HATES sin. Sinners cannot be purified by good works, religion, or the lake of fire. If that were the case, Jesus would not have had to come (God HIMSELF) to DIE on that cross!! It is truly by faith in His righteousness alone we are saved!!! This is the GOOD NEWS!!

Your last statement aligns with the cries heard by the saints in Revelation 6:9-11 "How long, O Lord, holy and true, will You refrain from judging and avenging our blood on those who dwell on the earth?" Praise God, He is victorious! Oppression will cease!!! Hallelujiah to the Lamb!

And then she called me Gene. WWWWWWwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!! Please Judah's Daughter, I worship you like god. You have set that evil Hell No right.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

I warned you JPG. I said do not remind us again about how JD deleted your post once she figured out who you were. And what do you mean she set me right? Oh who cares. You, are outa here. If only I can get this stupid delete feature to work. Damnit!! Well, I'll figure it out. And when I do, you will have passed gas for the last!!


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Hey Carrie, eerr, I mean Judah's Daughter. Give me release!!

FFFFFFFpspspspspspspAAAAAAAAAAspspspspspspsspRRRRRRRrspspspspspspspspspTTTTTTTspspspspspspspsp!!!


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Who is this Carrie? I am Carrie. I cut cake with my wide trap. This Carrie you speak of is not the same as I. I think Just Passing Gas, church god, and Church Lady are all the same person and are members of the evil Ray Smith universalist cult.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Oh now don't you worry yo self Hell No. I aint gonta get mad this time. See, I gots class. I's gonta go out to one them fansy re-sonts and be dressed all nice. Yep Carrie, got my pumps on. Better to break my foot off in yo A. .... .. !!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

CHURCH LADY!!!!


Emmy 6 years ago

Wut the hell is zat smell?


Church Lady 6 years ago

Snif, snif Enemy. I don't smell nothin. And I don't wear no depends so don't be blamin me.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Uuuuuuuuuuummmm?? Calm down Church Lady. I think Emmy was refering to Just Passing Gas.


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Yohoo, did somebody call?

FFFFFFFFFspspspsppspspAAAAAAAAAAspspspspspspspRRRRRRRRRRRspspspspspsTTTTTTTTspspspspsp!!!

Spirt.


Emmy 6 years ago

AHHHH MAKE IT STOP!! MAKE IT STOP!!!

I think I just died. Did I die?


Church Lady 6 years ago

Boy, yo devil's behind done ruined my fried chicken dinner. One whif at the computer screen and I blew the entire load right on to my grandchildren. They ain't gonta visit no more. Hell, stank so bad my dentures done started hurtin. And I ain't sposed to feel my dentures. I don't think da lord can toss you to the fires of hell. That would be cruel and unusual to da other inhabitants. You even stank to much for hell.


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!!

Nobody smells that bad.


Get Bent 6 years ago

Sir!! I have a Dent in my forehead from your evil flatch. Your gas is not in the spirit of us hellers and is leading many to the Slaughter. So don't Totter.


Emmy 6 years ago

My screen exploded, you see. I spent the next few days with a terrible stench in my house that the whole block could smell and a face full of irremovable soot.

But that's not all. Life must go on, right? Well this month happens to be the hungry ghost month (the chinese believe the spirits are released from hell temporarily for a month, which includes me if I died) so they tried to arrest me for tapping someone on the shoulder. I think they thought I was gonna suck his soul or summin'. Maybe I was?

In other words, I might be dead, but I can't really tell.

dammit, Just Passing Gas, my life just got more complicated


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Well bible students and gaukers, I think we are ready to tackle our next question. But first, you'll be happy to know that I've figured out how to keep Just Passing Gas off of this hub. .. . .I think so. He may slip through, but his words will be broken and will not make a lot of sense. Let's hope he gets our message. Anyhow, here's the next question:

What does the Rich Man and Lazarus parable refer to and can any or all of it be taken literally?


