The Love Wounding of the Spirit

My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps.73:26)
My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (Ps.73:26)

What a peaceful scene. A Psalm 23 picture. A quiet place beside still waters. I love this and oh to be sitting there soaking in all the sounds and smells along with the sight. It’s here in the imagination of the quiet place that my Shepherd has lead me too that I can process what He has been taking me through. Last week I spoke of the encouragement of one the gifts of dying that the Spirit so graciously revealed. How did I get there? This is what this blog will explain. The place my soul has been is stormy and tumultuous. I have thought often in these last days and longed for a listening ear and with timely suggestions and comments! It's has been a very difficult, confusing and humbling time. Yet Jesus is enough.

There is a place in me that is dying and as much as I know that God is in this, and is wielding the weapon of death, it is all I can do to stay pressed into His ministrations. I am numb and wracked with pain all at the same time. It's been difficult getting this into words.

The Holy Spirit has been revealing to me as gently as only He does the truth of my flesh, my sinful nature and its actions yet sometimes I know that the truth is stark and there is no gentle way to show the truth except bluntly. I don't argue with Him, I am just fumbling around in the ensuing fog and unfamiliarity of the knowledge. It is a strong case of what to do now...my reactions and natural instincts are untrust worthy...so there is a strong temptation to lie down and not move. Do nothing. But of course I can't. Sadness and grief wearies me and I am extremely tired. Yet having said all that, I don't know how to explain it...but I know God is in this.

I can sense the encouragement of the Spirit not to run...and not to let myself or anyone else jump in and fix this...as it would only exasperate an already painful situation. My husband has been wonderfully supportive and has not attempted to "fix" me but has done his best to walk in love beside me. And that also is the work of the Spirit. Do not resist the support and love of anyone that Father sends to help us walk through a humbling time. I realized to do that was only fighting the humbling God was working in me to begin with!

I know death is hard...and personal "flesh" death is harder as it is on the inside of me and the instinct is to stop it but knowing that if I do….I really will die. Like a cancer patient who "knows" that chemo is necessary for the healing they require but the sickness and pain of the healing is overwhelming and can assault the senses with a desire to make it stop but that very thought is tempered with the one that says, “if you stop the Chemo you will then surely die.” The dying in me is being initiated by my very own Creator. He made me...He knows me...and He knows what fatal flaws have corrupted His work and is even now working at eradicating the disease of sin in my flesh and soul.

I know this may sound abstract but I, as of yet, still have a very difficuly time speaking out the area of disease in my soul. It reaches so far back...and has permeated all the areas of my life and soul, corrupting much of what I had thought was good...

...I have walked out of that for so long that today, now, I am stumbling around and fumbling as to how to walk, talk, see, think. I am really like a recovering spiritual parapalegic who is learning how to function all over again but instead of being a new born babe I am 54 years old! It is painful to get up yet it is just as painful to stay down...

The book of Romans and Psalm 73 and 91 have been an ointment in the wounds of my heart and soul. I am a burn victim being lowered into the salt water of the Word to rid the body of its dead flesh. In the pain I know there is healing...and I look forward to the onintment of the healing salve of the Word which brings relief to the burned out flesh. I wait in trepidation for the next salt bath as the rotting flesh that yet hangs on to my bones smells of death and decay!

I am not overstating this...this is what death of the flesh is like. Painful, messy and downright stinky at times. Everyone has their own “flesh” issues. Issues which go down to the bone and oftentimes back to the beginnings of life. Praise God that in all this we can be encouraged with His promise that:


The Lord is my Shepherd
The Lord is my Shepherd

The Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, Who consoles us in all our affliction, So that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. (2nd Corinthians 1:4)

Nothing is for nothing…and everything has far reaching affects. So hang in there…what we are going through has significance for another in the future. As Believers we are truly all linked together in the Lord and what happens to one, happens to us all. None of us are alone.

© 2010 UlrikeGrace

If you were interested in this you may want to read this hub by

cristina327

The Glory of Dying

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Comments 10 comments

shannnon b 6 years ago

Ahhhh, amen and amen. Oh Ulrike, I needed to read, to 'hear that.We are on parallel journies. The fight to want to 'pack it in' is weighing. BUT He has promised us that we are "More than Conquorers!!' Romans 8:37~ Hallelujah. What a trip!!


