Pole Dancing for Jesus and other ways to Make Church Services More Interesting

Pole Dancing for the Lord

God is good, pole dancing is niiiiice!
God is good, pole dancing is niiiiice!

Bring Pets to Church (even if they don't go to heaven)

Pole Dancing for Jesus

Toddlers can entertain bored church goers

Churches today face dwindling attendence - time to modernize!

Let's face it. Going to church is boring. You have sit in hard uncomfortable seats listening to a holier-than-thou know-it-all-tell you why you are wrong for hours. After 911 when so many people saw the harm that religious zeolotry can do to the world and how God did nothing to stop it, church attendance has been dropping off. Church leaders need to fill seats to continue their quest to leave the strip mall and build their dream mega-church or face the humiliation of being laughed at at upcoming Church Leader Conference and Trade Seminar in Las Vegas.

So how can you slam some more butts into pews and fill your church? Try some of these innovative ideas and watch the corresponding videos for more tips:

  • Pets might not go to heaven but they can bring their owners to church
  • Pole Dancing of Jesus classes
  • More toddlers
  • More marketing
  • Mix things up by inviting random drunk people to sing Amazing Grace
  • Learn from the NHL and WWF - have fights!
  • Have fun with your church sign
  • Record your services and put the best bloopers on Youtube for free advertising

And of course the best way to get more seats filled is by getting a lot of attention and free press like either be outrageously offensive like the Westboro Baptish Church (AIDs is God's Love) , start burning Quran's or predict the end of the world.

Learn Marketing from Starbucks

Invite random drunks up to the mic

Have fights like they do at hockey games

Funny Church Signs

Church Bloopers

More by this Author


Comments 9 comments

JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 5 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Am ROTFLMAO *except* for the part about the WBC. Having lived in Topeka KS for over two decades and being subjected to their filthy signs on a near-daily basis, I can assure you they are NOT trying to put more butts in their pews, only garner media attention. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to find more than a handful of non-Phelps family members who've EVER been inside the WBC "church" building. Topekans as a whole try to avoid Fred & Family by any means possible. Their ONLY redeeming social value has been to make Topeka one of the most gay-tolerant cities outside of San Francisco.


peanutroaster profile image

peanutroaster 5 years ago from New England Author

I wrote about the Pole Dancing doll in my worse girl toys article. Maybe they can use it in Sunday School


MilesArmbruster profile image

MilesArmbruster 4 years ago from Somewhere on the journey

Have you read The Wittenburg Door?


peanutroaster profile image

peanutroaster 4 years ago from New England Author

http://www.wittenburgdoor.com/ Looks like its closed down. Too bad considering all of the non-satirical Christian sites out their still going.


James Peters profile image

James Peters 4 years ago from Hammond, Indiana

Very funny. Very interesting.

Thumbs Up & More


peanutroaster profile image

peanutroaster 4 years ago from New England Author

Thanks James!


CertifiedHandy profile image

CertifiedHandy 3 years ago from Jonesboro,Georgia

No wonder church attendance is dismal. You people have turned Jesus into a joke. First you used it to enslave and colonize now its good for your amusement.


peanutroaster profile image

peanutroaster 3 years ago from New England Author

Rock bands, shopping mall church, wwjd bracelets, Pedophile prists, Jesus t-shirts, --- its been a joke for sometime now.


celafoe profile image

celafoe 3 years ago from Planet earth. between the oceans

I assume this is satire about the condition of what professes to be the church of Jesus Christ but is actually the church of jesus christ. They teach another gospel and act as the world does because they are Of this world. . They are churches of men, called of men, designed by men, and run by men, and the Holy Spirit is not welcome there. When He tries to move they quench the Spirit because it is not in their program. We who have left them to follow JESUS CHRIST live in this world but are NOT OF this world.

The majority of todays churchs ( all denominations and most

0thers) have not been Christian in many years, and are an ABOMINATION in God's eyes. They are run by HIRELINGS and it shows.

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