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

lol i dont know whether to be highly offendid or just laugh. this is so hilarius!!! though obviously you are attacking my beliefs and some of my friends i have to admit that this is clever.

is there something wrong here? idk...


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Well AM, being offended is the first step to developing a sense of humor. Looks like you may be crossing that line.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Afro's Mistake? Is that you? Wow, I feel stupid. I thought you were that. . . . . . .other guy. Anyway, this is such an evil place, but we have the support of other hellers such as Get Bent, No Clue, and ???? Well Church Lady and church god are the same person. I think they belong to the Ray Smith cult.

And then Church Lady just threatens me, but god is so full of love that he'll send all of these fakes to hell so that I won't have to be around them in paradice. I am just too beautiful to spend eternity with them.


Sanctus Vesania profile image

Sanctus Vesania 6 years ago

Obviously the parable of the Rich Man and Lazarus is a look into the relationship of Capitalist America, and the Communist countries.

What? It totally makes sense!


Church Lady 6 years ago

Yeah Carrie CC. You just so pretty with yo white teeth and young looking features. Only problem is that picture so old, people had ta colorise it. That pi-ture so old dat we was studyin it in my junior high photography class. Today yo buzzard chewed face got more veins din Stallone's old steroid induced biceps. And da only white in yo mouth is dem plastic dentures borrowed from some halloween party.

Come on Cake Cutter!! Put em up!! I'll knock them pimples off yo old face!! You'll think I's yo long lost sister when I knocks the white off ya.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Church Lady!! Calm!! Down!! Let's get back to the question. Personally, I did a hub on that parable:

http://hubpages.com/religion-philosophy/Rich-Man-a...

But now let's here what the hellers have to say.


Get Bent 6 years ago

Sanctus Vasania has no I idea of what she is talking about. What do capitalism and communism have to do with one Jew going to hell? It was a real person. jesus said so. He wasn't just a man, he was a rich man. And Lazurus was actually named. It talks about fire and being real hot and how he didn't pay tithes and stuff. He was rich and only gave Lazurus scraps from his plate. Treated him like a dog.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

I did a word study using my appendix of the Bendix of bible stupindix and found that purple is not a color at all. The rich man was not decked in purple attire. The purple represents the pain of burning in fire. See, at first, the fire will turn the hell prisoner red, then blue, then purple. And doesn't this story fit perfectly with what near death experience people say about hell? Because, it's in the middle of the Earth where there is really hot magma and no water for the rich man to drink. And that 23 minutes guy talks about chasms between chambers of hell. Well, that's why the rich man speaks of the chasm between him and Lazurus. And my exaustive concordance of the Beller of Heller dictionary says that chasm actually means place of more fire. Not a water way like Hell No and the Ray Smith cult teach. Therefore, the rich man was in hell and Lazurus was in heaven with Abraham.


No Clue 6 years ago

My sister Carrie Cake Cutter. Once again your words are spirit filled. Hell is real. And uuuummmm. . . . ..????real hot!!

Yeah!!


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

I . .. ...@ $$ # sho 99&&&&& . . . . . .So??? sm..l this

F......s ..@@@sps. . .A. . . . Spss@@### RR sp. ..T

Fart.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Aha!! JPG can no longer lay his butt explosions on this hub. His fart messages are scrambled.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 6 years ago from Ohio

I thought this was hellarious! Oh crap! I'm toast! :)


No Clue 6 years ago

Hell???arious??? I. . .. .don't . . . . .get??? Oh wait. . . . ..Oh . . .my god. . I get it. That is so funny!! Oh my god, that's he he, hellarious. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Oh my god that's so funny!! Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

No Clue!!! You idiot!! Your loud idiot laughing just busted the deconfiguration of Just Passing Gas!!! He's gonna get through once he finds out.