Saintatlarge profile image

Saintatlarge 6 years ago from Canada

UG, When the clay is on the turntable spinning, it has no voice to resist, but to close the eyes and trust in the hands that hold the heart in place. When we resign, yeild, submit to the pressing of his hand is just the beginning. He decides the shape and form and then comes the firing... Do we ever want him to stop? You are in a good place, be encouraged, take a breath and step back leaning into him closing your eyes and fall with faith and confidence. Thank you for sharing your heart so freely, may your joy be strengthened. Peace L.


Storytellersrus profile image

Storytellersrus 6 years ago from Stepping past clutter

"I am a burn victim being lowered into salt water???" Oh the pain of that! I cannot believe God wants this of you! I know we learn through challenges, but this is beyond God. What is this really about? The image is beyond beyond.

The hub flows with intense definition. Fascinating.


UlrikeGrace profile image

UlrikeGrace 6 years ago from Canada Author

Shannon b I am glad you are so excited about your trip, your journey with the Lord. It is exciting. We need but look at Jesus. He lifts our eyes above the now and into future. But we still have to live in the now and His strength is there for us together with His healing and power. I have found He longs not just to heal our bodies but our hearts and lives as well. May His eternal love hold you and keep you and may His grace shine out from you in increasing intensity.

Blessings

Ulrike Grace


UlrikeGrace profile image

UlrikeGrace 6 years ago from Canada Author

Saintatlarge, thank you......I remember a friend who is always encouraging me to "press in," to not quit and let the ministrations of the Lord do its deep work. Sometimes it is hard, and I have to admit this, in fact I must admit this...so others will indeed count the cost. I was saved in a "pie-in-the-sky" fellowship and although that did not negate a true salvation it did not make me aware of the schemes of the enemy or worse, my very own flesh. I have learned some things the hard way. But praise God, He is faithful to His children and will bring us all into fullness of healing and joy.

Blessings and peace to you this day

Ulrike Grace


UlrikeGrace profile image

UlrikeGrace 6 years ago from Canada Author

Oh Storytellersrus, the salt water is the purification of my soul and the water the healing waters of His eternal grace. Yes, yes, yes, He wants this for me, He wants to bring me into the image of His dear Son and to enable me to walk in holiness. I do invite the ministry of the Lord. That is the key, it must be the Lord as He knows what is needed and what we can take. I can trust Him and Him alone. I cannot even trust even myself for my flesh is decitful above all things. I have no fear...in my spirit...even when it is dark my spirit knows Jesus is there. Although my flesh cries out in loudest protest. Thank you for your concern and heart but instaed praise God that every day He is changing me from glory to glory as He is all His children.

Be encouraged...His dealings are full with love and light.

Ulrike Grace


coffeesnob 6 years ago

Spirit of the Livng God, fall fresh on me

melt me, mold me, fill me, use me

Spirit of the Living God fall fresh on me.

My dear sister in Christ a day of beauty is coming when he will be finished with the shaping and you will be an agent of mercy and grace and beauty - a crown of beauty in the hands of the Lord - a royal diadem in the hands of your God

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=isaiah...


UlrikeGrace profile image

UlrikeGrace 6 years ago from Canada Author

Amen coffeesnob, for the joy that is set before us we endure...we can do no less than Jesus did for us, and I hold that before me regularly. As well I remember Galatians 2:20, the life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me!

Thank you for your kind words...and may it be so...

Blessings Ulrike Grace


rls4Immanuel 6 years ago

Ulrike Grace: This blog takes me back to 1Peter and how through the Apostle, the Holy Spirit gives to us God's "theology on suffering" and what a beautiful thing it is in the eyes and heart of God when His "saints" suffer for righteousness. If the Holy Spirit is transforming you more and more into the image of His Son on whom His favor rests then I say all praise be to His holy name. He is not willing to work anything in your life that does not bring glory to His name. Let it be so and I keep you in my prayers that He would continue to be full of grace and mercvy to you.


UlrikeGrace profile image

UlrikeGrace 6 years ago from Canada Author

Thank you rls...I appreciate your prayers. Yes, I believe we have had a tainted view of pain...it is not something I would continually like to be in...but God is with us in the valleys, where there is much growth as well as in the mountain-tops where there is grandeur and worship. Thank you for your comments

Ulrike Grace

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