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Oh no No Clue!! I just got my fro fixed. Just Passing Gas will light it up again with his farting. I won't be able to go to marching band practice without my fro.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Good, cause you yongons and yo hair make me wanna send one my old lady flatch right at yo face. Sick a seein yo rooster and chia head hairdoos.


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

I'm baaaaack!! No Clue has broken my chain of scrambled farts. I gonna lay into it this time. Here comes!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Wait JPG. I have something to make your passage extra special. I'm going to pass a cyber match through to you. (He, he, he, he) This will make your gas super potent for all to smell. So here it is. Do your worst Just Passing Gas.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Tee hee!! This is going to be soooo funny.


Just Passing Gas 6 years ago

Here it comes you Hell No and hellers. This one's for you Carrie.

Waa WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa, , , ,

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffspspsppspspspspspspspp

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaspspspsppssppsspsp

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrspsppspspsTTTTTT!!!!

Spirt Spirt.. . . .

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffspspspspspAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaapspspspspspspRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrsppspspspTTTTspspspspsp!!!!!!!

(lighting the match) ch, ch, ch, cchhhhhhhhhhhhh.

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnngg!!!!!!!!!!

Kaaaa Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmm!!!


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

My Frow's on fire!! My Frow's on fire!!!

Oh my god!! My Frow's on fire!!!


Church Lady 6 years ago

Bout time AA. Twas sick of yo big ol hair risin to da roof. Serves ya right.

What??? What happened to that smelly Just Passin Gas??


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Just Passing Gas??

Just Passing Gas??

Yoohoo!!??

Where ya at Just Passing Gas?


Get Bent 6 years ago

I think you tottered, and now he's slaughtered.


Church Lady 6 years ago

I think Just Passin the Gas just blowed em self up. And you gave em the match Hell No. That makes you a murderer. The lord don't like no murderes. Hell be a place for muderin people like you Hell No.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Wow Hell No. Is that what the Ray Smith cult teaches you to do? To deceive people with matches to ignite their gas? All murderers will have their place in the hell that burns with sulfer and that is the second torture.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

I. .. .I. . . . .I didn't do any. . .thing!! I.. .didn't mean to. It was just a joke. I wanted him to burn his. . . .butt or something. It wasn't my fault!!


Church Lady 6 years ago

Hell No, you done made his butty flatch tern ta the biggest butt bomb in the history of stink!! You old age earthers and yo Big Bang Theory ain't got nothin on this quirk busting butty bomb.


No Clue 6 years ago

Yeah!!!


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Hell No, you made my frow get destroyed again and you killed a man. I'm not inviting you to my seventh grade slumber party. . . .And I'm so mad that I won't let you play my sousaphone. Or. .. . .or look at my micro biology experiment with human feces.


LoveSoftly profile image

LoveSoftly 6 years ago

OH MY!! I am totally speechless!! I have NEVER! I'm AGHAST!!! Seriously! Has the world gone insane, Hell NO or is it just YOU??? hehehehe!!


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

ahh man .

honestly hell no i was enjoyin it! why'd you have to add me in there?

could you take it out please?


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

What AM? What are you talking about? These are all real people. I think. Have you been infiltrating this hub? Are you in fact pretending to be someone on here? That's not allowed on hubpages.


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

......

hilarius

but seriously your right to think im being a hypocryte(after alll laughing while you make fun of every one else and then getting offendid when things come to me}

but honestly you know what im talking about so please just tell me if your gonna delete them or not


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

I'm not sure that I know what you're talking about. All of the characters in this dramatic play are necessarry. That would be like deleting the scenes from Naked Gun that have OJ Simpson. He's a big part of the commedy. What if presidents asked Saturday Night Live to stop satirizing them? This is satire. You should be flatured by someone making fun of you. I love being the butt of jokes. If you aren't mature enough to laugh at jokes aimed at you, then you are more than a hypocrate. Again, butch up!!


afro's mistake profile image

afro's mistake 6 years ago from dorothys kansas

nice.

great im the hypocryte(whoop de do i already admitted that.)

but you're still the slanderer

and i dont think any of those titles are good to hold

dont you?


Church Lady 6 years ago

Be careful Hell No. Cause we hellers is known ta complain to da hubpages adminsters over us bein made fun of. Member dem Carrie hubs? Didn't think I'uz watchin back then? I was. And now we gots a self admitedly hyp-crate not liken you messin which him. He alright with me cause he believe the hell teachin word of da lord. But you gonta have problems with this one. And Afro's Mistake need to visit my classroom when I sub-stutin so I can learn him proper grammar and punc-titchin.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Wrong Church Lady. There was no joke with the Carrie hub. I was exposing some great heresy and slander on her part. It was totally justified. This, is not even supposed to be taken seriously.


Get Bent 6 years ago

Are we forgetting that a person has been blown up because of Hell No and his deceitful lies? Don't you think we should be addressing that instead of all of this. Oh, I know Hell No has invented this person "Afro's Mistake" so that we will forget all about him murdering Just Passing Gas. Why don't we seek justice for our fallen heller instead of fall for Hell No and his inventive techniques to get off the murderers hook?


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Are we even sure that he's dead? We've been wrong before. Maybe he's alive, just embarrassed.


No Clue 6 years ago

I think he's alive.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Really?? Maybe he's alive. That would be great. Oh, the guilt I was feeling. Boy, I hope he's alive.


Doctor Hellspit 6 years ago

Nope, he's dead!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Damnit!!


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

But how do you know?


Doctor Hellspit 6 years ago

Well let's see, I'm standing in what used to be his apartment and am looking at what used to be his computer screen. Apparantly, it had a special coating to protect it from the fierce stench of butt fire. However, it as well as Just Passing Gas are spread out in a couple thousand little ashes. Therefore, I can determine his absolute mortality and demise. I am supposed to examine the body and determine the cause of death, but I think when I reveil it, all of you can say duuuuuuuuugghhhh at once. Hell No, you got's some splainin to do.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh????


Sanctus Vesania profile image

Sanctus Vesania 6 years ago

Man, why are the hellers so upset about the death of Just Passing Gas? Just think, he's in Heaven now, floating on his own cloud, strumming a heart, eating cotton candy clouds, and laughing at everyone who's burning in Hell.

I swear your priorities are screwed up.


church god 6 years ago

what!!? I needed Just Passing Gas to keep the fires of hell from going out. at this very moment, he is spraying his ghastly and gassy sent right into the hell fire so that it will never go out. That was my purpose for his life and that's why I made him blow up. . .Well, actually it was his free will that caused him to blow up as well as that of evil Hell No to pass him a cyber match. But you should all know, Just Passing Gas is happilly spraying his toxic scent all over hell to the misery of the lost.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Ah ha church god. So that's what free will is. You get what ever you want but people still have a free will. Uuuuuuummm?? Not getting that at all. So anyhow hellers, that pretty well gets me off the hook. church god wanted him dead any way and admittedly caused me to give him the match. However, I still did it and should still be held accountable. Gee, I was hoping to get out of this altogether. What do you hellers think?


Get Bent 6 years ago

Do you not believe the word of church god Hell No? He said you have a free will and so you must pay eternal consequences.


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Hell No, you and the Ray Smith cult are at fault for Just Passing Gas blowing himself up. What makes you think that you will not go to eternal hell?


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Well Carrie, first off, there is no damn hell so that settles that. Shut up Carrie. Isn't there someone else to ask here? Perhaps another heller?


Get Bent 6 years ago

Let's ask what's his name. That heller for which I can't remember.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Oh, you don't mean. . .?? No, we can't bother him now. He's practicing the sousaphone for his game Friday night. He says his special section in the band (that's the one that sucks) really sounds bad. Well, let me see if I can get his attention:

Hey!!!

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeYYYY!!!

Stop practicing, we need your oppinion on something!!


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Bum, Bum, Bum, Bumbubu Bum, Bum, Bum Bumbubu Bumbumbumbumbumbumbumbumb. . .

What?!!

Stop bothering me Hell No. I'm practicing. The football players at the local highschool are sick of hearing the middle school special needs band members during the game. They say that if I don't get better on the sousaphone, they'll give me such a deep wedgie that it'll be like flossing my inner crack. What do you want?!!

Oh, about your free will. I told you and church god even told you, you are responsible for all of the bad things that you do and can't make excuses for your evil actions. I think the only reason that you deny free will is that you want to sin away and still go to heaven. Now let me practice:

Bumbum, bubumbum bumbumbum, bubububububu, bum, bum bum!!!


LoveSoftly profile image

LoveSoftly 6 years ago

Geez, Hell NO! I leave for a few days and Now your offenses have stirred up real trouble!! You're in trouble now! You have stirred them up, Hell No...the hellers...you have made them angry!! No telling what will happen now!!! You have angered church god and ALL of his followers...if you feel you need to hide out for a few days...give me a call!!


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Now that we've had a moment to ponder my being a murderer and all, I'm currious of how one match ignited one person's gassy exchange to the point of destroying an entire appartment, not to mention the farter himself. Doctor HS, please enlighten me of how my innocent joke became an evil crime straight from the devil.


Dr. Hellspit 6 years ago

Well Hell No, it appears that Just Passing Gas has what's called a super regenerating fart sack of which our nuclear technology has been trying to duplicate for years. Our Pentagon (and National Patrons of the Religious Right,NPRR) grieves over his loss as they were unaware of his potential to ignite the entire middle east with one fiber rich diet and Just Passing Gas. No, they feel it is unchristlike to blow up all of our enemies. . .just those who bash our religion.


Dr. HellSpit 6 years ago

Oh, you want my technical annalysis? Well, generally when people light farts, the flatch wind blows a mist of flame that is pleasing to look at. However, Just Passing Gas was so potent, that as soon as he lit up, there was enough mist present to surround him with combusting fire in 1/8 of a second. Furthur, as with a backdraft, the flame is starving for either oxygen or more flatch. As the stank in the room had been consumed, the flame shot right up his stink hole to the source. That source is known as his Regenerating Fart Sack. In an instant, there was enough combusting heat to melt steal. Need I explain what then happened to Just Passing Gas? Well, turns out his eyes were blue. Yeah, one blew this way and the other blew that way. Ha, ha, ha.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Oh, thanks Dr. Spit. Sorry you feel this is so damn funny. But now the government is pissed at me because you briefed them on the great biological weapon that I inadvertantly blew up. And I just received a bill for the destruction of his apartment, including the steal plumbing beneith the floor. Hope you're happy Doctor.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Well ya know what? My plumbin aint so good in my older years neither. But in the day I used to light me some good farts. No, not them old lady flatch like I gets nowadays. When I'us a youngon, I be blowin some good fire with my lower half. But I done pleased the lord with my butt flame. Cuz one time, my aunti done yelled, Little Church, Little Church!! (that was me by da way). Little Church, there be a snake outa here. Come do the work of the good lord. So I just had me a good bunch of bean dip. I grabbed me a match, ran out ta Aunti and saw this big ole ugly devil serpent. I yelled ta that slithry thing, the bible says you is the devil!! Get back ta hell where yo dominions stay at. So I done blew this hot flatch and lit it right over that devil's narrow face and sent it back to the abyse. Then my Aunti tell me ta get my ass ta church!!


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Say Hell No, I don't like you because you're not a heller. But could you sign up to be my fan and I'll sign up to be one of yours? The football players will think I'm cool if I have lots of fans. See, Carrie Cake Cutter stopped being my fan because I had a disagreement with her majesty.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Boy, you younguns can fan me any time you wants to and I be fannin you also. Weeeeeeeeeeewwwwhhhhh, I like me some youngins to fan my old bones on a hot day


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!


Get Bent 6 years ago

So, are we going to let Hell No off of the hook?


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Yeah, I've been waiting for someone to post because I refuse to support Hell No and the Ray Smith Cult by answering this hub on my own. Hell No should be punished.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Exucuse me, but I still find it hard to believe that a single cyber match blew up an entire building. I know that Just Passing Gas had some powerful flatch, but I think Dr. Hellspit should look into this a liitle furthur. By the way, who is this doctor? Who hired a heller to investigate an allegation against me?


Dr. Hellspit 6 years ago

I received my PHD at the University of church god in Heresy Investigation. I am hired to destroy those who lie about god and say that he will save all mankind. I seek to charge those who question old doctrines of the church which are necessarry to keep people from sinning away, as Afro's Ab. . . wait, I see remnants of super cyber charge destroyer. And I noticed that there is a match lost in cyber space. That's funny, because didn't Hell No send a cyber match to Just Passing Gas? I was sure that the explosian was caused by a cyber match, but this CCD has me wondering. Let me take a print.


Church Lady 6 years ago

Ach-ly, I done got a cyber match off my compute screen. I be tryin to burn the crust from my old dead pimply skin. It do good and sooth my flatch hole. Maybe Cake Cutter should use it on her ancient photo we be seein on her hubs. Ha ha ha!!


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Church Lady, I wouldn't touch nothing that made contact with your fake old lady skin. You aren't even real. Shall I call you. . . ..church god?


Church Lady 6 years ago

Oh no you didn't Cake Cutter. Come here. I'm gonna choke you right through my computer. What I tell ya?!! What I tell ya?!!


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

AAahhhhaaaahhhhhaaaaaahhhhhhhaaaahhhhh!!


Dr. Hellspit 6 years ago

My god, I've found prints on the remnants of the super cyber charge destroyer and it appears that Hell No had nothing to do with Just Passing Gas passing a mega butt explosion at all. And the prints are of . . . . .oh,I just can't say it. He is the most knowledgeble heller I've met and uses pure logic to describe why people refuse to choose da lord. So I will throw out the evidence.


Hell N0 6 years ago Author

Noooooo!!! I went through all of this and now you are going to throw out evidence? Who did this?!! Who killed Just Passing Gas?!!


Afro's Abortion 6 years ago

Bum, Bum, Bum, Bubu, bu Bum, Bum, Bum, Bumbubu, bu. . . .What? Hey, I don't care, so I did it!! He kept burning my frow. So I sent him a message and it ended up blowing him to pieces. And then my frow really got destroyed. Do you know what the football players did when they saw my shame? They gave me the biggest automic wedgie ever. That's when two people hold your legs while the rest pull your underware with the force of 10 men. Just Passing Gas was straight from the devil. He was sent to live amongst us hellers and bomb us daily like those suicide bombers over there. Except he wouldn't die. So I had to do it. god is on my side. I play the souzaphone and disect excrament. He he he!! Go ahead, take me away in a straight jacket. I don't care. I was sent by church god. AAAAAAAAAAaahhhhhhhhh!!


Carrie Cake Cutter 6 years ago

Oh that's just terrible. I just became a fan again of Afro's Abortion after removing myself from his fan page. He kissed my butt so much that I owed it to him. And now that warrior of the Ray Smith cult Hell No is off the hook. I thought we had him for good. Please Afro's Abortion, I know you may be insane, but you are a good heller. Please continue to worship me like a godess. Oh, by the way, I just had Church Lady arrested for choking me.


LoveSoftly profile image

LoveSoftly 6 years ago

He'll No!! I'm so glad you've been exonerated!! I knew you'd never murder anyone, not even a heller!!! Ha! The Real God would never allow such a thing! I think any of the characters here could have been guilty! BUT they're all too good, in their own eyes!! Once again, Hell No, you have risen above reproach in the face of church god and his followers!! Yaay!!

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